


I'm Not Going To Let You Give Up

by Badgersprite



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 143,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badgersprite/pseuds/Badgersprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letting go of Aurora. Finding a home among other werewolves. The answers couldn't be any clearer, could they? Mulan and Ruby began their journey together for those very reasons, with each convinced that what they need must be hidden somewhere far ahead in the distance, unwilling to be found. But maybe those assumptions were wrong all along. Maybe everything they've been searching for is already there, standing right by their side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me Why I Act This Way

 

“Which way?”

 

“Huh?” Ruby glanced up at the sound of her voice, roused from her quiet introspection. It hadn't been long since they'd parted ways with Merida, but those were almost the first words Mulan had spoken following their departure.

 

It was then that Ruby observed where they were, and the reason for her question became abundantly clear. They had reached a fork in the road, where three routes intersected on the outskirts of the forest - the way they just came, and two possible ways they could go from there. Mulan stood at the centre, sunlight filtering in through the leaves overhead, where vine-covered branches formed a thin canopy in the shape of an archway above her, enveloping each of the two scarcely-travelled paths behind her in a ring of emerald green.

 

“This is your search. Where you go, I go,” Mulan pointed out, deferring to Ruby's judgement, content to accompany her wherever she wished. “Any ideas?”

 

“...Not really,” Ruby admitted, her attempt to smile falling short.

 

Honestly, if Ruby had possessed even the faintest hint of where she was supposed to go to find this new home she yearned to discover - a place where she could live alongside other werewolves like herself and finally begin to make peace with all these fragmented facets of her identity - she would have gone there long ago. As it was, she was lost. She was a stray who didn't know the way. That was why her smiles felt hollow; they always were, when they had to lift the weight of a heavy heart.

 

“I'm sorry I can't be more helpful,” Ruby continued. “I've never really met other werewolves before. And, when I did, it...didn't end well.” She swallowed, preferring not to dwell on those memories. Mulan looked on, letting her take her time. Ruby appreciated her patience. It was a welcome gift to have a sympathetic ear listening to her woes, and she didn't take that blessing for granted. “So, no, I don't know. I couldn't tell you where to go. Anywhere we choose to start seems as good as anywhere else.”

 

“Okay. ‘Anywhere’ it is,” Mulan affirmed, accepting that answer without question. “I'll try not to lead us in circles along the way.” With that, she made the decision to venture down the leftmost path.

 

For a moment, Ruby was surprised that Mulan had taken her admission so well. Apparently, it didn't bother her to know that they were effectively going nowhere. They had no clear goal, no defined road to lead them on their way, and there were no signs anywhere in sight to indicate where their quest might take them, nor how long it might be before they reached the end, if they ever would at all.

 

Given what she knew of her companion, Ruby would have anticipated the opposite reaction from Mulan. She was ex-military. She was regimented and orderly. Someone like that typically preferred simple solutions, straightforward plans, and might quite easily become frustrated by the thought of being saddled with somebody who lacked the capacity to contribute any useful information. Of course, considering that Ruby had only recently made Mulan's acquaintance, it was possible that these assumptions were wildly off base; she just came across as the type of person who needed to be pointed in a specific direction and who couldn't stand to waste time on fruitless errands.

 

However, it quickly occurred to Ruby that she did know of at least one good reason which might explain why Mulan remained undeterred and undaunted, despite the circumstances: why would an aimless journey bother her when she was, in this respect, exactly the same as Ruby? Mulan had nowhere else to go. Neither of them did. They were both as lost as each other.

 

While she couldn't speak about Mulan's past in any great detail, Ruby had gathered at least a couple of things about her recent history. Taking those aspects into account, her nonchalance about how long this journey might last or how far it might take them from where they began suddenly made an awful lot of sense. As it was, she had already been wandering from place to place as little more than a hired thug, drifting like a feather on the wind, never lingering long enough to leave behind familiar faces, caring for nothing but where she might earn her next coin.

 

Mulan may have given up those unscrupulous ways for now, but she hadn’t exactly figured out what would replace them yet – things like where she was supposed to go, or what she was supposed to do with her life, once her adventures with Ruby were done. With that perspective in mind, it was no wonder why they'd been drawn to each other, Ruby thought. They were both a couple of perpetual vagrants, with no place to call home.

 

“Perhaps I should be the one following you. I'm not the only one looking to find something, am I?” Ruby remarked, trailing a step or two behind Mulan, idly watching the patterns of light and shadow shifting on her armour whenever the gentle breeze rustled through the trees, coaxing the leaves above to sway any which way the wind chose. Maybe it was a tad self-serving, but Ruby saw no harm in trying to distract herself from her own slightly morose mood by switching her focus towards her companion, curious to uncover more of her story. “Maybe we should start with your search first, and see if any clues about where I'm meant to go turn up along the way,” she suggested.

 

“Yeah, that wouldn't end well.” Mulan brushed her proposal off, dismissing the thought altogether, her stoic gaze fixed upon the path ahead. “My search isn't like yours. What I need can't be found out there.”

 

Ruby gave a sad smile, needing no reminder of why Mulan had chosen to accompany her, or the troubles that plagued her heart. Unfortunately, she was right: there was no physical place she could go, whether in this world or any other, that would cure what ailed her - no destination she could point to on a map that was guaranteed to provide her with what she sought. Hers was an inward problem, and Mulan seemed determined to keep it that way. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t an external solution, or that nothing beyond the frayed edges of her being would make any difference to her emotional state at all. Maybe looking outward was just what she needed, for a change.

 

Sure, there was no simple answer to her problems, and no singular, tangible thing that would make her pain magically go away, but maybe this was a start. With Ruby there, Mulan finally had somebody to confide in about everything that had been eating away at her for who knew how long. It wasn't much but, short of falling in love all over again, was there any better remedy for a broken heart than to lean on a friend?

 

“For what it's worth, I'm always here to talk with you about that, you know,” Ruby offered, endeavouring to catch Mulan’s elusive gaze as she walked at her side. “About her.”

 

Mulan froze in her tracks. “...What did you say?” she asked with a stone-faced stare, making absolutely certain she hadn't misheard that.

 

“You know - Aurora,” Ruby clarified without a second thought. Mulan was lost for words, somewhere between stunned and visibly unsettled. It only took a moment for the cause of that reaction to click in Ruby's mind. “Sorry, I didn't realise that was supposed to be a secret,” she said without any falsity, suddenly regretting her carelessness.

 

“Excuse me?” Mulan all but hissed, her scandalised eyes fixed firmly upon Ruby's. There was almost a sense of accusation there – mistrust, even – as if she expected that knowledge to be used against her somehow.

 

“Don’t be mad,” Ruby insisted, although she wasn’t rattled by Mulan’s understandable response, recognising it as more alarm than anger.

 

Ruby hadn't mentioned Aurora's name with any intent to provoke Mulan or push her into revealing something she didn't want to - not at all. It was an accident: an honest mistake. If only she'd had the sense to think before she spoke, she could have brought up the matter of Aurora more tactfully, or waited to broach the subject until Mulan was ready to discuss it of her own accord. Instead, Ruby had stumbled into the truth with all the grace of a bird crashing headfirst into a clear glass window. Wasn't that just what they needed to kick this journey off?

 

“I wasn't trying to out you on purpose. From the way you talked about her, I assumed you knew that I knew," Ruby pressed on with a touch of tentativeness, hoping she hadn't made the situation too awkward.

 

“Know what? Where are you getting this?” Mulan cut her off. “I never said anything like that.”

 

“Well, yeah, you did. You've spoken about her a lot,” Ruby casually pointed out. She was observant about these things - apparently so observant that it never occurred to her that Mulan had ever been trying to hide Aurora’s identity. Or maybe she had noticed, but merely forgot that they'd never actually had an honest conversation about her until now. Reasons aside, somewhere along the way, Ruby had simply come to believe that information was out in the open, and, in the process, she’d put her foot in her mouth. "You never said it was her by name, no, but you couldn't have been talking about anyone else earlier. I mean, it definitely wasn't Phillip, was it?"

 

"How do you know that?" Mulan challenged, hardly overjoyed by Ruby's frank assertions.

 

"You really want me to tell you?" Ruby asked, unsure if the answer would only bother Mulan even more. The irritated glare she was giving her did little to discredit that possibility. Ruby sighed and ran a hand through her hair, realising there was nothing she could do to fix her slip, short of rewinding time. Anyway, what did it matter? Regardless of what Mulan might have wished, the cat was out of the bag now; there was no sense in pretending it wasn't, and she wasn't going to apologise more than she already had for seeing the truth. They just had to face facts.

 

“Look, if you were in love with Phillip, I would have heard you say the words 'he' or 'him' a couple of times by now, but I haven't. Not once,” Ruby continued, electing to be upfront about it. “Obscuring her gender like you did kind of made it obvious that you were talking about Aurora, at least to someone like me.”

 

If Mulan was trying not to seem flustered, she was really bad at it. “I—How—I wasn't obscuring—“

 

“Mulan, it's okay. You can stop hiding,” Ruby interjected, assuaging the need for any further objections or arguments over the issue, because it wasn’t one. Frankly, it was on a par with the sky being blue in the category of subjects that couldn't have been less of an issue with her. Mulan just didn't know it yet. “You aren't the only person ever to play the pronoun game. I am bi, you know; I've done it too,” she stated candidly, making it clear this was coming from a place of empathy, not mockery or judgement. This wasn't an attack, or some cruel joke. Ruby knew the truth because she understood it on a very personal level.

 

While serious relationships had long eluded her, and that was a fact that she wasn't seeking to alter at present, Ruby had more than a passing familiarity with the experience of falling for unattainable women. Her unrequited crushes on Snow and, more recently, Belle were evidence enough of that. Those innumerable days she'd spent at their side had certainly left a bit of a sore spot in their wake, with nothing to be done about it but to continue to love them as her dearest friends, content in the knowledge that her more romantic feelings could never be returned.

 

However, unlike Mulan, Ruby couldn't say that her heart had been broken in either of those instances. Not even close, really. Perhaps that was because she had more or less abandoned the thought of finding real love many years ago, unable to foresee it in her future. How could Ruby think about being with anybody else when she was so far away from being at peace with herself, or when being intimate with someone in a long-term sense invariably entailed putting them in a potentially dangerous situation, given she couldn't yet claim to possess full mastery over her wolf form?

 

Still, that caveat didn't mean she couldn't relate to what Mulan was going through in most respects. They were both bereft of love and friendship - each for different reasons, of course, but they were very much alike in where they stood nonetheless.

 

And, even though she wasn’t sure what Mulan’s sexuality was – if she was gay, or bisexual like Ruby, or something else entirely – it was readily apparent that neither of them were straight. Attempting to conceal the fact that she was in love with a woman would have been entirely pointless, as well as counter-productive. After all, what did Mulan think Ruby was going to do? Freak out? Yeah, hardly.

 

So, no, when push came to shove, Ruby didn't feel terribly guilty that she'd inadvertently exposed Mulan's secret. Granted, Ruby could have revealed the fact she already knew about Aurora more subtly, but it was better that it had been unearthed clumsily than not at all.

 

“Look, I don't know if her gender was why you didn't want to tell me, or if it was something completely different, but either way, you never needed to keep it hidden. Not from me. I'm on your side, here. I mean it,” Ruby persisted, promising no ill intent.

 

Several long, uneasy seconds passed. Ruby watched the changes play on Mulan's expression as she absorbed her words, letting them sink in, no doubt taking a few moments to process how she was supposed to react to all of this when she hadn't been prepared to face the truth coming out so soon, or so abruptly. Eventually, Mulan's mask cracked, and she uttered a conflicted sigh, which Ruby took as confirmation that she had hit the nail on the head. That sealed it: Aurora was the one.

 

“I don't want to talk about it,” Mulan said bluntly, starting to walk off again, evidently not wishing to dwell on her broken heart any longer than she already had, a desire which was perfectly reasonable given the circumstances.

 

Ruby wasn't a fool. She could easily understand why Mulan hadn't immediately been instilled with an inclination to go about spilling a whole bunch of private, personal details about a subject that was still very painful to her to anybody that would listen. Whether she liked it or not, Ruby was well aware that she was little more than a stranger to her. Reaching a point where they could share such intimate details so freely with one another took time. Luckily, they had plenty of that to spare.

 

“Hey, that's fine. I'm not going to force you,” Ruby assured her with a faint smile, swiftly crossing the few paces between them in order to catch up with Mulan, once again attempting to make eye contact with her as she fell into step at her side. “All I’m trying to say is that I meant it when I told you to come with me. Not just for my sake, but for yours - so that we can both help each other find what we're looking for, together. You already helped me out when you didn't have to, and you still are. That means a lot to me,” she said sincerely.

 

It was true: Mulan had quite literally saved her from a life of imprisonment and servitude. Even though she felt no pressure to make any kind of repayment for that, Ruby wasn't about to leave somebody who had done so much for her adrift without a paddle when they had their own problems to deal with. She wasn't so unfeeling as to sit by and watch in silence as Mulan's burdens weighed her down, drowning her in a sea of self-pity from which there was little hope of escape.

 

Mulan would probably dismiss the notion if she heard it put like that, though. She had never given any indication that she had so much as entertained the idea that Ruby should consider herself indebted to her in some way, but, nevertheless, she had certainly earned Ruby's gratitude, whether she desired it or not. Maybe lending an ear to her sorrows wasn't quite the same as freeing her from a witch but, with any luck, Mulan would accept her help anyway, irrespective of how limited that help might be.

 

Even if she couldn’t solve Mulan's problems, Ruby could be her friend, or try to be, if Mulan wanted one. That had to count for something, right?

 

“Anyway, maybe I shouldn't have brought Aurora up before, but I was only trying to do the same thing for you that you've done for me. I want to make things better for you,” Ruby continued, her gentle words completely unfeigned.

 

“You also said you didn't know how,” Mulan flatly reminded her.

 

“Well, yeah. I can't promise that I'll be any good at it,” Ruby acknowledged, not denying that fact. She'd never claimed to be an expert on matters of the heart. “Like I told you before, I haven't had the greatest luck with relationships, but...hey, it's what I signed on for, all the same. I invited you to travel with me and said I'd help you get over her, so that's what I'm going to do. Even if I can't do much, I'll do my best," she vowed, determined to see that commitment through as far as she possibly could. "Is that okay with you?”

 

Mulan's once stern demeanour visibly softened at that, her pace slowing as a thoughtful expression drifted across her features. Perhaps she was finally coming around to believing that Ruby's intentions were genuine, and that she was only motivated by kindness and compassion.

 

“You can try,” Mulan said quietly, following that brief silence. She certainly wasn't being cynical, but it was clear that she was far from optimistic that there was anything Ruby could do that would work. And yet she didn't seem bothered by that prospect. “But this isn't an obligation. I didn't come with you because I thought you could do something for me; I came because I wanted to. You don't owe me anything, and I won't hold it against you if nothing changes by the time we part ways.”

 

“Okay, then it's a deal,” Ruby agreed to those terms, pleased to see that Mulan wasn't going to be entirely hostile to the prospect of opening up a little, even if she retained her general aversion to it.

 

Despite what some people might have thought at a first glance or deduced based on her previous occupation, Mulan wasn't a cold person. Far from it, really. Everything she'd just said proved as much. She had come on this journey to find a place where Ruby might obtain some genuine shred of happiness with no expectation of acquiring any for herself in return. In addition to that, she didn't seem perturbed by Ruby's promises to try and tackle her problems for her, even though it was plain to see that she was both unaccustomed to accepting help and almost certainly believed that those efforts were likely to fail.

 

Heartless mercenaries didn't act like that, much as she may have found it easier to be unfeeling. There was a lot more to Mulan than appearances let on; Ruby was sure of that. But, even though there was no doubt that she was a kind person beneath all that armour and behind her aura of lovelorn melancholy, Mulan did give off the impression of being a bit...guarded.

 

...Alright, so that was an understatement of colossal proportions, but the point stood.

 

From what Ruby had pieced together about where Mulan had been and what she'd been doing with her life these past few years, it seemed that she had cut herself off from the world and everybody in it after she and Aurora went their separate ways. However they had parted, it had gone badly enough that it led Mulan to forsake all affection and affinity, losing herself in the one thing she knew how to do – fighting. Disappearing into that haze of blood, money, blades, bar brawls and bruises while endlessly roaming to some new town in pursuit of another bounty must have been the only way she knew how to cope with her feelings, or been the closest she could come to pretending they hurt a little less.

 

Whatever the reason, this world-weary soldier had decided that solitude was the only solution. Mulan had run away rather than be forced to live behind an invisible barrier for the rest of her life, unable to face the agony of being at once so close and yet so irreversibly distant from the woman she loved, knowing that Aurora would never want her the same way. Worse still, Mulan probably didn't know of any other place that did want her, either. Not for anything other than her skill with a sword, anyway. Maybe there wasn't one.

 

Ruby knew that feeling of detachment all too well, which was why she didn't blame Mulan for being standoffish and reserved around her, at times. In many ways, she could be like that too, even if she was better at concealing it. Hell, how could she criticise Mulan for leaving her old life behind and turning her back on the people who cared about her when Ruby had done the very same thing herself? That was why she was here: because she had already been alone, and there was nothing she could do to change it, other than to leave and start over again somewhere else.

 

She'd been surrounded by friends, yet Ruby had found it all too easy to feel closed off from them all, because they weren't like her. Not really. There were so many things she felt she could never say to them, knowing they wouldn't truly understand. They could never...connect. Not as deeply as she wished they could. And that sad truth left those bonds that should have been so strong between them feeling withered, frail and broken.

 

Even the people Ruby trusted most only really liked her for who they thought she was. They only knew part of her, and Ruby was tired of pretending that fraction of a person was all there was to her. She couldn't live among them like that, forever doomed to waste away her days hiding this fundamental aspect of her soul, or acting like it was anything less than that. It wasn't something that only existed sometimes, or some unrelated personality that had been tacked onto her from the outside: it was her - the wolf was her, just as much as the woman she was now.

 

Being a werewolf wasn’t an on and off switch she could hit at will. Transforming was, yes, in a sense, but she was always a werewolf, whether she was a person or whether she was a wolf. It wasn't some Jekyll and Hyde situation where those different sides were entirely separate, or a matter of 'East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet'. Not even close. It was always there inside her. She couldn't keep ignoring that. She needed to achieve some kind of equilibrium, instead of dividing herself up into distinct pieces and trying to force the human and the wolf into isolated compartments that didn't really exist in the first place.

 

It was a big part of the reason why she wanted to find other werewolves. The only reason, really.

 

At the end of the day, it had all meant one thing: that Ruby was an outcast. She always had been, no matter how many people there were in her life who cared about her, and who she cared about in return. It didn't matter, and it didn't fulfill her, because it was never truly real. It would never be, when she could only ever see herself as a complete and utter fake. Nothing she found with anyone else could ever be authentic until she figured out who she was and made peace with her identity.

 

Perhaps, along the way, Ruby could help Mulan do the same, even if only in part. She didn't want her to feel anything close to the same way she did - alienated and unloved in the ways she needed to be loved. She was far too good of a person to let herself become resigned to such a fate. She deserved better. So, if there was anything Ruby could do for her, whether it was as small as discovering a scant sliver of happiness that might set Mulan on the path towards recovery, or as grand as successfully introducing her to some other amazing woman who would sweep her off her feet and make her forget all about Aurora, then that was what she was going to do.

 

Besides, for her own sake, Ruby enjoyed the prospect of her companionship. Even if she rarely found her connections with others truly satisfying, Ruby missed having people to talk to. She didn't want to be cut off from the world. She wanted friends. Real ones. Her problem wasn't a lack of interest in such things, but that she had been unable to find that sense of contentment and belonging she craved despite trying as hard as she could to make it work with the people she loved. Being on her own had only made things harder, in that way. She was tired of feeling lonely all the time. Maybe Mulan could help fill that void, just a little bit, until they each went off in their own direction.

 

This seemed as fitting a time as any to make a start on that front.

 

“If you don't mind my asking, what happened between you and Aurora?” Ruby prompted, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them, curious to find out everything she could about this ill-fated romance. Mulan sent her a sideways look, but Ruby wasn't discouraged. "Come on, I told you I'd help. So let me help. I'm all ears," she said.

 

There was much she had yet to discover on the subject of their relationship, or lack thereof, but Ruby didn't doubt that there was a fascinating tale to be found therein. Mulan was a mystery. She was a ferocious warrior, eternally impervious and immovable, who never let her walls down for anyone, or showed any signs of vulnerability, except when it came to one single person; Aurora was her weakness, and her alone. That made it all the more intriguing to try and pick apart the circumstances that left her so torn.

 

One of the most interesting things about the secrets Mulan kept inside was the fact that her heart had belonged to Aurora at all. Why her, of all people, and no one else? Ruby was eager to figure out what it was about her that had enthralled Mulan to the point of such absolute devotion, and why that failure to return her love had resulted in such crushing devastation.

 

Honestly, it almost didn't seem possible that the Aurora Ruby had encountered in the past could be the one who had hurt Mulan so deeply. Who would ever have thought that the unassuming young mother she knew was indeed the very same person who had left such a profound effect on a powerful, self-assured and deadly woman like Mulan, such that she still hadn't recovered from those wounds? That image just seemed so...incongruous. It almost would have made more sense the other way around, in her mind.

 

Love was a funny thing like that, so often found in unexpected places.

 

“It's obvious that Aurora was very special to you. That sort of connection doesn't happen overnight, does it? I'd like to hear more about it," Ruby continued. Mulan uttered something that sounded like a scoff, her expression unchanging. "Hey, it's not like I got anything from her when we met, if she ever even knew how you felt at all," Ruby pointed out. There was no one else she could ask about this. Mulan would have to give her the story eventually. "So, why don't you tell me how you fell in love with her, or about the moment when you realised you were?”

 

Mulan simply rolled her eyes at Ruby's prying, refusing to answer that.

 

“What? It's just a question.” Ruby frowned, a little insulted by the cold shoulder, unsure what she'd done to warrant it. Mulan only ignored her, pointedly walking a bit faster to put some distance between them. Ruby lost the rhythm of her steps, her heart sinking slightly, deflated by her stern silence. Apparently Mulan really did mind her asking. “...Huh."

 

Just when they seemed to be getting off on the right foot, it was back to square one already.

 

Perhaps travelling with Mulan was going to be harder than she thought.

 

* * *

 

Between an ex-soldier and a woman who had, until very recently, been living as a wolf, there wasn't any great need for the comforts of civilised life. There were few to no luxuries that they'd brought along with them, requiring nothing of the sort to make their journey together more appealing than it was. They travelled light, and neither felt particularly inclined to go to any additional lengths to improve their conditions when they stopped to set up camp for the night. It wasn’t like they hadn’t both slept in far worse places, so they were content to sleep on the ground with barely more than a couple of blankets to keep them out of the dirt, a pot or two to cook in, and a fire for light and warmth.

 

In their own ways, they were each accustomed to the wilderness, and all it entailed, so it mattered little. Plus, saving time on all of that needless busywork and carrying less weight on their shoulders meant that they could cover a lot more distance each day than they would have otherwise. It was a compromise they had both considered worthwhile right from the outset.

 

At least they could start off by saying that they saw eye-to-eye on something, Ruby thought. Bickering about that wouldn’t have been fun. Although, hey, maybe that actually would have got Mulan to talk to her about something for once. Even a petty argument might have been a refreshing change from the long, uneasy silences. Come to think of it, she was tempted to stow that idea aside for later.

 

Digressions aside, the fact was that, on this first night, Ruby found herself too restless to tolerate. The hard ground did little to change that. Sleep eluded her, and it was no easy prey to track down. The flickering firelight cast shadows on her skin as she rolled from side to side, trying to quiet her body and mind, but her internal struggle was to no avail. Her blood was coursing with the urge to transform: to run, to roam, to hunt under the stars. No matter how hard she tried to banish those thoughts, she couldn’t settle. Her teeth ached with the desire to grow and tear away at fur and flesh. Her tongue burned with the need to howl at the Moon.

 

Ruby had been a wolf a bit too long; she hadn't quite adjusted to living in her human form again just yet. She couldn't give in, for obvious reasons, but ignoring the itch altogether wasn't helping. Maybe she could try to expend her energy by going for a walk or something. It had to be worth a try. Anything was better than tossing and turning in her sheets in such a perpetual spiral that she was one cap of laundry detergent away from having them on a spin cycle.

 

Suppressing a groan, Ruby sat up and rubbed her eyes, blinking away the blur. But, strangely, she didn't see anybody lying across from her. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

 

“Mulan?” she murmured blearily, unnerved by her abrupt absence. Where was she?

 

“Can't sleep?” Mulan asked. Ruby turned at the sound of her voice, which had seemed to emanate from everywhere and nowhere all at once. After a moment, she spotted her amid the shadows, reclined against the trunk of a nearby tree.

 

In her dark colours, Mulan might have been well-camouflaged against the old oak were it not for the steel of her sword, which shimmered in the low burning firelight brightly enough to clearly betray where she sat. The blade was poised lazily against her thigh, resting there as she polished it with a small, red cloth. Ruby's stare narrowed at that.

 

“I could say the same to you,” Ruby pointed out, unable to suppress a jolt of suspicion. “You're still in your armour.”

 

“Yes,” Mulan confirmed.

 

“What are you going to do, sleep in it?” Ruby dryly retorted.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

Ruby was sure her scepticism was palpable, given the potent displeasure creeping beneath her skin. She wasn't born yesterday; she knew exactly what this meant. Suddenly, Ruby forgot why she had ever been so pathetically naïve as to let herself think that Mulan might be different. Of course she wasn’t. Nobody ever was.

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. It's really nice, this trust we've got between us,” Ruby remarked humourlessly. Not even one night together and Mulan was already braced for an attack, preparing to have to kill her at a moment's notice. Ruby scoffed internally - how typical. Maybe this idea of a journey together really was a terrible mistake. “For what it’s worth, you don’t need to bother. I’ve got the cloak,” she said sardonically, holding it up in her grasp. “I never leave home without it.”

 

“That's not why.” Mulan shook her head, dismissing her sarcasm. “It has nothing to do with you.”

 

Ruby remained unconvinced. “You're a bad liar.”

 

“If I really thought you were dangerous, you would be chained to this tree right now,” Mulan answered plainly, without sending Ruby so much as a cursory glance.

 

Ruby's lip twitched, her features slowly losing some of their tension. She had made a good point, there. Mulan was cautious, logical and practical. Why would she give Ruby the chance to harm her in the first place, if she didn't have to? She didn't seem the type to gamble with her own safety by taking an unnecessary risk, especially not one that could very easily end up with one or both of them dead at the hands of the other before sunrise. That kind of recklessness simply didn't fit with the battle-hardened soldier she saw before her.

 

As such, leaving Ruby unbound like this was an act that must have required a great deal of trust on Mulan’s part. That was unless she wasn’t afraid at all, and already knew she was in no imminent danger. So, maybe Mulan was telling the truth. But that didn't make any sense either.

 

Remaining on her guard in order to fend Ruby off if she unwittingly transformed in her sleep might have been a hurtful choice for Mulan to make, at least without discussing it with her first, but Ruby understood that motive. Yet, by her own admission, that wasn't why Mulan was dressed in her armour. This forest didn't seem to hold any peril in its depths, so it wasn't like she was keeping watch. It had to be uncomfortable to stay that way. So why was she? What other possible explanation was there?

 

“Okay. If it's not about stopping me from eating you, then what is the reason?" Ruby asked.

 

“Personal,” was all Mulan said, maintaining her focus.

 

Ruby bristled at that response. Mulan hadn’t been callous or caustic in the way she uttered it, but nevertheless Ruby couldn't help but interpret that as being the politest possible way Mulan knew how to say, 'None of your fucking business'. And, if that was the case, her diplomacy skills needed work. It was hard not to feel affronted by the blunt brevity of her reply, especially when no further clarification was given in the ensuing silence to ease that unpleasant perception of her tone.

 

Perhaps Ruby could have asked for more details, but Mulan gave no indication that she would be willing to elaborate beyond that single-word answer, keeping her secrets close to her chest.

 

“...Fine. Whatever.” Ruby shrugged and gave up, turning her back to Mulan and closing her eyes, doing her utmost to consciously will herself to fall asleep as quickly as her body would permit, not that her tension made that an easy task. Mulan wasn't exactly a riveting conversationalist, unless Ruby wanted to have in-depth discussion on...swords, or something, probably. Talking to her was like banging her head against a brick wall sometimes. Ruby didn’t need the added headache, and she didn't have the energy to keep trying.

 

It was funny, though. She could have sworn she felt Mulan's gaze linger on her for a moment, there.

 

* * *

 

Things were pretty quiet the following morning. Mulan arose at first light, as she often did, massaging a stiff crick in her neck as she sat up. She had slept poorly, and was paying for it. She tilted her head to the side, stretching it until a quiet ‘pop’ relieved some of the pressure there. Mulan grimaced slightly, unable to alleviate more than a little bit of the ache, but it would have to suffice. They had a lot of ground to cover; getting ready now meant they could hit the road again quicker.

 

She cast a sideways glance over to Ruby, who was fast asleep and showed no signs of stirring. A sympathetic shadow flitted over Mulan's features, remembering how Ruby had tossed and turned during the night, all to no avail. Mulan hadn't kept her vigil long enough to see Ruby drift off, but it went without saying that she must have finally managed to settle into her current slumber at some point. That was something, at least. It had taken her long enough to get there. However, it didn't seem like her dreams were very peaceful.

 

It looked like there was a war going on in her head. Ruby wasn’t relaxed at all. Her limbs were rigid. Her brow was tense, and her cheek twitched uncomfortably. Given her troubled expression, Mulan wondered if Ruby might actually be thankful for it if she simply walked over there and kicked her out of bed and got them back on schedule, army style.

 

Mulan's face fell at that thought. No: even joking about the idea of doing something like that to Ruby made her feel a pang of guilt.

 

Sure, letting Ruby sleep in went against her better judgement, and Mulan would have preferred to get moving as fast as was reasonably feasible, what with that being one of her many habits left over from the old days, but waking her would have been cruel. Besides which, it wasn't like they were going anywhere specific. Not yet, at least. So what was the point?

 

There was no rush to head out. Best to let Ruby sleep. She needed her rest.

 

Mulan got to work, moving to rebuild their fire, careful to keep the flames low and as quiet as possible so as not to disturb Ruby too much. She put water on the boil, cutting up nettles and herbs she carried with her in a pouch, adding them to the cooking pot to make tea. It wasn't much of a breakfast, but it would have to do, until they were in a position to find more food.

 

The smell of burning embers eventually roused Ruby from her sleep, about half an hour after Mulan herself had awoken. She heard her shifting about somewhere among the blankets behind her, stretching and groaning and rubbing her head as she stirred.

 

“Hey,” Ruby murmured, her voice raspy.

 

“Morning,” Mulan replied, though she was mindful not to turn and look over her shoulder, respecting Ruby’s privacy.

 

"...Have you been awake long?" Ruby asked her.

 

"A little while," Mulan confirmed, carefully removing the boiling pot from the fire, letting the tea start to cool. She felt her companion’s silent stare on her back for several moments. Perhaps Ruby wished to say something, but, if so, she didn't.

 

Mulan listened as Ruby rustled around in her belongings, no doubt getting dressed once more. The ensuing quiet compelled her to think back to the previous night, and the way Ruby had acted when their brief conversation came to an end. Mulan didn't know if she'd offended her somehow, and, if she had, then she didn't know what to do or say to rectify that mistake, whatever it might have been.

 

If she had upset Ruby, it hadn't been her intent to do so. Then again, maybe she was just being overcautious. Mulan certainly wasn't blind to the signals people sent, on purpose or otherwise, but she would be the first to admit that she could misread them, or attribute people's behaviours to the wrong causes, or fail to work out the reasons for them whatsoever. For all she knew, Ruby might have been a little on edge because of something else entirely - something that had nothing to do with her at all.

 

Still, the thought did linger in the back of her mind. Maybe she should... _try_ to make things better between them? Try what, though?

 

That was the problem: she didn’t know.

 

Back in the army, Mulan had never cared if someone else might be mad at her based on some arbitrary thing. Hell, if they were, she probably didn’t like them either; she could easily ignore them, content to be alone, comfortable going unnoticed. That wasn’t how things were with Ruby, though. She was nice. And not too nice, to the point where it was artificial or disquieting, as could be the case with some people. She could be a little nosy, perhaps, but Mulan got along with her just fine. On her part she did, anyway. She liked Ruby. It was hard not to like her. Accordingly, the thought of there being any conflict between them was an unwelcome one.

 

Moreover, Ruby was...she seemed kind of...lonely. And, unlike Mulan, she didn't want to be. She hated feeling that way. She needed someone by her side. She craved it. After seeing that in her, Mulan almost felt a sense of...responsibility towards her. She couldn't simply walk away and leave Ruby to suffer needlessly, all by herself. Well, maybe she _could_ have, but she didn't want to.

 

These woes of hers were no passing phase, either. Ruby's problems were real ones - very real. They were severe enough that they had left her drained and emotionally distant from everyone she cared about, and had led her to abandon her whole life. Mulan knew all too well that running away like that wasn't something a person did to escape from a pain that only scratched the surface. Whereas Mulan had fled because of a broken heart, Ruby had done it because she couldn't bear to live another day without a place to truly call home.

 

And yet, what stood out about Ruby most of all was that, despite everything else that was causing her so much despair, she had still found the energy and the compassion to look at a complete stranger like Mulan and wonder what she could do for her. Ruby had welcomed her into her life, keen to lend a hand and offer Mulan her unconditional assistance when she could so easily have focused on her own needs, and would have been justified in doing so. That said something about her, and what kind of person she was.

 

Ruby had been left beaten and bruised by life's misfortunes, but she wasn’t defeated. She hadn’t grown angry with the world, like Mulan had. Sad, perhaps, but she remained courageous and caring enough to reach out to others all the same.

 

For all the sorrows that filled her heart, Ruby's spirit endured, and she found the strength to share the burdens of others, instead of pushing everyone she came upon away. Mulan admired that, honestly. Maybe she couldn’t say it aloud, but it was true. It reminded her of the kind of person she once aspired to be. So, why not do what she could for her?

 

Either way, there were certainly far worse things Mulan could have been doing with her life than keeping Ruby company, up until she succeeded in finding other werewolves who would accept her as one of their own, anyway. Mulan had no trouble admitting that she might not have been the best candidate alive to take on that role, but she was content to stay with her, as long as Ruby wished to have her. Whether she still did or not seemed a little up in the air, as it was.

 

All told, Mulan had come with Ruby for a reason, and it was as simple as this: she wanted to help her. Really, she did, because people like Ruby deserved to be happy. Happier than this, at least.

 

Mulan just would have liked to know that her presence was actually accomplishing something to that effect, though.

 

It must have been about five minutes after she'd been awoken by the campfire that Ruby came over and slumped down by its edge, fully dressed and visibly groggy following her night of restless slumber. Mulan noticed that they were next to each other, but not quite sitting side by side. There was some distance between them. It occurred to her to wonder whether Ruby had left such a prominent gap there on purpose, but she didn't ask. The crackle of the fire underscored the quiet.

 

“Tea?” Mulan offered.

 

“Thanks,” Ruby muttered, accepting the warm cup, letting the heat emanate through her palms before taking a drink. She paused after her first sip. “...This is actually really nice,” Ruby said, as if a little surprised by the taste.

 

In reply, Mulan gave a small nod, but stayed silent, not sure what else she was supposed to do. She had nothing to add, and she wasn't sure that she would say the right thing even if she did. Why bother Ruby if she was already mad about something? Mulan didn't see the point. She usually liked to be left alone when she was in a bad mood. Ruby was probably the same way. Yeah, that made sense.

 

Ruby peered at her a little strangely, as if she was considering saying something else, but she only sighed, turning away from her once more. Whatever it was, she must have decided against it.

 

Mulan's expression faltered slightly in the silence. Ruby was annoyed. That was clear. But about what?

 

If she had done something wrong, then Mulan didn't know what it was. She was giving her space and doing what she could to avoid getting on her nerves, but it didn't seem to be working. Ruby was difficult to get a handle on. They hadn't known each other very long, so there wasn't a lot of context within which to interpret her actions and moods. Sometimes it seemed like Ruby really wanted to talk. In other moments, it came across like she was frustrated and wanted nothing to do with her, even though Mulan hadn't done anything to warrant that reaction.

 

...Had she? No, Mulan didn't think so. She was trying to be friendly. At least she thought she was. Maybe she still wasn't very good at it. She hadn't gotten a lot of practice at that lately. Or ever.

 

Better to forget about it, Mulan thought. This was why she preferred to focus on practical things. She was good at those. They never changed. They weren't a puzzle that needed to be figured out. Wasting her time analysing what was going on between them was getting her nowhere. Besides, maybe Ruby would appreciate her just keeping her thoughts to herself, staying on course and concentrating on the journey at hand. Maybe that was all Ruby ever really wanted from her: someone who could get tasks done and bring her closer to her destination. And, if even that didn't help, then maybe they would both be better off going their separate ways, continuing their respective searches alone.

 

She didn’t want to see Ruby leave so soon, but...well, Mulan rarely got what she wanted. She was used to that now.

 

This was why it was better to have no expectations at all when it came to other people; the inevitable disappointment when things didn't work out was easier to swallow when she never hoped for anything to begin with.

 

* * *

 

“Those clouds are coming in fast,” Mulan observed, staring out at the horizon, cool winds whipping through her hair as the pressure changed, a clear omen of the oncoming storm. Ruby struggled to hear her over the sound of the nearby river, barely twenty feet from where they stood on the road, its white rapids forming a rushing tide as the weather rolled in from afar. Dark skies flashed with lightning in the distance. It was only midday, but with that grey veil obscuring the sunlight one could easily have been forgiven for thinking it was already dusk. Things were going to get nasty, and fast. “We have to get out of the open. We’ll get drenched if we don’t, or worse.”

 

“Yeah, I don't know about you, but I smell like wet dog if I get caught in the rain.” Mulan paused at her deadpan remark, giving her a funny look. Ruby stared right back. Did she seriously have to explain the obvious? “It's a joke,” Ruby muttered.

 

“Right...” Mulan turned away, moving ahead to scout for shelter, her cape flowing behind her. Ruby stifled a frustrated sigh as she left, aware Mulan wouldn’t be able to hear it.

 

She liked Mulan. Mostly. Even if she was difficult. Whenever she bothered to string an actual sentence together, rather than relying on curt, one-word replies, Ruby found her quite charming, in her own way. Hell, at times, it seemed like Mulan didn't particularly mind her company either. But at others? She was impossible to read.

 

Why was Mulan making it so hard to get to know her? Or even talk to her? And why was it getting under Ruby's skin so much?

 

Ugh.

 

As she glanced aside, Ruby caught a glimpse of a shadow hidden in the side of a steep, rocky hill not too far away. It wasn’t easy to make out whether it was only an optical illusion or an actual opening in the face of the small cliff, but it had to be worth a look.

 

“Hey, what about over there?” Ruby called out, catching Mulan's attention, gesturing for her to join her as she moved ahead, intent on investigating what she'd spotted. “Could be a cave.”

 

“Hopefully,” Mulan affirmed, following Ruby across the wild grass, the rumble of thunder cascading through the clouds above as flickering flashes lit the peripheries of their vision. There was still a delay of several seconds, but that interval between light and sound was shrinking rapidly. The storm cell was getting closer, and the first smatterings of raindrops were beginning to hit, carried by the rising winds. They wouldn't have much time to find another source of cover, if this didn't pan out.

 

“Looks like it goes back pretty far,” Ruby observed when they drew near to the mouth of the cave, quite happy with her discovery. There was plenty of room for the two of them in the entrance alone. Hell, it was high enough that they could probably light a fire without having to worry about trapping too much smoke inside, if the horrible weather didn't pass before nightfall. It was the perfect place for her and Mulan to take shelter for a while. “Come on. We should check it out—“

 

“I'll take care of it,” Mulan cut her off, instinctively blocking Ruby's path, sticking an arm out in front of her to stop her. “Wait here,” she insisted, concentrating on the unlit tunnel ahead, going in alone, her hand resting on the hilt of her sword as she disappeared into the dark.

 

Ruby balked at that, folding her arms across her chest with a quiet huff of irritation, her mood matching the grumble of thunder. She didn't know why something as small as this bugged her - being left outside. On another day, maybe it wouldn't have. But it did. Maybe that was because it felt like everything Mulan did lately was getting on her nerves.

 

Why did she, though? Ruby couldn't put her finger on what it was about Mulan that was affecting her so much. It wasn't like she ever behaved in a way that was mean or spiteful, nor even rude. Quite the opposite, really. Okay, maybe she came off a little brusque sometimes, but other than that she was always helpful, and accommodating.

 

Throughout their journey so far, she hadn't failed to notice that Mulan had been doing little, considerate things for her without having to be asked: making her tea, letting her sleep in, respecting her space, and listening to her talk about her problems, to name a few. Whenever Ruby needed something, Mulan did it without complaint. She always deferred to her when it came to any decisions about where they should go, and was careful to stop when she thought she might want to rest for a bit. Even now, she was only being protective. She never held any of those things she did for Ruby over her head either, nor did she ever act as though she thought she was being made to go out of her way to take care of her.

 

So, no, Mulan wasn’t a bad person, by any means. On those counts alone, she was practically perfect. At her worst, she was just...quiet, blunt, and evasive. Yet that was enough to leave Ruby feeling like the third wheel on a two-woman quest sometimes.

 

Ruby had tried to make more overt demonstrations of friendship whenever it felt appropriate, even if they were as innocuous as asking her questions about her life, but Mulan invariably seemed to deflect them, acting like she simply wasn't interested in Ruby’s attempts to bond with her on any meaningful level. Mulan's mind was always on the mission, focused on practical tasks. Indeed, approaching her for any reason related to that was no trouble at all; everything else was where she struggled, remaining withdrawn and immovable. All of those behaviours combined meant that it was hard not to come away with the impression that she only saw this journey as just another contract, no different from getting paid to track down drunks and gamblers and shake them down for their debts.

 

Did Mulan just want to go back to being by herself? Was that it? Ruby didn't know. It wasn't like Mulan would ever tell her anything, so all she could do was guess. The problem was that it was that incessant guessing that was driving her up the wall because, when Ruby had no answers, her insecurities tended to fill in the gaps on their own, and they left her feeling like nothing but an inconvenience.

 

Again, 'ugh' was the only apt response. It wasn't fun, wrestling with those kinds of thoughts. Ruby couldn't put up with this much longer. Something had to give.

 

When it came down to it, Ruby wasn’t angry with Mulan. Far from it, really. She just...well, frankly, she wanted her attention, because she _did_ like her company, and what bothered her most was that those positive opinions and desires for a deeper connection didn’t seem to be mutual. She wanted to be treated as an equal, or, better yet, a friend. Right now, she felt more like a burden.

 

It wasn’t a pleasant sensation, being shut out like that. Those crippling feelings of isolation were precisely why she had left all of her old friends behind. Ruby definitely didn’t need to be on the receiving end of those uncomfortable vibes from Mulan too.

 

“It seems safe,” Mulan said when she returned, oblivious to the mixed emotions etched on Ruby's face. “I don't think anything else lives here. There's still time to gather firewood before—”

 

“You don't always have to do that, you know?” Ruby cut her off, unable to let her displeasure stew in silence. It was bothering her far too much to leave it sitting there, unacknowledged. It had to be confronted eventually.

 

Mulan blinked, clueless as to what she meant. “Do what? Collect firewood?”

 

“Act like you find me tedious – like I'm dead weight you want to get rid of,” Ruby answered, quiet but stern. It wasn't a perfect encapsulation of her problems, but putting all of that tumult into words seemed like it could take far longer than she had the patience for in her current circumstances. If she had to condense it into a single sentence, then Ruby considered that statement a fairly apt amalgamation of her feelings and frustrations at that moment in time. It served its purpose.

 

Mulan's only response to her complaints was a look of unqualified confusion, plainly having no idea what Ruby was talking about. Unfortunately for her, Ruby wasn’t in the mood to consider ignorance an excuse.

 

“We're supposed to be on this journey together, Mulan. That means two,” said Ruby, holding up the appropriate number of fingers for emphasis as the rain began to pelt down upon the open landscape behind her. Perhaps it was patronising but, given how dense Mulan could be about this sort of thing, Ruby figured subtlety wasn’t an option. “It would be nice if you could at least treat me like I exist, sometimes.”

 

“...Okay?” Mulan began, although it was fairly obvious that she wasn't aware that she had ever done otherwise. “...Hi,” she said, rather awkwardly raising her hand in a mock-wave, palpably perplexed by all this.

 

Ruby wasn't impressed.

 

“What is it about me that you don't like?” she asked, speaking almost casually about the matter, preferring to be direct in addressing her feelings rather than dancing around the subject for another day. “Is it the wolf thing? Do I talk too much? Is it because I can't swing a sword?” Ruby shrugged indifferently, really not caring what the answer was, as long as she got one; at least then she would know the reason behind Mulan’s evasiveness and her constant silences. “Give me something to work with.”

 

“Am I missing something?” Mulan replied, growing a little impatient with this bizarre inquest. “I stop you from walking into a dark cave in case there's something living in here that could hurt you, and suddenly you're mad at me.” She shook her head, totally baffled by the disconnect, and unable to find the missing link to bridge the gap between the two events. “I don't get it.”

 

“See? That's part of your problem,” Ruby pointed out. Mulan pulled a face, like she thought Ruby was having a completely different conversation. “You know what I’m talking about: doing everything alone, never accepting help, only interacting with others to accomplish purely functional purposes, hiding everything about your past and your feelings. It's part of this whole...tough, brooding, silent loner act you've got going on, and it’s not fun to be around.”

 

“Brooding?” Mulan echoed, disagreeing with that assessment.

 

“Don't take it as an insult. It's not. I'm just trying to make sense of things, and whether I should take the way you treat me personally or not,” Ruby began, without any anger in the way she spoke. She was willing to find some middle ground, if that was what it took to make things right between them. She didn't want to bicker with Mulan, nor even to change anything about her; all she wanted was to understand why she kept slamming into a roadblock every time she tried to be her friend.

 

"How do I treat you?" Mulan asked, her tone assertive but not accusatory. It was obvious that she wanted to hear an explanation for why Ruby had rounded on her all of a sudden, if only so she could defend herself.

 

“Like you don't think we're on the same level - that it's not worth letting me get to know you," Ruby answered honestly.

 

Mulan squinted at her in bewilderment. "Why would I think that?"

 

"I don't know," Ruby replied. That was the whole purpose of this conversation: she was hoping Mulan would tell her. "Maybe you're used to everybody else being weaker than you and always needing your protection, or you've grown accustomed to believing that others will only slow you down and get in your way. And maybe you'd normally be right, and that's why you never expect to be able to relate to anyone you meet. I could understand if that’s all it is. I can't say I've never felt similar. I mean, you're talking to a werewolf, here. But, if that is what you think, then you should know that it doesn’t apply to me, okay?” Ruby coolly assured her, and she would prove it to her, if that was what she had to do to earn Mulan's acknowledgement more frequently. "I'm not a normal person. I can handle myself. You know I can."

 

"Sure." Mulan shrugged, her nonchalant voice almost swallowed by the cacophony of constant rainfall reverberating through the rock. "And...?"

 

“ _And_ that means I'm not just another helpless person you have to escort from A to B,” Ruby continued, refusing to be brushed aside as if that was all she was. "I'm faster than you, stronger than you, and I have better senses than you.”

 

“Yeah. I know. Doesn't mean I want you to get attacked by a bear,” Mulan spoke frankly.

 

“Hey, why not? I'd probably fare better than you would. Logically, you should be the one waiting outside next time,” Ruby commented, a flash of lightning illuminating her wry expression.

 

“Really?” Mulan countered, pausing for the crash of thunder. Ruby's words appeared to have struck a bit of a chord with her. She wasn't offended or angry. Not visibly, at least. But she certainly didn't seem to appreciate being underestimated at the very thing she’d devoted her whole life to, especially not when Ruby was being so matter-of-fact about it. “Go on, then. Try me,” Mulan called her bluff, standing there, waiting for her. “I mean it. Go ahead.”

 

“What, seriously?” Ruby asked with a roguish arch of her eyebrow, checking that Mulan knew what she was in for, assuming she wasn't joking about wanting to test her strength. Of course, it went without saying that Ruby would never make any attempt to do anything if she thought it might harm so much as a single hair on Mulan's head, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t enjoy an opportunity to gloat, knowing damn well that she would win if she was given the chance to one-up her in a friendly contest. There might be some swift satisfaction in that. "You're sure about this?"

 

Mulan nodded, unflinching. “This isn't an invitation to spar; I don’t want either of us getting hurt. Just...overpower me. If you can,” she said, as casually as somebody reading off a weather chart.

 

'If she could', huh? Ruby took note of that. “Well, since you asked...”

 

A daring glint flashed through Ruby's eyes, a dark shadow of her beast blood. Emboldened, she dashed across the gap between them and pushed Mulan backwards, pinning her up against the cave wall before she could even think to sidestep her. Ruby drew a breath, feeling a rush surging through her head.

 

“Huh. Would you look at that?” Ruby remarked, unsurprised by the outcome of Mulan’s little dare. “Wolf beats warrior,” she said, allowing herself the indulgence of a cocky smirk.

 

“Ordinarily, one party has to win before declaring victory,” Mulan spoke calmly, her gaze unwavering and resolute, even as she offered up no resistance, making no attempt to escape Ruby's strong but gentle grasp or push back against her. She almost seemed quite comfortable there, unconcerned at being held in place. "Are customs different where you're from?"

 

“I wouldn't be saying things like that if I were in your position,” Ruby replied, a playful lilt sneaking into her tone as she glanced down at the non-existent gap between their bodies. Ruby had both of Mulan's hands pinned against the hard stone above her head. Surely she had to realise that there was no way she could get any leverage from that angle. Mulan had lost at her own game.

 

“No. I’ll say it,” Mulan countered, completely unfazed. Ruby quirked her lips, convinced her confidence was nothing but a ploy. “I'm going to give you a fair chance to figure out what you need to do to gain the upper hand against me," Mulan continued, speaking entirely seriously. "As things stand, I've got you right where I want you.”

 

“Oh, do you, now? Is that what this is about?” Ruby teased. Mulan regarded her strangely, not following what she meant. “You know, if this is all you wanted from me, you just had to ask,” said Ruby, adding a quick, flirtatious wink.

 

The implication wasn’t lost on Mulan that time. She just rolled her eyes.

 

“What?” Ruby grinned, not even bothering to feign innocence.

 

“You have twenty seconds,” said Mulan, unflustered. “I wouldn't waste it on jokes.”

 

“Really? Is that it? I throw you up against a wall and all I get is twenty seconds?” Ruby mock-pouted, shamelessly messing around with her at that point. She couldn’t help herself; Mulan had walked right into this. “What do you expect me to do with that? Give a girl a little time to get to work.”

 

“Funny. Fifteen,” Mulan counted down. Ruby chuckled.

 

Come to think of it, she was actually kind of enjoying this. More specifically, Ruby realised she was revelling in the fact that she finally had Mulan's full attention for once. Hell, if Ruby had known that this would be all it took to get it, she probably would have confronted her much sooner. It was the first time since they'd left Merida behind that she hadn't felt like she was being pushed away and kept at a distance.

 

That was figuratively speaking, of course, although the literal sense applied too. This hadn't quite been what Ruby had in mind when she'd said she wanted Mulan to let her get closer to her but, hey, she wasn't about to complain about the mix-up. Who would?

 

“Five,” Mulan’s countdown interrupted her thoughts, the storm battering the hillside with a blustering gale. They barely noticed; their concentration was firmly fixed on each other. "You really don't see it, do you?"

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’ve proven my point,” Ruby said offhandedly, dropping the jokes and the playful taunting, presuming Mulan was ready to admit defeat, if only to be released. As harmless as this little game was, Ruby was sensible enough to know when she had to stop. She'd had her fun. There was no need to drag this on any further. "Do you want me to let you go?"

 

“No. You don't need to,” said Mulan. Before Ruby could utter another word to question what she meant, Mulan escaped her clutches, swiftly hooking her foot around behind her legs to throw her off balance.

 

A yelp filled the cave as Ruby tried to stop herself from falling, but she didn’t fall far. Mulan had already caught her long before she hit the ground, gently lowering her down onto the cave floor, evidently being very careful not to accidentally hurt her just for the sake of besting her in this lighthearted contest. Ruby didn't struggle when Mulan gripped her wrists and straddled her waist.

 

“But thanks for asking,” Mulan finished as she settled on top of Ruby, positioning her knees on either side of her hips, looking quite content that her demonstration had provided an answer to the question of whether the warrior could beat the wolf: it was a resounding 'yes'.

 

“Hey. Humour. That's an improvement. We should fight more often,” Ruby commented. "Although, for future reference, when it comes to sweeping me off my feet, flowers and a candlelit dinner would have been my first choice."

 

"I'll try to remember that," Mulan remarked, cracking something that actually looked like a genuine smile, which was enough to make Ruby do the same. It felt good, not only to elicit that reaction from Mulan but to be able to finally interact with her so freely.

 

Weirdly enough, Ruby didn't even care that she'd had to wind up flat on her back to get her to this point. Hell, not even the memory of their earlier argument could sour her mood. It had all been worth it. It was worth it because, in that moment, Mulan was looking at Ruby, and only at her. She wasn't distracted, or evasive. She wasn't thinking about tomorrow, or focused on the road ahead, or scouting the horizon, or building a fire, or making tea. No: she was _present_ \- completely and unambiguously so.

 

Now that those dark eyes were gazing directly into her own, neither breaking contact nor avoiding her attempts to catch her stare, Ruby no longer felt so invisible, or like she was being ignored. For once, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Mulan truly saw her. Indeed, as that understanding set in, all Ruby felt was a small flutter of yearning – a quiet desire for things to stay this way, exactly as they were.

 

Er, referring to the being seen thing. Not the part about a very attractive woman being on top of her. Although, Ruby didn't mind that either.

 

“I can still overpower you right now. You know that, right?” Ruby matter-of-factly informed her, all in good fun. She wasn't quite ready to surrender just yet, even if she no longer cared or even really remembered why this had started anymore.

 

“A word of advice?” Mulan began without any mockery or pride, sounding quite sincere in sharing it with her. “Don't place too much stock in your strength, or anything else physical. There's more to winning than that. There always is. Trust me."

 

"Works out pretty well most of the time, though," Ruby pointed out.

 

"Until it doesn't," Mulan said sagely. Ruby cocked her head curiously, prompting her to continue. "I have fought many battles in my time. Too many to count. I can guarantee you that there were few where I was the strongest person in the fight, and even fewer where I lost,” she told her with an unfaltering expression. Ruby knew she wasn't exaggerating. There were many words she might have used to describe Mulan, but boastful was not one of them. If she made any claim about her abilities, it was because she knew she could back it up. “Make of that what you will.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Ruby smirked amid a vicious crack of thunder, taking that as another challenge. With a flick of her hips, she flipped Mulan off of her and threw her onto her back, effectively switching their positions. She had given her fair warning about that, after all. “Maybe you just haven't met your match yet,” she taunted, looming over Mulan, the weight of her body pinning her to the ground.

 

But something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

 

“Ugh.” Mulan winced heavily, splayed on the cave floor beneath her, cringing and holding the back of her head, trying to roll onto her side. Ruby's face fell, her complexion paling, turning ashen.

 

“Oh, no.” Ruby immediately pulled back, horrified to think what might have happened. What had she done? There was never any excuse for losing control of herself. How could she be so careless as to forget her own strength? “I'm so sorry. Are you okay?”

 

“I don't know. I...I hit my head pretty bad...” Mulan mumbled groggily, grimacing in pain.

 

“Where? Come on. Sit up. Let me look,” Ruby urged, her heart pounding as loudly as the howling winds that whipped past the mouth of the cave. If Mulan was wounded in any significant way, she would never forgive herself. Ruby reached down to examine any injuries she might have caused, desperate to do whatever she could to make amends for her reckless mistake.

 

But that gesture was the only opening Mulan needed. In one swift motion, she struck like a viper, grabbing Ruby's arm and twisting it around behind her back while snaking her other hand around Ruby's neck, trapping her against the ground. Stronger or not, there would be no easy escape from this position. Ruby groaned sourly, realising she had been tricked.

 

“Strange. I wouldn't expect my match to be so gullible,” Mulan remarked, her breath hot against Ruby's ear.

 

“That wasn't fair,” Ruby complained, trying to look back over her shoulder so that Mulan could see just how thoroughly she disapproved of this. As dirty tactics went, this was right up there.

 

Injured pride was one thing, but the truth was that Mulan had legitimately scared her for a second there - terrified her, in fact. Mulan probably couldn't guess just how badly. That was what Ruby took issue with; that moment of fear had been frighteningly visceral, because it was something that actually could have happened. It still could. One slip was all it took to accidentally hurt someone. That was a harsh reality which Ruby had confronted all too often. People had lost their lives because of it.

 

Apparently, Mulan didn’t see it that way. “What’s unfair about it?” she asked bluntly.

 

“You cheated,” Ruby protested. “You can’t...use what I am against me - what you know about me.”

 

“Really? Try telling that to someone who wants to kill you, because exploiting the very first thing they see that they can use against you is exactly what they're going to do,” Mulan countered. But, having gotten her point across, she quickly released her grip, letting Ruby out of that hold.

 

Ruby frowned, uttering an unhappy sigh as got to her knees and she dusted herself off. It wasn't long before a gloved hand entered her line of sight. She glanced up and saw Mulan reaching out, offering to help her to her feet. Ruby eyed her for a moment, still not exactly thrilled about her actions, but she accepted the gesture nonetheless, taking it as a partial apology.

 

“Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?” Mulan asked. There was a quiet concern in her voice - a tenderness Ruby had never heard from her before.

 

“I'm fine, but I didn't expect to hear you say something like that,” said Ruby, rubbing her shoulder, trying not to sulk too much. “I know you've done some shady things, but I thought you'd be all about the importance of 'fighting with honour' or something.”

 

“Why?" Mulan replied, without any guile or deceit. "What's more noble: fighting with your head and doing whatever it takes to achieve a just outcome, or letting yourself get killed because you refuse to abandon your own personal beliefs about what's 'fair' in the heat of combat? I learned the answer to that a long time ago,” Mulan said, speaking with the kind of straightforwardness that only came from experience. She suddenly looked every bit like the soldier she once was, and the mercenary she had become. “I've seen enough senseless death to know that there is no honour in it, and even less dignity. I don't fear it, but I'm not a martyr. If possible, I'd rather avoid it. So should you.”

 

“Huh.” Despite it all, Ruby couldn't help but unfurl a vague smile. She'd actually learned something new about Mulan. Given how much of an impossible task that had seemed not even five minutes ago, Ruby considered that a win.

 

The more she thought about it, the more Ruby supposed it shouldn't have shocked her that Mulan was able to speak so freely on this specific subject. Fighting was basically her whole life. It was almost like getting her started on something she was confident about, something she understood, something that came as naturally to her as breathing had been exactly what she needed to break open the floodgates: she knew exactly what she wanted to say, and had no trouble finding her voice. Although, next time she wanted to take a shot at figuring Mulan out, Ruby hoped she wouldn't have to end up with an arm wrenched behind her back in order to get anywhere.

 

“Ow." Ruby winced, rolling her shoulder some more. As soon as the sound left her lips, she saw Mulan's expression change, wrought with concern, but Ruby didn't give her the chance to worry or examine her arm. "No, no. I’m fine. Just...give it a minute.”

 

Mulan did just that, backing off and giving her the space she needed. Ruby watched as Mulan settled down on the cave floor, her posture relaxed, with one knee bent, and her arm draped atop it. After a moment, Ruby sat beside her, both of them listening to the rhythm of the rain rapping against the rocks outside.

 

“...I am sorry, though. For the shoulder, and...because I shouldn’t have scared you like that,” Mulan admitted, possessing both the wherewithal to recognise she might have crossed a line and the decency to listen to her conscience when it compelled her to make amends. “I understand what you are, and what you’ve done before. I thought I needed to prove a point, but you were right: that wasn’t my decision to make. I didn’t intend to...make you relive a moment like that, if I did. So, I really am sorry for that.”

 

“No. Don’t be.” Ruby shook her head, dismissing the need for her apology, although she knew Mulan meant it all the same, and would continue to mean it whether it was warranted or not. “My past is what it is. I've made peace with that, and I get what you were trying to show me.”

 

“Do you, though?” Mulan asked, not entirely sure Ruby grasped her intentions. “You and I have both killed people. The only difference between us is that I meant it every single time. And I’m not afraid to do it again, if I have to. To protect myself. To protect you,” she said, holding Ruby’s gaze. “That’s why I went in alone before. Not because you aren’t strong, but because...you’re not violent. You don't have that instinct. You're not a killer,” she said, as if that should have been patently obvious to both of them.

 

“You have no idea how wrong that statement is,” Ruby said sombrely. It was so inaccurate that it physically hurt to reflect on exactly how untrue it was. Ruby wished it could be otherwise, even though she knew damn well that it couldn't.

 

“See? That’s what I mean,” Mulan continued, zeroing in on that response. “You’re so scared of losing control and causing harm that you can barely channel your strength at all. You’re always holding back. You don't trust yourself. Even if you might have that streak of aggression somewhere inside you, you won't allow yourself to unleash it. You don't want to. And, as long as that's true, you won’t be as effective as you could be. In a fight. In anything. You can't...be you,” Mulan finished, lacking the necessary skill with words to express it any better than that.

 

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be afraid of hurting people?” Ruby asked, finding Mulan's advice rather bizarre. “You think I should let go of my inhibitions and risk surrendering control to the wolf?”

 

“Within reason, yes,” Mulan answered frankly, as if it made perfect sense. “I mean, you _are_ a wolf. You can’t run from that and hope it doesn't follow you, and you can’t overpower something you’re too afraid to face. You have to accept what you are, even if it's dangerous.”

 

“...You know, you're actually right. I agree with you.” Ruby summoned a faint but heartfelt smile as she spoke.

 

Honestly, Ruby was touched to have heard Mulan say so much about her, and for the things she said to be so...on point. It went to show just how much she had been paying attention to Ruby this whole time, and that she did think about her a great deal more than she would have if she only saw her as some fleeting acquaintance. Mulan did care, and she really did have deeper thoughts going on in her head than she let on most of the time. She just rarely said any of it aloud. Maybe she didn't know how to, until moments like this came along.

 

"That’s why we’re here, isn't it?" Ruby continued. "Finding other werewolves should help me explore that side of myself. Maybe I can find my centre there, and gain more control. And, well, if I do get out of hand, at least the only people I'm going to hurt will be others like me. I'm sure they can handle it," she finished, though there wasn't even a hint of actual sarcasm hidden in her dry self-deprecation. She meant every word of that.

 

That wasn't for Mulan to know, though. There was no need to worry her with werewolf stuff. Given that she wasn't one herself, she wouldn't really be able to get where Ruby was coming from with that anyway.

 

“Other than that, do you feel better?” Mulan changed the subject. "Not your arm, I mean, but...well, yes, your arm, too. But I'm mainly asking about everything else. You know...about me," she said, sounding more chastened than nervous. Mulan definitely hadn't forgotten Ruby’s earlier bad mood and all the frustrations she had vented at her, had she? Maybe she thought that brief confrontation they had before might have done its job as far as letting Ruby get whatever was bothering her out of her system.

 

“Yeah,” Ruby replied. It had helped, though not for that reason. “You're actually talking to me now. _Really_ talking, not just using words for purely functional purposes. It's nice. I could get used to it.”

 

“Is that why you were angry with me?” Mulan asked, and it was a genuine question, without any accusation or resentment behind it. Once again, Ruby nodded. “...I'm sorry,” Mulan said quietly, evidently recognising her faults in that department. “I'm not used to this,” she somewhat clumsily confessed, shifting her hands as she spoke, as if to suggest that this was the best she knew how to do.

 

Ruby sent her an inquiring look, not entirely certain of what she meant by that. “What, making friends?”

 

“That would be one way of putting it, yes,” Mulan conceded, unable to deny that she was technically correct in that assessment.

 

At that response, Ruby felt a twinge of shame. She had only been kidding when she made that quip, because it hadn't really occurred to her to think that might actually be a problem for someone like Mulan. Or, if it was, then Ruby had assumed that her separation from others was a choice she had made entirely of her own volition. Maybe the truth was somewhere in between. But, regardless of all that, not knowing her story wasn't much of an excuse for uttering that insensitive remark so offhandedly. Fortunately, Mulan didn’t seem insulted by her comment, though.

 

“There's a very small number of people I've met in my life who I can honestly say I've considered my friend at any point, and most of them weren't with me for very long," Mulan revealed, though Ruby could tell she was being very deliberate in choosing how much she wanted to disclose. "As you can see, none of them are here right now. So, no, I'm not especially good at...having people to talk to, and there are a lot of things I've never spoken with anyone about at all. I don't know what the rules are here,” she said, which was as forthright a way as she could have put it.

 

Ruby sighed, though the rainfall swallowed the sound. With the clarity of hindsight, she was beginning to severely regret her earlier behaviour. Sure, Ruby hadn't been especially harsh in the way she approached her but, nevertheless, she'd effectively attacked Mulan for the horrible crime of...being socially awkward. Great. That was exactly what someone like that needed, wasn't it? No wonder Mulan was wary of opening herself up to unfamiliar people, if this was what she got for her efforts.

 

All in all, Ruby recognised that she really had been doing little more than projecting her own unfavourable interpretations onto Mulan's innocent silences, and had overreacted as a result.

 

“Look, you shouldn't have to apologise. At least, not without me doing the same. It's not all your fault,” Ruby admitted, taking ownership of her mistakes, and the role her own issues had played in both causing and exacerbating any conflict between them. Even if her doubts had seemed reasonable at the time, it was plain to see that she had blown matters more than a little out of proportion. “I know I can take things personally when I shouldn't, and read signals the wrong way. And I'm...inclined to be pretty sensitive about it when I think I'm being mistrusted or excluded. You know, because of...reasons,” she mumbled, toying with the edges of her cloak. “So, I jumped to the wrong conclusions about you. I’m sorry. I guess I have a knack for feeling like an outsider.”

 

Mulan gave a small, commiserating nod. “Yeah. I know what you mean.” Ruby glanced up, making eye contact once more, comforted by Mulan's acceptance of her faults. It bolstered her spirits enough to continue without any lingering traces of guilt or anxiety.

 

“It's probably also fair to assume that I might have...pressed on some topics that you aren't comfortable discussing with me. And that's fine. I know that I don't have the right to treat everything in your life like it's suddenly my business,” Ruby acknowledged. “But, that being said, you don't always come off how you intend sometimes.”

 

“Clearly,” Mulan agreed, leaning back, resting on her elbows on the cave floor, watching the lightning flash across the sky outside, the sounds of thunder underscored by the screaming gale, so vicious that the rain was almost blowing completely sideways past the mouth of the cave. “But, for the record, I do want you here. That hasn't changed, and it won’t. Or, if it does, I’d just tell you,” she said unabashedly, perfectly willing to be upfront about it if she didn't like somebody. Ruby believed her there. “So, if you ever start having any doubts about what I think, I want you to remember I said that.”

 

“Okay. I will. But that doesn't mean I won't feel neglected if you refuse to talk to me,” Ruby pointed out, not entirely forgiving Mulan for being so difficult and evasive earlier, although at least Ruby had a better idea of where she was coming from whenever she acted like that now. Just because Mulan was a good person didn't mean it wasn't a bad habit, though, nor that she was exempt from making any effort to improve.

 

“You can talk to me whenever you want,” Mulan assured her, as if she didn't see how that had been a problem.

 

“It's not really the same if you don't try to talk back occasionally,” Ruby remarked, not keen to repeat their prior routine. It had grown old fast. “In more than one-word answers, by the way.”

 

“Right.” Mulan paused, catching herself. “I mean...I'll work on it.”

 

Ruby smiled at that. “Thank you. That's all I ask,” she said sincerely, appreciating Mulan's attempts to be a bit more communicative. Mulan's heart really was in the right place. Knowing that about her did a lot to wash the brunt of Ruby's prior insecurities away, and made her idiosyncrasies a lot easier to read. “Friends?” Ruby offered, extending her hand, officially declaring an end to this phase of mutual misunderstandings, and perfectly glad to put this all behind them.

 

Mulan accepted the handshake without hesitation. “Sounds good to me.”

 

Another crack of thunder ripped through the clouds. The downpour had lost none of its intensity, tumbling down in buckets beyond the mouth of the cave. They sat back and watched the rain pelt down relentlessly, so thick that it was almost an opaque, white sheet. It looked like they weren't going to be leaving this place for a while. This storm certainly wasn't going to dissipate anytime soon.

 

"...I really wish I'd built that fire," Mulan lamented with a small sigh.

 

"My bad," said Ruby, suppressing a sheepish grin.

 

"Yeah, well...you said you wanted me to talk more, so..." Mulan trailed off and shrugged, indicating that she was content for her to go ahead and ask her something. Ruby was impressed; she really was making an effort. And she had a point. They had plenty of time to kill, and Ruby could think of no better way to pass it than to make a start on her personal quest to get to know Mulan properly. 

 

“Alright. Why don't we start with something easy? Nothing too deep and meaningful, or Aurora-related: just facts,” Ruby suggested, lying down on her side, getting comfortable for the long hours ahead. “How long were you in the army?”

 

True to her word, Mulan actually answered her question: “Ten years.”

 

Ruby quirked her lips. “You are not that old. I know it's been a while since you left.”

 

“I was underage when I joined…”

 

* * *

 

Mulan stretched her arms above her head, chasing off encroaching shadows of fatigue, nothing but the sounds of the flowing river filling the night air. It was a good thing the storm had stopped when it did, a few hours ago. It had granted her some time alone to bathe, while Ruby slept peacefully in the seclusion of the cave. Mulan wrung the last of the water from her hair, fresh underclothes soaking up a few stray droplets on her skin as she changed back into her armour.

 

This was the only way she could do it: the only way she could so freely take it off without feeling uncomfortably exposed and impermissibly fragile.

 

Alone. Unseen.

 

It was a habit she'd learned out of necessity, back when she was still in the army, where being discovered as a woman potentially meant a death sentence, for all she'd known at the time. But, somewhere along the line, the reason had changed, and it stopped being about that. Now, the truth was that she couldn't do anything else, because doing something else essentially meant becoming someone else. Someone she didn't know. Someone whose life had stopped when the war began.

 

But she didn't wish to reflect upon that. Not when she was in the sanctuary that was her solitude, where she could find some last lingering semblance of security in her sense of who she was when she wasn’t wearing the armour of a soldier, or at least feel a little safer in accepting the extent to which she really didn’t know the answer to any of those questions.

 

She let her fingers be caressed by the river one last time before putting on her gloves and her boots once more, tightening the last straps of her armour into place and making her way back to camp. It was only a short walk back to the cave. Two hundred paces in a straight line, at most. It couldn’t have been more convenient, really. Ruby had unwittingly done her a favour, picking somewhere so close to a water source. Ruby would no doubt take her own turn in the river before they left tomorrow.

 

Mulan yawned at the thought of the day ahead. With that out of the way, she could rest. It really was late. And in the morning—

 

“Mulan...?” A raspy voice prompted her to look up. Ruby stood there at the mouth of the cave, her eyes squinted, heavy with sleep. Mulan was momentarily taken aback, but politely averted her gaze when she realised Ruby was clad in only her undergarments, though the red cloak she held in her hand, unconsciously clutched to her chest, inadvertently covered a fair bit of what would otherwise have been exposed.

 

Evidently, some people really did have vastly different attitudes about this sort of thing, Mulan thought, grateful that the night concealed any embarrassment that the warmth in her cheeks might have betrayed. She wondered what it felt like for Ruby to be so...comfortable in her own skin. She couldn't remember. Half her life had passed since then, give or take a few years. But, either way, Mulan was glad that Ruby didn't share her issues. However small they were, she didn't wish them on anyone.

 

“I thought you were asleep,” said Mulan, undaunted.

 

“I was...” Ruby answered, barely more coherent than she appeared. “I woke up. You weren't there. What happened?”

 

“Don't worry about it,” Mulan assuaged whatever concerns she may have had, her tone gentle and her sentiment genuine. There was nothing wrong. It was just something she had to do. “Go back to sleep.”

 

“...Okay,” Ruby replied on a delay, seeing no reason not to comply, rubbing her eyes, no doubt already missing the warmth of her blankets.

 

Mulan withheld a sigh. Poor Ruby. She seemed so tired. In her state, she probably couldn't even tell whether this was a dream or not. If that was the case, Mulan wouldn't have minded; it was better for her if this incident was forgotten. She'd been fortunate to make it back when she did. Any slower and, well...the river wasn't far away, was it? It would only have taken Ruby thirty seconds to track her down, at most. That was an uncomfortable thought. She would have to try harder not to wake her the next time she crept off on her own.

 

A distressing possibility occurred to Mulan then, just as Ruby began to head back inside. Her timing had been lucky on this occasion, but that wasn't an outcome she could guarantee on any future night. What if something like this happened again? And, when it did, what if Mulan wasn't able to return to camp before her absence was truly felt? What if Ruby came after her, and caught her like that?

 

...Yeah, that was something that needed to be addressed.

 

“Wait,” she spoke up.

 

Ruby turned to look back over her shoulder. Mulan hesitated. She wasn't entirely convinced that Ruby was alert enough to comprehend anything she planned to say to her. Hell, whether or not she would remember a single second of this conversation at all in the morning was another matter entirely. But, nevertheless, Mulan figured it was probably worth doing anyway. She hoped this would work.

 

“Listen, if you...if this happens again, where you wake up and I'm not there, or you see me getting up to leave in the middle of the night...promise that you won't follow me, alright?” Mulan said, hoping she didn’t look or sound as uneasy as she felt having to ask such a personal thing of Ruby.

 

Her request was met with a strained stare for several long, silent seconds. Ruby seemed to be processing her words, putting them together in her tired mind. Or maybe she was far more conscious of this situation than she looked and was trying to figure out what deeper meaning was implied by Mulan's wish.

 

Regardless of the reason for her pause, Ruby did give an answer: “Yeah. Sure. I promise,” she muttered quietly.

 

Mulan felt her shoulders relax, releasing a tension she didn't even know she'd been carrying in her body, a very foreign sense of relief setting in. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

 

“Don't mention it,” Ruby said in a rasp, brushing it off, shuffling back towards her sleeping place amid the darkness.

 

Mulan lingered there for a moment before following her into the cave, sitting down against the wall as Ruby curled up in the blankets beside her. She let her head fall back, seizing upon the silence to contemplate the myriad thoughts that came to the forefront of her mind. It had been a worthwhile day for the two of them. Complex, perhaps, and odd, and a little messy, but ultimately they were better for having pushed past that communication barrier. She was glad to have done so.

 

That said, she didn't really know what to make of her burgeoning friendship with Ruby just yet, or whatever it was that they were doing together if friendship wasn’t quite an apt description by that stage. Anyway, she supposed the word they used didn’t matter. The long and short of it was that Mulan had been on her own for such a long time that she'd become accustomed to solitude. All else was...new to her.

 

Ordinarily, she didn't ever lament her decision to keep herself apart from other people, or feel like she was missing out on anything by living in isolation. Mulan didn't crave friendship or companionship; she could survive without it, and she was perfectly content to handle everything alone. Indeed, she preferred it, because it was the only way she knew how to be – the only way she felt grounded.

 

It was simpler. Safer. Less at stake. Less to lose.

 

The latter of those beliefs had become especially poignant after Aurora. Remembering how things had ended with her was just one of many reasons why Mulan preferred not to dwell on that period of her life at all, when her mind mercifully permitted her to avoid reminiscing about it. Everything else looked worse when she did, because those memories tainted the way she saw the world, colouring her visions of the past, the present and the future with the inexorable stain of bitterness.

 

That was how Mulan had wound up in the circumstances Merida had found her in not too long ago: doing nothing at all except passing her time amid a blood-soaked cocktail of drinking, fighting and getting paid to fight troublesome debtors and drunks until she'd earned enough money to buy more drinks. She had gone through the motions, rejecting any and all other opportunities, whether personal or professional, that came her way, including ones which might have turned out a hell of a lot better for her than sitting back and letting her days drain away into the gutter.

 

Not that Mulan had hated that life at all, though. She hadn't. She still didn't. It had been very easy for her. In fact, she wasn't entirely convinced that she wouldn't go back to it someday, when her journey with Ruby was done. Sure, Mulan knew she could have done more with herself. That was the whole point, really: after parting ways with Aurora, she hadn't cared to try anymore. Why bother?

 

But travelling with Ruby like this? It was completely different. In fact, it was a damn good counter-argument to that cynical question.

 

Why bother? Well, because Mulan had met someone like Ruby in the process. That was reason enough.

 

Such companionship was definitely new to her, and it was taking some getting used to but she had to admit it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Actually, minor quibbles aside, it wasn't unpleasant at all. So far, it was actually a nice change of pace.

 

No, being by her side certainly didn't fix everything: that Aurora-shaped hole in her heart wasn't going anywhere soon, and she didn't expect it ever would. It felt like that pain would remain with her until the day she died. But that was okay. She didn't honestly expect Ruby to be able to keep her promise to help her move beyond the first and only woman she'd ever loved, but Mulan could definitely give her credit for the fact that these last few days since they'd met had resulted in her feeling by far the least awful she'd felt since her world stopped turning. That was progress. Moreover, freeing Ruby from that witch was the closest Mulan had come to remembering what it was like to do something that mattered again. It was almost like it had awoken some part of the person she used to be, before she lost her way.

 

Mulan still wasn't sure what the extent of this connection between them was, exactly, or what was supposed to come of it, but the fact remained that she had no qualms about following Ruby wherever she led. Yes, even if it meant going nowhere for a while. That was fine with her. Hell, that just gave them longer to get better acquainted, didn’t it? That mightn't be such a bad thing.

 

Sure, things weren't perfect between them but, nevertheless, Mulan didn't regret her decision to join Ruby at all. Not for a second.

 

She wanted to stay by her side for however long this journey might prove to last. She cared about helping her attain that sense of happiness and belonging she so desperately yearned for in her life. And, most importantly, it really did matter to her that Ruby had called her a friend earlier that day, because Mulan already considered her the same, or wanted to, at least. But that was a very strange thing for Mulan to admit, even to herself, because she had never expected to say that about anyone again, after being let down one too many times before.

 

Whenever Mulan let someone get close, it only ever led to disappointment. The fact that she was acknowledging something beyond that grim reality was a pretty powerful sentiment, honestly, but it did make her question why she didn't feel any trepidation at the thought of Ruby bidding her farewell someday, like so many others before her. It wasn't a 'maybe', either; they were guaranteed to part ways somewhere down the line.

 

Then again, perhaps that was the key difference between Ruby and everyone else: Mulan already knew this was temporary.

 

She could trust Ruby in an unusual sort of way that set her apart from all other people, because Mulan already knew she was going to leave her when she found her home among her fellow werewolves. Ruby had been completely honest about that, where others had lied about their intentions, or simply omitted any considerations about the future at all. As a consequence, Mulan knew exactly where she stood with her. She couldn’t truly say that about anyone else she'd met.

 

Knowing that they were going to say goodbye someday meant they didn't have to worry about breaking any promises or getting hurt along the way; growing too attached would never be an issue, because they were both well aware that there would only be so many tomorrows. All they were doing was keeping each other company until that day came, trying to make each other a little happier for as long as they were together and hoping they parted ways as marginally better people than they were when this all began. Mulan wasn't opposed to that prospect. There was a kind of unselfish purity in a bond like that, come to think of it.

 

"Why are you still awake?" she heard Ruby ask out of the blue. Mulan cast a glance in her direction and found Ruby tightly enveloped in her blankets, facing the other way. "Don't pretend you aren't. I know you are."

 

"You're awake, too," Mulan pointed out the obvious hypocrisy there.

 

"I can't sleep knowing that you're not sleeping. You might wander off again, or something," Ruby muttered through a groan, clearly struggling to let her body relax. Mulan got the feeling that the very same restlessness Ruby had wrestled with the night before had struck once again. In a state like that, almost anything could prove to be enough of a disturbance to keep that elusive rest she hungered for just out of reach.

 

“Sorry about that,” Mulan murmured thoughtfully, leaning back against the wall of the cave, prepared to try and get some sleep. Ruby would probably evict her from the cave if she didn't, after all. It was awfully late, anyway. She closed her eyes and attempted to get as comfortable as she could in that position, electing to save any further reflection for another day.

 

As it was, Mulan had no complaints about the way things were, and even fewer about knowing they might be able to stay this way for a while. She and Ruby? They were friends, by some description of that term, and that was that. And that was a pretty good start.

 

“Goodnight, Ruby," she said softly.

 

Ruby yawned, some semblance of peace finally starting to settle upon her amid the darkness. “Mmm. You too, Mulan.”


	2. Tell Me That I'll Change Someday

 

“We need to talk about it eventually,” Ruby pressed.

 

“No, we don't,” Mulan bluntly shot back, following the unmarked path through the woods, but her protests fell on deaf ears, much as they had for the past several minutes that this conversation had been going in circles.

 

“I haven't forgotten my role in this,” Ruby reminded her, refusing to quit so easily, even though her efforts had gotten her precisely nowhere so far. “I made you a promise that I'd help you get over your broken heart, but I can't do that if you're not willing to heal. Don't make a liar out of me.”

 

“There's no point,” Mulan told her with a dismissive shake of her head. Ruby meant well by her persistence, of course, but Mulan was growing weary of it. She'd spent far too long thinking about Aurora as it was. All it did was ache. Why would sharing those thoughts with another person make any difference? It was silly to think it would; it was the same as dwelling on it alone. “You'd be wasting your time.”

 

"How do you know that? You haven't tried,” Ruby stated the obvious. Being as honest as she was, Mulan couldn't deny that her counter-argument was at least partially correct.

 

No, she hadn't been willing to discuss her feelings for Aurora, even in passing; that much was true. Although, in fairness, that was also because Mulan had a sneaking suspicion that, if she did reveal anything, chances were high that Ruby would take it as a sign to keep digging and never let the subject go ever again. _Ever._

 

“Besides, we're stuck together anyway,” Ruby continued, indicating their surroundings to highlight just how alone they were, but for each other's company. “Even if you're right and it goes nowhere, so what? It's not like my time is worth a whole lot.”

 

“I have gold. I could pay you to stop asking,” Mulan muttered. Her time would be worth something then.

 

Ruby wasn't amused by her remark. "Don't do that,” she said warningly. Mulan had the decency to look a touch remorseful. “We had this conversation: you agreed that you would be more willing to talk about things with me,” Ruby lightly chastised her, prodding her arm.

 

“I said I would try,” Mulan clarified. “And I am. I have been. Just not about this.”

 

“Okay. Okay. I get it.” Ruby raised her hands, as if in surrender. Mulan hoped her relief at that gesture wasn’t too overt. “You're right: you have boundaries, and I respect that Aurora is still off limits for now. So, fine, I'll drop it until you’re ready to talk about her. But you can't be this way forever.”

 

“What way?” Mulan replied, uncertain if she ought to be offended by the implication that her behaviour was wrong somehow. She wasn't 'being a certain way'. This was who she was.

 

“You're closed off,” Ruby answered. “You're not expressing your feelings about her, good or bad.”

 

“This coming from you,” Mulan interjected, her tone underscored by a soft, slightly petulant grumble. “You're always holding back. When's the last time you didn't feel like you had to keep your emotions under control?”

 

“...Fair point, but we're not talking about me, we're talking about you,” Ruby deflected her comment, getting right back on track. Mulan wondered why she even bothered trying to bring logic into this. “You're right: I can't say I'm not guilty of making the exact same mistakes sometimes, but that only reinforces how intimately acquainted I am with this sort of thing, so you need to listen to me when I tell you that it's not the answer. Whatever feelings you've got bottled up inside, you need to let them out.”

 

“What feelings? Let _what_ out?” Mulan asked, trying not to get annoyed with her vague pestering. It was a struggle.

 

“I don't know. You tell me,” Ruby said. “Are you angry with her? If so, be angry. Scream, if you want.” Mulan visibly balked at that idea. Had Ruby lost her mind? “No, seriously, do it. You might feel better if you do.”

 

“...Aaaah...?” Mulan weakly ventured, shrugging and shaking her head, failing to see the use. Ruby just stared at her, unimpressed with her half-hearted attempt at cooperating. “What? At least you’ve got me to talk more. That’s what you wanted, right?”

 

“I take it all back. Shut up,” Ruby retorted in jest. Mulan gave a sarcastic snort.

 

“Look, maybe you're just wrong about me,” Mulan continued after that momentary pause, hoping Ruby would see reason eventually. “Maybe I don't feel what you think I feel.”

 

“Kind of hard to believe that when you won't even look at your own heart in order to know what's going on inside it,” Ruby countered. “You wouldn't do that unless you're scared of facing it.”

 

“No, there’s just nothing there to know,” Mulan insisted, her patience wearing thin.

 

“Of course there is, but you don’t want to deal with it,” Ruby alleged, much to Mulan's chagrin. “It doesn’t take heightened senses to see that about you. Ignoring your emotions isn't the same as not having any.”

 

“We just met a few days ago!” Mulan pointed out. The fine line of tolerance she was walking was already frayed, and it was quickly approaching the verge of breaking. Mulan took a second to close her eyes and rub the bridge of her nose, intent on keeping her composure. “I’m not trying to be rude, but if there was anything going on in my head that I needed to sort out, I think I’d have a better idea of that than you do.”

 

As if in protest, Ruby grabbed Mulan's hand and came to a sudden stop, refusing to take another step. Mulan felt the gentle tug on her arm, preventing her from walking away. She sighed, seeing no alternative but to turn around and face Ruby.

 

“What? What is it now?” Mulan said tersely, a touch of exasperation creeping into her tone.

 

“Sit,” Ruby commanded, kneeling down on the ground in front of her, signalling for her to do the same. Mulan looked at her like she'd sprouted a second head. “Just trust me, okay?” Ruby unenthusiastically urged, her demeanour conveying the fact that there was, indeed, a reason for this, although whether Mulan would appreciate her purpose or not was another question entirely.

 

Reluctantly, Mulan complied. She slumped down opposite Ruby, one hand braced against the ground, the other arm draped over her knee, impatiently waiting to hear whatever it was that Ruby wanted with her. She waved her fingers, gesturing for her to get on with it, prepared to see where this was going.

 

“Now, close your eyes and relax,” Ruby instructed, making an effort to demonstrate that herself. Mulan didn't move, fixing her with a sceptical look. Ruby opened an eye, sensing her stubborn opposition to this. “What do you think I'm going to do? Eat you?” she challenged with an arched eyebrow.

 

“The thought had occurred to me,” Mulan remarked, but despite her sarcastic reply she finally decided to cooperate, attempting to follow Ruby's bizarre directions by sitting up straight and closing her eyes.

 

This was probably nothing more than a huge waste of time, but was it really worth complaining? There was no sense in antagonising Ruby over something so trivial. It wasn’t like they had anything better to do, or any appointments to keep. Why not humour her for five seconds? So, Mulan did just that, playing along, irrespective of her misgivings.

 

“Alright, I’m ready. What next?” Mulan asked, attempting to reclaim some semblance of calm.

 

“Nothing. You’re good. Just stay like that for a bit,” was all she heard.

 

Mulan quirked an eyebrow, visibly expressing her distaste for this, but she raised no further objections. She only sat and waited, not sure what she ought to expect to happen. Nothing, most likely. But she was doing this anyway, so she was prepared to put up with that.

 

And yet, for some odd reason, she couldn't get comfortable. There was an itch on her neck. After a minute, it migrated down her shoulder. It was as if something was crawling just under her skin. Something...out of place. Tingling. Nagging. Bothering her. It wasn’t small either – not like an insect or a bug. It was fairly large, almost like somebody was running their hand over her skin.

 

She tried to ignore it, but to little avail. She wasn’t ticklish, but this must have been what it felt like to be. That sensation of pressure simply wouldn't disappear. Her nose twitched. What was that?

 

Eventually, Mulan couldn't stop herself from squirming to shake off the irritation.

 

“See that?” said Ruby, prompting Mulan to open her eyes. She found Ruby sitting there with her arms outstretched, both hands hovering about two feet in front of her. “I never touched you once. Hell, I wasn’t even close to touching you, but you reacted anyway. Do you know why that is?”

 

“Because you're acting like a crazy person?” Mulan suggested, completely deadpan.

 

“No: because you've got a shell around you,” Ruby explained, moving her hands as she spoke, almost as if tracing the outline where Mulan's metaphorical – or possibly metaphysical – barrier began. “This, right here? This is that shell, and that is your problem right now.”

 

“How? What's wrong with having one?” Mulan asked, shaking her head. Who wouldn't want to have a bit of a wall up around themselves? Being completely defenceless was naïve.

 

“Lots of things,” said Ruby, clearly self-assured as to the merits of her own sage advice. That faith was not mutual. “The fact that you can't escape your shell is why you’ve been so stuck, and it’s why you can’t get close to people. It's no wonder you can't move on from Aurora when you can't work through your feelings and get them out of your system. You're emotionally blocked.”

 

“No, I'm not,” Mulan insisted, not sure what she had to do to prove otherwise.

 

Ruby smirked. “Whatever you say, blockhead,” she teased, reaching over to lightly poke Mulan's forehead. Mulan batted her hand away, humourlessly. “That leaves us with two choices: either you've got to break out of this shell of yours, or I've got to break in and drag you out of it myself,” Ruby concluded, calmly but confidently, determined to see it done.

 

“I would rather you didn't,” Mulan mumbled, eyeing Ruby a little warily as she got back to her feet. She didn't approve of the thought of being dragged anywhere, figuratively or otherwise.

 

“At this rate, I might have to,” Ruby uttered amid a sigh before getting up and following along behind her. Mulan glanced back when she heard Ruby's quiet observation, not sure what she meant by that. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'm the only one of us who actually wants to be happy right now.”

 

“Okay. You're wrong,” Mulan informed her, shrugging.

 

“Then why are you holding onto your feelings for her?” Ruby asked, electing to be direct in her approach. Her tone wasn't accusatory. Instead, it sounded like she thought she was picking up on things she couldn't legitimately believe Mulan was oblivious to regarding herself. “And don’t tell me you’re not. You are,” Ruby cut her off before she could argue against that idea. “You’re squeezing them tight because you don't want to let them go, and you don't want to let anyone else inside your shell. So, how are you ever going to be happy that way?”

 

“You really like the word 'shell', don't you?” Mulan remarked, but even she had to admit she was only saying that because she didn't like where this discussion was going and wanted to dodge the question. Still, if it worked... “Really, you couldn’t come up with something else?” she said dryly. “I was expecting something more creative.”

 

“I was going to call it 'The Aurora Aura', but I figured you'd hate that name,” Ruby countered with a small but deliberate smirk.

 

“Good guess,” Mulan muttered. She wasn't _that_ hung up on Aurora, was she?

 

...Alright, maybe she was but, still, there was no need for Ruby to rub it in her face like that.

 

“Hey, listen, just stop for a second, okay?” said Ruby, reaching out to touch her arm. Mulan reluctantly complied, facing her once more. “I don't think you need to be told that the only reason I brought any of this up is because I've got a shell of my own too."

 

"Yeah, no kidding," said Mulan, glad that Ruby was finally acknowledging her point.

 

"So, then you should be able to see that I'm trying to help you because I know what it’s like, even better than you suspect I do,” Ruby revealed, speaking softly, a shadow of sympathy working its way into her expression. “The only difference between us is that...well, okay, there’s two differences, actually. The first is that mine had nothing to do with a girl, and the second is that I'm aware of my shell, and I know that it's...isolating me. And I want it to go away.”

 

Any trace of a smile fell from Ruby's face then. Mulan saw it fade, observing the subtle changes in her features. There was pain behind her eyes – not of the sharp, stinging kind, but rather the dull discomfort of an old, persistent wound, the likes of which Ruby probably no longer knew how to live her life without. It left the colour of her irises faded, the spark within dimmed, as if her very spirit had withdrawn, shrinking away to avoid the ache.

 

“Are you okay?” Mulan asked abruptly, completely distracted from their prior discussion.

 

“...Not really, no. And neither are you,” Ruby forthrightly replied, her gaze never deviating from Mulan's, as if willing her to take her words to her heart. “I know it feels like the right thing, being where you are, but it's not. I know it's not, because hiding in a shell is just...living in a cage, and imprisoning yourself like that isn't the answer.”

 

“What do you want me to do about it?” Mulan said with a shrug, still not entirely sure what Ruby meant by all this, and much less whether she had identified anything that hit close to home. As far as she could see, Ruby was way off the mark. Mulan wasn't hiding anything, and she was coping just fine. She was fine. Everything was fine. Why wouldn't it be fine?

 

Ruby sighed once more, no doubt recognising that Mulan wasn't quite getting where she was coming from. “I don't know what comes next; I don't know if there's anything I can do or say to help you unless you make the choice to want to change on your own,” she admitted, speaking frankly. “All I know is that I've been trapped in mine for a long time, because I used to think it was the safest place, both for myself and for others around me. But I was wrong.”

 

“You and I are different people; we won't always need the same things,” Mulan pointed out. She wasn't trying to argue with her. This was just a statement of fact. “What makes you happy probably isn't going to do the same for me.”

 

“Being numb isn't the same thing as being happy,” Ruby said solemnly, watching Mulan with an unfaltering stare. “One day you'll realise the same thing I did. For your sake, I just hope it's soon.”

 

Mulan blinked as she watched Ruby turn and walk away, continuing on through the forest ahead. That confession? Well, Mulan had to acknowledge that she had been left somewhat taken aback by it. There was truth in what Ruby had said, and recognising those slivers of stark reality made her ponder just how poignant the rest of her wisdom really was.

 

Despite what Ruby had claimed, Mulan wasn't afraid to share her thoughts and feelings. At least, she didn't think she was. She simply wasn't the type of person who screamed or cried. She never had been. But what if that really was contributing to the problem rather than providing any sort of solution? Maybe Ruby was right. Maybe she did understand what she was talking about. Maybe Mulan was making herself worse.

 

Then again, how was she supposed to go about doing anything differently? This was part of the reason she didn't want to talk about Aurora, or think about her anymore. It was almost like ceding power to those memories, and that pain. She didn't want to let it affect her. Sure, there were things she supposed she could have said about Aurora which she didn't particularly want to reveal, but that was largely because speaking those things aloud felt like accepting them and giving them control, when all she wanted to do was reject them.

 

Even if Ruby might have had a legitimate point behind her advice, at the end of the day, Mulan was content to just get on with her life, and get over her broken heart to the extent that she could carry it with her without it weighing her down too much. Mulan was used to surviving on her own, handling everything alone, shouldering her burdens without aid.

 

Not to mention that people like Ruby had their own problems, their own battles to fight, their own melancholy, their own demons to face. Mulan neither needed nor wanted to add to them, especially not when it came to Ruby. She was in no state to be putting anyone else's needs ahead of her own.

 

How could Mulan let Ruby worry about her when Ruby was already being torn apart?

 

Whether or not her views about Mulan might have been inaccurate, Ruby definitely wasn't lying when she spoke to her before, at least not on the subject of herself. She really did have a shroud around her, a veil as plain and perceptible as her red cloak. It was hard to describe. Even when she was smiling, she always seemed...sad, as if surrounded by a quiet sorrow – a cloud of loneliness.

 

Behind those green eyes, there was a great deal of turmoil still. Ruby was good at masking it, but it was there. She wasn't sleeping properly. She wasn't happy. She was trapped, too afraid to release her stranglehold on her control over her wolf form.

 

It wasn't only about transforming, either, although that was likely a large aspect of it. Even in her human form, Ruby always held things back. Her thoughts. Her feelings. Her actions. It was just as Mulan had observed, both in that very conversation and in the cave two days earlier: Ruby wasn't at peace with herself, and she knew it, too. This was that shell she had spoken of – the one which she wanted to shed more than anything else in the world, so that she no longer felt so far removed from her own life.

 

No, Mulan didn't really need Ruby's help. Not just yet, anyway. But the emptiness she saw in her companion made her think that Ruby could urgently use hers. That was, not only her aid in the physical act of finding other werewolves, but in coming to terms with whatever else was missing along the way.

 

It could be a while before they found other werewolves. Months. A year, or more, even. And Ruby would still be wrestling with the wolf inside her before then, as well as everything else that left her feeling so alienated and marginalised around others. With that in mind, Mulan was determined to assist Ruby with her troubles, and make a difference in her life sooner rather than later.

 

Surely, there had to be steps they could take or progress they could make whilst on this path together, before they reached their ultimate destination – things which didn't require the insight of other werewolves.

 

The only problem was figuring out how to go about it, and where to start.

 

* * *

 

"Can I ask you something?” Mulan ventured. Ruby glanced up at Mulan, a little surprised. The two of them were seated close beside one another, enjoying a late dinner, the flames of their small campfire casting a gentle glow to ward off the pervasive darkness.

 

“I think this is the first time you've ever wanted to,” Ruby said, her spoon distractedly drawing patterns in the stew she’d lazily thrown together earlier. Maybe her little talk had gotten through to Mulan after all.

 

“Well, normally, you...volunteer enough information that I don't have to,” Mulan quietly pointed out.

 

“Tactful,” Ruby remarked. Mulan ignored her sarcasm.

 

“But this is important. It relates to the whole reason we're here,” Mulan explained, idly gesturing as she spoke. Ruby regarded her inquisitively, curious as to what she meant by that. “Why did you leave all of your friends behind like you did?” she asked before taking another mouthful.

 

Ruby nearly dropped her dinner. “Wow. That's, um...wow.”

 

“Personal?” Mulan asked, prepared to leave it alone if she didn't wish to discuss it.

 

“No, it's...it's fine,” Ruby assured her, and it was entirely unfeigned.

 

Admittedly, Mulan's question was quite a heavy one to throw in right out of the blue. It wasn't exactly the kind of subject ordinarily considered suitable for casual dinner conversation, but the last thing Ruby cared about was criticising her timing. In truth, she appreciated the fact that Mulan sincerely wanted to know more about her. It showed how much she valued this burgeoning friendship. Unfortunately, it just wasn't the easiest thing to put into words.

 

“The reason is...because I had to,” she began, unable to think of a better way to explain it.

 

"I know you did. I'm not questioning that, but...why did you have to?” Mulan clarified. “Getting in touch with the wolf part of yourself is one thing I already understand, but I figured there has to be more to it than that.” Ruby could feel Mulan quietly studying her expression as she spoke. “I mean, you could do that on your own, probably. So, that can’t be the only reason you've been so determined to find others like you."

 

She wasn't always the best when it came to expressing her meaning, but Ruby got the impression that Mulan was trying to ask her exactly what it was that made her so certain that this was the solution to all her problems. Or, maybe she was asking her how it felt to _be_ certain in the first place. Or, maybe she just wanted to hear Ruby speak about what she had been going through emotionally before they met. Or, possibly, all three of those things.

 

Regardless of the motive, Ruby didn't mind her curiosity, and she didn't mind answering. She wanted her to know. And, hey, perhaps revealing such things about herself would help show Mulan what she could gain by being willing to do the same. Two birds, one stone.

 

“Well, you’re right, because it’s not just about being more comfortable as a wolf, although that is a factor. It’s because I need a home. I want a home. A place where I fit in, and feel close to the people I’m with,” Ruby said, the firelight flickering across her face. “I don't belong anywhere else. Not that I've found, at least. I know that I don't, because even when I should be at my happiest...I can't be. Not really. I'm sick of this emptiness that I have inside me, and I want it to go away.”

 

“Are you sure that living with werewolves will do that, though?” Mulan asked.

 

“No. I'm not,” Ruby admitted. She was well aware that she could find others like herself, yet feel just as unfulfilled as she had before. Or worse, even: they might reject her, or attack her on sight. It was the one thing she was most afraid of. “But I have to try. Even if it doesn't help, I won't know unless I go to find out for myself. I can't think of any other answers right now. It's the only place I can go where I might be able to be accepted for who I really am – where I can reconcile all these different sides of myself, without having to pick and choose one over the other.”

 

A lone tear trickled down her cheek, unbidden. She wasn't sure why. She didn't feel like she wanted to cry. Did she? Nevertheless, Ruby let it fall, and didn't move to wipe it away.

 

But Mulan did.

 

Ruby hadn't seen her reach out from where she sat beside her. All she felt was the thumb of her gloved hand tenderly brushing her cheek. She glanced up. There Mulan was, with concern etched on her face as she took one of Ruby's tears away, regretting that she’d been the one to cause them to be shed in the first place. Only, she wasn’t to blame at all.

 

“I'm sorry,” Mulan said, as unguarded and authentic as Ruby had seen her since they first met. “I didn’t realise...I shouldn’t have brought it up. I didn't mean to upset you.”

 

“It's okay. You didn't.” Ruby turned back to look into the fire, fingers fidgeting unconsciously on her lap. “I guess it hurts to talk about it more than I thought it did. But I do want to talk about it.”

 

“Are you sure?” Mulan asked, unwilling to tread this ground if it was so painful for her.

 

“Perhaps you don't believe it, but some people actually consider it therapeutic to talk about their problems,” Ruby remarked, managing to muster a little levity in her sad smile. Mulan's compassion for her truly was sweet. Ruby had nothing she wanted to hide, least of all from such kind eyes. She could tell Mulan everything. Why shouldn’t she? “So, please, keep asking.”

 

Mulan paused for a moment, pondering her next question. “What did you mean about picking and choosing different parts of yourself?”

 

“Ah, that's...complicated,” Ruby began, not sure if there was any concise way of explaining something so complex. The long version seemed as good as any. “There are three versions of me. Three personalities. Ruby Lucas. Red Riding Hood. And the wolf,” she said, reflecting on all those twisted aspects – incongruous puzzle pieces that just couldn't fit together, no matter how hard she forced them to. “I'm all of them, but I'm none of them at the same time. Not individually, anyway. I don't know which parts are them, and which parts are me.”

 

“Because of the curse? Or...curses?” Mulan asked. It was a legitimate question from someone who had never been affected by either of them, or gone through anything that affected her memory like that.

 

“Yes, and no...” Ruby answered as best she could, but she was sure her ambivalence was written on her face, as conflicted as her splintered soul. “I'm living...so many different lives, and it never feels like I'm living the right one at any given time. I'm a girl who grew up in a cabin in the woods raising chickens with her grandmother, and later discovered she was a werewolf. I'm also a girl who worked at a diner and stayed out late partying and had amazing fashion sense. And I'm a wolf who prowls the forest at night and hunts animals and people alike and forgets what it's like to be human sometimes. But I'm also a fourth person: me, now – the one who lived all those lives, and is all of those things.” Ruby shook her head, lost in a tumultuous sea of uncertainty. “And, in a lot of ways, I don't know who that is.”

 

Mulan shrugged, firelight dancing in her eyes. “You're you.”

 

“That's easy for you to say,” Ruby replied, unable to refrain from coming off as dismissive in her tone. “Don't take this the wrong way, but this isn't something you can relate to. You never even went through the first curse, let alone the second. You know who you are. You always have,” she stated, well aware of the differences between them.

 

Mulan just looked at her, unflinching. She wasn't angry or sad. Contemplative, perhaps? Maybe it was harsh to say so, but Ruby didn't really give a damn if her words had offended Mulan, because she had only spoken the truth.

 

Nobody really grasped what Ruby was going through. Nobody ever did. Not entirely. If they had, she wouldn't have been forced to leave all of her friends behind. She wouldn't have felt such a disconnect from the people she loved. As a result, Ruby was a little too sick and tired of the same old stories to hear anyone else pretend they had undergone comparable experiences.

 

“People don't understand what it's like, you know?” Mulan began, interrupting her thoughts.

 

Ruby furrowed her brow. “What?”

 

“Hiding in plain sight. Feeling like an impostor. Like everyone can see through you, and see what you are. Even in your most sincere moments, you always doubt whether or not you're really you,” Mulan murmured, barely above a whisper, gazing ahead into the fire.

 

“Mulan, what are you…?” Ruby didn’t know how to finish her question.

 

“Day after day, you gradually lose track of who the real you is, or if there even is one,” Mulan went on, her face completely blank, as if lost in recollection. “You're so busy pretending that you start to forget what you really think. What you really feel. And you can't go back to being who you used to be, because you stopped being the old you a long time ago. That person is a stranger now. Instead, you’ve become the mask, and you don't know how not to be. But how much of that is real, and how much is still an act? That’s always the question...” she trailed off, pensively.

 

Ruby stared, rendered momentarily mute. She swallowed, but her mouth was dry. “...Where are you getting this?” she asked, quite shaken by her words. This didn't sound like the Mulan she knew at all. And, worse still, it was unsettling how closely her description matched things Ruby had felt before. Mulan turned to face her once again, expressionless, but clearly not emotionless.

 

“I spent a decade pretending to be another person,” Mulan reminded her, keeping her voice quiet but laced with purpose. “No, I don't know what it's like to wake up wondering if you killed somebody, but don't tell me I can't understand what it means to have a fractured sense of identity.”

 

Ruby shivered at her confession, despite the heat of the fire. Suddenly, it occurred to her just how little she knew about the warrior travelling at her side. Ruby had always sensed that there was more to Mulan than she let on, countless feelings she’d buried deep down inside, but that wall she kept up was so thick that it was often hard to perceive the depths she hid behind it.

 

This was the most Mulan had revealed about herself since they’d met, and she had done it so offhandedly that it had caught Ruby completely off guard. It mustn't have been easy for her to open up that much. But she had done so anyway. And, at once, Ruby was both grateful that she trusted her enough to say all of those things, and yet saddened, because she was starting to understand precisely why Mulan had such a shell around her, and why she was afraid to break out of it: because it was the only sure thing she had left.

 

It wasn't all caused by Aurora. It had never been. Some of Mulan's problems had started long before they ever met.

 

“...Maybe you can understand some of it,” Ruby conceded, slightly ashamed of how quickly and how boldly she'd dismissed Mulan earlier. No, it wasn't the same thing as being a werewolf, as Mulan herself had pointed out, but it wasn't fair to completely exclude the notion that there were any similarities she could sympathise with at all. “But, if you do, then you know why it's so important to me to find other werewolves. I don't know where else I could go that I could...reconcile all these different parts of my personality, and feel like I belong.”

 

“At least you know what you want,” said Mulan, nonchalantly going back for another helping of dinner. Ruby supposed she had a point there. Mulan probably didn't find it quite so easy to picture a place where she might fit in with everyone else, or where she could find cohesion and peace in who she was. There weren’t many people who shared her experiences. Maybe none at all.

 

“I do now. But, for a long time, I didn't,” Ruby admitted, hoping Mulan might be comforted by the thought that her own answers might become clear eventually, even if she seemed a million miles away from them right now. “In fact, I would have hated this idea. I didn't want to embrace these sides of me, especially not the wolf. I wanted to go back to forgetting they ever existed; as unhappy as she was with her life, I wished I could be cursed and go back to being plain old Ruby Lucas again.”

 

That confession caught Mulan's attention. She couldn't seem to comprehend it. “Why?”

 

“Because I used to think that the wolf _was_ a curse – a monster inside me that I transformed into, and that the only way for me to be happy was either to cure myself or...” Ruby trailed off, not willing to finish that morbid sentence. “But that's not true. It's part of me. I am a wolf as much as I am a person. It's not one or the other. I’m a werewolf. I'm always both. I need to be me. I can't keep living a lie, or pass myself off as anything other than who I really am.”

 

“So why are you suppressing it?” Mulan asked her with a shrug as she finished her stew.

 

Her casual observation sent a jolt through Ruby. She felt the wolf stir within her at the prospect of being set free. It had been growling so loudly since Mulan broke the witch's spell, stronger than ever, but it was bound up by a thick layer of fear and anxiety.

 

“Is it because I'm around? Because, if you had asked me, you would have known that I don't want you to force yourself to stay like this,” Mulan told her, pausing long enough to ensure that she wasn't talking with her mouth full, remembering her manners. “Don't hold back on my account. When you feel like a wolf, be a wolf.”

 

“Last time I was a wolf, I nearly ate you,” Ruby flatly reminded her.

 

“I'm aware of that,” said Mulan, but she remained unfazed. “That's actually why...I don't know if you've noticed, but I led us away from the main road a while ago,” she rather abruptly revealed. Ruby felt her heart skip a beat as the realisation sank in. She had picked up on that, but she had never dared to think that the motive for Mulan's change of direction might be related to her nature as a werewolf. “I assumed you'd feel safer transforming if we moved off the beaten path, somewhere you're unlikely to come across anyone else.”

 

Ruby could only gawk at her. She had no clue what to say. Mulan had really thought that far ahead? She had done this for her, without any prompting, for no other reason than because it might make Ruby feel better. Nobody had done anything like that for her before.

 

She wanted to say that Mulan didn't care that she was a werewolf, but that was far from the truth. She _did_ care that Ruby was a werewolf. Only, in a very different way than most others.

 

Nobody had ever been so...at peace with what she was.

 

“I...Thank you,” was the best Ruby could manage before her thoughts started forming coherent sentences again. “I mean, yes, you're right. That does make a big difference. But...if I'm not careful, I could still come back for you,” she tentatively pointed out, unwilling to do anything that might put Mulan in the wolf's path. Ruby had come close enough to killing her once already. Wrestling with this internal conflict was surely a better option than letting Mulan potentially wind up in that situation again.

 

“We'll figure something out to make sure that doesn't happen, I guess,” Mulan said dismissively, brushing off the need for concern. It almost didn't seem like she grasped the concept that she was in any appreciable danger. Or, at the very least, it appeared that she believed it was far from as serious as anything she'd faced before. “There has to be a relatively safe way you can do this.”

 

“Maybe, maybe not.” Ruby took a moment to clear her head. Mulan had given her a lot to process, there. “Look, I don’t know whether I’ll take you up on the idea or not, but...either way, thank you for saying that. Really, it means a lot to me,” Ruby spoke softly, genuinely grateful for Mulan’s unconditional offer to respect her identity, even if her suggestion did seem a little naïve and shortsighted.

 

For all her gratitude, Ruby was well aware that it was entirely possible that Mulan was only saying these things because she wasn't in a position to know better. Sure, she had seen Ruby in her wolf form before, but she had been lucky enough to survive it unscathed. Perhaps that had led Mulan to underestimate the threat the wolf could really pose. Ignorance was bliss like that.

 

That being said, Ruby couldn’t stifle the excitement she felt at the prospect of accepting. The witch's spell had changed something in her; the wolf never slept anymore, no matter the phase of the Moon, nor the time of day. It was always howling beneath the surface. She thought she might snap if she didn't answer the call of her beast blood sometime in the near future. Morever, could she really turn down the opportunity to be who she was? Like Mulan had told her before, Ruby couldn’t get anywhere if she was too afraid to confront that side of herself.

 

Surrendering to the wolf might be the first step towards achieving balance. Or maybe it would only throw her further out of balance than the witch already had. Maybe she would get stuck in that form again, like when she and Mulan met. Who knew? It was a huge risk, but that risk was the whole point of her journey, wasn’t it? If Ruby couldn’t dare to be bold now, when could she? She might as well go home.

 

“I wasn't lying when I said I came with you because I wanted to,” Mulan broke the silence, calling Ruby's attention to her once again. “Even if I can't do a lot to help you with what you're going through, I really do hope you find what makes you happy. And I'll stay by your side until you do.”

 

“That could take a while,” Ruby remarked, only half-joking.

 

Mulan shrugged. “I've got time.”

 

“Yeah, well, just remember that I'm not going to be mad at you if you decide to leave if something better comes along,” said Ruby. She wasn't going to stand in the way of Mulan's own search for happiness if it took her in another direction. Hell, if Mulan met a nice girl somewhere in an as of yet unknown town they passed through along the way, Ruby would be the first to push them together and wish them all the best. Although, that wasn't to say she wouldn't miss her company, and her friendship.

 

This journey would have been an awful lot lonelier without Mulan at her side.

 

Sadder, too.

 

“Okay, you asked a deep, personal question. I think I'm entitled to one in return,” Ruby piped up. It had taken a few days, but Mulan was finally opening up and talking to her about these things. It only seemed fair to take advantage of any opportunity she might get to discuss meaningful topics with her while she wasn't vehemently opposed to doing so.

 

“Tread carefully,” Mulan warned her, but it was in a rather relaxed sort of way. Even so, Ruby took that as a signal that she still wasn't allowed to ask about Aurora. And, whether she liked her silence on that subject or not, she had to respect her unwillingness to have a serious conversation about it. Mulan would share those stories with her when she was ready, or she hoped she would, at least. So, Ruby paused to think of another question she wanted to hear answered instead. It didn't take long.

 

“What's with the armour? Why don't you like to take it off?” she asked, intrigued.

 

Mulan smirked at that. It was a strange expression, Ruby thought – as mysterious as the woman who wore it. “I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I can't answer that question,” she said, getting up from beside the fire.

 

Ruby blinked. “What? Why?”

 

“Because I've already told you the reason why,” she replied as she walked away, taking her empty bowl with her for the wash. Her casual response left Ruby rather puzzled.

 

It wasn't until later that night that Ruby put the pieces together, realising Mulan was indeed being truthful when she made that remark. She had told her the answer, earlier in that very same conversation, just very indirectly, and probably only in part.

 

Ruby was moved by how much confidence it must have taken for Mulan to tell her that, but also compelled to further contemplate her secrets. Mulan really was trying to open up more, trusting her enough to reveal things about herself. At the same time, Ruby was starting to understand why she was so shut off. The more she learned, the more her shell made sense.

 

Even though they hadn't known each other very long, Ruby cared about her. For as many faults as she had, with each passing day Mulan demonstrated what an outstanding person she really was. And, sure, they weren't going to be friends forever, but at the very least Ruby wanted Mulan to leave their journey together feeling better than she did when she arrived. She wished she could do something to mend some of those hidden wounds and take some of those burdens away.

 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to be easy when Mulan insisted on carrying them alone.

 

* * *

 

The wolf experiment hadn't quite gone according to plan. At least, not Mulan's plan. As it was, she wasn't in much of a state to plan anything anymore.

 

She staggered and leaned heavily against a tree somewhere in the thick, dark forest, her head spinning, trying to keep her thoughts clear. Her fingers tightened around the crimson cloak clenched in her fist. Memories and dreams and thoughts of the future were bleeding over into every waking moment, making it almost impossible to concentrate.

 

Mulan slapped herself, hard, willing herself to stay conscious. She had to focus.

 

She forced herself to remember what she was doing, why she was there. Finding Ruby. She had to find Ruby. Mulan repeated it like a mantra, refusing to let anything else enter her mind. That kept her going. So she marched on, determined to bring her back.

 

Nearly two days had passed since she'd last seen her. Ruby had left at dawn, promising she’d make an effort to come out of her wolf form sometime later that evening, leaving her cloak behind for safekeeping, in case she inadvertently found her way back to camp on four legs rather than two. That time had passed quite normally, with Mulan not worried in the slightest, simply going about fulfilling necessary tasks: hunting, cleaning, bathing, cooking. Until it got dark.

 

She waited all night, calling for her until her throat was sore, but Ruby never came. By morning, there had been no sign of her.

 

That was when she began to grow concerned.

 

As soon as it was light enough to see, Mulan had gone to conduct her first proper search, roaming the woods for hours, but with no success. For a while, she had gone back to camp to wait again, in case Ruby turned up on her own. She'd even built a bonfire to serve as a beacon just in case she was a lost and needed some kind of signal to show her the way back. But night had come again, and Ruby still had not returned.

 

Mulan had been awake for well over thirty-six hours at that point, and it showed. That didn't matter, though, because she couldn't rest until she knew Ruby was okay. She had to find her. So she swept through the woods alone, in the dark, with no idea where to go.

 

The world was at once vivid and dreamlike with her mind the way it was. Her senses were on high alert. Too alert. Everywhere out of the corners of her eyes, she saw glimpses of shadows or flashes of movement in the night. For a split second, every single one looked it might have been Ruby. A flicker of brown hair, or white sleeves, or the pointed ears of a beast. But none of them were her. No matter where she looked, she found not a trace of either woman or wolf.

 

She persisted, marching deeper and deeper into the woods. “Ruby?” Mulan called out, not knowing if she would find her at all, let alone what state she might be in.

 

She was well aware of the risks. Mulan knew what might happen if Ruby was still transformed when she found her. If she found her. Mulan was hardly in the best condition to defend herself, as it was. But that didn't matter. The alternative was leaving her out there alone, and she simply couldn't abide that.

 

“Ruby?” Mulan called again, rounding a tree. That was when she bumped into something.

 

She jumped back on instinct, too dizzy to see where she was, nearly tripping back onto the ground as she stumbled over her feet, but gentle hands caught her, keeping her upright before she lost her balance.

 

“Whoa, whoa. Be careful. You're okay.” Mulan blinked when she heard that voice, almost unsure whether she was hallucinating. There stood Ruby, completely unharmed, wearing a relieved expression. “I thought I sensed you nearby. Then I heard your voice,” said Ruby, an unusual rasp in her tone. Her brow tensed, concerned. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

 

“You didn't come back...” Mulan answered, her head full of fog. “What happened?”

 

“The wolf happened.” Ruby shrugged, a little guiltily. “I'm sorry. I have a tendency to...black out when I'm in that form, and I wasn't in enough control that I could consciously change back.”

 

“It's okay. I'm just...You’re fine now. Everything’s fine. That’s what’s important,” said Mulan, finally able to breathe now that she knew Ruby was safe. There was no need for apologies. Mulan wasn't angry with Ruby, nor did she blame her for any of this. She had just been...She hadn't known what might have happened – if she’d been hurt, or become consumed by the wolf again.

 

For a time, Mulan had started to think that Ruby might not be coming back. That prospect had troubled her more deeply than she'd anticipated, given how little time they’d spent together. The thought of having Ruby torn away from her had shaken her to the core.

 

It was strange to think how much of an impression Ruby had made on her since they met. In only a matter of days, they had already moved beyond being mere passing acquaintances to become, well, friends. They were growing accustomed to sharing very personal things without a second thought, with each looking out for the other, giving advice in the hopes of healing some of the troubles that plagued their hearts.

 

Mulan wasn’t afraid to admit that she’d grown...very fond of Ruby, whether she’d intended to or not, and that was something she hadn’t thought would come so easily to her. It hadn't at any other point in her life, let alone after everything that had happened with Aurora. But it had. Incredibly easily, in fact. She cared about Ruby, and it felt so automatic and normal and natural to do so that Mulan couldn’t imagine ever not caring about her. And why would she desire otherwise?

 

Ruby was part of her world now, like the Sun and the Moon and the rain. She just...fit, almost as if she’d always been there. Mulan didn't want to lose her. Not this soon, anyway. They still had so much more to do before the time came to go their separate ways.

 

“I...brought your cloak,” Mulan muttered to break the silence, holding it out. “I thought you might...” she trailed off, letting her half-formed sentence hang there, unfinished.

 

“Good. Thank you.” Ruby took it from her, putting it back on. But then she paused, a curious expression passing across her features, unreadable in its intent. Before Mulan could think to ask, Ruby unexpectedly reached out and brushed some hair out of her eyes, making Mulan flinch. “You look terrible. Have you been awake this whole time?” she asked, examining her face.

 

“It's nothing,” Mulan insisted, shrugging her off. Honestly, Ruby didn't look a whole lot better than Mulan imagined she must have. It wasn't easy to tell in the shadows of night, but the way Ruby carried herself betrayed her obvious fatigue. But that could wait. Her safety was paramount, and that entailed getting her back to camp in one piece. "We need to get moving. It's this way."

 

“It’s still a ways back to camp from here,” Ruby pointed out, able to follow the trail by scent. “Are you sure you can make it? Sleep deprivation is meant to be as bad as being drunk. I think.”

 

“Ruby, I’ve been in the military. I can handle being tired,” Mulan asserted. Her confidence in that fact was undermined when Ruby snapped her fingers in front of her, testing just how alert Mulan really was. She blinked, startled. Her vision was unfocused. It felt like the world was titled off its axis. Every time she closed her eyes, it was a struggle to keep them open again.

 

Okay, maybe she was feeling the effects a bit. Just a bit, though. _A bit._

 

Ruby sighed sympathetically, and with a touch of remorse. “Alright. That's it. Come here.”

 

“No, don't,” Mulan mumbled, raising her hand to signal she was fine. “Forget it. Let’s just go.”

 

“ _Come here_ ,” Ruby repeated herself, louder that time. And Mulan wasn't given a choice. Before she could object, Ruby wrapped both arms around her waist and picked her up off the ground.

 

“Hey. What are you—? Put me down.” Mulan had always known how strong Ruby was, but that didn't make it any less bizarre to be lifted up by her so effortlessly, especially when she was in her full armour. Ruby carried her over to a nearby tree, and sat both of them down beneath it. She didn't release her grip on Mulan.

 

“Lie down on me,” Ruby commanded. “I mean it. I'm told I make a good pillow.” Mulan got the feeling she didn't have a say in the matter, so she did as she was told, gingerly shifting around and resting her head somewhere between Ruby's stomach and her lap.

 

“Now what?” she said, making her disapproval plain.

 

Ruby looked down at her, staring directly into her eyes. “You. Sleep. Now,” she instructed, punctuating each word by gently tapping Mulan on the forehead with her index finger, making her nose crinkle every single time.

 

“You don't need to do this...” Mulan protested, hating the idea of being in this type of position. This wasn't like her. She wasn’t vulnerable, or in need of anybody to take care of her, or watch over her. Ruby was no exception to that. Mulan had been alone a long time. Even when she was among others, none of them ever lifted a finger to help her, unless they were receiving something from her in return. She was fine on her own. So what if she hadn’t slept? That was her problem. She could handle it. She'd survived a hell of a lot worse.

 

“We're not going anywhere until I see you get some rest. And I mean that literally; I _will_ wait as long as it takes, so you might want to start soon,” Ruby told her, sinking down even further against the tree, as if to signal that she had no plans to move at any time in the near future.

 

Mulan sighed, letting one hand fall over her face, lacking the strength to argue. She felt Ruby drape an arm over her chest, the other resting lazily on her thigh, just behind Mulan's head. She let her eyes drift shut, feeling Ruby's fingers idly toying with stray strands of her hair. She was tired. Too tired to think.

 

“...Thank you for coming after me,” Ruby whispered. Mulan almost didn't hear it.

 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Mulan murmured. Ruby didn't answer.

 

By the time morning broke, neither one of them had moved.

 

* * *

 

“You should have told me sooner,” said Mulan, helping Ruby sit down atop her blankets when they finally made it back to camp later that morning. She could barely keep her balance without Mulan to lean on.

 

“It's just a headache,” Ruby said through a groan. “I thought it would pass.”

 

“Yeah. And it didn't. Because it's not 'just a headache'.” Mulan removed one of her gloves, placing her fingers against Ruby's forehead. Her skin was warm. Her cheeks were flushed, but the rest of her was pale. “Do you still feel dizzy?” she asked, taking note of all the signs.

 

“...A little,” Ruby admitted, her fingers shaking where they rested in her lap. Ruby couldn't hide her exhaustion. Her experimental foray into her wolf form during daylight for the first time had taken a lot out of her. In hindsight, she hadn't done enough to take care of herself.

 

“I can't believe you went all night without telling me.” Mulan withdrew the canteen she carried with her, opening the lid. “Here. Drink,” she instructed, holding it out to her. “You're dehydrated.”

 

“You don't know for sure,” Ruby mumbled, not wishing to take more than she needed from Mulan. “I could be allergic to something nearby. Or maybe I ate something I shouldn't have when I was out hunting, or got bitten by something that I can't remember. The obvious answer is that it's just my cycle.”

 

“I'm not willing to take that risk. Drink,” Mulan insisted, giving her no alternative.

 

Ruby met her gaze. Mulan's eyes were...different, somehow. Normally her emotions were pretty hard to read. But not then. She was worried. Lacking the energy to resist, Ruby took the water and drank. Even doing that made her feel sick.

 

Mulan was probably right, of course. Ruby had surrendered control to the wolf over these past two days, not endeavouring to restrain it or force it to conform with human fears in any way, shape or form. It had been a gamble, but it was something she'd needed to do to ease the disquiet in her subconscious mind, given how much more powerful the wolf had become after living in that form for so long. That she'd successfully shifted during daylight proved the witch really had changed her, but Mulan didn't need to know that.

 

Ruby often wore herself out when she was that far gone, more focused on the hunt and the taste of blood than ensuring she didn't expend all her strength in the chaos and carnage. If it wasn't for the small bone fragments she'd found caught in her teeth when she turned back, Ruby couldn't have been certain she'd had anything to eat recently, either. What she'd eaten, she didn't know, but hey, that was nothing new.

 

A cool breeze passed through the field, disturbing the ashes of the bonfire that had burned out hours ago. Mulan sat down beside her, watching her. She showed no signs of moving anywhere.

 

“You don't have to stay,” Ruby told her, recognising what Mulan was doing. She was worried about her, and Ruby wasn't going to tell her not to be, but she didn't want to slow her down more than she already had. “If you need to go find more water or food, that comes first. I'll be fine by myself.”

 

“Don't worry about that,” Mulan replied. “I'll have plenty of time for that later.”

 

Ruby drew a deep breath and released it, letting her head fall on Mulan's shoulder. It felt nice.

 

“...You're still tired, aren't you?” Ruby asked her.

 

“Yes. Incredibly,” Mulan murmured in reply. Ruby chuckled. What a pair they made. They'd probably only got around four hours of sleep out there in the forest after Mulan found her last night, and that was a generous estimate. Neither them were in any condition to do much of anything. They were spent; all they could do was lean on each other, and try to feel the tiniest bit less awful.

 

“I think we both need to be a lot more careful next time,” Ruby said. That was the understatement of the century, really. “But thank you for trusting me, and letting me be a wolf again. I needed that.”

 

“I didn't let you do anything,” Mulan pointed out. “You are you, regardless of what anybody else wants you to be.”

 

“And you are you,” Ruby replied, oddly amused by that phrasing in her state of lethargy. Honestly, she couldn't imagine anyone else she would rather be sharing that moment with. Mulan was Mulan. The longer they spent together, the more Ruby found herself thinking that she didn't want her any other way.

 

* * *

 

They still hadn't moved from that campsite. In the afternoon, Ruby had tried to persuade Mulan that she was fine and they could go, feeling guilty about holding their progress back so much, but Mulan hadn't heard a word of it. In hindsight, Ruby was grateful for it. They'd had more time to collect water, find food, and, more importantly, to rest and recover from their ordeal the night before.

 

When night fell, Ruby could hardly contain herself from collapsing into her blankets, so ready for sleep that it wasn't even remotely funny. She could have slept anywhere. She could have lain on a bed of coals and been grateful for the fact that it was technically a bed of some description.

 

But a shadow of movement roused her before she could slip into her slumber. Mulan was shuffling about camp, waiting for Ruby to fall asleep before she even thought of doing so herself. And she was still in her armour.

 

It actually made Ruby angry to think about it as she lay there, watching her tend to the fire. It wasn't fair. Mulan had gotten about four hours of sleep in the last two and half days, and she was depriving herself of proper rest because she felt compelled to be the last one up, remaining on her guard, a vigilant protector. Worse yet, Ruby knew that Mulan had never slept well in all the time they had been together. How could she, when she never took her damn armour off?

 

Ruby couldn't let it slide. Whatever complex Mulan had about her armour, she wanted it to stop. Sure, Ruby knew it wouldn't work like that. Things like this weren't that simple. But that didn't mean she felt okay sitting back and doing nothing while Mulan had to live in constant fear of letting her defences down, to her own detriment.

 

“I won't look at you, you know,” Ruby spoke before she knew what she was saying.

 

Mulan glanced up through the darkness, caught off guard by her words. “I'm sorry?”

 

“You don't like to be seen without the armour. I get it. But you don't have to worry about that from me: I won't look at you, I promise.” In the shadows cast by the fire, there wasn't enough light to read Mulan's expression, but Ruby sensed apprehension in her silence. She kept trying. “You can even blindfold me if it would make you feel safer. I don't care what you have to do. I won't be offended.”

 

“Ruby...” The way she said her name sounded strained and uncomfortable.

 

“Okay.” Ruby raised her hands, agreeing to drop it. “I'm just saying, I'm closing my eyes now, and I'm facing the other way, and I'm not going to open them or turn over or anything else. That's all.” And she did exactly that. Whether Mulan would trust her or not, well...she supposed that was her decision to reach. Ruby couldn't do much more to make this any easier for her.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Mulan asked abruptly. True to her word, Ruby didn't move.

 

“Because you let me be me,” she answered, and she meant it. Mulan had done everything within her power to make her feel at peace in her own skin while they were travelling together, including allowing her to become a wolf. Ruby could never forgive herself if she didn't do the same. “This is your space too. It's not only mine. Until you find some other, better place, anywhere we camp is basically your home, and I don't want you to...” Ruby paused, swallowing heavily before continuing, more certain of her words. “I don't like the fact that you have to sneak around and feel uneasy and change your behaviour, all because of my presence.”

 

“It's not because of you,” Mulan assured her.

 

“Well, it kind of is,” Ruby pointed out, even though she knew what Mulan meant. “It didn't start because we met, no, but you wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't here, would you?” she asked. Mulan's silence was the only reply she needed. Yeah, that was what she thought. “Besides, you wouldn't be this tired if it wasn't for me, either,” Ruby muttered, still feeling horrible about scaring her so badly when she didn't come back two days ago. “Tonight, of all nights, I just want you to sleep properly for once.”

 

Mulan didn't answer her, and Ruby didn't say anything after that. She didn't stop to open her eyes, or keep an ear open to listen for any signs of movement in the camp, respecting Mulan's privacy. Ruby simply went to sleep, and woke up in the morning, the same as she always did.

 

Ruby never asked whether Mulan removed her armour that night, because it was none of her business.

 

The choice was hers, and hers alone.

 

* * *

 

“Here, take a look,” Mulan invited, gently leading her by the hand towards the edge of the precipice. It must have been the highest point they'd reached since they began their journey together, and, as Ruby took in the view, there was no question in her mind that making this last little climb had been worth it.

 

“Wow,” Ruby murmured breathlessly, a smile coming to her face. She could see out over the open landscape for miles below. The edge of the forest was within view, giving way to rolling, green hills and valleys. Ruby could even see plumes of smoke rising from small farms and homesteads, and something that looked like it could be a town in the distance.

 

It made her appreciate how far they'd travelled in such a short time. At this rate, they had to find other werewolves. They were out there, somewhere. And Mulan was making sure to take her there.

 

“You know, I have no idea how you know the lay of the land so well,” Ruby commented, unable to help but marvel at Mulan's navigation skills. "We've been off the main roads for a while now, but we've never circled back on ourselves. How do you always know exactly which way we're going?"

 

“A good sense of direction and a lot of experience,” Mulan answered nonchalantly. “There's no real trick to it. I try to keep my bearings by figuring out where I am in relation to other places I've been.”

 

“Really? Show me.” Ruby gestured for her to come over, intrigued to learn more about her. Mulan granted her wish, stepping up behind her, looking over her shoulder. She rested one hand on Ruby's waist and extended the other out in front of her, ready to guide the way.

 

“See straight ahead?” Mulan began. Ruby nodded. “That's our twelve o'clock. Now, turn all the way to three...”

 

Ruby looked directly to her right, her gaze following Mulan's outstretched fingers. “Like this?”

 

“Yeah, perfect. If you travel hundreds and hundreds of miles in that direction, that's where I'm from,” said Mulan, sounding happy to think of home. Ruby made note of that, wondering what kind of circumstances she'd grown up in; she rarely spoke of it, and even then she never went into any specific details. “But, if we're looking for places that are a lot closer...” Mulan moved her hand a little bit counter-clockwise. “How about...there? I think that's roughly where you used to live, right?”

 

Ruby cast a glance over her shoulder, impressed. “You can tell that?”

 

“I do my best,” Mulan replied, a hint of a smile audible in her voice.

 

“Seriously, you're like a human compass,” said Ruby, smirking back at her.

 

Mulan shrugged modestly, trying not to look too flattered by the compliment. “Army training will do that to you. All you need to do is gauge the position of the Sun in the sky, know how far off it is from midday, then look at the shadows on the ground," Mulan casually explained.

 

Ruby couldn't help but notice that she actually seemed to be having a little fun, being able to show her all this. Somehow, it didn't surprise her to learn that Mulan genuinely liked doing this – she  _would_ be the type to geek out over directions, of all things – but Ruby was only too pleased to indulge her; she was enjoying herself too, after all. Mulan really was astonishingly good at it. Plus, it was also quite refreshing to see her acting so carefree and enthusiastic, for a change. And honestly kind of adorable.

 

"At this rate, I should ask you for lessons," Ruby remarked. Mulan chuckled. "What? I'm serious."

 

"Sure thing. I'll teach you," said Mulan, meeting Ruby's gaze. Somewhat bashful though it was, her smile reached her eyes. Ruby found herself a little hypnotised, unable to glance away.

 

"I'd like that," Ruby spoke, almost in a whisper, half-captivated by those enchanting, dark eyes so near to hers.

 

In that very moment, as they stood there like that, Ruby felt overcome by a peculiar urge to ask Mulan if anyone had ever told her how pretty she was. And, if they hadn't, to tell her precisely that very thing. Not that she saw Mulan in that type of way, of course, but Ruby didn't have to be interested in her to recognise the obvious: Mulan was cute. Incredibly so.

 

She was cute enough that, had she wound up in Storybrooke during the curse, she never would have had to pay for a single thing at the diner if Ruby Lucas had served her on her shift, that was for damn sure. Hell, she was hot enough that she probably would have left with Ruby's phone number scrawled on her napkin too. And, truth be told, if a certain type of mood had struck on a given day, she was tempting enough to get lured away from her table with a wink and a come hither gesture so that Ruby Lucas could push her up against a bathroom stall door and—

 

...Okay, maybe that thought had gone a little too far. They hadn't met like that. They were friends, and she wasn't Ruby Lucas anymore either. There was nothing of that nature between them, and there would never be. But, nevertheless, there was no shame in being able to appreciate Mulan's good looks in a purely platonic sense.

 

Ruby thought better of mentioning anything remotely like that, though. Especially not that last one. No matter how innocent her intent, telling Mulan how gorgeous she was when she was simply having a good time like this might make her self-conscious, and then Mulan would stop. And Ruby didn't want that. Not at all.

 

“So, where else is there?” Ruby prompted, encouraging Mulan to keep going.

 

“Well, if we go even further to the left...” Mulan shifted her hand around accordingly, until it was pointing at ten o'clock. “Over there is where your friends and I fought Cora. And past that...”

 

Mulan stopped. A few moments passed, and she lowered her hand, unable to continue.

 

Ruby's heart sank. She didn't need a crystal ball to figure out the reason why.

 

Fucking Aurora. Again. _Fuck._

 

“That's the last place you saw her, isn't it?” Ruby noted. It wasn't even a guess, but Mulan's uncomfortable sigh as she pulled back removed any lingering shred of a possibility that her silence was caused by anything else.

 

Aurora really was the ultimate moment-killer. Every single time it seemed like Mulan might be forgetting about her and allowing herself to be happy, thoughts of her inevitably sprang up out of hiding to slam that hope back down to earth. But Ruby pushed any resentment she might have felt about things like that aside. Her frustrations were irrelevant. Mulan needed her help when it came to getting past that deep, abiding ache Aurora had left in her heart. Ruby just wished she didn't feel so impotent in that respect.

 

“You still haven't told me anything about her, you know?” Ruby observed.

 

“What's there to tell?” Mulan responded with a shake of her head, sounding more resigned than anything else.

 

“Everything,” Ruby stated in a frank reply. It was bothering Mulan so much, and so persistently. The memory of Aurora was like a thorn in her side. Ruby couldn't ignore it any more than she could ignore it if Mulan was carrying a fresh physical wound. Just because there was no blood didn't make the injury she bore any less real. “Look, I know I'm not allowed to ask about her yet, but—”

 

“No, you're allowed to ask,” Mulan told her. “You are. You don't need my permission. But what can I say that you don't already know? You've met her. You know how I feel about her. There's not much more to the story.”

 

Ruby frowned. She didn't care about the story. All she wanted to know was if there was something she could do to take Mulan's pain away. Anything that could mend her broken heart, and put the pieces back together.

 

“Is there any chance the two of you could...?” Ruby began, unsure if that might be the solution to all this. At the very least, it had to be worth asking the question.

 

“No,” Mulan said firmly, her expression stern and serious.

 

“Did she tell you that?” Ruby arched a knowing eyebrow.

 

“She didn't need to,” Mulan pointed out, an almost accusatory aspect to her tone, unequivocally rejecting what Ruby might have been implying by that. “She's married and has a child; you know that as well as I do.”

 

“Okay.” Ruby nodded in acknowledgement, stepping a little closer. “But, do you think you should consider going after her and telling her exactly how you feel anyway?” she pressed, tentative in her approach. “Not because you expect anything to change between you, but for closure.”

 

“What good would it do?” Mulan asked. The war was already lost; she had no will to fight. She was defeated long ago. “These are my feelings. Aurora and Phillip didn't ask for any of this to happen. It's my problem. That's why I never told her how I felt in the first place,” she admitted. “What I want is none of her business. What right do I have to make it hers?”

 

“You don't think she wonders why her best friend walked out of her life and hasn't spoken to her in years?” Ruby challenged, a little more forcefully, mostly because it infuriated her to see what Mulan was doing to herself. With these kinds of thoughts going on in her head, it was no mystery why Mulan had self-destructed so badly before they met. “I think you made it her business.”

 

“I don't care!” Mulan shot back, a flash of ire in her eyes. "I don't care what she thinks about me!"

 

Ruby recoiled slightly, unused to seeing her get so worked up and emotional. After a moment, Mulan did her best to relax her shoulders, willing herself to calm down and get her thoughts in order.

 

“What I want doesn't matter. It makes no difference,” Mulan continued, far more quietly, though there was no less tension in her tone. “I don't get to walk back into their lives and disrupt their marriage because I decided my feelings were more important than theirs. Even if I thought there was a chance that she could feel the same way, I wouldn't get in the way of their family. That's part of why I left; I could never do anything like that to her _or_ Phillip. They deserve to be happy.”

 

“So do you,” Ruby whispered, her gaze never wavering, staring solemnly into Mulan's eyes.

 

Mulan softened even further at that, sincerely appreciating Ruby's concern. “Helping you is making me happy,” Mulan quietly assured her. “Happier than I was, anyway. I think that counts. So, thank you for that.”

 

“You don't have to thank me,” Ruby replied, although she wasn't sure how much she believed Mulan's declaration that having her around was making any kind of meaningful difference in her life. “I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?” she said.

 

Mulan tried to smile, but didn't really succeed. “Yeah, I know,” she said, before turning her gaze away from her.

 

A voice in the back of Ruby's mind told her that Mulan was probably just putting on a brave face in order to stop her from worrying, and perhaps only telling her what she wanted to hear. But Ruby didn't think she was entirely lying either. And that was important to her – that her friendship meant as much to Mulan as it had already come to mean to her.

 

“...Do you want to stay here a little longer?” Mulan asked, unsure if Ruby was ready to leave the view behind.

 

But Ruby had forgotten all about it.

 

All she wanted to do was follow Mulan.

 

They had a connection; that much had become clear, and it only grew stronger with each passing day. Even if they weren't going to be in each other's lives all that long, with Ruby finding her home among other werewolves, and Mulan hopefully finding somebody she loved and who loved her in return, their bond was evolving, and it was something special. Ruby wanted to make the most of it while it lasted.

 

Separately, they were each lonely souls. But being alone, together? It had chased away the loneliness, in a way that other people simply hadn't ever done. Every new thing Ruby learned about Mulan, every new piece of the puzzle she revealed only made her all the more certain of that.

 

Even if they parted tomorrow, Ruby didn't doubt for a second that she would remember her time with Mulan, however brief it may have been, for the rest of her life. There was something truly unique about her. She was...She was...

 

She was Mulan. Just Mulan. And that was all she needed to be.

 

“Ruby?” Mulan prompted her when she didn't receive an answer to her question.

 

Unfortunately, Ruby's mind hadn't caught up in time to provide her with one. “I, um...you know what, why don't we...why don't you come show me more places you've been?” she said, content to have Mulan close to her again, since Ruby thought that was about the nearest she could get to being able to hug her. She would have liked to, given all that she was going through, but she didn't seem the hugging type. Besides, maybe focusing on this would serve to distract Mulan from the darker thoughts swirling around in her head, if only for a short while.

 

Mulan blinked, surprised by that. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Ruby nodded, outstretching her hand for Mulan to take, if she wished. “I'd like that,” she said sincerely. Anything to see her smile more.

 

Mulan took a moment to consider that. Soon enough, she stepped forward and took Ruby's hand, going with her back towards the edge.

 

* * *

 

“Have I ever told you that you really are a good cook? Because you are,” Ruby commented, talking in between mouthfuls of soup. “I didn't expect that about you.”

 

“I'm not, actually,” Mulan denied that praise, never one to take a compliment she didn't deserve, and Ruby's assessment of her abilities was more than a little skewed. “Being out in the wilderness has lowered your standards.”

 

“You're saying I'm just hungry?” Ruby questioned.

 

“That's exactly what I'm saying,” Mulan confirmed. She saw Ruby give a mock-huff out of the corners of her eyes. “You used to serve food for a living, didn't you? By all rights, you should far better at this than I am.” Ruby snorted at her comment, trying not to laugh. “...What?”

 

“One of these days, if I figure out a way back to Storybrooke, I'm going to take you out to the diner and I will cook for you. On that day, you're going to realise very quickly why I was the waitress and not the chef,” Ruby remarked, a playful sense of warning in her tone.

 

“But you've already cooked for me,” Mulan pointed out the obvious contradiction behind Ruby's ominous words. She wasn't bad. “Every time it's been your turn to make breakfast or dinner, it's been fine.”

 

“Those are the ingredients,” Ruby answered, convinced she was right. “I can't take credit for them tasting good. The only contribution I can claim I made as a chef is that, somehow, I didn't ruin them enough to make them inedible.”

 

“...Isn't that what cooking is?” said Mulan, squinting in puzzlement.

 

“Now who's got low standards?” Ruby remarked, wagging her spoon in Mulan's general direction.

 

Mulan had to smirk at that. “Point taken.”

 

“But I do make a killer hot chocolate, if I may say so myself. Especially with cinnamon in it.” Ruby sighed, nostalgic for simpler times. Much as she may have been unhappy in her past life, Mulan couldn't help but pick up on how clear it was that she missed her old home, or at least the idea of it, no doubt wishing she could have been content there instead of being forced to leave. “Maybe I really will end up back there eventually, after this is all done and I've sorted out my issues. Just to visit, you know. Maybe I'll even take you with me,” Ruby suggested, gently nudging Mulan's arm in a conspiratorial manner, as if inviting her to get up to some mischief with her.

 

“Sure. Sounds good,” Mulan replied with a laid-back shrug. “Just come and find me someday. I'm curious to see that other world. I've been told you have these things called 'movies' over there; I hear they're interesting.”

 

“I'll remember you said that, and I'm holding you to it. Even if it takes years for me to get around to it, I am going to take you to Storybrooke, and we are going to go see a movie together,” Ruby informed her. “So, if I ever show up on your doorstep and tell you it's time to take a trip with me, you'd better be ready.”

 

“Can't wait,” Mulan said, though she definitely didn't think Ruby was being serious.

 

She couldn't help but glance up at Ruby then, watching her as she ate. Mulan didn't mention it aloud, but she truly was glad to see that the wolf experiment had paid off, to some degree or another. Normally, Ruby had a kind of restlessness about her in the night, which grew worse the later the hour became. Uncomfortable expressions. Brows knitted together. Sighs of burgeoning frustration. Fidgeting fingers. But there had been none of that since her transformation.

 

From Mulan's perspective, at least, Ruby seemed far more relaxed. She talked more freely, her smiles were brighter, and, when she slept, she slept peacefully, instead of tossing and turning. It made all the confusion and subsequent headaches associated with that little adventure a few days prior completely worth it.

 

Ruby yawned, covering her lips as she got up, moving to rinse her bowl out and wash off the last traces of soup. “You know, my offer still stands,” she began, earning a curious quirk of Mulan's brow.

 

“What offer?” she asked, unable to discern her meaning. “Travelling to Storybrooke?”

 

“No, the one from last night,” Ruby clarified. “I don't know if it helped at all, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'll get ready for bed first and, when I'm done, I'll tell you when I've closed my eyes; I won't open them unless you tell me. Then, you can...do what you need to do,” she concluded, substituting anything more specific she might have thought to say with a vague gesture.

 

Her words hit Mulan like a bucket of cold water. She tensed instinctively, the sensation shooting down her spine as quick and as sudden as a dropped stone plummeting to the ground. That feeling was precisely why she hadn't done it the night before, despite Ruby sticking to her word and refusing to intrude upon her privacy.

 

Her armour was her certainty. Her identity. Abandoning it was...a risk, to say the least. It was almost like giving up everything she'd fought for, letting the strength of the solider slip through her fingers.

 

But, in that moment, something changed. Something inside her fought back against the fear.

 

As it was, Mulan knew she had spent too long hiding inside the identity of the soldier, the warrior, the mercenary, much as Ruby had hidden inside her human form, denying the wolf inside. But it wasn't going to work. Not forever, at least.

 

“You don't have to, you know,” Mulan broke the silence. Ruby glanced up at her response. But Mulan couldn't bring herself to meet her eyes, distracting herself by focusing on the last dregs of soup in the bottom of her bowl, pushing them around with her spoon.

 

“Don't have to what?” Ruby asked, wanting to be absolutely certain of her meaning.

 

“I'm not...I'm not going to get angry or upset if you get up at night and happen to see me,” Mulan said, shifting uncomfortably as she spoke. This really wasn't easy. “Just don't...don't stare. Please.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ruby asked her, concerned by her clear discomfort. It was evident that she was unwilling to pressure Mulan into making changes she wasn't ready for.

 

Mulan hesitated at her question, finding herself contemplating whether to alter her decision and take back what she'd said a moment ago, knowing Ruby would allow her to. But, deep down, she knew she couldn't. Doing that would be no different from giving up.

 

Would it have been easier? Yes. But taking the easier path didn't mean she wouldn't feel weaker for running away from the harder path.

 

She'd spent long enough trying to avoid all of her problems, refusing to confront them head on. Mulan didn't want to do that anymore; it wasn't making her feel better. She couldn't suppress her feelings and pretend she didn't care, or that she wasn't hurt. Pushing everything back behind a wall of anger and violence after leaving Aurora hadn't helped. It hadn't made her happier. It only made her numb.

 

Over these past few days, Mulan had come to see that Ruby was right when she told her that wasn't the answer. She had to stop shutting out the world around her and start putting in the work to figure out who she was when she wasn't wielding a sword – who she was when the armour came down. And she trusted Ruby enough that she wasn't afraid of letting her see her in that tumultuous state.

 

Okay, maybe Mulan was a little bit afraid, but nonetheless, rather than being intimidating, Ruby's presence instilled her with a kind of bravery – a sense of security she didn't even feel when she was alone. Mulan didn't entirely know why this was the case, but something about Ruby gave her the courage to be...vulnerable.

 

“Yeah, I'm sure,” Mulan finally answered.

 

Ruby regarded her with warm, soft eyes. She seemed to understand how hard this was for Mulan to do. But there was no pity, no fear, no rejection, no questioning her judgement. There was only acceptance.

 

“Alright, then,” Ruby murmured. “I still won't look, though.”

 

“...Thanks,” Mulan muttered, averting her gaze. That thought did comfort her somewhat.

 

She felt Ruby touch her shoulder, coaxing her to glance up. Mulan did. She hadn't seen Ruby approach her, but there she was, standing by her side, watching over her.

 

Ruby held her stare, a gentle but genuine smile unfolding across her lips. Mulan felt her heart beat a little faster as she sat there like that, so close to Ruby. Her body reacted in the weirdest way. Her tongue was drier. A tremble crept through her fingers. There was a heat in her skin that had nothing to do with the warmth of the campfire beside her.

 

Huh. Clearly she was more anxious about this than she'd thought a moment ago.

 

“Give me a few minutes, okay?” Ruby said when she sensed Mulan's apprehension, her support and encouragement forever unwavering. “You can take as much time as you need.”

 

“It might be a lot,” Mulan noted.

 

“And that's fine with me; it always will be,” Ruby assured her, with no hint of falsity behind that vow. With that, she brushed one last, stray lock of hair behind Mulan's ear before leaving her be, heading off to bed. “See you in the morning.”

 

“Right,” said Mulan, still abuzz from their close proximity. “See you then.”

 

It was funny to think about it; there was no denying the curious effect Ruby had on her. And Mulan wasn't talking about the tingling sensation that lingered where Ruby's fingers had touched her cheek – those were just nerves, obviously. Rather, she was referring to the profound difference she'd made in her life despite really only knowing her for a matter of days. How else could Mulan describe the fact that she was ready and willing to let go of so many of her hangups and inhibitions around her, when no one else had made her want to do the same?

 

The way Ruby made her feel was...well, it wasn't the most relaxed she'd ever felt, but there was nothing bad or unpleasant behind that tension, like there usually was. There was hesitancy, but not trepidation. Most importantly, there was no suspicion or mistrust.

 

Even if she made a complete fool of herself, Mulan got the feeling that Ruby would be perfectly content to be a fool right along with her. Ruby really did only want what was best for her, even if she wasn't always adept at figuring out how to get her there. There wasn't anybody else Mulan could truly say that about.

 

It wasn't anything Mulan had ever experienced before, but the strangest thing was that, in many ways, Mulan felt more safe being unguarded around Ruby than she even did being unguarded around herself. That was...quite liberating, really. Transformative, even. It was as if parts of herself she didn't even remember existed were starting to come out of the shadows and make their presence felt again.

 

Perhaps Ruby really was right about her having a shell around her, and her armour was part of that. Letting it come down was a scary thought, because it meant releasing her grip on everything she was holding onto, for better or for worse. But perhaps Ruby was also right in saying that was what Mulan needed to do. She'd been so determined to stay in control that she'd never come to terms with the concept of just...being – of just feeling what she was feeling, too scared of surrendering to her pain to consider allowing that to happen.

 

But how could she fix a problem she couldn't really find the strength to come to grips with in the first place? In trying to run away from and suppress her emotions rather than dealing with them head on, Mulan was guilty of acting against the very advice she had been giving to Ruby this whole time. She saw that, now. Maybe they really were more alike than they once thought, suffering from the same ailment, just in different forms.

 

She exhaled, letting her head drop forward, waiting for Ruby to give her the cue that the coast was clear for her to change out of her armour, though Mulan was still uncertain whether or not she would take advantage of it.

 

After a moment, Mulan blinked, her thoughtful musings disrupted by a sudden observation: her skin really was still tingling where Ruby had touched it a minute ago, as if a subtle trail of sparks had been left behind by her fingertips. Focusing on that lingering echo made her shiver, despite the fire barely three feet away.

 

What the hell?

 

“Cut that out,” Mulan whispered to herself in annoyance, rubbing her cheek to scrub the feeling away.

 

Ah. There. That had done the trick. It was gone now. Much better.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, wow,” Ruby murmured in breathless wonderment as they came upon the brilliant sight. A field of flowers bloomed before her, the colours as bright as a thousand jewels, with hues of red and blue and purple and yellow creating a dazzling contrast amidst a sea of emerald green stems. Ruby had never seen such bold, striking colours in her life. She hadn't thought they existed in nature. “Can we rest here for a moment?” she asked, not sure if or when they would ever see such a special place again.

 

“Sure,” Mulan agreed, perfectly content to oblige. Ruby had become accustomed to that from her. They had no destination, nowhere else they had to be. If ever Ruby wanted to take a break, for any reason, Mulan was always more than happy to let her.

 

“Great!" Ruby enthused. "You're the best!”

 

With Mulan's approval, Ruby took her by the hand, leading her out into the field, letting the colours and the scents envelope her.

 

Bare fingers grazed the silken petals at her side, the flowers growing almost as high as to reach Ruby's hips. It reminded her of the pure, unbridled liberty she felt when she could run free in the wild. Only, this time, she didn't have to become a wolf in order to achieve that sense of release. That was something she didn't think she had ever been able to say before. Although maybe it was easier to feel that way because she had let the wolf out so recently and didn't have that itch eating away at her anymore, stopping her from feeling whole.

 

For once in her life, she wasn't suppressing any particular part of herself. She felt like she could be whoever she wanted, whoever she was, and nobody would reach out to try and stop her, or tell her to be someone different.

 

It was a sublime sensation, and Ruby wasn't about to let it slip away.

 

She came to a halt in the middle of the field and turned around, holding her arms out wide on either side of her body, allowing herself to fall back, landing in the soft grass, inhaling the fresh air, the warm Sun shining down upon her. Mulan stood back, watching on. But that wouldn't do; Ruby wanted to share this with her.

 

“Come on,” said Ruby, patting the ground next to her. After a moment, Mulan complied and joined her, lying down at her side.

 

Oddly, Mulan didn't seem to mind the opportunity to relax, either. Then again, this was probably one of the first times Mulan had known in years where this had been possible for her – the freedom of having no duties, no tasks, no battles to fight, nothing on her mind at all. It must have been a rare thing to have someone else actually looking out for her for a change, and not always the other way around.

 

“Thanks for taking us this way,” Ruby said sincerely as she basked in the sunlight, letting the pressures and concerns of life slip through her fingers, forgetting about her loneliness and the troubles that plagued her identity. In that moment, everything was fine; she was just Ruby, and it was peaceful. It was enough to make her head spin as the weight of those worries and wearisome woes were washed away into the intangible atmosphere. “We never would have found it if you hadn't left the main road.”

 

“We can stay here as long as you want,” Mulan assured her. And Ruby knew she meant that. If she said she wanted to stay all night, Mulan would set up camp right then and there without a word of complaint.

 

“You know, if you wanted to go, or even to stay longer than I do, you could say so too,” Ruby pointed out. This was as much Mulan's journey as it was hers. It didn't seem fair that she so often deferred to Ruby, caring only for her wishes, and doing only what she desired. “You don't only have to do things for my sake.”

 

“I wouldn't do anything if I didn't want to. Believe me,” Mulan answered, curling one of her arms back behind her head, gazing up at the cloudless sky above.

 

And Ruby did believe her. The more time they spent together, the more she saw the true extent of Mulan's selflessness. Mulan really did seem to want whatever made Ruby happy, desiring little or nothing for herself in return.

 

“Okay, if you say so,” Ruby murmured, lying on her side, resting her head on her own, outstretched arm, her expression thoughtful. But she had forgotten all about the flowers and the fields that surrounded her, preferring instead to ponder her curious companion. All else was nought but a halo, wreathing Mulan in a rainbow of colour.

 

Ruby had no choice in the matter. She couldn't help herself; she was simply compelled to contemplate everything that made Mulan who she was. For what it was worth, Mulan didn't seem to sense the soft eyes that studied her in quiet fascination, if she was even aware of them at all. So, Ruby permitted her mind to wander, and wonder about such things.

 

There were riddles, and there were enigmas, and then there was Mulan. It wasn't that Ruby struggled to interpret Mulan. Not anymore, at least. Far from it, really. They had come to know each other quite well, by that stage. But that familiarity with her behaviours and her quirks and the ways she interacted with the world around her still didn't explain how all these interconnecting parts had come together to make such an exceptional woman, much less the exceptional woman Ruby saw before her.

 

Mulan was Mulan, but _why_ was she Mulan? Ruby could only ask herself that question.

 

What made her tick? What events would have to have transpired differently to make her into someone else? Would she still be Mulan if she ceased to possess all of those defining characteristics that _made_ her Mulan, even if she was ostensibly the same person?

 

All the myriad things that had happened to her over the years had coalesced to make her who she was on that very day. No more, no less. And, in that, Ruby felt supremely blessed to be there, lying beside her. Nobody else had the privilege of knowing Mulan as she was at that exact moment in time. This invaluable instant of Mulan's life was hers, and hers alone. And, honestly, Ruby quite liked the thought of that.

 

She propped herself up on her elbow and watched Mulan extend a hand, allowing a butterfly to rest upon her index finger, its colourful wings a stark contrast to the dark leather of her glove, completely oblivious to the admiring eyes that had cast their gaze upon her, eager to unravel her secrets. How was it that someone so strong and so guarded could also be so kind and so gentle? Ruby couldn't make sense of it. All these things that should have been contradictory instead came together in perfect harmony – a melody in the key of Mulan.

 

For as frustrating as Ruby had found her at times on those first few days, the longer she spent by her side, the more Ruby had come to appreciate Mulan for who she was. Even the things that had once vexed her about Mulan had grown on her, becoming endlessly endearing in their own way. Now, she wouldn't have changed a single thing about her.

 

Well, that was, except for the pain in her heart. Ruby didn't like that at all. The very mention of it disturbed her serene musings.

 

Actually, come to think of it, the enigma that was Mulan made an awful lot more sense when that was taken into account. There was a reason why the compassion that she had shown Ruby from the first moment they met never seemed at odds with way she closed herself off inside her armour – of both the physical and emotional variety. It had all become startlingly clear once Ruby considered that it was because of that very compassion that Mulan had been forced to hide her heart away and defend it at all costs.

 

People who didn't care didn't need to close themselves off, because they couldn't be hurt. That was why Ruby had long known that Mulan's detachment wasn't any indication that she had ever been unfeeling, but rather that it was evidence of the opposite. Whether Mulan was aware of it or not, she had locked herself up inside her shell _because_ she cared so deeply, and she was afraid of being hurt again.

 

And, unfortunately, she didn't know how to get out of it just yet.

 

Perhaps she was still too afraid to try.

 

It was a grave injustice, Ruby thought, that such an honest heart had been wounded so deeply by love that she had sealed herself off from it entirely, believing the prospect of it had abandoned her. And, the more she reflected on that, the more Ruby wanted to slap Aurora for hurting Mulan so much. If she ever saw her again, she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't.

 

Ruby couldn't fight off a frown at the thought of her – that ghost that lingered among them, haunting them with her shadow even when she was never present. Who was Aurora, really? They had met before, and she hadn't struck Ruby as anything particularly special. Okay, sure, she supposed that Aurora was a nice enough person from what she'd seen of her, but that was hardly a high bar. So what was it about her that had swept Mulan off her feet and left her head-over-heels in love with her? _Mulan_ , of all people.

 

They weren't talking about any ordinary person here. This was Mulan: the ferocious warrior with a sensitive soul; a woman who took to every battle she'd ever faced with the courage of a lion and the cunning intellect of a hawk; the truest and most loyal friend Ruby had known in a long, long time – possibly her entire life, in all honesty.

 

She was...perfect, really. Even with all of her faults and imperfections, Mulan was completely and utterly perfect. There was no other word for it. And the sad part was that Mulan had no clue how amazing she was, or that a million people would kill to be with her, even if they only glimpsed her from afar.

 

But Ruby certainly saw it; she knew exactly how mesmerising Mulan was, in every aspect of her being.

 

Mulan was many things. Beautiful. Smart. Strong. Brave. Compassionate. Gorgeous. As kind as she was deadly. Graceful, in body and in spirit. Steadfast. Unwavering. Honest. Powerful. Humble. Sweet. Dependable. Down-to-earth. Wise. Effortlessly sexy. The list went on and on. By all rights, it should have taken someone incredible to win the heart of a woman like her.

 

No, the more Ruby thought about it, the more she was convinced it made no sense that the Aurora who she had met in the past was worthy of Mulan's affection. So, again, that raised the question of exactly what the hell it was that Aurora had done to deserve Mulan, and how she had come to warrant such heartfelt devotion from her. It drove Ruby slightly mad just to think about it.

 

Seriously, Aurora couldn't have been that great. Not when compared with Mulan, anyway. Besides, how wonderful could she really be if she was also pathetically stupid enough to let the chance to be with Mulan for the rest of her life pass her by, especially to the extent that it had hurt her so horribly?

 

Forget any good qualities Aurora may have had; straight or not, breaking Mulan's heart and letting it shatter into a thousand little splinters as savagely as she had was unforgivable. What was her excuse for that? Even if she couldn't love her back, any halfway decent person would have at least done their best to let Mulan down gently and would have gone out of their way to try and maintain her friendship, right? She was a fool to have done otherwise. Yeah. Quite frankly, Aurora could go fuck herself, for all Ruby thought of her.

 

Ugh. Okay. Fine. So, Ruby could concede that perhaps there were parts of the story she didn't know. She might have been too hasty to pass judgement and far too biased to be fair, but still, it bothered her to no end.

 

Surely, if Mulan was to love anyone, it had to be a woman who rivalled her in every respect, from her character to her skill with a sword. Someone who could equal her natural beauty. Someone who was ethereal and seemed to float above everyone else around her, but commanded an air of invulnerability, and who was, at least at one point, so sworn to duty that she could understand Mulan's devotion and selflessness.

 

Alas, no normal woman could do any of those things. None that Ruby knew of, to be sure. Mulan was unique. So, by default, it would have to be someone superhuman. Who else could contend with her? The best image Ruby could conjure in her mind of a woman who was worthy of Mulan's love was a Valkyrie. A warrior goddess. Something like that, anyway. Yeah, was right; that made sense.

 

That was the kind of woman who would be good enough for Mulan: someone who was, in essence, exactly like Mulan herself.

 

Well, even then, Ruby could only get behind that idea on one condition: if they treated Mulan with all of the love and respect she deserved, and made her happy every single day of her life. Otherwise, Ruby would have to have words with them.

 

Possibly teeth, as well.

 

She meant that, too. She wasn't joking. Ruby couldn't bear the thought of letting Mulan get hurt again, not by anybody, especially if there was something she could have done to prevent that pain.

 

Healing Mulan's broken heart was one thing, but keeping it whole was another. Ruby would have carried it with her, if she could have, warding off any and all who would seek to mistreat something so pure, and someone so wonderful. Ruby yearned to protect it for her, so Mulan no longer had to do so herself, too afraid to let her feelings show. She wished she could promise her that she would be safe, and that no harm would ever come to her if she dared to love again. Sadly, she couldn't.

 

The best she could hope for was that someone else would come along who saw Mulan the same way. Not just any random person who might fall for her, but someone Ruby could entrust to look after Mulan, long after Ruby herself was gone.

 

If anyone was to get close enough to earn the chance to be granted the gift that was Mulan's heart, it would have to be...well, it would have to be someone who would care for it exactly the way Ruby would, if it were hers – someone who worshipped her with every fibre of their soul, and would dream of nothing else but filling her life with light and joy, and never think of letting a day go by without making her feel supremely, boundlessly and unceasingly loved. Ruby would approve of nothing less.

 

That was the problem, though. Where were they going to find someone like that?

 

Damn the world for being so big. But the right person had to be out there, somewhere. They just had to keep searching.

 

Mulan looked over to her then, regarding Ruby rather curiously. No doubt she had finally noticed just how long Ruby had been staring at her. She made no effort to hide her enraptured gaze, unashamed of it.

 

“What is it?” Mulan asked, squinting slightly under the Sun's glare.

 

Oh, it was so many things, Ruby thought. Too many to speak aloud.

 

In place of an answer, Ruby extended her hand and picked one of the flowers from the field. It was a deep, unblemished red, of a hue that befitted Ruby's name, and complemented the accents in Mulan's armour. She twirled the stem in her fingers for a moment before titling it forward, offering it to Mulan.

 

“Here,” said Ruby, a playful twinkle glimmering in her eyes. “For you.”

 

“Why?” Mulan asked, unsure what she had done to warrant her spontaneous gift.

 

“Do I need a reason to give flowers to beautiful women?” Ruby answered with a friendly, flirtatious wink.

 

Mulan quickly glanced elsewhere and cleared her throat, running a hand through her hair. It almost looked like she might be concealing a slight blush at hearing such a thing said about her without any warning. After a few seconds, though, she turned back and met Ruby's undemanding stare once again.

 

“I suppose you don't,” Mulan said, accepting the flower, appearing to appreciate Ruby's innocent gesture for what it was. “Thanks.”

 

Ruby smiled, content with that. She would have done it again, too. And why shouldn't she? Mulan deserved to be told how beautiful she was at every opportunity, and the world had fallen short in its duty to provide her with people who would do that.

 

Sure, it wasn't the same as being romanced but, hey, it didn't have to be.

 

“...It's nice here,” Ruby murmured, her limbs and her eyelids suddenly feeling rather heavy as she lay there among the flowers. Eager to embrace that urge to let all her cares fall away while she bathed in the Sun's gentle rays, Ruby shifted over to lie on her back, moving to rest her head on Mulan's chest. She stopped herself before she did so, though. “Do you mind if I...?”

 

“No, it's fine. Go ahead,” Mulan nonchalantly replied.

 

“Good,” said Ruby, only too happy to take her up on that, closing her eyes and allowing herself to lie back against Mulan, releasing a relaxed breath as she did so. It was indescribably comfortable. She could have fallen asleep like that. Come to think of it, that wasn't a possibility she could yet rule out. “I think I'm going to stay like this for a while, if it's all the same to you.”

 

“I figured you might say that,” Mulan answered, the smile audible in her voice.

 

“I can't always keep you guessing. It's hard work,” Ruby replied.

 

“You could've fooled me,” Mulan remarked. Ruby grinned at that, settling back against her.

 

Hopefully, before their journey came to a close, Mulan would find a woman worthy of her heart: someone who swept her off her feet and romanced her and treated her right; someone who would always make her feel as amazing as she was. Even though Ruby didn't look forward to the day they had to say goodbye, and the thought of continuing on without her was an immensely difficult one to bear, nothing would have made her gladder in those parting moments than to see Mulan end up with a person who made her truly happy.

 

But, until Mulan found such a lover, Ruby certainly didn't mind being the one to brighten her days and make her laugh and smile in the meantime. Not even a bit. In fact, she felt like the luckiest person in the world to be granted that privilege above all others. And, really, it was the least Ruby could do for Mulan, given the connection she felt between them.

 

What else were friends for, right?


	3. I'll Do Everything To Make It Better

 

Mulan stirred. It was a cold night. Then again, everything felt colder without her armour, or so it seemed.

 

This was the second night that Mulan had let that physical barrier come down. She had to confess, the adjustment wasn't as smooth as she might have preferred. Her sleep was easily disturbed; she kept waking up at regular intervals, roughly every two hours by her reckoning, often for the most arbitrary and insignificant of reasons, like the wind whistling too loud.

 

She squirmed, trying to find a comfortable spot, but there wasn't one. Her skin itched in ways that had nothing to do with the blankets wrapped around her, or the clothes on her body. The source of this unease resided somewhere in the unlit corners of her mind.

 

Fortunately, the transition had been made easier by the fact that Mulan no longer needed to fear being watched like she had in the past. She was on her own, with no secrets to conceal. There was nobody around to see her.

 

Well, except for Ruby, of course. She was lying only a couple of feet away. But Ruby was just Ruby. So that was fine.

 

Exactly what it was about Ruby that made her feel safe enough to have taken this step, Mulan couldn't say. Lots of things. The point was that she had done it; she had lowered her guard and left her defences quite literally lying on the ground at her feet, taking advantage of Ruby's vow to respect her privacy. So far, that trust had not been misplaced. As far as Mulan could distinguish, that promise had been kept.

 

Whether or not Ruby was aware that Mulan had slept without her armour the previous night was a complete mystery. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. She'd never said anything to indicate one way or the other, nor had she ever tried to find out the answer. Mulan appreciated that. She didn't really expect anything less from Ruby, though. Maybe that was why she'd been content to try.

 

In that respect, all was well. Mulan felt no trepidation about eyes lingering on her in the night. She didn't think for a moment that Ruby would intentionally encroach upon her personal space. Honestly, Mulan almost didn't care if Ruby had glimpsed her. She hadn't been lying when she said as much, but she was tempted to say it again, because she meant it even more now.

 

What would it matter if Ruby had seen her? It wasn't like she was going to think any differently of her. Such was their friendship.

 

No, Ruby wasn't the problem; everything Mulan wrestled with came from within. Unfortunately, she loathed looking inward. She'd done enough of it after leaving Aurora and it had gotten her nowhere. It was as futile as endeavouring to win a fistfight with a mountain. She'd been buried in the ensuing landslide too many times to see the point in trying again.

 

A slight grimace passed across Mulan's features as she lay there, willing her mind to ignore whatever sensation had awoken her, aiming to get back to sleep without having to analyse anything going on inside her head first. Needless to say, she found no success. It was as if Mulan's subconscious was resisting her attempts to embrace change, unable to accept being so unguarded.

 

There was an anxiety - an incompleteness without her uniform protecting her skin and her hand resting on the hilt of her sword. She knew it wasn't rational, but logic didn't factor into it. She felt bare without her armour, like a completely different person. Her aversion to its absence wasn't something that could simply disappear over the course of two nights.

 

It reminded her of being back in the army again, on those first days – of the girl who was afraid that any passing glance would be all it took for someone to recognise the distinctly un-masculine body she was so desperate to conceal. If anyone had revealed the lie she was living, it could have spelled her death. That wasn't who she was, though. It hadn't been for years. Mulan focused on that fact, reminding herself of it.

 

For better or for worse, she could never go back to being who she was before she left home. Taking off the armour didn't take away her years of training and experience. It didn't erase the things she'd done during the war, or after. She was just as strong, just as deadly, just as capable a fighter, no matter what she looked like on the outside. She should have known that better than anybody.

 

So why did she feel like everyone would see through her when she stopped presenting the warrior as all she was?

 

It wasn't as if her armour had ever protected her from mockery. People underestimated her because of her gender alone, but that had never mattered to her. It wasn't about that. It wasn't about them. It was about her, and her alone.

 

Enclosing herself in that familiar outer shell still gave her security. No amount of laughter or disbelief could take that away. As long as she wore it, she knew who she was - the best. She was the best damn fighter who walked these lands, and there was not a soul alive who could prove her wrong. She carried herself with certainty, projecting an aura of strength to match which no one else could dampen. When she was dressed for combat, it was as if everything that lay beneath simply ceased to exist. Nobody could pierce it.

 

Mulan needed that. She needed that strength, because the truth was she'd never felt more fragile, more lost, or more disassembled than she did the day her heart broke. Losing Aurora had made her realise just how weak, pathetic and utterly useless she was in any context that didn't involve her one and only talent. So she'd withdrawn back into that mask, further than she ever had before.

 

Why not? It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And, just as it had many years ago, her armour had kept her safe.

 

Nobody could see inside it to realise just how little she understood herself. Nobody would be able to recognise that she felt like a stranger in her own skin, sometimes, because the girl she thought she'd ceased to be when she joined the army had never really gone away. Nobody would detect that she didn't have any idea how to be that person whose life she thought she'd stopped living all those years ago, because she'd missed out on that - on normalcy, and had sacrificed so many things most others took for granted.

 

Most importantly of all, if nobody knew how hurt Mulan was, then perhaps she could pretend she wasn't. Maybe she would believe her own lies, and become as impervious to pain as she appeared to the world around her. Maybe, one day, she could trick herself into forgetting why she ever cared about Aurora. Abandoning her identity all over again was far easier than confronting the despair that had resulted from the very first time she'd been brave enough to embrace it. Even now, that often felt like the only solution. 

 

As those thoughts swirled through Mulan's consciousness, a flicker of light cut through the cloud. Her memories shifted. She no longer saw that day when she'd summoned the courage to approach Aurora in her palace, ready to tell her how she felt. Instead, she thought of Ruby, remembering all those times she had lightly prodded her to open up about these things she'd kept locked up inside, no matter how complicated or difficult, or how little Mulan understood them herself, because Ruby was convinced that was the only way she'd ever heal.

 

The strange thing was, Mulan was starting to believe Ruby - maybe she _was_ emotionally blocked. Whether Mulan could do anything about that was another issue entirely, though. Sharing her feelings wasn't as simple as Ruby made it sound.

 

What _was_ going on inside her? Even when it came to the parts she did know, Mulan wasn't sure where to start. How could she put those things into words? Nonetheless, that didn't change the fact that Ruby had been reaching out to her ever since they met, offering to help Mulan find her way through the tumultuous quagmire that dwelt within her. And it was an offer that was becoming increasingly hard to refuse.

 

For as long as she'd waited to hear her say 'yes', Ruby had never pressed too hard. She'd been patient, loyal and a good friend. The best Mulan had ever known. Not that there was much competition in that regard, but still, it didn't count for any less.

 

She made Mulan smile more than she had in many years. Even got her to laugh sometimes, which was no mean feat. Ruby was even the first person to have given Mulan a flower. An...interesting choice, to be sure. Ruby had done that for no other reason than because she felt like it.

 

Mulan thought that all said a lot about the kind of person Ruby was. She had a big heart, and wanted to make people happy. Being included as one of those people wasn't such a bad feeling, all told. That was why it was impossible to deny the depth of their emerging bond. They confided in each other. Trusted each other. Understood each other, and accepted each other's differences when they couldn't personally relate.

 

Even when Mulan had seen herself as nothing more than a hired hand, who only mattered to others inasmuch as she could apply her skills in combat, Ruby had valued her as a complete person, determined to connect with her as a genuine friend. Ruby looked out for her in ways most people Mulan had kept company with never had. She always cared for her and made sure she was okay, physically or emotionally, with whatever was going on. She wasn't used to that. Most people didn't think to check.

 

It wasn't out of malice; they just assumed she was fine. A warrior like her always was. That was probably why Aurora and Phillip had remained completely oblivious to her feelings for so long. The very same feelings Ruby had figured out within about five seconds of meeting her.

 

Mulan didn't think that was a coincidence, or an accident. In hindsight, it was evidence of the friend Ruby had since proven herself to be. Where others often overlooked Mulan, or saw past her, or had their perspective of her clouded by their own preconceptions of her, Ruby had always been committed to seeing her for who she really was, irrespective of how difficult that could be sometimes.

 

And, as Mulan went through all those things and more, it became achingly apparent that she was rapidly running out of reasons to turn Ruby away the next time she wanted to scratch beneath the surface. Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely true. Mulan could have turned Ruby away on the grounds that she honestly couldn't see how talking to her would make a difference. If anything, she thought she would probably feel worse for reflecting on those thoughts aloud. Then again, it wasn't really about that. Not anymore.

 

Mulan just...part of her _wanted_ to take that step. It didn't matter if it achieved nothing. She wanted to try to open up a little more, and not for any other reason than because it was Ruby asking her to do it. That was all Mulan needed.

 

For as close as they'd become, Mulan wasn't blind to the fact that, in some respects, she had kept Ruby at arm's length. Closer than she'd let most people get, to be sure, but there were still many things Mulan had never felt comfortable sharing with her, and never expected to discuss. Except that wasn't really true anymore, and it hadn't been for a few days now.

 

That divide between them felt hollow - a holdover of habit, not of necessity. And Mulan didn't like contemplating what remained of that gap, knowing it was still there. Even if there was nothing Ruby could do that would bring her any closer to resolving her discord, Mulan was tempted to cross that distance purely to get to the other side, all because of who was standing there.

 

Being with Ruby meant a lot to her. Ordinarily, that might have been a worrying thought, especially given what had happened the last time she felt herself growing so content in another's company. And yet, it wasn't; it didn't frighten her. She didn't fear losing her friendship, not any more than she feared the Sun not coming out tomorrow morning. Her connection with Ruby just...was. Without demand. Without question.

 

In acknowledging that, Mulan realised that she knew exactly why she felt safe enough around Ruby to shed her armour, and she'd found the words with which to express it. The reason was this: that, if there was a single person in this world who she was comfortable with seeing her at her worst, it was Ruby. Mulan couldn't say that about any other friend she'd known.

 

Not Phillip, who had tended to her when she was ill, yet never once doubted her abilities as a warrior. Not Merida, who had forgiven Mulan for losing her way, and cared for her no less than before. Not even Aurora, the only person in this world who ever made her feel whole.

 

Due to one cause or another, Mulan had run from each and every one of them before they could reject her. They were all people she had pushed away. But Mulan couldn't picture doing that with Ruby, not under any circumstances. There was no need.

 

Unlike with everyone else, Mulan had no fear of the unknown - of what might happen if she allowed herself to expose her weaknesses around Ruby. Even if Mulan was at her lowest point, beyond what any person in their right mind would tolerate, she got the sense that Ruby would only sit down at rock bottom beside her with a friendly smile and a 'hey, how are you doing?'

 

No pity. No disdain. Just warmth, compassion and kindness. How typically, unpretentiously Ruby.

 

Hell, that honestly wasn't too far off from how they'd met, was it? Mulan wasn't a liar; she knew Ruby hadn't come to know her at her best. Far from it, really. She had been a shadow of her former self for a long time. Even now, she hadn't healed that rift between past and present. So, in a sense, it was no great surprise that Mulan wasn't afraid to be vulnerable around her. Ruby had already seen her faults and flaws and shrugged them off as little more than dust in the wind.

 

One day, maybe Mulan would get better. She didn't know when, because she didn't know how to do that, but Ruby was the person who made her want to try, if only so that her friendship hadn't been wasted on somebody who didn't deserve it. The thought of letting Ruby down was a hard one to stomach. Going back to being a mercenary when all was said and done between them would have been easy, yes, but it would have felt wrong. Yet Mulan was no nearer to finding an alternative. What other solution was there?

 

Truthfully, Mulan couldn't picture herself leading a happy life when she wondered where she might be a year or two down the road. What did that even mean - 'a happy life'? What would it look like? What would it entail? Mulan couldn't hope for something she'd never had. She didn't know what she wanted or needed to attain such contentment, much less how to find it.

 

Any time she tried to imagine it, the result always felt...fake, as if pieces were missing or out of place. The familiar was charted ground; she knew the way. Dreaming of something different was like walking into a thick fog without a light, without a map, without a sense of direction. That uncertainty prevented her from building a vision of the future.

 

Sure, she felt at peace around Ruby, but they would have to part ways eventually. Mulan didn't see a path laid out before her past that point. When Ruby left, she would be alone, with no one to guide her footsteps. Only a memory.

 

The real question was whether Mulan would only feel lonelier than she had before, for having known Ruby and lost her.

 

...This was also precisely why Mulan hated looking inward. She chose to stop immediately.

 

Crickets chirped in the night as Mulan sat up, splaying her fingers across her forehead in an effort to clear her mind. A groan escaped her lips. She wasn't going to get back to sleep, was she? That she hadn't dozed off while her thoughts went around in circles was proof enough of that.

 

Damn it. What else was there to do? There had to be some way to pass the time until she got tired again. Mulan took a look around their camp as she pondered that question, instinctively checking on Ruby, in case her movements had disturbed her. But the blankets beside her lay empty.

 

A sense of alarm cut through her fatigue like a dagger. Ruby was missing. Instantly, Mulan got up, scanning the area for any glimpse of her crimson cloak in the darkness, but she was nowhere in sight.

 

Had Ruby become a wolf again, like the last time she disappeared? If she had, Mulan supposed that wasn't too disconcerting. It might take a while, but at least that meant Ruby was sure to come back. Eventually. She hoped. Although, that being said, thinking of the potential dangers she could face out there on her own didn't do a great deal to put Mulan at ease.

 

Casting her gaze at Ruby's sleeping place a second time, it quickly became apparent that her clothes were all gone. Her dress, her cloak, her shoes. She must have taken them with her. That did eliminate the possibility that Ruby had spontaneously transformed in her sleep. At the very least, that meant Mulan could relinquish any concerns about her own safety. She wasn't at risk of being attacked.

 

Although, it didn't rule out the wolf altogether; Ruby could still have run off into the wilderness to answer the call of her beast blood far away from camp. That made sense. If that sudden urge had struck, putting some distance between them to ensure Mulan wasn't in harm's way would have been Ruby's first priority. Mulan sighed. That did sound like something she'd do. If that was the case, she was fine with it.

 

Ruby was a wolf. She needed to do what she needed to do, no matter the time or the place. Mulan would never stand in the way of that. Ruby didn't need to ask permission to go and do whatever wolves did, and Mulan certainly didn't always have to know where she was.

 

That being said, Mulan could have used a little warning first. Ruby could have woken her up before she left or written some sort of note to say, 'Hey, I'm not dead. Don't panic.' That would have been nice. Unless there was some other reason for her absence, Mulan might have to have a word with Ruby about doing a better job of keeping her informed of such things when she came back.

 

Then, out of the corner of her eye, Mulan spotted something. There, on the ground, not far from her abandoned blankets, Ruby had placed three sticks, forming an arrow which pointed the way. Mulan hesitated at the sight of Ruby's message, unsure how to interpret it.

 

Okay, so, that was a sign, but what was she supposed to do with it? Should she wait for Ruby to come back on her own? Because Mulan had been lying awake in her bed for a while and she hadn't heard any footsteps arriving or leaving, which meant Ruby must have been gone for some time. So, did that mean she should follow her, to make sure everything was okay?

 

Perhaps it wasn't her place to go after her. Maybe Ruby wanted to be left alone. Although, that didn't seem especially likely: leaving that signal behind was almost like an invitation – like she wanted Mulan to find her. Should she, though? It was possible she only left it there to tell Mulan she didn't need to panic. Besides, if Ruby hadn't gone far, then that probably meant that she was perfectly fine.

 

...But what if she wasn't?

 

Ultimately, Mulan couldn't deny the fact that she felt compelled to go after her. She had to make sure Ruby was safe before she could even think of sleeping soundly. Her mind wouldn't let her do otherwise. As such, Mulan got up and grabbed her sword.

 

She paused, glancing down at her armour in thought. Wearing it was an instinct that was hard to resist, but what if Ruby really was in some kind of trouble? If that was the case, she couldn't afford the delay of putting it on. And, if Ruby wasn't in any danger, then Mulan wouldn't need to linger long enough to risk being seen. So she made the bold choice: she left it behind.

 

Mulan followed the arrow, stepping between the trees. She swiftly realised that it was leading her right towards the Moon's position in the sky, shining bright to illuminate that clear night. It wasn't far before she stepped beyond the edge of the tree line, out into the open.

 

She stopped, struck by the sight.

 

There Ruby was, sitting atop a small hill, silhouetted against the full, silver Moon.

 

At that moment, Mulan forgot whatever it was that had been on her mind before. And everything else, actually. Her tension melted away as she stood there, looking on from the shadow of the trees. It was such a beautiful picture to behold - pristine, serene, peaceful.

 

She wasn't sure why, but she didn't want to disturb Ruby at all. Maybe she just wanted to make this image last in her memories a little longer. A perfect vision that only she would ever see, preserved in her mind. The world might forget, but she wouldn't.

 

Was it wrong or selfish to feel that way? Mulan didn't know the answer to that but, for what it was worth, she didn't think it was a bad thing. It didn't feel wrong. She wasn't doing anything she shouldn't have. Ruby was just...she was just...

 

Mulan felt her fingers clench against the tree. She glanced down momentarily. Why did she have to be so terrible with words? It was embarrassing, and it made it hard to express...whatever was going on at any given time. This was no different. After a moment, she dared to look up once more, letting her eyes study the contours of Ruby's form against the moonlit sky.

 

Ever since they met, Mulan had always been conscious of Ruby's beauty. In fact, it had been her very first thought upon seeing her take her human form. Mulan had never experienced anything quite like that before – to look at someone once and be rendered utterly speechless by the mere sight of them. But that was precisely the effect Ruby had on her when that purple smoke withdrew and gold eyes turned to green.

 

Then again, Mulan supposed anyone would have felt the same way when met with Ruby for the first time. Anyone with a working set of senses, anyway. No, actually, probably even those without them too. Her presence alone had that effect.

 

It didn't mean anything, though, and Mulan would never deign to give her that impression. These were only facts. Ruby was...stunning. It was objectively true that she was. Nobody who saw her could think otherwise. Acknowledging that about her wasn't the same thing as desiring something from her. They were friends - no more, no less. It just so happened that Ruby was a breathtaking friend to behold.

 

Mulan didn't do it often - she wouldn't allow herself to - but, on this night, she couldn't help but stop and stare. There was nothing wrong with that, was there? No. No, of course not. Hell, even if she knew, Ruby probably wouldn't mind anything Mulan thought about her. Given how much Ruby loved to flirt with her, she'd most likely be pretty happy about it, actually.

 

Come to think of it, the only response Mulan could imagine was for Ruby to wink at her and playfully tease her about it, maybe even offering to take a picture so Mulan could look at her whenever she wanted. She almost smirked at the thought. Yeah, that sounded exactly like what Ruby would say if she ever told her. How else would she react? That was just the way she was.

 

It was nice that they could be so casual about that sort of thing, honestly. Mulan had never encountered that before - this kind of friendship, with someone who was...like her, in that regard. Ruby was so comfortable with her sexuality that it was hard for Mulan not to unconsciously pick up on that with regard to her own, forgetting how and why she used to hide her attraction to women like some kind of dirty secret. In a way, Ruby's relaxed approach to the subject was exactly what she needed. It balanced her out.

 

But, the longer she watched her sit there in solitude, the more Mulan felt an ache in her heart. It occurred to her that, for a long time, the confidence Ruby projected was probably just for show. If so, to what extent?

 

How many people had Ruby hidden from, in whatever way she felt it necessary to hide? The wolf. Her sexuality. Her secret self-doubts. How many nights had she sat alone like this, feeling worn out, shut out, shut down? How many times had she forced herself to smile and laugh when all she wanted to do was cry, because nothing anyone did could ever succeed in making her any less miserable?

 

Caring for others in Storybrooke hadn't fixed what was missing inside her. The people she'd loved had been right there with her, but it hadn't helped. How could Ruby be satisfied with their love when the person her friends knew felt like nothing more than an illusion?

 

It wasn't fair that Ruby felt so ostracised. It was a cruel world that could visit that fate on someone so undeserving of it.

 

Mulan had known loneliness too, of course, but it had come about largely by choice. She had stepped down certain roads of her own volition, knowing what the consequences might be. But that wasn't the case for Ruby. Not at all. She had never done anything to bring this on herself. Her circumstances had come about because of things that were done to her, and the way she was born.

 

Whereas Mulan was often unwilling to let others get close to her, Ruby was precisely the opposite. She wanted to let people in. She wanted to feel connections with others, but she never could because the wolf kept her trapped between two worlds. No matter how hard she tried, she could never bridge that distance that kept her on the outside. No amount of affection had ever managed to make her feel whole.

 

And the thought of that, well, Mulan didn't like it. She outright despised it.

 

Unfortunately, it was beyond her power to banish that shadow, but Mulan found herself wishing all the same.

 

If only there was something she could do to make Ruby smile like she really meant it. To give her a day where she could laugh without it sounding even a little bit hollow. Just one single, solitary day where Mulan would look into her eyes and see them sparkle with unbridled mirth, without any trace of melancholy lingering behind her gaze. Mulan would have done anything to grant her that, because she had glimpsed a few moments where she thought she'd witnessed Ruby smiling for real. And it was the most incredible thing she had ever seen.

 

Perhaps Mulan was just imagining things or deluding herself, but she didn't think she could make that mistake. It wasn't an illusion. Already, she hadn't failed to perceive the difference between the heavy, hollow half-smiles Ruby had often worn back when they first met and the warm, contented smiles Mulan saw more recently. That wasn't a shift that Ruby would ever fake, even if she thought she could.

 

Her sorrow still followed her everywhere she went but, for some reason, it felt a little softer now. Ruby seemed happier, more at peace. Sometimes, she would look at her with lighter eyes, brightened by laughter that wasn't feigned in any way, like she had forgotten every bad memory. When she did, Mulan felt her own strife slip away. The only problem was how fleeting those moments were. When they passed, they passed swiftly, and Ruby was mired in that quiet sadness again. Mulan couldn't abide that transience.

 

Even if the only way to deliver Ruby a reprieve from her emptiness was to take it upon herself, Mulan would have done it in a heartbeat. It would have been worth it. She would have carried that sorrow gladly, because she knew wouldn't feel it at all. Not for a moment. Because, if she saw Ruby do all those things, however temporarily, Mulan couldn't have done anything but share in her joy. One look at Ruby's smile would have chased every trace of despair away. Seeing her happy would have been enough.

 

But, for now, there was nothing. It was yet another impossible dream. All Mulan could do was watch her and ponder.

 

Ruby must have sensed she wasn't alone. She looked over her shoulder, catching sight of Mulan standing there against the tree. And, in a revelation that surprised even herself, Mulan didn't back away - she didn't give a damn about being seen.

 

* * *

 

 “Hey,” Ruby said, mustering an apologetic smile.

 

Mulan gave a lazy flutter of her fingers in reply, saying nothing to disturb the night. Her expression wasn't easy to read in the darkness, but Ruby quickly gathered that Mulan didn't seem particularly keen to move. Well, Ruby supposed she could understand that. How many times would anyone get to see the Moon looking as big and as bright as it did then? Who would want to walk away from it?

 

Ruby didn't know how long Mulan had been watching her. But it wasn't an intrusion. She'd lost track of how much time she'd spent sitting atop the hill, under the light of the Moon. It must have been longer than she'd initially intended, if Mulan had come after her.

 

“I'd say that I'm sorry for waking you but, honestly, I'm not,” Ruby admitted. And it was true. She was glad to see Mulan; her company was, quite literally, the best part of Ruby's day. It was why she had left behind the arrow. “I was hoping you'd find me.”

 

“Then I don't feel bad for following you,” Mulan calmly replied. She didn't move any closer.

 

After a moment, Ruby noticed something. It was hard to see with Mulan half-concealed in the shadows of the moonlit forest, but she wasn't wearing her armour. She wore the same leather pants as always, of course, but all that covered her chest was an undershirt. It was probably what she usually had on beneath her normal attire to protect her skin from her chestpiece. Hard to say.

 

For several seconds, Ruby found herself unable to focus on anything else but the sight of her. It was the first time she'd seen Mulan like that. But then she snapped to attention, catching herself doing what she shouldn't have. Her eyes had lingered for far too long.

 

“I'm sorry. I won't stare,” said Ruby, aware of why that was such a terrible idea, averting her gaze to ensure Mulan felt more comfortable. Her silence was hard to decipher, but there was a faint tension to it. That was Ruby's fault. “No armour tonight?”

 

“No time,” Mulan answered. She obviously felt awkward without it, to say the least.

 

Ruby cleared her throat, unsure what to say. An armourless Mulan? That hadn't been what she was expecting, but calling any attention to it might just scare her away. Accordingly, Ruby figured it was best not to treat her any differently at all.

 

“...You can join me, if you want,” Ruby offered, shifting over and patting the grass beside her. She wanted to share this with her, but she wouldn't hold it against Mulan if she didn't accept her invitation. Much as Ruby was keen to push Mulan to break out of these mental restraints that were causing her so much grief, she had the sense to recognise that there were steps she might not yet be ready for.

 

Mulan had only just reached the point where she was comfortable sleeping like that around her, never mind anything further. It might take several more days, maybe even weeks before Mulan was able to sit down and talk with Ruby without having the protection and security of her armour around her. But, then, Ruby hadn't heard any footsteps. That meant she hadn't left yet, either.

 

She sat there patiently, letting Mulan take as long as she needed to consider it. Eventually, Ruby saw movement in the peripheries of her vision, and heard Mulan sit down next to her, noticing her lay her sword in between them. Ruby smiled, bathing in the moonlight.

 

Maybe this really was going better than Ruby thought. Mulan did appear to be making every effort to meet her halfway. In this case, perhaps even more than halfway. But Ruby decided not to make any reference to that, preferring instead to act like this was any other night.

 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” she murmured, scarcely needing to speak above a whisper in the serene silence. She knew Mulan could hear every word.

 

“Is that why you're out here?” Mulan asked. Her voice sounded slightly strange. She was doing a good job of hiding it, but the difference wasn't imperceptible. Ruby chalked it up to discomfort. Nerves, even.

 

Ruby nodded. “Maybe it's the wolf in me, but I felt drawn to it,” she murmured, calmed by the gentle glow. “I guess I just needed to clear my head. Being here like this, it makes me feel like I can...think.”

 

“About what?” Mulan prompted, curious.

 

“Where I've come from. Where I'm going. The important things.” Ruby knew Mulan understood what she meant by that – a home, where she belonged, where she didn't have to feel ashamed of who she was, where she didn't have to choose between being a wolf or being a human.

 

“Do you feel any closer to finding what you're looking for?” Mulan asked her, sounding more and more like her usual self with every word. This really was like any other conversation they would have had. She had nothing to be scared of.

 

“...No,” Ruby answered, but her tone was uncertain, and her expression was more than a little ambivalent. “I don't know. Maybe. It's hard to say.” She sighed, brushing the hair from her eyes. “It's like I'm walking in circles. I know we're not - I mean, you're a human compass. Perhaps it's because I'm used to thinking I'd lost my chance to have that. Most of the time I can't tell if I'm on the right path.”

 

“Most of the time?” Mulan echoed, interested in her choice of words, the shift in her voice slowly starting to disappear as she gradually grew more relaxed in Ruby's company. “So, sometimes you think you are?”

 

“It's hard to describe,” Ruby said, trying not to let that persistent inner turmoil bother her. It did, of course, but she didn't need to let Mulan know that. She'd worry. “At times, I feel like I can sense that what I'm looking for is out there somewhere, but it's elusive. Every time I reach out to catch hold of that feeling to see where it leads me, it slips through my fingers and it's gone again.” Ruby shook her head, not sure she was making any sense. “It's like I'm lost in the woods with no sense of direction.”

 

“Well, compass or not, I'm following you, so...that makes two of us, I guess,” Mulan remarked, leaning back a little further, resting on her hands. Ruby almost chuckled at that, earning a sideways glance that she glimpsed out of the corners of her eyes. “What?”

 

“You like that, though. Admit it,” she teased, looking at Mulan out of instinct. Ruby abruptly hesitated, having done that unintentionally. For a microsecond, it hadn't crossed her mind that Mulan didn't want to be seen. That was all it took to cast a passing glance at her.

 

Mulan flinched, lowering her eyes, but she didn't recoil from her. She seemed to be trying to get used to this – living without her shell to hide in. Rightly or wrongly, Ruby took that response as tacit consent, permitting her to keep her eyes where they were.

 

“Sorry, I just...All I meant to say was that I think you'd get bored living a normal life, after everything you've been through,” Ruby continued.

 

“Bored isn't the word. But you're right; I don't fit,” Mulan straightforwardly replied, making no bones about that. Ruby arched an eyebrow, keen to hear her elaborate. Saying 'don't' rather than 'wouldn't' made it sound like she was speaking from experience. “Do you know why I was beating up drunks and gamblers for money before I found you?” Mulan asked, daring to meet her gaze. Ruby shook her head. “Because fighting is the only thing I've ever been good at. Everything else I've tried never works out. Why force it?”

 

"Hmm," was all Ruby uttered - a short, sympathetic sound. She understood that sentiment far too well. The curse of inevitability was a familiar yet unwelcome companion. Doing her best to lead a normal life like everyone else had only made Ruby realise how different she really was from them, and left her more isolated than ever before. That must have been how Mulan felt when she had finally dared to think she might have a chance at love, only to have her heart shattered the moment she opened herself up, as if punishing her courage.

 

In their own ways, they were very much the same, she and Mulan. They had each grown to accept that they were destined to be alone, shutting themselves off, living behind masks, becoming numb to it all. It was why Ruby found such solace in her company, and part of why she was so determined to make sure Mulan didn't fall prey to anything similar to her own morose mindset.

 

“You want to talk about failure? Because I guarantee I have you beat, which is fitting considering I also have a huge fear of failure,” Ruby told her, using grim humour to distract Mulan from her discomfort. It was also true; nobody attracted disaster as much as Ruby did.

 

Mulan didn't seem to believe her. "Don't say that."

 

“No, really: call it what you want but, when you mess up, you only hurt yourself; when I mess up, I hurt everyone around me," Ruby plainly stated, spelling out the obvious. "If you ever think I'm going to judge you for your mistakes, or that anything you've ever done could possibly repulse me, just remember I'm guilty of far worse. I mean, you're talking to a girl who killed both her first love _and_ her own mother."

 

"Hmm. I didn't know about the second one," said Mulan. Contrary to Ruby's expectations, Mulan didn't seem shocked. It didn't seem to enter her mind to react to her unplanned confession with anything other than acceptance, and a single, honest question: “Are you okay?”

 

“It was a long time ago,” Ruby offhandedly explained. It was an old wound. It didn't upset her to think about it. Well, at least, not as much as it used to. “She was like me. She...I had to defend myself.”

 

“I'm sorry that happened to you,” Mulan spoke, a whisper in the night.

 

“Don't be. It doesn't hurt,” said Ruby, although that wasn't entirely true. She would never forget Anita. She'd given Ruby an opportunity she might never get again – to be accepted for who she was, wolf and all. But that chance was gone forever. “I do wonder what my life would have been like if I'd stayed with her, but I don't regret my choices. I couldn't support what she was doing back then. I did the right thing.”

 

"I know," Mulan said sincerely, believing Ruby would never do otherwise.

 

Ruby didn't respond, staring straight ahead once more. It was strange to think. Back then, she chose being a human over being a wolf. She had chosen Snow White over her own mother, over her own kind. And yet, here she was, years later, having walked away from Snow White and everyone she knew, unable to be content in her humanity, needing to answer the call of the wolf to feel complete.

 

The saddest part was that, if Ruby thought she could have remained moderately happy in Storybrooke, she would have gone back in a heartbeat. As messed up as that place was, she loved the people she'd left behind. She really did. But, as it was, Ruby wasn't sure that could ever happen. Maybe she would be able to reconcile the human and the wolf enough that she could feel like a real person there, but maybe she couldn't. Maybe Ruby would have to stay with a werewolf pack for the rest of her life, whether she liked anybody there or not.

 

No matter the path Ruby pictured ahead, it was difficult to perceive one where she didn't feel like she was forced to compromise - sacrificing one thing for another. Feeling complete and certain in her identity, but needing to be stuck with a pack of werewolves she didn't really care about in order to achieve that? To be with people she considered family, but remain confined to a state of chronic unhappiness, incapable of making the most of those connections because she was broken inside? Those were her choices, it seemed.

 

Perhaps that was why she felt so lost, unable to figure out if they were getting any closer to their destination: Ruby was still wavering in her commitment. What if joining a werewolf pack failed? What if she was just as sad as before? What if things were even worse?

 

Ruby yawned and stretched her back. She wasn't tired, exactly, but she felt...weary. Perhaps it was the toll this endless journey was taking on her body. Perhaps it was the emotional burden she was carrying.

 

“I'm sorry there's nothing I can say,” Mulan broke the silence, interrupting Ruby's musings. "...I could tell you I fought my father once, but that was to prove I should take his place in the army. It's not really the same thing, is it?" she asked, attempting to lighten her mood.

 

“No, but it's okay. I wouldn't wish that upon you.” Ruby sighed thoughtfully, gazing out at the night sky. “But it goes to show what I've been saying: neither of us is normal. With everything we've been through, maybe we can never be,” Ruby conceded, resigned to that fact. They were both a couple of strays – nomads who didn't fit in anywhere else. “Go team misfits,” she said unenthusiastically.

 

“Could be worse,” Mulan spoke up, sitting forward and hugging her knees into her chest, as if her arms were trying to wrap up as much of her body as they could. It looked like she didn't know what to do with her limbs when they weren't covered in armour. "At least we have a team."

 

“Who? You and me?” Ruby asked, arching an eyebrow. It wasn't like Mulan to sound so optimistic.

 

“Yeah.” Mulan nodded, as if it went without saying. “For people like us, it's normally a choice between wandering from place to place, or living on the outskirts of somewhere you don't really belong. You either embrace the things that drive everyone else away, or force yourself to conform to a way of life that doesn't make any sense to you. But we haven't had to do that with each other, have we? It's different when we're together,” she said, her words quiet and honest.

 

"Good different or bad different?" Ruby joked. Mulan snorted and rolled her eyes. As if Ruby didn't already know.

 

“Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's just that...you know, travelling with you, it...it's been nice. You actually make me...” Mulan trailed off there, averting her gaze and uncomfortably rubbing the back of her neck. She seemed a little anxious, like she was struggling to put her intentions into words. “Look, all I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I met you. You've...helped, a lot,” she finished.

 

A peaceful smile drifted across Ruby's lips, as sincere as any she'd ever worn. Honestly, there wasn't anything she could have said that would express how much hearing Mulan say that meant to her. It touched Ruby more deeply than she knew how to convey. Mulan wasn't the kind of person who confessed such things, to anyone. The only response she could give was a genuine whisper: “Thank you.”

 

Her appreciation was met with a small, awkward shrug. Mulan looked away, shifting uncomfortably in the grass in an effort to adjust to sitting there without her armour. She wasn't exposing more skin than normal, but Mulan must have felt naked nonetheless.

 

Ruby dared to let her eyes linger on Mulan, passively absorbing the sight of her companion. It really was strange to see her without her armour. She hid inside it so much that it was easy to forget it wasn't part of her physical being. But, at the same time, Ruby couldn't help but wonder why Mulan still felt so afraid of being glimpsed like this, and why she couldn't relax.

 

There had never been any question that the form Mulan concealed beneath that exterior of leather and steel would be as beautiful as it was. Slim. Toned. Perfect. Then again, Ruby also knew that wasn't the source of her issues around it. Well, in a way, maybe it was – not that Mulan worried about how she looked, but that she had spent so long fearing that someone would look at her only for her body to betray her disguise. However, she didn't have to worry about that now, and hadn't for years. So why did she?

 

Did she feel weak? Vulnerable, perhaps? Yes, that must have been part of it. With little more than a single layer in which to hide, Mulan was no longer radiating the same quiet confidence and strength that Ruby was used to from her. She was...smaller, somehow. Maybe that was also because of the way Mulan was sitting, hugging her limbs into her body, unconsciously shrinking into herself. She was almost curled up in ball, making her slender frame even slimmer.

 

The more she thought about it, the more Ruby pieced it together. It wasn't about gender or body issues. At least, not entirely. Rather, Mulan's armour had become her sanctuary - her identity. It represented safety, protection, certainty. It was who she was.

 

Being seen without it must have felt like being stripped of all that, like allowing herself to be somebody different would only expose her as a fraud. But she wasn't one. Whether Mulan knew it or not, she was the most authentic person Ruby had ever met.

 

Suddenly, Ruby had forgotten all about what had drawn her out under the stars in the first place. Never mind the Moon; Mulan was sitting beside her, and she could hardly think of anything else. Ruby knew she had no right to stare, but the truth was that she had no desire to look away. That was, until something caught her attention.

 

“Are you cold?” Ruby asked, noticing Mulan shiver under her gaze.

 

“...A little,” Mulan admitted, visibly uneasy with the way this felt. Her arms were folded across her chest, hunched over as if she was trying to bring warmth to herself. Or, perhaps more accurately, like she wanted to vanish and turn invisible.

 

Ruby didn't hesitate to act. “Here, let me,” she said as she moved over to sit behind Mulan. Ruby took the edges of her long, red cloak in her fingers, and outstretched her arms around either side of her body. “Give me your hands,” she instructed.

 

After a moment's pause, Mulan complied. With that, Ruby threaded their hands together, left in left, right in right. Her skin tingled where their fingers intertwined. She heard Mulan inhale sharply at her unanticipated proximity, but she didn't flinch or pull away.

 

Interpreting that as permission, Ruby kept going, and wrapped her arms around Mulan, enveloping her in both the fabric of her cloak and her embrace all at once. Hopefully, this would make her feel more secure, if only temporarily. Mulan's armour couldn't protect her anymore, but Ruby could. For tonight, at least, she would be her shield, warding off anything that might unsettle her, starting with the elements.

 

“Is this okay?” Ruby asked, sensing Mulan's body tighten wherever they touched. The last thing she wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.

 

They'd been travelling together long enough that physical contact was normally no big deal, but Ruby wasn't so insensitive as to assume that applied in every circumstance. She would stop and pull back immediately if Mulan asked her to, or if she indicated that this crossed a line. The fact that Mulan might ordinarily have been content to let Ruby touch her like this on any other day did not automatically suggest the same would be true now, when she didn't have her shell of protection around her.

 

Mulan hesitated, but ultimately nodded her head. “Yeah. This is okay.”

 

Ruby smiled. “Good. Then we can stay out here a bit longer.”

 

“...Sure. I'd like that,” said Mulan, starting to release some of that tension. It didn't come naturally to her, but she was trying to relax and let go of her apprehension. It warmed Ruby's heart to recognise that Mulan felt safe enough in her company to take that step. There was no doubt that this was new to her, pushing her outside of her usual boundaries, but she was letting it happen anyway.

 

Ruby didn't take that for granted. Not for a second. If anything, Mulan's willingness to trust her like this only made her more determined to prove worthy of that faith. Mulan was always out there protecting others. But, in that moment, Ruby was her strength, her guardian.

 

She took that unspoken oath seriously. Even if the word crumbled around them, Ruby would not waver. She would not let go. For as long as they were together, Mulan was hers to watch out for. That was no less true than the reverse. Ruby refused to let anything hurt her.

 

Well, except for the fact that someone had already hurt Mulan. Badly. That wound was as raw and deep as it had been the first day they met. It sparked an anger in Ruby every time she thought about it – that Aurora had won Mulan's heart, only to throw it away.

 

That wasn't even the part she hated most. What Ruby really struggled with was that she was powerless to remedy it. Ruby could see Mulan's anguish - it was there, potent and inescapable - but she didn't have a clue what to do about it. Not in any meaningful way. She wasn't sure Mulan would want to let her get near her wounds, even if she did have some idea how to make them better.

 

Mulan had always made it clear that Ruby wasn't ever meant to feel like she was under any obligation to fix her problems, but that was little comfort. Whether it was warranted or not, Ruby did blame herself sometimes. She _was_ failing her - falling short of her vow to do what she could to make things right. As long as Mulan refused to acknowledge that the shadow of Aurora was haunting her every waking moment, progress was likely to be impossible. How could they get anywhere when the source of her anguish was perpetually off-limits?

 

Ruby had almost come to accept it: Mulan didn't want to let Aurora go. That unrequited love defined her. It had for so long. She didn't know how to exist without it. Perhaps the thought of surrendering it and stepping into the unknown was scarier than the prospect of living with a pain she already knew for the rest of her days. One hurt was enough. Why face another?

 

Leaving the issue alone took an awful lot of restraint, but that was how it had to be, Ruby supposed. It didn't sit at all well with her, though.

 

“You want to talk about her, don't you?” Mulan shattered the silence, catching Ruby by surprise. "Don't lie; I know."

 

“Am I really that transparent?” Ruby asked, hugging Mulan a little tighter, keeping her covered. Seriously, since when did Mulan become a mind-reader? Ruby's thoughts weren't _that_ blatantly obvious, were they?

 

“You get this look sometimes,” Mulan noted with a shrug. "Gives it away." Ruby genuinely wasn't sure whether Mulan was only teasing her or not. Her serious voice sounded an awful lot like her sarcastic voice, so it could be hard to distinguish between them, most days.

 

“It's okay. You don't have to say anything,” Ruby assured her, resting her chin on Mulan's shoulder.

 

"Really? That's new," Mulan dryly pointed out, remembering Ruby's past pestering.

 

"Well, I mean it," Ruby continued. Sure, she thought venting her emotions was the healthiest thing for Mulan to do, and that belief hadn't changed, but pressuring her to do it before she was ready wasn't the answer. Ruby was content to wait. "I won't be mad." 

 

“No, it's fine. I've...been thinking about it, and I want to tell you more,” Mulan spoke softly in reply. "I don't know what, or how much, but...you know, something, I guess," she mumbled, unaccustomed to expressing herself in that type of way.

 

This definitely wasn't an easy decision for her, but it did seem like her resistance to confronting the ghosts of her past was weaker than it had ever been. Mulan's lingering trepidation about the subject made Ruby doubt whether this was truly the right time to approach it, though. No doubt there were still internal obstacles preventing her from opening up. Perhaps Ruby was being too cautious, but Mulan had already shed her armour at her behest, so adding this into the mix felt like too much to ask her to overcome all in one night.

 

“Really? You actually want to talk about Aurora?” Ruby asked in jest, feigning disbelief. Her comment was intended to put Mulan at ease, but also to give her an out - another opportunity to change her mind and say no, if she didn't feel comfortable opening up. Stealth-nurturing: Ruby wasn't bad at it. She got that from the 'Red' side of her, mainly. “Because every other time I've asked you've told me it's a waste of time."

 

“Do you want me to change my mind?” Mulan remarked, surprised that Ruby wasn't ecstatic to have finally received explicit authorisation to boldly dig deeper into her history. Ruby saw sense in that and elected not to argue against it any further. Mulan had made her decision. “I know you hate having to bite your tongue every time you get the urge to ask me something.”

 

“She did leave a profound impression on you; it's hard not to think about her,” Ruby admitted. She wasn't kidding, either. It felt like she obsessed over Aurora almost as much as Mulan did, though for vastly different reasons. Then again, maybe it was better that Mulan didn't know about Ruby's musings on that topic. It might come off a little weird. “Don't worry about finding the right words. I think I already know. Seeing how in love with her you are says it all. In your eyes, Aurora's perfect, isn't she? Nothing less.”

 

Out of nowhere, Mulan uttered something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Ruby drew back, studying her reaction as best as she could from that angle. Yep. That was definitely a grin, of sorts.

 

“What?” Ruby asked, uncertain how she'd said something funny.

 

“Uh, no. She isn't perfect. Far from it,” Mulan responded, shaking her head.

 

"...Okay?" Ruby was sure her expression mirrored her confusion. She felt lost, like there was something she was missing - an in-joke she wasn't part of. She wasn't a fan of being left in the dark. "I didn't mean literally perfect, but, you know, whatever," she mumbled a tad weakly, trying to backpedal. She didn't want to inadvertently come off as some kind of an idiot. Not in front of Mulan.

 

“However you meant it, it's not true," Mulan said straightforwardly. Ruby still wasn't following. It was like they'd set off from the same station, only to board two separate trains of thought. "After I left Aurora, I must have asked myself what I saw in her a thousand times. I even tried to convince myself that I never loved her - that I'd just...made the whole thing up.”

 

Ruby frowned. That didn't make sense. “How do you mean?”

 

"I don't know if I can put it any better," said Mulan, shifting in her arms. Talking wasn't her strong suit. Finding the right words to convey what she meant was a hard task for her to undertake. But, to her credit, she kept trying. "For a while, I focused on every negative I could find. Every fault. Every flaw. There were enough to chose from, so..." She trailed off, letting that thought hang unfinished. "Anyway, if you were expecting me to describe Aurora as this perfect person, then prepare for disappointment," Mulan rather bluntly concluded.

 

"Ouch." Much as she wasn't Aurora's biggest fan, Ruby couldn't help but flinch in sympathy for her. But that quickly transformed into a slightly wicked variety of glee. That was how Aurora had been indirectly described by the woman who loved her - 'prepare for disappointment'. How fitting. Ruby wanted to write that down and mail it to her. _Ha_.

 

Mulan shrugged. She wasn't being harsh or insulting, even if she may have sounded that way. If she did, Ruby surmised it must have been contrary to her intentions. This was honesty. Uncompromising, but not mean-spirited. The latter wasn't in Mulan's nature.

 

It was, however, in Ruby's.

 

“Wow. This is not what I was expecting. But good. This is good," Ruby enthused, giving it her seal of approval.

 

"It is?" Mulan asked, finding that difficult to believe. There was a hint of guilt in her voice, like she'd expected Ruby to think less of her for confessing how poorly she'd coped with rejection. But Ruby did not.

 

"Yeah. Come on. Dish the dirt,” Ruby urged, eager to hear Mulan vent instead of keeping everything bottled up inside. No matter how horrible her darker thoughts may have sounded, there was no shame in expressing those things. Anger. Resentment. Spite. It was all good. Letting those toxic emotions out was exactly the therapy she needed after having her heart broken. Suppressing them had been destroying her. This was the only way forward. That Ruby was delighting in it so far was entirely secondary. “Tell me: what's Aurora really like?”

 

“On the bad side?” Mulan sought to clarify. Ruby nodded against her shoulder. “...How much time do you have?”

 

Ruby tried not to look too thrilled with that assessment. "Again, ouch," she said, stifling a smirk. She liked this side of Mulan. She had no idea she could be so cutting. It was a welcome discovery.

 

"You did ask," Mulan pointed out, almost beginning to squirm under her perceived scrutiny.

 

"No, no apologies," Ruby insisted, dismissing any burgeoning discomfort Mulan may have felt about the direction this conversation was headed. "This is fine. You have every right to say whatever you want, however wrong, or inaccurate, or unfair. The way we feel about the things that happen to us doesn't always reflect our better angels, but it doesn't have to; it's just a reaction, not an indictment of your character. So don't beat yourself up about it. You're allowed to be hurt. There's nothing evil in that."

 

Mulan sighed heavily, drawing Ruby's arms a little tighter around herself as she thought about the source of her endless heartache. Maybe mulling over Aurora's bad qualities wouldn't cleanse Mulan's spirit, but it certainly gave her a conduit for her anger and her misery other than herself. Ruby considered that an improvement by default. It was worth trying, at least.

 

“Do you want me to keep going?" Mulan soon asked, prepared to peel back more layers.

 

"Please do," said Ruby. She'd always wanted to see what thoughts and feelings lay at Mulan's core. Not for her own sake, but because Mulan had carried her burdens alone for too long. Shedding these secrets might finally lift some of that weight off her shoulders. Plus, the more Ruby learned, the more likely it was that she could one day mend her wounds for good. "Go right ahead."

 

"The first time we met, I honestly couldn't stand her," Mulan began, going right back to the start. "Getting stuck with her when Phillip died felt like divine punishment for some sin I must have committed. I'm not joking; I actually did consider that possibility." Ruby tried not to snort at that mental image. "I was always going to keep Aurora safe, but I dreaded having to protect her. I thought she was just...”

 

“The worst?” Ruby chimed in, figuring a modern expression might sum it up nicely.

 

“If that means what I think it means,” Mulan confirmed, as if that was an understatement.

 

"It does," Ruby helpfully supplied. "So, what put you at odds with her?" she prompted. Working through the tangled web step by step seemed like a rational place to start. "You mentioned focusing on her faults and flaws, so go for it: list away." Mulan tensed, visibly uncomfortable with that idea. However, she complied with Ruby's request all the same.

 

“Well, my first thoughts were that she was...stuck up and obnoxious. That impression took a while to change," Mulan recounted, her gaze fixed on the ground. Her tone was low, slow and even, too quiet to possess any emphasis. "She was pushy and brash. A little whiny and kind of annoying, especially when she wouldn't let things go. Impatient. Completely oblivious to what was going on around her half the time. Quick-tempered, sharp-tongued, with a tendency to be melodramatic. She picked battles she couldn't win and was too stubborn to admit defeat. Zero survival skills, by the way. Very sheltered. Really naïve about the way the world works. That's just the beginning.”

 

“...Wait, you are in love with Aurora, right?” Ruby double-checked, chuckling. “Because if this is how you talk about the person you love, you must be really insulting to the people you hate.” Mulan gave a humourless smile at that quip. Ruby only saw it from the side, but it carried a lot of pain. The levity abruptly fell from her face, recognising all was not as simple as it had seemed a moment ago. "...Mulan?"

 

“I know," Mulan whispered, staring vacantly ahead. "I know it sounds that way. But the truth is, I wouldn't change a single thing about her. Not one,” she confessed. "Thinking about it just reminds me of what I would trade to have it all back."

 

The split-second of silence that followed felt like it lasted an eternity. All Ruby heard was the steady pulse of her own heart. Each beat it struck inside her chest hurt worse than the last. How could it not? Ruby was only sharing in Mulan's anguish, thanks to wounds she had ripped open again. Now she was beginning to comprehend the depth of suffering she'd unwittingly guided Mulan to unearth.

 

“This is exactly what happened before," Mulan went on, an undercurrent of pain distorting her voice. She didn't sound like the same person. "I went over all of those things and more to prove to myself that my feelings for her were nothing but an invention of my mind, but it didn't work because the truth is that I miss everything. Every last thing about her. All of it. Even the bad side. Because there wasn't one. Her worst qualities only brought out the best in her. Aurora never did a single thing that didn't make me fall even more in love with her.”

 

Mulan paused, a tremor creeping into her hollow whisper. Ruby felt her fingers tighten where she held them, like she was searching for a strength she didn't have. She was shaking. At that, Ruby instantly regretted every word she'd ever spoken - every snide thought that made light of the connection between Mulan and Aurora. What kind of horrible person was she, to have brought this about?

 

Had Ruby done the right thing by pushing Mulan to broach this subject? Because, as she saw the spectre of despair sweep across her face, every emotion she'd kept inside swelling to the surface, it sure didn't feel like it. No, it only felt like Ruby had caused this - like she'd inflicted these wounds herself. And she was unable to do anything but watch on, holding Mulan through it all.

 

"I'm sorry," Ruby whispered, but Mulan didn't hear her apology. Her remorse didn't matter anyway. It came too late.

 

The damage had already been done.

 

“I wasn't lying," Mulan told her. "I really did think I was going to hate her, but I was completely—” All of a sudden, Mulan's breath hitched and her chest tightened, constricting under her touch. Ruby didn't process the sound, at first, but she quickly realised what it was.

 

Mulan was choking back sobs. At once, Ruby was rendered mute.

 

Of all things, she hadn't anticipated this. Without a doubt, Ruby had always been well aware that Mulan wasn't cold or robotic, much as she might have preferred to be at times. She felt things no less deeply than others. Even though she kept them all inside, her emotions could be overwhelmingly powerful. But, despite knowing that, Ruby had never expected to see Mulan break down and start to cry.

 

Somewhere in their conversation, though she'd somehow willed herself to keep speaking through it, Mulan had been brought to tears. These memories of Aurora were more than she could bear. She'd tried to hide how much it hurt, but she couldn't anymore. The heartbreak Mulan had fought to contain for so long had surged, perhaps for the first time since the day it happened. Now it was swallowing her whole.

 

“...I was completely wrong about her,” Mulan continued, finding enough composure to form those words. “She was, at once, exactly as I expected, and nothing like I expected at all. How does it make sense that somebody like her would turn out to be the bravest person I've ever met?” Mulan asked herself aloud, still trying to figure it out.

 

Ruby didn't have it in her to utter a single sound. All she did was rest her head on Mulan's shoulder, embracing her. There was nothing more Ruby could do but be there to support her as she unravelled the knot that sat in her heart, and to listen to every word she had to say. Mulan had forced herself to be strong long enough; she could take as much of her strength as she needed.

 

“She had no right to be so selfless and so kind," said Mulan. "She had nothing left when Phillip died, yet she was willing to sacrifice her life to help complete strangers, with no expectation of reward or gratitude. She carried horrible burdens left behind by the sleeping curse with such dignity and grace. She never asked for help, because she refused to let anybody else worry about her.”

 

Ruby felt a tear on her cheek, but it wasn't of her own making. Mulan was coming apart. This must have been why she'd been so afraid to talk about Aurora every other time she'd asked - because she knew she couldn't start without losing control. One drop was all it took for the deluge to come crashing down upon her. Ruby squeezed her hands, helping her stay afloat amid the maelstrom.

 

“You don't even know how...” Mulan swallowed heavily, trying her hardest not to weep anymore, nor any harder than she already had. She succeeded in stemming her sorrows, even as her fingers trembled beneath Ruby's cloak. “If you wanted a description of the way I felt about her, I could tell you how smart she is. How kind. How quick-witted, charming, and generous. That she had the most open and loving heart of any person I've ever known. But none of that matters. Because all you need to know is that there was no place in that heart for me.”

 

Ruby enveloped Mulan a little tighter in her arms, almost cradling her within them, hoping her presence provided at least some semblance of comfort. Perhaps it did, because Mulan leaned back into Ruby's embrace, letting her head fall onto her shoulder, staring up at the stars above. She looked tired - as tired as she sounded when she spoke. Ruby wasn't shocked; she had been carrying this burden for so long that she probably didn't even remember what it felt like to breathe without this inescapable sorrow weighing her down.

 

Pain was funny like that. It was often only when someone removed the thorns from their wounds that they realised how badly each gash had been hurting them to live with. So it was with Mulan. At long last, she was healing, but that process must have felt like going through hell.

 

“I thought I could be happy for her, you know? Even if she never loved me back,” Mulan murmured, calmer than before. She unconsciously brushed Ruby's thumbs with her own, appearing to garner a sense of solace from her silent vigil. It wasn't lost on Ruby that this must have been the first time Mulan had put her experiences into words. She wasn't telling a story, or aiming to reveal anything in particular. She was just letting her thoughts take her where they would, without a filter, and without a purpose in sight. "I tried to be."

 

"You didn't have to do that," Ruby softly spoke up. It wasn't fair for Mulan to think she had to make that sacrifice - that she was morally bound to remain devoted to someone who didn't love her, believing that lonely fate was the best she could hope for.

 

“For a while, I was," Mulan replied, managing to meet her eyes momentarily. "Really, I was, because she was my world. All that mattered to me was bringing her what joy I could, even if I was only a friend. I honestly thought I could live with that - being special to her, in my own way. Until I realised I was fooling myself.” Her tone turned bitter, then. Ruby didn't blame her for a second. And yet she sensed that there was more to it than that. There was contempt, but it didn't sound like it was directed at Aurora, but rather at Mulan herself.

 

"Fooling yourself because you needed more?" Ruby guessed, uncertain.

 

“No: because she was my world, but her world was complete without me,” Mulan answered, remembering the moment that harsh reality became crystal clear. Her breath faltered again, but she controlled her emotions as best she could. “Her days were no brighter whether I was in them or not. I didn't mean anything to her. Discovering that was what broke my heart. Not anything Aurora did. Just...knowing the truth.”

 

Ruby wished she had a response for that, but she didn't; she didn't know enough to contradict that. Mulan released an acerbic yet weary exhale. Her will was fading. Giving voice to this inner-turmoil had sapped her spirit, leaving her devoid of any spark.

 

“I can't even say that I hope she misses me, because I know she doesn't. Not really," Mulan resumed, speaking frankly, lacking the energy to fight the truth. "She's absolutely fine right now. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference that I'm not around. Her life wasn't made any better for having me in it. I understood that the moment she told me she was pregnant. I knew that nothing I did could ever make her feel a fraction of the happiness I saw in her eyes then. And I wasn't okay with that.”

 

“Why would you be?” asked Ruby, genuinely confused. "Nobody would be okay with that."

 

"I doubt that. Then again, maybe you're right; I never thought I was that selfish either," Mulan said, her response cold and sombre.

 

"Shut up. You are _not_ selfish," Ruby interjected, refusing to let her believe that. She couldn't sit by and say nothing when Mulan was sinking further and further into sorrow with each word, tearing herself to shreds over mistakes she'd never made. “You're not. Don't ever think you are. You're a person with feelings. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to want things. You are allowed to put your needs first. And, most importantly, you are allowed to be happy.”

 

“...I don't know how to be,” Mulan confessed, her frail whisper weighed down with quiet sincerity. Never had such a simple statement been the vessel for so much despair. “When Aurora smiled at me, it was the happiest I've ever felt. But when I smiled at her, it was just another smile. When I realised that, I couldn't feel anything anymore. Everything just...stopped. I don't know if I can ever feel that way again.”

 

“You will. I promise,” Ruby whispered to her, wrapping her arms even tighter around Mulan's shoulders. “I'll make sure of it.”

 

“What if I can't?” Mulan asked her, evidently seeing no sense in hiding the truth from Ruby. They had already come this far. Why lie now? “I meant it when I said that I didn't come with you because of what you could do for me. It would have been pointless. I'm not looking for my own happiness. I'm not sure I'd recognise it if it slapped me in the face. I don't know if it can be found. There might be none out there for me.”

 

“Please don't say that,” said Ruby, finding it difficult to keep herself together. There was a sting in her eyes, and the ache in her chest was killing her. Listening to Mulan admit these things was nearly enough to break her. "You can't ever do that - not while I'm here."

 

"I'm sorry," Mulan replied, not sure what else to tell her. Ruby knew she was just being honest. That was what made it so devastating to hear. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a little late to change something that already happened."

 

"Fuck you; I _am_ changing it," Ruby shot back. A tear ran down her cheek, but wiping it away would have required disentangling her hands from Mulan's, and that was the last thing Ruby felt like doing. She let that teardrop fall onto Mulan's shoulder instead. "I'm not going to let you give up, okay? I don't care how much you want to - I won't allow it," she declared, and she meant every word. 

 

In the moments that followed, Mulan stayed silent. It was a silence Ruby could barely endure, given the stakes.

 

Perhaps it was petty of her, but it took everything in Ruby's power not to hate Aurora then. Not because she had done anything wrong, because clearly she hadn't. Not because she was a bad person, because she definitely wasn't. But because Mulan couldn't, and maybe it would have been easier if she did. Maybe Mulan wouldn't have hated herself so much if she could channel her feelings outward instead of inward. That would have been better than watching her keep blaming her own imagined inadequacies for leading her to this fate.

 

The only thing that stopped Ruby from taking the petty route was the knowledge that anger wouldn't help Mulan. It was just a lazy excuse - a selfish wish that there was some simple solution to this. A hero. A villain. But there wasn't. So Ruby did the right thing and let it go.

 

But, God, it was hard to do.

 

Either way, Ruby couldn't withstand it anymore. This had to end; she had to make Mulan happy. She had to make her laugh, make her smile, make her forget about her pain. Something. Anything. Because seeing Mulan so utterly dejected was the worst feeling in the world.

 

“Listen to me,” Ruby began, their arms tightly intertwined, forming a cross over Mulan's chest, “You are amazing, and gorgeous, and strong, and kind. I have never met anybody like you before, and I know I never will again. So believe me when I tell you that you will find love, and you will find happiness, because you deserve it, and whoever that person is will be lucky to have you.”

 

“...Yeah, maybe,” Mulan whispered, emotionally drained. She sounded worn out, like she was running on empty. Ruby could understand. She wasn't far off being completely wrecked herself, by that point. “Although, honestly, I don't even know if I'd want that with anyone.”

 

“Give it time,” said Ruby, unlinking their hands and enfolding Mulan's upper-body in her embrace. “You'll be ready, someday.”

 

“I'll take your word for it,” was all Mulan would concede, unable to trust in anything more than that. Hope was in limited supply. She didn't have the willpower to drink from that well again. Not so soon, anyway. That was a matter for another day, Ruby supposed. Talking about this any longer would probably destroy her - meaning Ruby, that is. Mulan too, though. They both needed time to recover from this night.

 

She glanced up at the Moon beyond the hillside where they sat. Ruby couldn't say how much time had passed, but the stars had certainly shifted since the last time she'd paid any attention to the sky. Mulan gave no indication that she planned to move anytime soon. Ruby had no issue with that. If Mulan wanted to stay right there in her arms until morning, that was what they would do. All she had to do was ask.

 

Ruby would do anything for her. Anything she wanted. Anything. That had been true for a while, but especially now, after all that had been said. It may have faded, but the sorrow Mulan had shared was something Ruby could never forget. Not until she banished it for good.

 

Things had gotten pretty heavy there, hadn't they? Without any warning, either. It made her wonder: when Mulan had come to sit down beside her earlier, did she have any idea how much she would reveal? Because Ruby definitely hadn't predicted this. Not now. Not ever, really. Even by the time they parted ways, it had seemed unlikely that Mulan would open up to that extent, or let herself become so despondent. But, sudden or not, Ruby had every intention of ensuring she didn't ever regret that decision.

 

“Thank you,” Ruby broke the silence. She felt Mulan shift her head slightly, as if to ask 'for what?' “For trusting me,” Ruby clarified. If there was one thing she knew, it was that this hadn't been easy for Mulan to do. She would always appreciate that bravery.

 

“Now that you mention it, I shouldn't have told you all that,” Mulan muttered with a humourless smile, almost like she was internally cringing at her own poor judgement. Once again, Ruby couldn't tell whether she was being sarcastic or not. "Please forget I said anything."

 

“It's safe with me,” Ruby assured her, and her vow was entirely unfeigned. “You're safe with me.”

 

“I know," Mulan replied, confirming that she had indeed only been kidding a moment ago. Ruby was glad for that; it meant she wasn't imagining the fact that Mulan didn't seem to be having any second thoughts about the confessions she'd made. Not until morning, anyway.

 

Mulan took a deep breath and released it, relaxing back against Ruby's shoulder. “You were right before, when you said that I was holding onto my feelings for her,” she said, seeming to accept that keeping it all inside was getting her nowhere.

 

"Yeah. You were," Ruby confirmed, but there was no pride in her voice. She didn't care about being right; she cared about making a positive difference in Mulan's life. "Maybe you won't realise it right away, but you will feel better for letting them go."

 

“Even if I don't, there's no sense in living in the past. Aurora and I...That's over. What's done is done," said Mulan, ready to move on. At the very least, she understood the fact that she had to start focusing on the future, rather than drowning in yesterday's regrets. "...Ruby?" Mulan spoke up again, leaning back to look up at her. Ruby met her gaze curiously. "Thank you for listening.”

 

“Anytime. Always,” Ruby whispered. And that was a promise.

 

At the rate they'd been going, Ruby knew they weren't going to be finding any werewolves for a while so, in truth, making Mulan happy was really all that mattered to her anymore. There had to be some way she could do that. Brightening Mulan's days, even in small ways, might prompt her to realise that there was light on the horizon - that her expectations of the future didn't have to be so muddled and bleak.

 

There could be no more sadness. No more pain. Mulan needed joy. Levity. Laughter. Even if it was only temporary, she needed some kind of positivity and cheer in her life again. Giving that to her? That was Ruby's goal. She couldn't think of anything else that mattered more, after that night. If she ever saw Mulan break down like that again, she...

 

No, she wouldn't. Ruby had to prevent that, by any means necessary. If she had her way, Mulan would never have a reason to cry. There would be no darkness, only sunshine. And hey, if all went well, maybe somewhere down the line Ruby could even help her find love again.

 

Okay, sure, perhaps that was asking a lot. They weren't exactly in a great position to meet anybody while wandering out there in the woods by themselves. But, that aside, there was no doubt in Ruby's mind that she could help Mulan become emotionally ready to be with that person, whenever they came along. More ready than she was right now, anyway. Why shouldn't she try?

 

Somebody had to look out for Mulan for a change. Right now, that person was Ruby. She didn't intend to let Mulan down, like so many others had, nor disappoint herself by leaving behind yet another Ruby/Red/Wolf fuck-up that she had to regret for the rest of her life. She'd messed up enough times, and hurt enough people because of it. At least once, it would have been nice to look back on something and say without any ambiguity, 'Yeah, I did good.'

 

Failure followed Ruby everywhere, but not here. She wouldn't let it. Mulan was too important. Ruby couldn't screw this up.

 

“It's really late. Or early, probably. Do you want to go back to camp?” Ruby eventually asked her, sensing how tired Mulan had become.

 

“No. Not yet,” Mulan answered. There was a strange heaviness to her voice, almost like she was on the verge of drifting off into a dream. Ruby felt a shiver pass through her skin when the cool, night wind brushed her exposed cheek, but Mulan shrugged it off, huddling up within Ruby's cloak, resting comfortably in her embrace. “This is fine. It's nice out here.”

 

“Okay,” said Ruby, content to grant Mulan's request, at least until she fell asleep. Ruby didn't mind. Not at all. She liked it there, too.

 

She liked being anywhere with Mulan.

 

* * *

 

Mulan's fingers curled, tangled in the fabric of the blankets. The warmth of the morning Sun kissed the back of her hand, and the right side of her face. She groaned quietly. Normally, it was barely light when she awoke. Had she overslept? Damn. That wasn't like her.

 

Worse yet, she was still a little tired. How long had she and Ruby stayed up the night before? Huh. Yeah. Last night. Dealing with the aftermath of that was going to be...interesting. Mulan just hoped Ruby wouldn't think any less of her for the things she'd—

 

It was then that Mulan noticed something odd. Very odd.

 

She wasn't alone.

 

She froze, not daring to breathe. Her eyes opened as she processed where she was, too alarmed to perceive her surroundings as anything more than a bright green blur. No, she definitely wasn't imagining that sensation. That...contact against her back was really there - that warmth. And, of course, there was only one person that could possibly be responsible for it.

 

A glance confirmed it: Ruby's bare arms were wrapped around her waist, loosely holding her from behind. Her head rested against the nape of Mulan's neck. Long, slow breaths ghosted ever so faintly across strands of Mulan's hair. She was fast asleep.

 

...Okay. This, um...this was unexpected.

 

She didn't remember how they had come to lie together, nestled under the covers. The last thing she could recall was sitting with Ruby on that hillside, sharing the shelter provided by her cloak, uttering confessions about Aurora until her head hurt so badly that it felt like it was going to split open. After that? Nothing. Mulan didn't know what to make of it.

 

Whatever this was, Mulan figured it was probably better to sneak away before Ruby awoke. Maybe she wouldn't remember this had happened at all, and Mulan could avoid the awkward situation of ever having to talk about it. That was an appealing prospect. As gently as Ruby was holding her, extricating herself from her grasp was sure to be easier said than done, though.

 

Mulan tried to slip out of Ruby's unconscious embrace as carefully as she could, so as not to disturb her. But Ruby's arms tensed when she felt Mulan shift, much to her dismay. There was nowhere she could run before her bedmate stirred, waking from her slumber.

 

“Mmm. Morning,” Ruby murmured to her, greeting Mulan with a glint in her barely-open eyes.

 

“...Hi,” Mulan answered back, not sharing her nonchalance, much less her quiet confidence. Ruby still had an arm draped across Mulan's stomach. The way that she was looking at her made her heart pound. "You, uh...so, um...last night...?" she half-stammered, not even entirely sure where she was going in the process of forming what was supposed to be a question, but she had to ask.

 

“Nothing happened, if that's what you're worried about,” Ruby assured her, blinking away bleariness.

 

Mulan was struck by that response. Honestly, she hadn't considered that possibility, or any thoughts of that nature. Of course that would never happen. The fact that Mulan was clothed had already given that away. Ruby was...less so, but that was how she always slept.

 

So, anyway, that was that. Mulan moved further away and got to her feet, trying not to act too self-conscious. Ruby uttered a playful whine at the loss of contact, feigning disappointment. One answer had been received, not that Mulan had pondered that question in the first place, but it hadn't helped her solve the mystery of how she'd come to lie there. She was no closer to wrapping her head around any of this.

 

“...How did we—?”

 

“You fell asleep,” Ruby told her, knowing exactly what Mulan was asking without needing to hear her finish. “I carried you back to camp.”

 

Mulan arched an eyebrow at her, a tad suspicious of that explanation. “...And you climbed into my blankets with me because...?” she trailed off expectantly, needing a little more of a bridge to cover that gap.

 

“I didn't plan to, but you asked me to stay,” said Ruby, propping her chin up on her hand. Mulan blanched, suddenly feeling a bit unwell. She had no memory of doing that. The scary thing was, if she couldn't remember that, then she also couldn't remember anything else she might have said or done in such a state. Frankly, the bed thing alone was humiliating enough.

 

“Don't be embarrassed – you were having a dream. I just didn't want to wake you, is all," Ruby continued, shrugging with one shoulder. "I planned to leave without you noticing, but, uh, no prizes for guessing that I must have nodded off before I got to that part. My bad.”

 

“O-Oh. Okay,” Mulan stuttered, rubbing the back of her head. That scenario made sense, but it didn't make it any easier to come to grips with the fact that she'd acted that way, even in her sleep.  "Well, good. Thank you for...telling me."

 

"You're welcome," Ruby murmured, curling back up under the covers, trying to nab a little extra sleep, not at all bothered by the situation. Regardless, Mulan preferred to pretend it never happened, clearing her throat. As bizarrely as their morning had started, Mulan supposed there was nothing to do but resume their normal routine, marching over to her belongings, retrieving her armour, gloves and boots.

 

She shivered in the morning air as she set about getting dressed, but it was not from the cold. The sensation of someone holding her like that was one Mulan couldn't shake. The memory of Ruby's touch lingered on her body, as real as if they had never broken contact. It was...alien to her, to say the least. Being so close to someone - in a physical sense, this time - was a strange thing. She'd never been in that position before. But, then again, it was just Ruby, and that made it rather welcome in its strangeness.

 

No matter how foreign this kind of connection was to her, what set Ruby apart from everyone else was that Mulan trusted her. That sense of security chased away any unease she might otherwise have felt. That was why she'd been able to let her guard down and break out of her comfort-zone to reveal things she'd never dreamed of telling another person the night before.

 

The problem was that it had almost become too easy to rely on Ruby's good intentions. In hindsight, she wondered if she'd shared more than she should, pouring her heart out without hesitation or a filter. Perhaps it had been a bad decision. If Ruby perceived her differently because of last night, that was something she could never take back. Mulan sighed at that thought, tightening the straps of her chest piece.

 

If Ruby pitied her or treated her like she was fragile somehow, it would confirm that her confessions had been a mistake. She didn't want that. She didn't want the extent to which she'd exposed her emotions to have changed anything between them. Mulan was many things, but she wasn't weak. She wouldn't let herself feel that way, or be regarded as such by someone who mattered to her as much as Ruby did.

 

How would she know if their friendship had been altered, though? It could take a while to learn the answer to that. Days. Maybe longer. Mulan swallowed, trying to avoid thinking about it as she pulled on her boots.

 

“You're really cute, you know?” Ruby abruptly broke the silence, watching her with heavy-lidded eyes and a warm but tired smile. Mulan glanced up at her, having mistakenly thought she'd gone back to sleep. Ruby shrugged nonchalantly. “It's true.”

 

Mulan snorted, concealing a smirk. “Shut up,” she said in jest, shaking her head at Ruby's playful flirting.

 

“Alright, I will. I just wanted to tell you that, in case you didn't already know,” Ruby replied, stretching and running a hand through her hair, forgoing any further sleep and getting out of bed. Mulan turned away when she saw how little Ruby was wearing, knowing they had been together like that for who knew how many hours during the night. But she stopped herself: that was a silly thing to get embarrassed about.

 

They were both women. They both liked women, and thus weren't afraid of women who liked other women. There was nothing going on between them. They were friends. That was all. Ruby obviously didn't feel awkward about it, so why worry? They were comfortable together. Mulan didn't need to feel guilty, especially about things that never even happened, nor been at any risk of occurring.

 

Better yet, Ruby's remark was indicative of one other thing: that nothing had changed after opening up about Aurora. That was good. Really good, in fact. Mulan didn't want anything to be affected by it. Things were just right the way they were.

 

Everything was fine. Their relationship was exactly the same as before. Nothing was different. There was just less pain her heart.

 

Mulan froze at that observation. Wait, was there really...? ...Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. It wasn't gone, but it didn't feel as bad. For all Mulan's prior scepticism, maybe Ruby had been right. Maybe talking about Aurora was the first step towards feeling a little better.

 

Huh. Go figure.

 

Her attention was drawn out of her thoughts by the touch of Ruby's hand on her shoulder. “So, what's the plan for today?” Ruby asked as she sat down beside her, now fully dressed. “Same as usual?”

 

“A little different, actually,” Mulan responded. “If I remember right, there's a village not far away. I thought we might head there.”

 

“You've been there before?” Ruby guessed, correctly assuming that was how Mulan knew of it.

 

“Once, on a job. I figured you'd want to ask around and see if there are reports of werewolves in the area,” said Mulan, eager to fulfil her promise to help Ruby find a new home. That was an oath she'd never forgotten. Keeping her mind on their quest was the least Mulan could do to repay her compassion. "If any are nearby, I expect we'll hear about it. Your kind is not known for subtlety."

 

"Hey, no negative stereotypes," Ruby jokingly chastised her. "Seriously, though, you should remember that other werewolves tend to be better at controlling their nature than I am. When you live with a pack, you learn how to embrace that side of yourself, and master it," she explained. Mulan listened to her expertise, only glancing down to make the last adjustments to her armour. "They've all had that. I didn't."

 

"Good point," Mulan acknowledged, trusting her insight. Ruby certainly knew more about werewolves than she did. "Anyway, provided we aren't delayed for some reason, we should be able to reach it by late afternoon. That should give us plenty of time."

 

“Great,” Ruby enthused, her eyes lighting up at the thought, no doubt excited by the prospect of finally making progress. But what she said next challenged that assumption: “I've been missing civilisation. I wouldn't mind a bit of a layover. How long do you plan to stay?”

 

Mulan glanced up at that, confused. “...I didn't?” Her answer was met by a stern look. Somehow, Mulan got an inkling that she had done something wrong. “What?” she asked, certain that she was in trouble, though she had no idea why.

 

Ruby leaned forward, pointedly resting her chin on her hand atop Mulan's shoulder, staring her right in the eyes. “Mulan...”

 

“What?” she mumbled once again, a little higher-pitched.

 

“No offence, but I'm getting sick of sleeping on the ground every single night,” said Ruby, imploring Mulan to grant her this one mercy. “I know I'm a wolf, but I'm also accustomed to living in the twenty-first century with a warm bed, way better clothes and central heating, so sometimes I'm going to need a break from camping. This is one of those times," Ruby happily informed her.

 

"I'm not sure what you're expecting," Mulan admitted, genuinely lost. There were only so many things that were within the realm of possibility. She couldn't offer Ruby any of the amenities she might have been used to in Storybrooke. Mulan honestly only had a vague mental picture of what that foreign world was even like, and she was sure it wasn't remotely close to reality.

 

"Don't worry. I'm not asking for much," Ruby answered. "I don't want luxury, I just want a real bed for...let's say one night, okay?” Mulan uttered a strained sigh, not entirely convinced it was a worthwhile idea. Ruby didn't move, her head remaining perched on Mulan's shoulder, eyelids fluttering innocently. "Just one night. You'd really deny me that?"

 

“Look, we're not poor, but we're not exactly overflowing with money. You know that, right?” Mulan reminded her, reticent to be wasteful with their coin. Hers, really: she'd earned it. It wasn't an objection, just an observation. Given that there was no clear end in sight for their quest to find other werewolves, the fact of the matter was that they had no idea how long they would have to live on that amount.

 

Yes, they could afford to stay at an inn in the short term. Ordinarily, that would have been no trouble, but their gold might have to last months, maybe even a year, or more. Being frugal was really the only sensible choice. She hadn't contemplated any other options. Mulan had been under the impression that Ruby consented to that compromise from the start. Apparently not, though.

 

“If it means that much to you, I suppose I could go back to my old job and accept a few contracts if we ever run short. I do know a few people who would hire me in a pinch. That would slow us down, though; tracking down bounties might take us a long way off course...” Mulan muttered to herself, rubbing her head as she mulled over the matter out loud.

 

“Sure, fine, if you have to, but that's a long way off. Right now, you have plenty of cash, so who cares? What's the point of having money if you never spend it?" Ruby asked her, urging her to see things her way. Mulan could think of many responses to that question but chose not to argue. "Besides, I used to work at an inn with my grandmother; I know a few ways to save,” Ruby said slyly, dismissing any need for concern. “Let me handle it. If you give me permission, I'll find us an affordable place to stay. So, come on. Please?”

 

Mulan didn't have it in her to protest. Not when Ruby was looking at her like that. Ruby evidently interpreted her silence as a 'yes', given the way she beamed at her and all but threw herself at her, swallowing Mulan in a grateful hug.

 

“Thank you. You're the best,” Ruby said. Even after she released her grip, she gleefully took Mulan by the hand and pressed a chaste kiss to the back of her glove. “I am forever in your debt.”

 

“Yeah, alright, whatever.” Mulan brushed her off, withdrawing her hand and getting to her feet. Ruby didn't follow her, remaining in place. "You'd better be done with that, because we're already running at least an hour behind and I need to make breakfast.”

 

Ruby sighed longingly, watching Mulan walk away. “You say such wonderful things.”

 

Mulan glanced back over her shoulder, only to be met with a decidedly coquettish expression. It was impossible not to notice the way Ruby's gaze flirtatiously followed her footsteps. Mulan felt a tickle in her throat as she furrowed her brow at Ruby.

 

“...Please stop doing that,” said Mulan, though she wasn't affronted.

 

"Stop doing what?" Ruby asked, feigning ignorance. Mulan hesitated. She didn't know how to call attention to it without it sounding weird but, when Ruby jokingly batted her eyelashes at her like that, it almost made her blush, which was rather disconcerting. However, she couldn't describe that effect aloud, could she? So she didn't.

 

“You got what you wanted. You don't need to butter me up anymore,” Mulan told her, idly gesturing with her hand as she turned away and started to concentrate on rebuilding the fire, her mind ever centred on the tasks at hand.

 

“Sorry, I just woke up to find this incredibly beautiful woman lying next to me and now she's promising to spend money on me and making me breakfast. I think I'm a little enamoured with her,” Ruby murmured mischievously, the sunlight sparkling in her eyes. “I'm a simple girl with simple needs; I'm powerless to resist such things. Can you blame me? I mean, how would you act if you were in my position?”

 

Mulan was glad that her complexion masked the sudden warmth in her cheeks. Even with her back turned, Ruby's triumphant smirk was difficult to avoid seeing out of the corners of her eyes. She really did like doing that, didn't she?

 

“...Okay, fine. Point taken,” Mulan said in good humour, deciding that Ruby's stare was ultimately harmless, much like her suggestive comments. "Don't distract me, though; I really do need to make breakfast if you want to eat _and_ reach that village before dark."

 

"Well, why didn't you say so? In that case, I'll leave you alone," Ruby happily relented, a hint of a chuckle in her voice. Mulan couldn't quite contain the small smile she felt tugging at her lips as she got back to work. Nothing new, there.

 

Ruby's playful flirting was a fairly common occurrence. Mulan had come to accept it as part of her personality pretty quickly, but she would have been lying if she didn't concede that Ruby still managed to get a reaction from her when she did it sometimes. Mulan didn't like to let her know that, though. It might have been a one-sided game, but she couldn't let Ruby win all the time.

 

This kind of banter wasn't anything Mulan was used to, whether in a friendship or otherwise. Definitely not from another woman. In that, Ruby was the first. Including men in her assessment didn't exactly alter the picture. Not in any favourable way.

 

In truth, Mulan couldn't recall anybody telling her she was beautiful in a way that wasn't condescending or mocking or otherwise unwelcome. Comments about her appearance usually came in the form of some drunken lout walking up to her in a pub, throwing an arm around her and slurring out 'Hey, gorgeous'. That grew tiresome. The men responsible for acting that way towards her typically didn't leave those bars in the same condition they'd been in when they entered, to put it kindly.

 

If somebody had paid Mulan a sincere compliment or shown an unfeigned interest in her in the past, she hadn't cared enough to remember it. Frankly, the thought of being considered attractive by anyone bore little appeal to her. For as long as she could recall, Mulan had never desired to hear such things. That wasn't part of her life. She wasn't yet open to changing that, either.

 

However, having Ruby be the one to say it to her? It honestly felt pretty good. For once in her life, Mulan didn't dislike the attention she was receiving. Yeah, Ruby was just playing around, but that was probably a part of what made it okay.

 

Ruby wasn't trying to get anything, or start something between them. She was just a friend who liked to flatter Mulan for no other reason than because she could. Ruby's only intent in calling her...'cute', or whatever, was to make her feel good - to make her laugh or smile. On occasion, it worked, even though Mulan did not agree with her about the level of truth in her statements.

 

A thought occurred to Mulan, then. It was all one way, wasn't it? Always Ruby saying these things to her, never the other way around.

 

She couldn't help but wonder if Ruby would be offended if she returned the favour, one of these days. Probably not. Chances were she'd be fine with Mulan telling her how stunning she was. As if she didn't already know. But, despite that, Mulan thought better of it. She wasn't any good with...words, and stuff. Yeah. Even if it wouldn't make Ruby uncomfortable, it was best not to risk doing something wrong.

 

Letting Ruby know how much she meant to her would have been a welcome thing but, unfortunately, it wasn't a gesture Mulan knew how to perform. Dealing with other people often felt like speaking a foreign language. Aspects of friendship that came naturally to Ruby were things Mulan was learning for the first time, because she hadn't lived a normal life since the day she donned her uniform - she'd never had those 'ordinary' social experiences she otherwise would have had. Not as an adult, anyway. She didn't know the rules.

 

No, Ruby wouldn't laugh at her or anything. She wasn't like that. Mulan trusted her to be understanding and patient but, nevertheless, she...If Mulan came across the wrong way, or said something stupid in front of Ruby, she...

 

Ugh. No. No more words. It wasn't going to happen. Mulan would never do anything like that, and that was all there was to it.

 

...It really would have been nice if she could have, though.

 

* * *

 

“Well, this is it,” said Ruby, outstretching her hands as she led Mulan up the stairs of the inn she'd bargained her way into. Mulan had kept herself busy in that time by searching around town for any leads as to the nearest werewolf pack. None had turned up yet. But Ruby wasn't in any mood to worry about that. "Twenty percent discount. Told you I could do it."

 

"Twenty?" Mulan arched an eyebrow, mildly impressed. "Hmm."

 

"You're very welcome," Ruby said with a smirk, unlocking the door and entering the small room first. She spun around and gave a mock-curtsy as Mulan stepped inside, casting her eyes around the place. “Ta da. What do you think?”

 

Mulan scratched the back of her head. “I've seen worse, I guess.” Ruby snorted. It wasn't quite the compliment she'd hoped for, but she planned on enjoying this night nonetheless, happily flinging herself onto the bed, glad to be out of the wilderness. “At least it should be warmer in here...” she heard Mulan add, sounding content to get out of the elements. It did get cold out there, some nights.

 

On Ruby's part, it was a relief to have a mattress beneath her back again, even if it was a pretty poor quality one. There wasn't much more she could have expected from a country inn. Not in this dimension, anyway. At least she'd been lucky enough to find one that had private rooms. That was one thing Ruby did not intend to compromise on for any reason, especially given Mulan's issues about being seen by others. Being comfortable in her presence did not mean Mulan could do the same around complete strangers.

 

“So where am I staying?” Mulan asked, nodding her head towards the door.

 

“You're looking at it,” said Ruby, nonchalantly gesturing at her surroundings. Mulan remained expressionless, waiting for the real answer. Ruby scoffed dismissively. "Oh, stop that. You're the one who complained about the cost. One room is cheaper than two. Besides, I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to have you share my bed again tonight,” she remarked, reclining back on her elbows with a devious glimmer in her eyes. “I mean, come on; I'm not stupid.”

 

“Very funny,” Mulan dryly replied, although she wasn't entirely unamused.

 

“Who's joking?” Ruby countered, throwing a pillow at her head. Mulan caught it. “Get over here.”

 

Mulan didn't comply. "Be serious for a moment."

 

"I am," Ruby insisted. She couldn't make it any clearer. "This is our room."

 

“...Right. That's fine." Mulan nodded, finally entertaining the notion that Ruby might not be messing around with her. Not about that fact, at least. "I take it you want me to sleep on the floor?" she said, sounding perfectly willing to do that.

 

"That's...not what I had in mind, no. I wasn't kidding about the sharing part,” Ruby casually admitted. Mulan blinked. “Does that make you uncomfortable?” Ruby asked, and it was a serious question. If this went beyond Mulan's boundaries, nothing more needed to be said.

 

“No, it doesn't. I mean, we already...” Mulan trailed off and shrugged, given that it wasn't necessary to describe how they'd awoken that morning. They'd both been there. Ruby didn't think there was any falsity in her response; it really wouldn't bother her. “But I—“

 

“Good. Then get in,” Ruby cut her off, failing to see the problem.

 

“Are you sure?” Mulan asked, as if unable to grasp that Ruby legitimately didn't mind the inconvenience. "It's no trouble. If you want that bed all to yourself, the floor's alright with me."

 

“If you're not in this bed in the next five seconds I will throw you in,” Ruby issued her final warning.

 

Mulan’s stare narrowed at that. “...You're going to do that anyway, aren't you?” she guessed, eyeing her suspiciously.

 

“You know me so well,” Ruby confirmed with an evil grin. “Come here.”

 

With that, Ruby got up and crossed the floor, wrapping her arms around Mulan's waist, picking her up with ease and playfully tossing her onto the bed. The mattress bounced beneath them when Ruby landed on top of her, and the bed creaked loudly upon impact, cause enough for a tense moment. Luckily, her concern was unwarranted; the wooden frame held. Nothing snapped.

 

"...Oh thank God, I thought we broke it," said Ruby, cracking up with relief. Mulan struggled to avoid doing the same, but her attempts to stifle her laughter were not met with much success. Ruby cleared her throat, regaining her composure and getting back on topic. "Anyway. You. Me. Bed. This is how it is, you hear?" she informed her, prodding Mulan on her shoulder, trying to look stern. "I mean it. Don't make me fight you."

 

“Okay. Fine. I'm here. You got me. No more complaints,” Mulan surrendered, a quiet chuckle creeping into her voice, much to Ruby's delight. This was exactly what Ruby wanted to achieve – to cheer Mulan up and show her a good time for as long as they were together. She would do anything if she thought it would brighten her day, even if it meant acting like a fool.

 

It wasn't an accident that she'd been more blatant in her sly remarks since their conversation last night, after having seen Mulan so distraught. Ruby didn't mean anything by it. Her antics were simply a means to take Mulan's mind off her problems. If being goofy like this was all Ruby could do to keep her in a good mood, then so be it.

 

Speaking of which, Ruby saw no reason to stop. Eliciting those shy smirks was awfully fun.

 

“You know, I've never had to work this hard to get somebody to spend the night with me,” Ruby commented as she straightened up, still perched on top of Mulan, who gave a vaguely sarcastic snort in reply. “I've heard of playing coy, but here's a tip: if an attractive, single woman asks you to come to bed with her, just say yes next time,” Ruby instructed, tapping her on the forehead.

 

“Because that's bound to happen so often,” Mulan quipped.

 

“Don't underestimate yourself; if you actually stopped hiding from the world, I think you'd find cute girls throwing themselves at you left and right," Ruby pointed out, as if daring Mulan to prove her wrong. The only response she received was an eye-roll. That scepticism was no great shock. "You think I'm exaggerating, but I guarantee you would clean house at a gay bar."

 

"I'll pass," said Mulan, distinctly uninterested. Ruby pursed her lips at that. Had Mulan given that answer out of a genuine absence of desire to seek affection, or was that just her shell talking again, keeping her closed off and isolated at the expense of her own happiness? Ruby's intuition definitely leaned towards the latter.

 

"...Hold that thought; we're going to come back to it," Ruby announced, raising one finger to warn Mulan that she could not avoid this conversation. "Trust me, we have much to discuss, and I am far from done. But, first things first: my offer of the blindfold still stands,” Ruby reminded her as she reached down to brush a lock of Mulan's hair behind her ear, her tone turning tender along with the change in topic. "I don't want you to feel weird around me during the night.”

 

“Does that matter now?” Mulan asked, ostensibly indifferent.

 

“Yes. Always,” Ruby insisted without a second of hesitation. There was no question of that; it was the only thing that mattered. Mulan averted her gaze at that quick response, unsure how to react. People being considerate towards her probably wasn't something she'd encountered very often in her life. That thought made Ruby's stomach churn, contemplating just how careless all of those so-called friends had been with Mulan's feelings over the years. She wasn't going to be that kind of person. “Seriously, will this be alright?”

 

Mulan sighed. “It's fine," she assured her. "What do I have left to hide, and what purpose would it serve? You've already seen me. I stayed up talking with you like that. We even slept in the same blankets. I think we're past that."

 

“Just checking,” said Ruby. Mulan had made a convincing argument, there. Even if she wasn't yet used to being so close to someone without her armour, there was no sense in taking a step backwards. Either way, Ruby wasn't going to challenge her decision.

 

“...Thanks,” Mulan added somewhat awkwardly. Despite her hesitance, her appreciation was heartfelt.

 

"Don't mention it." Ruby dismissively shook her head. She wasn't owed any gratitude; it was the right thing to do. “Although, you might want to rethink saying no to the blindfold so quickly,” Ruby proposed with a wicked smirk, resting her hands on the shoulders of Mulan's armour, prompting a puzzled expression. “Some people use them for fun, you know,” she teased, winking mischievously.

 

Mulan pulled a face at that. Apparently, she did not quite share Ruby's sense of humour.

 

Ruby gave an apologetic smile. “Too far?” she asked remorsefully, figuring her playful flirting had crossed a line.

 

“A little far,” Mulan confirmed, but she didn't seem offended.

 

“Yep. Thought so.” Ruby raised her hands, taking that as a cue to get off her. "Sorry."

 

"Don't be. It's fine," Mulan told her, waving it off.

 

"Good. Still sorry," Ruby reiterated no less sincerely. The last thing she wanted was to make Mulan uncomfortable, to any degree, and that comment had been more risque than most she'd made before. Harmless fun was only enjoyable as long as it remained exactly that: harmless.

 

She flopped back onto the bed at Mulan's side, releasing a relaxed breath. Hmm. Silence. ...Welp, time to get back to that other thing.

 

“So, are you only interested in women, or what?” Ruby asked without any further delay, curious to know.

 

"Excuse me?" Mulan's eyes widened in surprise, left more than a little bewildered by the sudden and startling shift sideways right in the middle of their conversation. “...Why? How is that relevant?”

 

“I can't help you meet anyone new if I don't know what kind of person you're into,” Ruby observed, rolling onto her side with her head perched atop her hand. It made perfect sense to bring it up; Ruby had promised that she was going to try to help Mulan get over her broken heart, after all. She intended to follow that vow through in whatever way she could, including this.

 

Mulan paled under her stare. Evidently, this was a tricky question. Ruby didn't prompt her any further, nor did she force the issue. Ruby simply lay there next to Mulan, waiting patiently for whatever answer she wanted to give, ready to hear her out.

 

“I'm not...I don't know," Mulan admitted, electing to be honest. That wasn't lost on Ruby. Things had definitely changed; there weren't many secrets between them anymore, after last night. It was comforting to see Mulan wasn't running away from unpleasant subjects like she had before. "Aside from Aurora, I've never really had feelings for anyone else. Not strong ones, anyway. I mean, women are...”

 

“Nice?” Ruby finished on her behalf. Mulan uncomfortably cleared her throat. Ruby took that as a yes to women, not that she'd needed any further confirmation on that. “What about other genders? How about men, to start with the obvious?”

 

“I don't know,” Mulan reiterated, unable to elaborate beyond that. It was almost as if she wished she could offer Ruby something more satisfying, but there was no better response than that. Anything definitive would have been a lie. "Maybe?"

 

"'Maybe'?" Ruby echoed, sensing there was personal experience behind that response.

 

“...For a while, I thought I was falling for Phillip," Mulan explained, muttering in monotone. "It went away quickly, though. In hindsight, it seems likely that any attachment I felt towards him was only friendship. Those feelings I mistook for more were probably just a normal reaction to him being kind to me." Ruby raised an eyebrow at that. Mulan shrugged. "Men normally aren't; I found it confusing."

 

Ruby half-smiled. That did actually make sense. "So I take it you've never...?” Ruby trailed off, leaving it open-ended.

 

“No,” Mulan answered plainly. “There's...Nothing. Nobody.”

 

Ruby couldn't say she'd expected a different response. She'd already assumed as much. After all, Aurora was Mulan's first and only love and those feelings had been one-sided. It followed that Mulan had likely never been with anybody in that way, whether physically or emotionally. She didn't strike Ruby as the type to surrender any part of herself to someone she didn't completely trust.

 

"Any particular reason for that, you think?" Ruby asked curiously. There was no judgement in her questions, just a heartfelt desire to listen and learn the truth. She wasn't entitled to know anything so intimate, of course, but everything Mulan told her might help her understand her situation better. The more she disclosed, the easier it would be for Ruby to nudge her in the right direction.

 

“What can I say? Romance has never been high on my list of priorities,” Mulan remarked, her hands loosely interlinked atop her chest.

 

“Because of the army thing?" Ruby ventured. That seemed like the most logical explanation.

 

“Yeah," Mulan confirmed. "I didn't exactly have a wealth of opportunities to figure these things out. I was too busy trying to stay alive, and also disguised as a man,” she recounted, speaking quite matter-of-factly about the whole thing, idly gesturing as she talked. “I wasn't even thinking about love or...other things when I was in the army, let alone looking for someone.”

 

“Fair point,” said Ruby, unsurprised. Dating would have been the furthest thing from her mind in that situation too.

 

Ruby didn't even feel the need to ask about what had happened more recently, since she left Aurora. It was pretty simple to figure out why nothing had changed. Heartbroken or not, Ruby couldn't imagine Mulan going out and hooking up with some stranger off the street to cure her loneliness. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it didn't fit with Mulan's nature.

 

As briefly as they'd known each other, it had become apparent that Mulan's shell was not easily shed. She found it hard enough to let people she _did_ know get close to her, never mind those she didn't. Giving any part of herself to some random person whose name she barely knew? For her first time? Yeah, no. That was...incongruous, to say the least.

 

Connecting with another person was the last risk Mulan had wanted to take after getting hurt. Her answer had been to withdraw into herself, away from others. Whether she would admit it or not, the prospect of opening up to someone else in any meaningful capacity had obviously scared the hell out of her. So, no, falling into the comforting arms of some pretty girl didn't strike Ruby as something Mulan would have done. Even if she had been tempted to try at some point, she probably couldn't have gone through with it.

 

But, on the other hand, these were different times, with different priorities. If there was one thing Ruby was sure of, it was that Mulan didn't need to keep living that way. She deserved to meet people and have fun instead of letting her life slip away, consumed by isolation.

 

If she was willing to take that chance and embrace the world around her instead of keeping others at a distance, it might put everything else into perspective and alleviate her heartache. And why wouldn't it? Feeling wanted could be pretty empowering. It certainly had been in Ruby's experience. As it was, Mulan didn't even seem to have the faintest clue what a catch she was, which Ruby thought was a travesty of the highest order. That had to be fixed immediately.

 

Aside from building her confidence, recognising that other possibilities were out there would surely make it easier for Mulan to picture love and happiness in her future. If she actually gained the courage to approach other people, it probably wouldn't be long before she came across a woman she liked. The right woman? Perhaps not right away, but someday. If nothing else, even a fleeting interest in someone else would distract her from Aurora for a while. Any of those outcomes would have been a marked improvement over her current prospects.

 

As those ideas sprang to her mind, Ruby couldn't help but smirk at her epiphany. Yeah. It was so obvious. There was no doubt that she had finally stumbled upon the answer she was searching for. After so many days spent pondering the matter, Ruby knew _exactly_ what Mulan needed to cheer her up, and she was the perfect person to help her take the plunge.

 

“Come on. Get up,” Ruby happily urged, hopping out of bed and gesturing for Mulan to do the same.

 

“Why? Where are we going?” Mulan asked, oblivious to Ruby's hidden agenda.

 

“Out,” said Ruby, grinning impishly as she pulled Mulan to her feet, gently pushing her towards the door before she could provide any resistance, determined to do everything in her power to make Mulan feel better. “Trust me. I'll be great.”

 

* * *

 

“It's terrible,” Mulan obstinately replied, not at all enthusiastic about the local tavern Ruby had dragged her to. Ruby glanced up at her over the top of her tankard. Three rounds of drinks in and Mulan still hadn't changed her mind. “I have no idea why you brought me here.”

 

“To have fun,” Ruby answered. Mulan rolled her eyes, making it plain that she had not succeeded in that mission. “Okay, sure, my first preference would have been a gay bar, but I don't see many of those around here, do you? Anyway, this'll do fine. There's nothing wrong with having a night out, having a few drinks and hitting on a couple of people. Take it from the Ruby Lucas side of me.”

 

“I don't think Ruby Lucas and I share a definition of 'fun',” Mulan muttered, downing more of her drink.

 

“Do you even have a definition?” Ruby wondered aloud. Mulan paused mid-sip, eyeing her. “...It's a legitimate question,” Ruby said frankly.

 

Mulan swallowed whatever caustic response was sitting on the tip of her tongue with her next mouthful of ale. Ruby chose to interpret that as her having no comeback, and allowed herself to smirk. It wasn't her fault it was true. A version of Mulan that knew how to let loose? Yeah, that was like trying to picture a snail with a salt fetish.

 

As it was, the two of them were seated at a table up against the cold stone wall of the crowded bar, half-concealed in the shadows cast by the small entryway. Mulan had insisted on sitting as close to the door as possible when they got there, in case she was recognised by anybody who bore a grudge against her and needed to make a hasty exit. Ruby thought that said quite enough about the way her mind worked.

 

Nevertheless, at least Mulan hadn't got up and left yet. Ruby supposed that was an accomplishment. Small victories, and all that.

 

“Seriously, you don’t have to keep closing yourself off,” Ruby persisted, not letting Mulan's sour demeanour cloud her mood. “You’re hot, you’re single, you don’t owe anybody anything. Even if you aren’t looking for love, you’re allowed to go out and have a good time. And, if you want to hook up with somebody for one night without commitment, that's fine, too. That’s not a bad thing, or something to be ashamed of."

 

"Why would I feel guilty about something I've never considered?" Mulan pointed out, the mild exasperation underscoring her tone gradually growing more pronounced, along with her stubbornness. Apparently, she'd come no closer to giving this a chance.

 

"The fact that you've never considered it is why we're here," Ruby informed her. That counter did nothing but deepen Mulan's steadily mounting frustration. “Gah, hold up a sec; I need another beer, and another shot too,” Ruby half-whined when she realised her cup had run empty, raising her hand to catch the barmaid's attention above the constant noise of the tavern.

 

“Make that a double,” Mulan chimed in despite her tangible displeasure, signalling as much with her fingers. “Knowing you, you probably expect me to try and take her back to our room tonight,” she grumbled under her breath not a moment later, her humourless comment carrying nothing but resentment towards Ruby's ridiculous obsession with forcing her to socialise.

 

“Hey, why not? If you wanted to sleep with her, would that really be the worst thing in the world?” Ruby asked, casual mirth glimmering in her eyes. Mulan fixed her with a dark look, failing to find that amusing. “Nothing wrong if redheads are your thing, right? I reckon she's pretty cute. What do you say? If you're up for it, you and me, we could both...” Instead of finishing that sentence, she simply raised her eyebrows in suggestion. Mulan's glare only grew colder. Ruby shrugged, unflustered. “I'm game if you are.”

 

If stares alone could kill, Ruby didn't like her chances of survival.

 

"What?" Ruby asked, as if she couldn't already guess.

 

“...We are no longer friends,” Mulan bluntly declared.

 

“Mulan...” Ruby drew out her name with a hint of warning, remaining unfazed by her companion's stalwart resistance to everything she was trying to accomplish here. "Giving me attitude is not helping your case."

 

“Who are you? Why are you talking to me? I've never met you before,” said Mulan, deliberately turning her chair at a ninety-degree angle away from Ruby, tilting it back until her shoulders were resting against the wall, refusing to acknowledge her any further.

 

“Look, I'm not—“ Ruby caught herself speaking a touch too loudly, holding her tongue when the very same tavern maid they had just been talking about came by. She poured more ale into their mugs and refilled their shot glasses with...whatever the fuck kind of home-made spirit that was. Ruby had the courtesy to wait until she was out of earshot to continue speaking, not wishing to be overheard.

 

“Okay, you know I was only kidding about that, right? So lighten up a little,” Ruby resumed, lowering her voice, hoping Mulan would come around if she chose to quit playing games and be direct with her. Mulan didn't seem especially forgiving, but she did relent enough to make eye-contact. “I'm not stupid: I'm not seriously expecting you to meet the love of your life in some bar in the middle of nowhere, or for you to find some random person to share your bed for the night. Don't get me wrong - if you do, that's great. I just figured you wouldn't.”

 

“Then why are we here?” Mulan asked the ever-looming question.

 

“Because you're so fixated on one unattainable woman that it's making you miserable,” Ruby answered truthfully, keen to do what she could to show Mulan the error of her ways. "No, Aurora doesn't love you, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone. You've spent so long beating yourself up over the one that got away that it hasn't even occurred to you that there are plenty more fish in the sea."

 

"I don't want those fish," Mulan responded through an almost tired sigh.

 

"See what I mean?" Ruby challenged, honing in on that reply. "Even now, you're cutting yourself off when all I'm asking you to do is relax and unwind. If that's your plan, how are you ever going to be able to notice when someone comes along who you _do_ want to be with, and who really could make you happy?" To her credit, Mulan offered no retort to that. "Exactly," said Ruby, taking that as a concession that she was right.

 

Sure, Ruby doubted Mulan would find anyone who caught her fancy in that bar, but that wasn't the goal. For tonight, Ruby just wanted her to have a nice time, feel good about herself, and forget her pain. Was that so wrong?

 

Mulan was an incredible person. She was drop dead gorgeous. And Ruby just couldn't accept the fact that she'd gone through her life never really feeling that way – without anybody romancing her, or charming her or making her feel special. She'd never been with anybody, or won another person's heart. Worst of all, Mulan didn't seem to think she ever could. It wasn't fair.

 

Admittedly, there wasn't much Ruby could do to remedy that, but this was a start.

 

On the plus side, Mulan appeared to be listening a little more after having heard her last point. At the very least, her demeanour had reluctantly softened. That was progress. Perhaps she sensed the wisdom in Ruby's insights. If not, maybe she had simply recognised that she was being excessively glum and miserable towards her, and that it wasn't getting her anywhere. Ruby didn't care to get hung up on the reason, but she was happy to take advantage of Mulan's marginally increased willingness to cooperate.

 

“You remember what I told you, right - back when we decided to travel together?” Ruby continued in earnest, hoping Mulan would eventually realise that her intentions were entirely pure and good. “I promised I'd help you get over your broken heart, and I meant it. So that's what I'm doing: I am fulfilling my end of the deal, and this is step one.”

 

“If falling in love with someone else is step one, I don't think you understand the purpose of steps,” Mulan remarked, although she finally cracked the closest thing to a smile Ruby had seen her wear since they'd left the inn shortly before dark.

 

“No, I do, it's just...It's a one step program,” Ruby clumsily backpedalled. Mulan snorted at that lame excuse for a cover-up. “Shut up. It is. We'll keep working on it until you get it,” Ruby insisted, refusing to let Mulan's scepticism and her own diminishing sobriety put her off.

 

Honestly, it was no wonder why Mulan had fallen into such a slump. Mulan had said it herself: nobody else had ever made her feel the way she did around Aurora, and it had become all too easy for her to believe she would never feel that way again. Accordingly, she was blocked off to the idea that there were other completely available people out there who would jump at the chance to be with her. She couldn't see past her pain. Ruby knew what that was like. She'd been the same way for quite a while. Worse, perhaps, after Peter.

 

Killing Peter had nearly destroyed Red all those years ago, hurtling her into a pit of despair that had not been easy to climb out of. Ruby made light of it now, following a hard-fought process of recovery, but, at the time, Red had honestly thought she had murdered the only person she could ever truly love, and that there was nobody else out there for her. Even if there was, she felt unworthy of it. Anyone whose affection could actually make her happy was a better lover than she deserved given her sins. Besides, she would have been a danger to them.

 

That pain may have passed but, in a way, Ruby hadn't completely abandoned that mindset. Although, these days, her pessimism about love was less because she feared and hated herself and more because she didn't really understand who she was. It seemed kinder to continue to live alone than drag somebody else into her drama and saddle them with all of her baggage.

 

That was why Ruby had to intervene; she couldn't watch Mulan condemn herself to such a fate. Helping her was the right thing to do.

 

“Argue all you want; I'm not letting you off the hook, Mulan,” Ruby kept going, spurred on by her own memories of loneliness and suffering. Sparing Mulan from the same isolation was the only motivation she needed. "I am your friend, and this is what friends do."

 

Mulan quirked an eyebrow. “Get drunk?”

 

“No. Well, yes. But that's more of a means to an end,” Ruby acknowledged, deciding to be upfront with her. “I told you this a while ago – either you had to break out of your shell, or I would break you out myself. This is one way I know how to do that.”

 

“I hate to tell you but, if drinking in bars is your solution, I was doing a pretty good job of that before I met you. What else did you think I was spending my money on?” Mulan offhandedly remarked as she took her next shot, raising it to her lips. However, as she did, her stare suddenly narrowed, fixing on something past Ruby's shoulder. “Speaking of my old job, I think I recognise that man over there. He might be the one I came to collect a debt from the last time I was here,” she noted, shifting further into the shadow to avoid being seen.

 

“Quit changing the subject,” Ruby said, too buzzed to focus on too many things at once.

 

“Don't say I didn't warn you,” Mulan told her distractedly, not losing her concentration on the guy. “If he comes over here with his friends and starts any trouble, I'm going to headbutt him. That's your cue to run for the exit. I'll cover you.”

 

“Shut up and drink already,” Ruby dryly replied, throwing back her shot and chasing it with a swig of ale. Mulan obeyed, doing the same. Ruby made a sour face and shook her head as she put her tankard back on the table with a soft clunk. The beer wasn't bad, but the moonshine or whatever it was was awful swill, not fit for the pigs. It was a good thing she wasn't drinking it for the taste.

 

What was she on now? Her eighth drink? Fuck, she'd lost count.

 

It had been a while since she could remember having this much. Probably since the most recent time she ceased being Ruby Lucas. The wolf inside her had long instilled the 'Red' part of her psyche with a deep-seated anxiety about losing control. She could ignore it now, but the fear of blacking out and transforming was an ever-present companion nevertheless, which never really made the thought of getting hammered a particularly enticing prospect, even though she knew she wasn't in any danger of changing.

 

However, if she was being honest with herself, transforming probably wasn't at the core of that fear. Not lately, anyway. No, what scared her more was that she didn't know what side of her might come out - what thoughts might be present, even while her body stayed the same.

 

The wolf, Red and Ruby were all there within her at once, regardless of which identity she physically resembled most. If she lost control, and the mask slipped from her fingers, who knew what she might say or do? The person who lay beneath all of those inhibitions was a person Ruby didn't know, and didn't trust - that inner-self she had yet to truly figure out.

 

But, weirdly, those doubts hadn't followed her between worlds. Such worries had never crept into Ruby's mind that night. Not yet, at least, because Ruby simply didn't feel that way around Mulan. She felt safe, like she didn't have to be on high alert all the time.

 

It wasn't that Ruby was any less capable of making her own fears come true than she usually was. Rather, it was that she didn't think Mulan would care if she did. From the moment they'd met, Mulan had shown nothing but acceptance for even the darkest sides of her fractured personality. She was at peace with whoever Ruby was. At her best. At her worst. A wolf. It didn't seem to make a difference to her.

 

For the first time in a while, Ruby wasn't afraid to let herself...to let herself just  _be_ without second-guessing everything. That was because, even if her true self turned out to be an absolutely horrible person who nobody else could stand, she got the feeling Mulan wouldn't bat an eye. She would take her as she was, no matter the form, as long as she was Ruby. Mulan didn't need her to be any more than that.

 

Thus, even with all the moments they'd spent bickering in that dingy little tavern on that night, Ruby had to admit that she'd enjoyed every second of it. Every day since they'd met had been a good day, even the worst ones back at the beginning, before they grew so close. Ultimately, Ruby wouldn't have traded the single most awkward second of her time with Mulan for the world. How could she, when there was something so...comfortable about being with her? It felt natural, easy, almost like a reunion of lifelong friends.

 

That sense of contentment Ruby felt in her company never faltered, not even when they got on each other's nerves. That stuff didn't really matter. What mattered was that Ruby knew her connection with Mulan was, in all respects, wholly unconditional, and it always would be.

 

More than anything else, that was the biggest reason why Ruby was so keen to return Mulan's kindness and help her obtain that elusive happiness she sought, in whatever way she could. Ruby couldn't do anything less than what Mulan had already done for her. And, whether she liked it or not, that included giving her some practice at going out and learning how to date other people.

 

“You said it yourself. You know that you need to let go of Aurora and move on,” Ruby reminded her, thinking of the words Mulan had uttered on the hillside last night. It was weird to think that conversation hadn't even taken place a full day ago.

 

“I am doing that,” Mulan protested. “I'm trying.”

 

“No, you aren't. One, you're being difficult. Two, you're behaving that way on purpose. And three, you don't even seem ready to let yourself so much as look at anyone else,” Ruby straightforwardly observed. "Have you even thought about what you want in a partner?"

 

“What's the point?” Mulan countered. Ruby struggled not to groan and bang her head against the table, feeling like she was getting nowhere again. “Desiring anything like that from another person is a waste of time, unless they're already looking at me too. I can't approach someone who doesn't want my attention. Not even for 'the Ruby Lucas brand of fun'. Whatever that entails.”

 

Ruby stared at her blankly. Even with the aid of advanced calculus, she didn't think she would be able to comprehend what she'd just heard, and all the ways in which Mulan was completely and totally wrong about absolutely everything.

 

“...Okay, Mulan? I don't know if you realise this, but you could walk up to any person in this room, and they would be putty in your hands like that,” said Ruby, snapping her fingers appropriately. Mulan scoffed, wishing she could escape this conversation. “Seriously, you're gorgeous. And I'm not just saying that because we're friends; you are insanely hot. You don't even have to try. You could have anyone. Any woman. Or man. Or anyone else. Or all of them at once. Whatever your preferences are, I don't know. Anyone you want.”

 

“I don't want anyone,” Mulan said flatly.

 

“How do you know? You haven't tried,” Ruby pointed out. “Besides, there doesn't have to be any desire behind it. Flirt for no reason. Who cares? Nothing has to come of it that you don't want. Just have a good time with a few people. You'll probably feel better. And, maybe, in time, you will actually find yourself wanting to go further than that someday,” Ruby hopefully suggested, taking another sip of ale.

 

“I doubt it,” Mulan responded in a dismissive mutter, visibly perturbed by the prospect of putting herself out there like that. “Maybe you haven't noticed, but I don’t really like people all that much."

 

“Is that true, or are you just so afraid of being rejected a second time that you won't even risk letting yourself _think_ you might fall for someone else again?” Ruby retorted, underscoring her poignant question with a pointed stare. Mulan said nothing to that, choosing not to meet her gaze. Ruby didn't doubt that she was right on the money. “If I’m wrong, then what’s the matter? This should be easy.”

 

“Easy for you, perhaps. Unlike you, I've never done this before. Even if I did take your advice, I don't think I'd know how to recognise if another woman was...interested in me,” Mulan confessed, crossing her arms in an effort to conceal her discomfort.

 

Ruby shrugged. “If she finishes her drink and takes you home with her, that's a sign.”

 

Mulan rolled her eyes at Ruby's wry smirk. "I shouldn't have told you about this village," she mumbled under her breath.

 

“Oh, come on! Humour me,” Ruby pressed, reaching across the table to implore Mulan not to leave, though she was too far away to touch. This was her best shot at getting Mulan's mind off Aurora for good; Ruby was desperate not to let it slip past her. “Just...take a look around this room. Do it. Please? For me? There has to be at least one woman, or man, or person of another gender here who catches your eye.”

 

“'Has to be?'” Mulan echoed sceptically, eyeing the other patrons. “...Are we at the same bar?”

 

“Don't be a jerk. I'm sure some of them are...nice,” Ruby weakly chided her, although she couldn't claim that Mulan was inaccurate in her assessment. “Look, I know nobody here is going to set your heart on fire, but you are still capable of finding other people attractive, right? ...Right?” Ruby asked, almost unsure of the answer. Again, not that there was anything wrong with that, but it would require a change of plans.

 

“Yes. I am,” Mulan reluctantly confirmed, if only to stop Ruby prodding her about it.

 

“Good. Then just...I don't know, tell me who you think the hottest girl is,” Ruby instructed amid a slight slurring of her words, fast approaching her wit's end. This conversation had gone around in so many circles that she'd almost forgotten the purpose of the exercise.

 

"What, like it's that simple? I don't know. I don't think about it," said Mulan, shaking her head. "Appearances are one thing, but you can't walk into a room full of strangers and know within seconds of glancing at somebody you've never met whether you'd ever consider..."

 

Her sentence suddenly trailed off. Ruby had averted her gaze, idly tracing a pattern on the table with her index finger as she tried to look innocent. Even without meeting her eyes, she could sense Mulan's expression shift.

 

"...Really?" Mulan asked, deadpan.

 

"You know, in a hypothetical sense. In my defence, that _is_ why we're here, and most of them are 'no's so far," Ruby asserted, unashamed of her ways. Somehow, Mulan did not appear even remotely surprised by that answer. Come to think of it, that did explain a lot about their differences. "Forget me, though; this is about you. You don't have to be shy or feel embarrassed about thinking someone is cute enough to talk to. If you can't decide, I'll even pick a girl and break the ice for you,” she offered, only meaning well by it.

 

“Great idea. I can't see how that would backfire,” Mulan remarked, nodding towards the half-empty cup in Ruby's hand.

 

“I'll still be better than you,” Ruby retorted without hesitation, having witnessed no evidence to contradict that assumption in the entire time they'd known each other. Mulan regarded her a little oddly following her frank quip, unsure what she'd done to warrant it. “Everyone needs to learn to crawl before they learn to walk, Mulan,” Ruby said, just a tad evilly.

 

Mulan flinched, as if wounded by that. "Do you speak this highly of all your friends or just me?"

 

“Prove me wrong, if it bothers you,” Ruby challenged, her curt response making Mulan choke on her drink.

 

"Do what now?" Mulan asked, resembling a startled fawn in the path of a semi.

 

“Seriously. You have the floor,” Ruby prompted, putting her on the spot. Mulan's alarm did not wane. “Go on. Imagine I'm a girl you like. You're trying to get into my pants. So, charm away. What would you say if you wanted to seduce me?”

 

“I...Something. You—I...Words?” was all Mulan managed to muster.

 

“Yeah, that's what I thought.” Ruby nodded sagely. Mulan hid behind her tankard, taking another drink. “Hey, you tried. You can only get better, right? So just tell me who you like and we'll go flirt with them.”

 

“No,” Mulan refused, ostensibly discouraged by the abysmal failure that was her last attempt and not endeavouring to repeat it.

 

“Don’t worry about screwing up. I'll be here to support you if anything goes wrong," Ruby reminded her.

 

“I'm overwhelmed by your confidence,” Mulan murmured sarcastically, sinking further back into her chair.

 

"Relax. Like I said before - you’re hot! You don’t even need to say a word," Ruby said cheerily, ignoring Mulan's dour demeanour. At that thought, she paused. "Actually, it's probably best that you don't,” Ruby advised, with a hint of wariness. Small talk with strangers definitely wasn't Mulan's forte. “I mean, unless we happen to luck out and find a girl who really likes in-depth discussions about swords. Then knock yourself out. Hell, _propose_. She's probably your soulmate, am I right?”

 

Her joke drew no response. Mulan wouldn't look at her, almost like she was hoping the shadows would absorb her and allow her to vanish if she slumped down low enough. Ruby winced remorsefully. Evidently, Mulan was not in any state to be teased. Fuck. The alcohol must have been impairing her judgement to make her say such insensitive things, even in jest.

 

"Sorry. That wasn't supposed to be mean, but I'm being an ass, aren't I? My bad. I'll shut up," Ruby sincerely apologised, sensible enough to realise she wasn't helping Mulan feel better. “Whatever. Forget that. Just pick someone before we think about going, alright? Make an effort with one woman.  _One_. That's all I ask,” she all but pleaded, getting back on track. “All you have to do is keep sitting there looking how you look and I'll go up to her for you and say, 'Hey, see my cute friend over there? She likes you'.”

 

“I also go by Mulan,” Mulan unhappily spoke up.

 

“'She also goes by Mulan'. See? We have a plan and everything,” Ruby enthused. “Trust me: all kidding aside, it’ll be fine.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” said Mulan, her tone laced with palpable pessimism as she cast her eyes around the bar. Her half-hearted gaze was undoubtedly more out of obligation more than submission. One gloved hand rubbed her head as if to ward off a headache while the other softly rapped its fingers against the table's stained, wooden surface. She seemed perplexed as to why Ruby wouldn't leave this alone.

 

But then, Mulan stopped mid-rhythm. Ruby watched a change wash over her face, her eyes opening a little wider, shedding the sceptical squint they'd worn before. It appeared Mulan was finally considering the idea that Ruby's plan to drag her out of her misery wasn't a completely useless diversion, and it looked like that was because she had actually noticed someone in that bar who piqued her interest.

 

Good. It was about time. It had only taken an eternity.

 

“You see anyone who stands out yet?” Ruby prompted, sensing that she had.

 

“...There is one, I guess,” Mulan began, leaning forward over the table, her gaze fixed upon her hands, loosely clasped around her tankard in front of her. She kept her voice hushed, like she couldn't bear to hear anything she was about to say as it left her lips.

 

“Really? Where? Point her out,” Ruby pressed, excitedly scanning the crowd of people gathered around the counter in search of this mysterious woman, eager to help Mulan find anyone who could take her mind off her heartache.

 

“I don't know if I...Look, don't laugh but, when I saw her, I...” Mulan hesitated, struggling not to stumble over her words. Her expression was strained and conflicted; it was clear she was second-guessing her decision to confide in Ruby. Ruby didn't rush her, letting her take her time. “I wasn't expecting it, but I...one moment, I looked up and, suddenly, there was this beautiful woman in front of me."

 

"Why would I laugh at that?" said Ruby, sincerely regretting her earlier teasing. If Mulan trusted her any less because of some dumb jokes, she would kick herself. Literally, if necessary. "That sounds really sweet. I didn't know you had it in you."

 

“Yeah, well, what can I say? There's something...Ugh, what's the word? Captivating about her. You can't look away from her,” Mulan said with a sigh, doing her best to speak as coherently as she could despite the potent mix of uncertainty and apprehension clouding her voice. "She just..." Mulan abruptly grimaced, letting her head fall into her hands, as if cursing her own stupidity. "Never mind. I should stop."

 

"No, you shouldn't. Please don't back out now. This is what you need," Ruby urged, glad to see that Mulan's interest in women didn't begin and end with Aurora anymore. "Tell me what she looks like. Come on. I can't introduce you if I don't know who she is."

 

"...Okay," she agreed, giving a single nod and lowering her hands. Ruby beamed, turning away to look for this enchanting stranger. Ruby sensed Mulan's eyes hovering on her for a second before joining her in scouring the tavern. “She has long dark hair. She's, uh...exactly your height, actually. Pale skin. Green eyes. And she's wearing red,” Mulan told her, willing her anxiety to fade.

 

Ruby furrowed her brow in uncertainty. That was strange; she couldn't see anybody who matched that description. It should have been pretty easy to spot someone wearing red. It wasn't a common colour in their midst.

 

"Honestly? The first time I laid eyes on her, I was...dumbstruck. I couldn't think or speak," Mulan admitted, as if powerless to pretend otherwise. "She's stunning. I used to think it was a figure of speech when people used that word, but it's not; I was stunned by the sight of her. Do you know what it's like to see someone so perfect that it legitimately renders you speechless to look at them?"

 

"Yeah, well, no risk of that from me," Ruby tentatively muttered as she glanced back at Mulan. She didn't want to criticise her when she was wearing her heart on her sleeve, but Ruby was unable to help but arch a perplexed eyebrow at Mulan's sudden mood-swing.

 

What the hell had happened to her? For most of the night, Mulan had been a stone wall of self-imposed seclusion, deriding the idea of finding a single worthwhile person in that tavern no matter what Ruby said to persuade her. And yet, barely minutes later, Mulan was openly professing her infatuation with some complete stranger somewhere in the room, sounding like a hopeless romantic.

 

This behaviour was so unlike her. It was weird - like an alien had hijacked Mulan's body. And Ruby couldn't help but think there was nobody in their immediate vicinity who deserved her adulation. Most of the people in that bar were...mediocre, at best. Not that Ruby was being cruel, but Mulan was so far above the local clientele that it wasn't funny, yet she was the one playing poet.

 

Well, anyway, it wasn't her business to judge Mulan's taste in women. Even if she could do better.

 

A lot better.

 

“Are you sure she's still here? Because I can't see anybody like that,” Ruby said, patiently continuing her search despite her reservations about Mulan's surprisingly low standards. “Wait, is she behind that tall guy?” Ruby wondered aloud, squinting and craning her neck to see past him.

 

“No. Keep looking. You'll know when you see her. Anyone would,” Mulan replied, earning a slightly annoyed glance.

 

Yeesh. If Mulan loved her so much, why didn't she marry her? Nevertheless, Ruby obliged. "Okay. I'm looking," she huffed.

 

“Her eyes are absolutely enthralling. Breathtaking, really,” Mulan continued, as if in a daydream. Ruby could hear her growing more confident and more certain with every word she spoke, no longer stammering or struggling to express her thoughts or muddling up her sentences or second-guessing her choice to come forward about how she felt about this girl.

 

Whoever she was, Ruby disliked her already. She couldn't have been that great. Most likely this was nothing more than a few too many drinks affecting Mulan's judgement. In that case, it only made sense that Ruby should be the sensible friend and cut in to pull Mulan away from this place before she settled for someone beneath her, or did something she would regret in the morning.

 

“She seems sad, sometimes, even though she tries not to be. I wish she wasn't, because her smile just...” Mulan trailed off, running her forefinger around the rim of her tankard, swept up in her living fantasy.

 

“What, have you met her?” Ruby retorted with a snort. Yep. Mulan definitely wasn't sober.

 

“Don't misunderstand me; I don't want anything from her. Not love, or sex, or for her to look at me that way," Mulan said honestly. "I just want to stare into those eyes of hers and see them light up when she realises what I'm saying to her, and that every word I've told her is true. I think she's an incredible person, and I hope she never doubts how much she means to me.”

 

“Alright, seriously, stop there,” Ruby cut her off, having heard far more than she could stand. “'How much she means to you'?" she echoed, wondering if Mulan had lost her mind. "Wow. That's...Yeah. Don't you think you're going a little overboard?”

 

“I have to: she's completely unable to take a hint,” Mulan abruptly finished.

 

“Huh?” Ruby blinked at her with a vacant expression, certain she'd misheard that. All she saw was Mulan looking directly at her. A small, expectant smile slowly unfurled across her features, a glimmer of mirth peeking through the cracks in her normally humourless façade.

 

That was when it clicked.

 

Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

“...And, there it is,” said Mulan the moment she knew Ruby understood, victoriously raising her drink to her lips.

 

Ruby was certain she must have turned a shade of red to match her name because it suddenly felt warm in that tavern, and it had nothing to do with the ale in her system. Her heart was racing. She couldn't move, not even to speak, not that it would have done her any good if she could. Ruby didn't know what to say, or how to react. How could she do either when this had been completely unexpected?

 

Sure, she had jokingly flirted with Mulan more than a couple of times. Well, perhaps 'jokingly' was the wrong word, because Ruby had certainly never been lying about how attractive she thought she was. But this was the first time Mulan had ever returned serve, so to speak, and taken her on at her own game. Up until now, the harmless banter had been entirely one-sided. And, now that it wasn't?

 

Wow. Um...Just...Wow.

 

Ruby didn't feel like she was on the ground. She could have been levitating ten thousand feet in the air, for all she could tell. Her mind hummed with the same vibrations that were rippling through her skin. The only thing Ruby knew in that moment was that, hearing Mulan say those things to her? It felt good. Very good. Indescribably good. So good, in fact, that she didn't want her to stop.

 

“...I didn't offend you, did I?” Mulan broke the silence, a little unsettled by Ruby's lack of a response.

 

No. She certainly hadn't done that, Ruby thought. Quite the opposite, really.

 

Without another word, Ruby picked up her drink, draining every last drop before slamming the empty tankard down on the table and tossing in a few too many coins by way of payment. “Come on,” Ruby said with a grin, grabbing Mulan by the hand, pulling her out of her chair and dragging her towards the door before she could complain. “We're leaving.”

 

“Why?” asked Mulan, not sure if she was in trouble for what she’d said.

 

“I'm taking you home with me,” Ruby answered, casting a wry smirk back over her shoulder, winking at the woman behind her. Dense as she could be sometimes, Mulan had no trouble inferring her meaning, remembering Ruby's comment from earlier.

 

“Huh. That's funny. I could have sworn you said something about learning to crawl before I could learn to walk,” Mulan remarked, her tone almost taunting as they stepped out into the cool night beyond.

 

“Watch yourself. I know we’re sharing a room, but you could still talk your way out of my bed tonight,” Ruby playfully warned her.

 

“Apparently, I can talk my way back in,” Mulan quipped, following her through the lantern-lit streets. Ruby chuckled at her casual suggestiveness. Damn, Mulan really was committed to playing the flirting game with her now. Good for her.

 

“So could most people,” said Ruby, turning around long enough to wag a finger at her. “Don't get cocky.”

 

"Hard not to be," Mulan replied as she reached out and took Ruby's hand, pulling her closer. Ruby's breath caught momentarily, her feet frozen in place. “I made you blush,” Mulan pointed out, revelling in that fact.

 

“No, you didn't,” Ruby insisted, though her voice lacked the strength it should have had.

 

“You're doing it right now,” Mulan observed.

 

“Pssh. I...Alcohol. Duh,” Ruby half-stammered, trying very hard to ignore the way her skin tingled as Mulan stepped into her personal space.

 

“Mhmm. Sure,” Mulan said smugly. She didn't back away.

 

Ruby saw her own breath turn to fog in the darkness. It was shallow, shaky. Her chest had tightened, constricting the flow of air. A shiver ran down her spine, her senses on edge. Ruby's eyes fell to Mulan's lips. She was hyperaware of just how small the space was between them, and how easy it would have been to make it disappear entirely. Would Mulan recoil if she noticed it shrinking ever so slowly?

 

Not only did Ruby not want Mulan to stop saying those things she'd said before, she wanted her words to mean more the next time she uttered them. 'I don't want love, or sex, or for her to look at me that way'? Too bad, Ruby thought, because she was looking at Mulan in exactly that way. She fucking was. And, in that moment, with the drinks going to her head, it was incredibly hard to resist doing a hell of a lot more than that.

 

Another second and Ruby wasn’t sure she could promise herself that she wouldn’t do something really stupid.

 

“Alright, fine. You win,” Ruby surrendered, pushing back against Mulan’s chest to force some space between them, desperate to stop the effect that being in such close proximity to her was having on her body, and her thoughts. She almost lost her balance with how fast the world was turning beneath her feet when she staggered away. “...Jerk,” Ruby added after regaining her equilibrium, covering her self-doubt with a weak attempt at playing it all off as part of the game. It looked like Mulan bought it as such.

 

“See? I'm not as useless as you think I am.” Mulan smirked roguishly, taking a few backwards steps towards the inn.

 

"You did good once, Mulan. _Once_ ," Ruby insisted. Mulan didn't seem to care.

 

“Ruby Lucas was right; that _was_ fun, and I _do_ feel better,” Mulan said, infinitely pleased with herself for finally getting one up on Ruby after all this time. “Now I know why you like to flirt so much. I should do it with you more often.”

 

“Yeah. Anytime,” Ruby mumbled, lingering behind and watching Mulan head on down the street. She sighed heavily once Mulan was far enough away, running a hand through her hair as she caught her breath, trying to calm the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

 

This was really happening, wasn't it? Holy shit, it was. And it wasn't going away.

 

Ruby raked her fingers down her face, groaning as the realisation crashed into her without even a hint of subtlety.

 

Fuck everything - she wanted Mulan.

 


	4. Just Nod Your Head And Get Up

 

"This doesn't count, by the way," Ruby informed her just as they reached the inn.

 

"What?" asked Mulan, needing a little more context for that abrupt assertion.

 

"You flirting with me," Ruby answered, regarding Mulan with a smirk and coming to a stop in the street outside. "You did not fulfil your end of the bargain back there. That means this is not over," she teased, mock-warning in her tone.

 

"There was no bargain. I never agreed to anything," said Mulan, unwilling to go through that debacle a second time. Not so soon, anyway. "And, technically, I did exactly what you said," Mulan pointed out, playing innocent. She wasn't lying, either.

 

"No you didn't. I told you to make a real effort with one woman," Ruby countered, holding up her index finger. Her words were a little slurred when she spoke. All the alcohol must have been catching up with her. "You know damn well I meant someone other than me. You chickened out on purpose," she accused, moving that extended finger forward to prod Mulan in the chest.

 

"Hmm. Funny. That's not what I remember," said Mulan, scrunching up her face in pretend-thought. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you told me to go after the most beautiful woman there," Mulan reminded her with a casual shrug. "That's what I did."

 

Ruby tried very hard not to smile at that comment, though she didn't quite manage to fight it off. Only a couple of seconds passed before she reached out and lightly thwacked Mulan on the arm in chastisement, no doubt knowing she wouldn't feel it at all through her armour. "Still doesn't count," Ruby firmly stated, making her way inside the inn.

 

Mulan concealed all but the faint beginnings of a grin, glad to see that Ruby was enjoying the attention. Getting these welcome reactions out of her was easier than she'd anticipated. As long as she kept receiving positive signals, Mulan saw no reason to stop anytime soon.

 

"What? Was I wrong?" Mulan asked, acting oblivious as she followed her through the door. "I am new to this, so I may have poor taste..."

 

"No, you were right. But I already knew that," Ruby quickly quipped, fluttering her eyelashes with feigned vanity. After a moment, she pursed her lips, appearing to consider the matter. "You know what? You do make a solid case, though," she said, like an investigator mulling over the clues in a complex mystery. Mulan arched an eyebrow, failing to discern her meaning. "We really were the two hottest people there. It's no wonder you didn't see anybody worth noticing. We have to try somewhere way better than that next time."

 

Mulan sighed, realising Ruby hadn't abandoned her commitment to this idea. "Ruby..."

 

"Seriously, it's worth another shot," Ruby insisted, turning to face Mulan in the empty entryway, eager to convince her. "Small towns like this obviously aren't where you're going to meet the woman of your dreams. We need to go to a place where there's plenty of pretty girls to choose from - a city!" she enthused, too excited to notice Mulan rolling her eyes. Ruby really wasn't going to let this go.

 

"What about werewolves?" Mulan spoke dryly, shooting down Ruby's grand plans with sense.

 

"Huh?" Ruby blinked, that concern having slipped her mind in her inebriated state. When it sank in, she brushed it off, waving her hand dismissively. "Eh, forget that. They could turn up anywhere. It makes more sense for me to follow you and, you know, help you look for love than to run around aimlessly," Ruby said, softly rubbing her left arm beneath her cloak. "What do you say?"

 

"Thanks, but I'm not interested," Mulan honestly replied, much to Ruby's disappointment. Mulan softened upon seeing her frown. "I mean, I already have you, don't I?" she continued, stepping closer to Ruby. "That's hard for anybody to compare with."

 

Ruby glanced down at that, uttering a shy sort of chuckle. "You learn fast, don't you?" she murmured, meeting Mulan's gaze again. There was just enough candlelight to see the tinge of pink on Ruby's cheeks. "You're going to make a great girlfriend, someday..."

 

"Maybe. But not today," said Mulan, letting one hand rest on Ruby's shoulder. "You're the only woman in my life right now."

 

"Fair warning: when you meet another, I'm going to tell her you said these things to me," Ruby teased, reaching out to brush some of Mulan's hair back behind her ears. "You should be cautious. I may end up fighting her over you. I can get pretty territorial. And not because I'm a werewolf. That's another negative stereotype, I'll have you know. Any jealousy is all me, I'm afraid."

 

"I'd believe you if you weren't so busy pushing me to fall for someone else every chance you get," Mulan remarked.

 

"Hey, I'm complicated." Ruby beamed at her, but her smile was a brief one, beginning to fade after only a moment. Mulan saw her eyes drop lower, a curious look passing over her features. Mulan didn't know what to make of that odd mannerism. "You've...never been kissed before, have you?" Ruby asked, her teeth thoughtfully grazing her lower lip.

 

"No," Mulan admitted. It didn't even occur to her to lie, or hide that from Ruby. "It's like I told you; I haven't been with anyone, so, if you can name it, I haven't done it." After a pause, Mulan's stare narrowed, scrutinising Ruby. "Why do you ask?"

 

Ruby glanced up at that question, as if snapped out of a stupor. "What? No, it's...I don't know, it's nothing," she said, laughing in a rather stilted fashion as she stepped away, rubbing the back of her head. "Don't-Don't mind me. I'm just being weird."

 

"Right," Mulan sceptically replied, folding her arms across her chest, watching Ruby withdraw. Mulan saw straight through her. "You don't have to lie to me, Ruby; I know exactly what you're thinking," she announced, electing to be upfront with her suspicion.

 

Ruby's eyes widened in alarm. "Y-You do?" she stammered.

 

"Yeah." Mulan nodded, crossing the floor towards on her way to the stairs. "Listen: I know you don't believe me, but the truth is that I'm fine with the fact that I haven't done that yet. Or anything...intimate. I don't need you to go out and find the nearest warm body to help me fix it," she stated firmly, hoping to put an end to Ruby meddling in her love life once and for all.

 

"Oh. Pfft. Yeah. You caught me." Ruby swallowed to clear her throat, having the decency to look a tad guilty as Mulan swept past her. "...But I mean, can't you at least _try_?" Ruby asked, trailing behind Mulan on her way up the small flight of stairs.

 

Mulan contained the groan burgeoning in her throat, but it took a great deal of restraint to withhold it. "If I don't understand the definition of 'fun', you definitely don't understand the definition of 'no'," Mulan commented, not sure she could make her objections any clearer. Ruby was nothing if not persistent. Too persistent, unfortunately.

 

"I'm not pressuring you. I just want you to be open-minded," Ruby declared, protesting her innocence.

 

"Keep your voice down," Mulan shushed her, in part to dodge the issue, but mostly because she was not keen to make enemies of their fellow guests. Even hushed sounds resonated through the whole building at that silent hour, and Ruby was talking a lot louder than that. Predictably, she didn't excel at controlling her volume after how much she'd had to drink. “People might be sleeping.”

 

“Nah, it's fine. We're the only ones here,” Ruby answered, lazily gesturing at the small common area when they reached the second floor. Mulan sent her a puzzled look, unsure how she knew that. “It's how I got us that discount; I could tell they were struggling for customers at this time of year. This town does not get a lot of through-traffic, and the few travellers who come by fill up the cheaper inns with no separate rooms,” Ruby explained, acting just a tad smug at her accomplishment. “Told you I know this business.”

 

“And you had the nerve to say you fail at everything,” Mulan remarked, taking every opportunity to point out how untrue that assertion was.

 

“Yeah, well, only most things.” Ruby flashed her a smirk as she withdrew the key to their room and began unsuccessfully fiddling with their door handle. “Ah, fuck,” she cursed, her fingers drunkenly fumbling and slipping over the tarnished metal, unable to get the key into the lock. “...I think it's broken...” said Ruby, pouting. Mulan tried not to smile. At least she was a touch more sober.

 

“Here, let me.” Mulan stepped in, placing her hand on top of Ruby's and guiding the key into the lock. Ruby hesitated, her breath faltering. Mulan felt her stare linger on her cheek. “You can turn it now,” she prompted, releasing her gentle grip on Ruby's wrist.

 

“Oh. Sorry. Just...spacing,” Ruby muttered before opening the door.

 

“Yeah, I've noticed,” said Mulan, following her giddy companion inside. “Go on,” she urged, softly nudging Ruby towards the bed. It was a good thing they'd left the bar when they had; Ruby had obviously hit her limit. The only true cure for Ruby's tipsiness was for her to sleep it off. Hopefully, her head wouldn't make her regret her excess in the morning. "Get in there."

 

“Normally I'm the one saying that,” Ruby remarked, but she didn't resist Mulan's fingers against her back, letting them spur her over to the edge of the bed. “And to think I accused you of playing hard to get. Little did I know, all it would take for you to want to spend the night with me in a cheap hotel was an evening out and a couple of drinks. Seriously, that barely even counts as a first date. How scandalous,” Ruby teased with a breathy voice and a mischievous smile, turning to face Mulan. "I never would have picked you to be so...forward."

 

"I'm full of surprises," Mulan dryly replied.

 

Ruby snorted. "No, you're not."

 

"Try me," Mulan challenged, placing two fingers on either of Ruby's shoulders. She barely had to apply any pressure before Ruby complied with her unspoken request, sitting down with her hands on the bed behind her. She was teeming with a strange kind of energy. Mulan could see her eyes darting around without resting anywhere too long, like she wasn't entirely sure where to look.

 

“...So do you get undressed first or do I get undressed first?” Ruby joked to break the silence. She soon shook her head at her own words. “Wait, that's a stupid question. It's always me. Duh. You have your...armour thing,” said Ruby, awkwardly laughing at herself.

 

“It's alright. I told you, I'm not worried about that,” Mulan quietly assured Ruby, waving her forefinger to dismiss that issue altogether. “But, before we go to sleep, there's something I have to do,” she said. With that, Mulan knelt down on the ground before her.

 

Mulan thought she saw a change pass across Ruby's features in the darkness. A glimmer of surprise, most likely - confusion at her actions. The pace of Ruby's breathing quickened, and much of the humour fell from her face. She held Mulan's gaze, unblinking.

 

“What are you, uh...?” Ruby nervously trailed off, as if unable to finish asking the question.

 

“I'm sorry I was rude to you tonight,” Mulan said sincerely, making amends for her miserable behaviour back at the bar.

 

Ruby exhaled heavily, realising what this was about. “You weren't,” she insisted, dismissing the need for her supplication. “You're right. I get it. I do. I pushed you to do something scary when you weren't ready for it, and I didn't listen to you when you said no,” Ruby conceded with a shrug. Mulan was glad to see she understood that despite her less than sober state. “That was...dumb of me.”

 

“Either way, you were only trying to help in whatever way you thought was right,” Mulan continued. “Did it make me uncomfortable? Yes, at times. But there are better ways I could have expressed that than taking it out on you,” she conceded, glancing down at her hands, wishing she'd been more direct about her reasons for rejecting Ruby's interference, or more willing to cooperate with her from the outset.

 

“Please don't apologise for that,” said Ruby, momentarily hanging her head.

 

"I just did," Mulan pointed out, which made Ruby smile.

 

“You know I'm coming from a good place, right?" Ruby asked, as if afraid she might have strained things between them. "I don't mean to act like a jerk in how I go about it but, when I'm being all...weird and single-minded, it's only because I think it will help.”

 

“I never doubted that,” Mulan told her, resting her hand on Ruby's knee to console her. “I knew you wouldn't make me do something I didn't want to, and you didn't. I shouldn't have...been so tense. You've earned more trust than I gave you tonight,” Mulan said, smiling. “Besides, I have to admit, going out with you wasn't so bad,” she added, gently squeezing Ruby's lower thigh.

 

The corners of Ruby's lips curled upwards. “No, it wasn't,” she whispered, regarding Mulan fondly. “We should do it again.”

 

Mulan tilted her head to one side in thought. "Technically, I suppose it's what we do every evening."

 

Ruby gave a light-hearted huff. “You know what I meant.”

 

“Yeah, I do,” Mulan warmly replied. At that, she pushed herself up, her hand still atop Ruby's leg as she did so. Right when she arose, Ruby abruptly drew breath and scooted away from the edge of the bed without a word of warning. Mulan blinked, unable to study her expression in the pervasive shadows shrouding the room. Well, that was unexpected. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Everything is fine! Um, I...Yeah, I'm just really looking forward to a good night's sleep in a real bed!” said Ruby, snuggling up against one of the pillows as if to verify her reply. "Mmm. It...sure is good! And real! Which is...really good? Haha. Ha..."

 

Mulan eyed Ruby curiously. There was something remarkably off-putting about her whole demeanour. Her tone was...artificial. However, it didn't take long for Mulan to deduce what her unnaturally un-Ruby-like behaviour might have been intending to imply.

 

“We could stay another night, if you want. We do have the money for it, and I know you were desperate to come here,” Mulan suggested, intuiting that Ruby was dropping unsubtle hints about how much she didn't want to leave this inn when morning broke. “We didn't have much time to ask about werewolves today, either, so it's not a diversion,” Mulan acknowledged with a shrug, taking off her gloves and starting to undo the fastenings on her armour. She may have preferred to opt for frugality, but not at the expense of Ruby's happiness.

 

Ruby stared at her through the darkness, though her expression was imperceptible. “...Ask me again tomorrow,” was the answer she gave. Mulan arched an eyebrow at that vague reply, but soon brushed it off, unconcerned. Of course Ruby was acting strangely; she'd had a bit too much to drink, and Mulan wasn't all that far behind. They both needed a good night's rest.

 

"Okay, I'll do that," Mulan nonchalantly replied as she took up Ruby's former spot on the edge of the bed, getting undressed. It seemed to take a minute for it to occur to Ruby to do the same. "So, what happens next?" Mulan asked, breaking the encroaching silence.

 

"I'm not sure I follow you," said Ruby, removing her corset and blouse.

 

"You know I've never taken a woman to my bed before," Mulan remarked, failing to conceal a wry smirk. "I might need some advice."

 

In response, Ruby hit her with a pillow. "Figure it out yourself; I'm not drawing you a diagram," Ruby warned her.

 

"Oh, they have diagrams?" Mulan asked, doing her utmost to keep a straight face. Ruby stared at her until her expression cracked, then whacked her again, the pillow thumping against her armour. Mulan didn't bother to stifle her laughter. "You have terrible aim."

 

Ruby snorted. "I have perfect aim. I'm just not targeting your face because I like you pretty," she said smugly.

 

"Well, I suppose one of us has to be," Mulan quipped. That time, she did shield her head, and wisely so. " _Ow_."

 

"Not laughing now, are you?"

 

"I am on the inside," Mulan teased, earning another thwack. "Again, ow."

 

"Shut up."

 

* * *

 

Perhaps it was selfish of her, but there was no doubt in Ruby's mind that sharing this bed with Mulan was the best decision she'd ever made. At least, that was what she thought when she awoke to find her head comfortably nestled on Mulan's shoulder. It felt amazing to be so near to her, and to have her all to herself. They fit together perfectly. Ruby settled back in, not wanting to get up.

 

How long could she stretch out this moment, Ruby wondered. She was happy to remain where she was, pretending to sleep until Mulan awoke. That sounded nice. It would give her more time to dream about how sweet it would be to wake up like this every single morning.

 

Unfortunately, other, more rational thoughts stirred in her mind, prompting Ruby to open her eyes. How could she fantasise about that when she couldn't stop thinking about all those things Mulan had said to her back at the bar? And Ruby really couldn't stop; she'd tried.

 

The instant she'd realised Mulan was flirting with her, it was like a switch had been flipped inside her brain, and she couldn't unflip it. In every moment that had passed since then, Ruby's mind had been filled with nothing else but...well, distinctly non-platonic thoughts about her very hot, very sexy and very single companion. They were still there even as Ruby lay next to Mulan, snuggled up tightly against her.

 

Why was she reacting like this? It made no sense. It had just been harmless banter on Mulan's part. Not a lie or a joke, obviously; Mulan had openly admitted that she hadn’t made up any of those compliments, but her words were only intended in a friendly way.

 

...So why did Ruby wish they hadn't been?

 

Ruby exhaled slowly. Welp, it was official, she supposed – another new friend, another stupid crush. She really needed to break that pattern. And yet, here she was, going through it all over again, pining for someone she shouldn't want. Only, this time, it was a little different. For once, the woman she was falling for wasn't straight. How did that change things? Did it? Should it?

 

Mulan definitely liked girls. Some, anyway. Occasionally. So, did that mean Ruby ought to consider listening to these feelings? Did that mean her interest had the potential to be mutual? Did Ruby even want anything to come of it? Ugh. It was so confusing.

 

All she was aware of was the fact that her hand was resting on Mulan's chest, atop the fabric of her shirt. Ruby dared to ask herself if she should move her fingers, curious to discover whether Mulan's skin tingled with electricity as much as hers did wherever they touched. As quickly as the thought sprang into existence, Ruby stopped herself and recoiled, pulling away, withdrawing to the edge of the bed.

 

No. Boundaries. No. Bad. Even thinking about doing something like that was inappropriate in ways that made her skin crawl.

 

Ruby sat up, hunched over with her feet on the floor, rubbing her temples as she worked to clear her head. What was she doing? She couldn't just start...lusting over Mulan. It was sketchy as hell, and it would probably freak Mulan out if she knew.

 

Huh. Lust. Ruby turned that word over in her mind. Was that what this was? It had been a while since she'd scratched that itch, and Mulan was right there, looking...well, looking exactly the way Mulan looked. Enough said, really. But, on reflection, that didn't sound right.

 

Whatever this was, it wasn't skin deep. Mulan was more than just a pretty face. She was a truly incredible person, with a beautiful soul. Ruby wasn't ashamed to say how much she utterly adored her. It certainly wasn't crazy to feel drawn to Mulan, especially given the emotional intimacy that had quickly flourished between the two of them. Sometimes it felt like they'd known each other for years.

 

So, was that the answer, then? Had Ruby misinterpreted the intensity of their bond for romantic desire because she was lonely and sad and craving affection? Was Ruby unable to help but project the desperation that came from missing everyone she'd left behind onto the one person who made her feel any shred of happiness in a world that was otherwise extremely isolating for a poor, lost, little werewolf?

 

Okay, Ruby thought; she had to figure this out, fast. First things first: what was she feeling towards Mulan? Attraction? Yes, definitely, and Ruby also cared for her very deeply. There was no doubt about either of those things. But what else? What did it mean? Why so suddenly?

 

Until now, Mulan had been her friend and nothing more. A ridiculously hot friend, sure, but as recently as twelve hours ago Ruby had only appreciated Mulan's looks in a purely aesthetic way. She was entitled to do that, wasn't she? But it never went beyond that. Really, Ruby wasn't lying; it honestly hadn't entered her mind that there could ever be a legitimate spark there. Even though they were both single and both enjoyed the company of women, none of that meant they had to be interested in each other or that anything had to happen, right?

 

So what if Ruby had thought Mulan was cute from the moment she'd transformed back into a human on top of her? Of course she had; Mulan was one of the most gorgeous women she'd ever met! Who in their right mind could fail to notice her beauty? But that was as far as it went. Ruby could swear under oath that she had never harboured a desire for the two of them to...go further, so to speak.

 

Or, was that a lie? Had Ruby secretly felt this way about Mulan all along and unconsciously passed it off as something more innocent?

 

Either way, Ruby supposed the next logical question was _why_ she had never seriously considered this. Mulan had practically everything anyone could want in a woman. Even her flaws were charming. So why hadn't Ruby been interested in her in that way any sooner? Why had these feelings crept up on her so quickly and hit her with all the delicacy of a tonne of bricks collapsing on her head?

 

Well, in truth, Ruby did have an answer for that, or at least a possible explanation. As it was, neither of them had been looking for that kind of thing, whether from each other or anyone else. Relationships. Romance. Sex. It wasn’t on their radar, or hadn't been, previously.

 

It wasn't like it had ever mattered how beautiful Ruby thought Mulan was; it wouldn't get her anywhere. Mulan had sent out pretty strong vibes that she was unavailable right from the outset, what with being one permanent marker away from having 'I am not over Aurora' written all over her. And Ruby? Well, she had been so preoccupied with her search for a new home among other werewolves that it hadn't occurred to her to contemplate any prospect of romance entering her life, knowing that it would be temporary and, sadly, unfulfilling.

 

So, that had sealed it – there was nothing to think about there. Nothing would happen between them. It just wasn't an option. Ruby hadn't looked at Mulan like that, and she knew damn well that Mulan hadn't looked at her as a potential partner. She never would.

 

But now? Now, Ruby was questioning everything she once assumed. All it had taken was one signal, even if there had been no real intent behind it on Mulan's part, and suddenly Ruby couldn't stop thinking about being with her, in some way. In any type of way, really.

 

Could there be something more between them? Should there be? Emotionally? Physically?

 

Maybe it was excessive to fall for someone she had only known for a measure of days, but whatever her feelings were, they had hit her hard, and fast. The connection Ruby shared with Mulan was unlike anything she'd found with another person, and far deeper than she thought possible after that fateful day when she'd discovered what she was in the most gruesome way imaginable. As such, Ruby had known that Mulan was uniquely special to her long before the question of romance ever factored into their friendship.

 

Ever since she had been with Mulan, everything had become...sharper. More real. It was like her eyes had been concealed behind a fine mesh all her life, only to finally have it taken away. Now, for the first time, Ruby was seeing the world around her clearly.

 

While she may not have known it, Mulan made the earth beneath her feet turn faster. She made the Sun warmer, and its light brighter. Images were crisper. Colours were more vivid and vibrant. Every sensation, every touch was more intense. Ruby's emotions were...louder, instead of being muffled behind layers of melancholy and clouds of self-doubt. Thanks to Mulan, Ruby had almost forgotten how it felt to be lonely.

 

Two nights ago, Mulan had said that Aurora's days were made no better or worse by whether or not she was in them. Maybe that assertion was true, but it wasn't for Ruby. Not at all. Her world had been lifeless and empty before Mulan stepped into it. And now it wasn't.

 

Perhaps that was why their connection was so potent. Mulan may have thought she didn't matter to anyone else, but she did here - she did to Ruby. She was too humble to realise just how much. That was why there wasn't a single thing Ruby wouldn't have done to make her happy, because Mulan was already doing that for her, whether it was on purpose or entirely by accident. She did it every day.

 

In truth, Ruby couldn't remember feeling more alive than she did when she was with Mulan. But was she just confusing that with passion? Or was the fact that Ruby had fallen for Mulan precisely why this newfound sense of happiness existed at all?

 

More importantly, beyond the issue of defining what these emerging feelings were, there was the question of whether Ruby had any business pursuing them. Asking Mulan to return her affections...was that morally right? Could she do that to her, knowing she might get hurt? It was far from an abstract concern. Ruby knew better than anyone that Mulan was in an emotionally vulnerable place after Aurora. She'd had her heart so badly broken that she still hadn't fully recovered. What kind of person would risk subjecting her to that pain again?

 

They could never have a real relationship. Mulan wasn't a werewolf. Ruby needed to find a pack. They both knew that. It was the whole reason they'd met. So, what kind of person would Ruby be if she led Mulan on, and tempted her to put her fragile heart on the line?

 

Once this journey was over, what then? Ruby would have to break it off and wave goodbye. That was it. Did Ruby really have it in her to do something so cold to someone she cared about so much, just to seek her own selfish pleasure in some temporary fling?

 

No, she didn't. Doing that to Mulan wasn't fair. It would have been taking advantage of her. Wouldn't it?

 

It was inevitable that they were going to be parting ways sooner than either of them would have liked. For Ruby to start something with Mulan without being committed to it seemed an awful lot like abusing her trust. No, it seemed  _exactly_ like that. To drag her into a deeper connection only to turn her back on her and walk away when the day eventually came would have been breaching the personal vow Ruby had made in her own mind two nights ago - her promise to protect Mulan and to prioritise bringing her happiness above all else.

 

Even if Ruby confessed her feelings selflessly, motivated only to see Mulan smile, she might get the wrong idea. She might hope for more. That would have been a huge mistake. Ruby did not want to take that gamble, in case it complicated their relationship.

 

Whatever the intent, Mulan had been hurt enough by love. She didn't need to go through that twice. Ruby was not renowned for her excellent judgement, but even she could see that professing these feelings to Mulan was a pretty fucked up thing to do. Being careless with her heart was not an option. Letting her grow attached only to abandon her was a cruel trick to play on a woman in her condition.

 

So, perhaps staying silent was best for everyone involved. Ruby couldn't put personal desire ahead of friendship, especially when their connection already meant so much. She didn't want to ruin their bond by asking for something that might make Mulan pull away.

 

Things had been going well, right? Why mess that up?

 

Being attracted to Mulan didn't necessitate that anything had to change between them. This definitely wasn't the first time Ruby had harboured secret feelings for a woman who only considered her a friend. She knew how to accept disappointment and push her romantic and sexual interest aside. She'd dealt with it before, she could do it again. The only issue was that Ruby was a terrible liar.

 

It was true; she was horrible at it. Ruby couldn't act convincingly to save her life. Her face tended to give everything away. But, then again, this was Mulan she was talking about. Suffice it to say, interpersonal communication was not her forte. Ruby had never disliked that about her - if anything, she found it rather endearing - and, in this case, it was most definitely a blessing. Why worry about sending signals that inadvertently betrayed her affections? It wasn't like Mulan would pick up on them. She'd be clueless. Adorably and mercifully clueless.

 

That settled it, then. Mulan didn't need Ruby as a lover. She needed her as a friend. No sex. No dating. No romance. No nothing. Just friends.

 

...Although, that being said, Mulan was also a grown woman who could make her own damn decisions.

 

Really, if this attraction was mutual – and Ruby couldn't assume that it was – wasn't it patronising for her to tell Mulan, 'No, we can't do this, I know what's better for you than you do'? Wasn't it up to Mulan to decide whether or not to risk getting hurt? Would she be in any danger of that, even? Her heart might be far more resilient than Ruby was giving her credit for. Maybe she would enjoy a fun little fling.

 

Okay, no, Ruby didn't actually believe that last part. It didn't strike her as Mulan's style. But the point remained: Ruby didn't _know_ that summoning her courage and telling Mulan the truth would invite disaster. There had to be ways that it could all work out fine.

 

As long as they were open and honest and communicated with each other, was there anything wrong with exploring this? It was no secret that Ruby was going to leave someday. Mulan was aware of that, and she had been ever since they set off and bid Merida farewell. If they both understood that they only had so much time together, no one would develop unrealistic expectations.

 

Letting things go further didn't have to cost them their friendship, did it? Wasn't there some kind of middle ground where things didn't have to be complicated or messy? Or was any relationship with Mulan only ever destined to be, at best, another Ruby fuck-up?

 

“Ugh.” Ruby groaned, her palms tightening against her forehead, fingernails tangling in her hair. Whatever this was, she had to chill the fuck out and stop over-thinking it. She was tossing so many thoughts around at a thousand words per minute that she was getting annoyed by the sound of her own inner voice. At this stage, all she was doing was freaking out over nothing.

 

As far as Ruby knew, these feelings might just be a one-time thing. She couldn't deny that she might wake up tomorrow without any lingering attraction in her system. Maybe this was nothing more than a fleeting crush. Even if it never went away, so what? There was no need to be weird about it. Having romantic thoughts wasn't the same as acting upon them. Ruby was content to be unselfish in her desire.

 

What was the problem with falling for Mulan? Ruby wouldn't do anything stupid. She could keep her proverbial pants on.

 

If she just reminded herself that Mulan was off-limits every time temptation arose, it shouldn't affect anything, right?

 

“Hey. You okay?” Mulan murmured, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she stirred. Ruby cast her gaze back at her, and saw Mulan lying there in little else but her shirt, the sheets lazily pooled around her hips. "Headache?" she asked, sensing something was amiss.

 

“Nope, no hangovers here. There's no problem. Everything's fine,” Ruby whispered in reply, regarding her with a small smile. It wasn't a lie, either. When she got to wake up to the sight of Mulan looking at her like that, she could hardly complain about her life.

 

“Mmm. Good.” Ruby didn't avert her eyes, even as Mulan got out of bed. Given the warmth of the inn, she had...forgone her leather pants last night. Ruby watched her pick up her boots and head over to her armour to get dressed. Eventually, Mulan noticed the stare that followed her footsteps across the room. “What?” she said, completely oblivious to how effortlessly entrancing she was.

 

“Nothing. I'm just admiring you,” Ruby answered honestly. The easiest solution to being the world's worst actress was to tell the truth, right? It was certainly easier than forcing her way through a poorly-rehearsed and robotic sounding lie.

 

“Okay, as long as that's all it is,” said Mulan through a yawn, unfazed by Ruby's casual flirting. “Go ahead.”

 

Ruby didn't need to wonder whether Mulan detected the sincerity behind her comment or not. She obviously hadn't, but that didn't matter. What was important was that it didn't feel any stranger to say that than it had before Ruby started developing these feelings for her, which was good to discover. She didn't need to let guilt or anxiety plague every innocent interaction, because liking Mulan the way she did wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Nothing was ever going to come of it. She could keep it to herself. So why be shy?

 

There was nothing wrong with continuing to make flirty comments, even if Ruby meant them more than she did in the past. The important thing was that Mulan wasn't uncomfortable with them. Sure, that was also because she didn't know about Ruby's attraction, but so what? That didn't change the fact that they were just compliments, not an attempt to push for anything more between them.

 

As far as Ruby was concerned, this journey was the same as it ever was, even as she idly watched Mulan pull her tight leather pants back on. A smirk came to her lips, and she glanced aside when she felt a touch of warmth in her cheeks. All that had changed about travelling with Mulan was that Ruby was going to appreciate the view a hell of a lot more along the way. Was that so bad?

 

Yep. This was nice. Ruby certainly didn't have any objections to this arrangement, if things continued as they were. Helping Mulan heal was still the goal. That would never be different, not even if the whole world turned upside down, and it would never come at a price.

 

Whatever else happened along the road, Ruby had no intentions of ever becoming an obstacle to Mulan's happiness.

 

* * *

 

“I'm sorry we didn't turn up any information about other werewolves,” Mulan told her when they finally left that town behind, getting back on the road a little after midday. Despite asking around the village again that morning, including at lunch, they had come no closer to discovering any evidence of where others like Ruby might reside. “I hope you're not too disappointed.”

 

“Huh? Oh. No. Don't worry about it.” Ruby shook her head dismissively. “We'll find them eventually. I can be patient. Everything is...We’re good.”

 

Mulan arched an eyebrow at her, but didn't comment. Ruby had been uncharacteristically distracted that morning. She would utter hums at appropriate intervals as if she was listening to people talk, only to tune back in with a clueless tilt of her head as if she hadn't heard a word that was just spoken. Mulan wasn't sure why she was like that. Maybe she was feeling foggy after their night out. It wasn't anything particularly concerning, though - not by a long shot. Nevertheless, the subtle changes in Ruby's behaviour hadn't gone unnoticed.

 

“I think I might need to become a wolf again soon, though,” Ruby continued. Mulan blinked, surprised that it had become an issue again so suddenly. “I've been having, uh...urges. And a dream,” Ruby finished her explanation through a cough, unable to meet her gaze.

 

“Already? Hmm.” Mulan scratched her head in confusion. She wasn't sure why, but she'd been under the impression that Ruby only needed to transform once every month, perhaps for a few days at a time. Evidently, that was a baseless assumption. Then again, maybe Ruby just wanted to devote more time to embracing her life as a wolf after repressing it for so long. Mulan couldn't fault the logic in that.

 

Come to think of it, that also explained why Ruby was acting strangely. Wolf stuff. Whatever the cause, it was good to see Ruby letting go of her fears, though. Keeping that aspect of herself so rigidly restricted and locked away was precisely what had made her identity feel so fractured. The quiet sorrow that had plagued her for so long was a direct result of that insurmountable sense of separation.

 

Not that Mulan was an expert, but that was what she'd gleaned from her conversations with Ruby, as well as her own observations.

 

“Is that alright with you?” Ruby asked, evidently uneasy with her ambiguous response. "Me transforming again?"

 

“Of course it is, but it doesn't matter what I think,” Mulan answered, a slight sigh creeping into her tone. “You don't have to ask my permission. This is who you are, and being who you are isn't a subject you have to seek others' opinions on first. You could go in the middle of the night if you needed to. Just, you know, leave me a message or something so that I know you haven't been abducted.”

 

“Well, maybe you don't think letting me off the leash is a big deal, but it is. Your trust means a lot to me. So, whether you deserve it or not, I'm going to say thank you, anyway: _thank you_ , Mulan,” Ruby told her, sincere in her appreciation.

 

Mulan shrugged nonchalantly, seeing no cause for gratitude. She didn't understand the cravings Ruby's kind wrestled with, but it was never her place to deny who she was. Ruby had said it herself: she was as much a wolf as she was a human. Both aspects had to be in harmony for her to feel at peace. Mulan couldn't comprehend why anyone would want her to be otherwise. Although, maybe that was more a factor of people's ignorance than outright malice. Maybe her friends hadn't realised their convenience came at such a high cost to her sense of self.

 

Nevertheless, asking Ruby not to be a werewolf was as ridiculous as asking her to not be a woman, or to stop being bisexual. How could someone encourage Ruby to deny or seek to alter what was fundamentally and irrefutably part of her? It wasn't possible. Suppressing the wolf side of herself was merely living a lie. That was the entire reason why being in Storybrooke had made her miserable.

 

With any luck, Ruby would be able to go back there one day, and resume living her life free from the discord that had hindered her in the past. Mulan hoped things worked out that way. It was clear she wanted that - that she missed her friends terribly, and wished she could be content in their company. If circumstances did enable Ruby to return home, Mulan might even have to take her up on her invitation to visit someday.

 

Nothing would have made Ruby happier than to reach a point where her lives as both a wolf and a human could truly coexist. Mulan didn't know enough to speculate as to whether or not that was achievable, but she could be sure that Ruby was adamant in her belief that it wasn't. She had told Mulan outright that she was too dangerous to be around humans while she was in that form, justifiably terrified that they would suffer the same fate that had befallen her first love. Maybe she was right, but maybe her fears were at least partially unwarranted.

 

Mulan couldn't help but wonder if that young man's death had primarily been due to everything going wrong, rather than an inevitability. What if he'd unwittingly made avoidable mistakes? Perhaps there were ways a human could meet the wolf without sharing his untimely end.

 

Hmm. Food for thought.

 

“Before you make plans and mentally rearrange our whole chore schedule, I'm not going to let it happen tonight. I can't risk shifting until we're a safe distance away from the village,” Ruby assured her, earning a nod of acceptance from Mulan. That was a sensible decision; they wouldn't be able to get far by nightfall. “Hopefully things go a little more smoothly than they did the first time."

 

“They should. I have a better idea of what to expect,” said Mulan, looking a great deal less sheepish than she felt at the memory of that mini-disaster. She really had panicked over nothing. “If you're gone for a few days, I promise I won't overreact again.”

 

“Yeah, don't wait up. I hereby grant you permission to sleep,” Ruby remarked with a priestly gesture, trying not to make her smirk too blatant. After a moment, she sniffed, catching wind of an enticing aroma. “What is that? Is that food?” she asked, tracking the scent to Mulan's pack.

 

“I'm surprised it took you this long to notice. You're not slowing down on me, are you?” said Mulan. Ruby didn't seem sure whether or not to be offended by that, but it was true that her mind did appear to have been preoccupied with other things lately. “I stopped by the markets before we left. You said it yourself: what's the point of carrying money with me if I never spend it on anything?”

 

“So this means we finally have snacks?” Ruby asked brightly, immensely cheered up by that. “Thank you. I always get hungry when I feel...wolfy. Keeps my teeth busy, I guess,” she explained, leaning forward to try and sneak a peek inside Mulan's pack. “What'd you get?”

 

Mulan lightly slapped her hand away. “Hey, no,” she chastised her, much to Ruby's displeasure. “We just had lunch, and we're a week away from the next village. Longer, if we stop for wolf business. Pace yourself, or else we're going to run out, and then you'll be mad at me.”

 

"I don't get mad at you," Ruby argued.

 

"Yes, you do. Often," Mulan replied through a snort. "You're very mean to me. I'll have you know I'm a sensitive soul under all this armour. You might even have hurt my feelings a couple of times with your cruel words. _Both_ of them," she teased, feigning being upset.

 

"I am not mean, and I'll beat you up to prove it," Ruby jokingly played along, raising her fist like a childhood bully. "Come on, give me your backpack. I may not have a pillow to whack you with, but I've got all the same skills. I'll find something else if I have to."

 

"Go ahead. You still won't get any food," Mulan retorted. Of course, the main reason why Mulan was protecting her pack had nothing to do with food at all. Rather, there was a little something else she'd secretly bought for Ruby at the market earlier that morning. This was hardly an appropriate moment to bestow that small token of her appreciation upon her, and she didn't dare spoil the surprise.

 

“Ugh. Fine,” Ruby reluctantly gave up her side of the battle, accepting defeat. “Let my low blood sugar be on your head,” she warned, playfully prodding Mulan's temple. Mulan went with the motion, tilting her neck to one side until Ruby pulled her hand away.

 

"I don't know about having that on my head but, for what it's worth, you're always on my mind," Mulan replied, seizing the obvious opportunity.

 

In response, Ruby regarded her with a warm, thoughtful grin. "Look at you," she said, affectionately nudging Mulan's arm.

 

"What?" Mulan prompted, curious what she'd done to earn that comment.

 

"You, being like this. It's nice," Ruby answered tenderly. "You seem...happier lately. You're smiling and joking a lot more," she observed, pointing out the change in Mulan's personality. "No offence but, when I first met you, I didn't picture you being funny on purpose."

 

"Thanks," Mulan said sarcastically, having no trouble interpreting exactly what Ruby meant by that.

 

"Hey, I said 'no offence'," Ruby muttered innocently. "Anyway, luckily, my first impression was wrong on that count."

 

"Not entirely - I just didn't feel like doing those things before," Mulan admitted as she glanced down, thumbing the strap of her pack. It wasn't a figment of Ruby's imagination. Mulan did feel...lighter. She had ever since their conversation on the hillside under the moonlight, when she let Aurora go for good. "You said it yourself; I was wallowing in self-pity. I didn't realise how right you were about that until I stopped."

 

"So does that mean you're getting better?" Ruby asked, cautiously optimistic. "No more broken heart?"

 

"...Let's settle on 'healing'," Mulan offered as a compromise, hesitant to overstate her progress. But she really didn’t feel that pain in her chest anymore. Not quite so constantly, at least. It didn’t hurt to carry those memories. "That's thanks to you," Mulan acknowledged, making eye contact with Ruby again, and that was no exaggeration. She couldn't have come this far on her own. Her recent past was proof of that.

 

“I made you a promise, didn't I?” said Ruby, warmth twinkling in her gaze. “I'm glad this journey has made a difference. I'll admit, I wasn't convinced it would work when I suggested it. But I guess that's how you know you didn't make the wrong choice by coming with me.”

 

“No, this definitely wasn't a mistake,” Mulan assured her. Far from it. Coming with Ruby was the best decision she'd made in her entire life.

 

"So, this is the post-Aurora Mulan, huh?" Ruby observed, pondering her like some ancient artifact. "Wow. I can't believe I'm finally seeing it. And you know what? I like her. She's way more cheerful than the old one. I could get used to this. Seriously, though: stay this way. Forever."

 

"I'll do my best," Mulan promised, and she meant it. Even if she wasn't entirely certain of who this new, non-lovelorn version of herself was, Mulan didn't plan on falling back into old habits. She'd been stuck in a rut for far too long, avoiding change and growth because she was too afraid that any hopeful road she dared to follow was only another dead end. That wasn't the way forward. Ruby's way was.

 

"Did I ever tell you how cute you are when you smile?" Ruby asked, slipping comfortably into flirtation.

 

"At least twice," Mulan answered honestly.

 

"Really?" Ruby pouted. "Ah, that sucks. I need new compliments."

 

"Yeah, you're getting a little stale there," Mulan confirmed, as if trying to put it tactfully. "You need to work a lot harder, especially if you plan to keep up with me," she taunted, remembering how easy it had been to one-up Ruby at her own game - on her first attempt, no less.

 

Ruby wasn't impressed. "Two words, Mulan: beginner's luck."

 

"That's the same excuse everyone makes right before they lose," Mulan smartly pointed out.

 

"Keep making jokes. But remember, I'm the one who made you smile like that," Ruby said through a victorious smirk, stepping in front of Mulan and reaching up to slowly trail her forefinger down her cheek. "That means I'm still way ahead," Ruby declared with a wink.

 

Mulan shrugged. "Can't argue with that."

 

* * *

 

"Aren't you going to say it?" Mulan broke the silence that had descended upon their campsite.

 

"Say what?" said Ruby, putting on her cloak to cover her near-nudity after getting undressed.

 

"We've spent two nights in a row sleeping next to each other, and you've said nothing about whether we should make it a third," Mulan pointed out, illuminated by the firelight flickering in the centre of their camp. "Are you sure you're not sick? That's very unlike you."

 

Ruby somehow avoided blushing at the implication. That unconscious response was precisely why she hadn't joked about it. But now she had no choice but to try and act casual about the subject. "Do you really think I have such a one-track mind?" Ruby said, huffing indignantly.

 

"Yes," Mulan answered bluntly.

 

"Ouch. Consider your invitation rescinded," Ruby teased, feigning offence. She saw Mulan smirk at that, enjoying the banter between them. Ruby knew she hadn't been exaggerating when she pointed out how much more laid-back Mulan was acting. It was a welcome development.

 

"Anyway, you should think about heading to bed. I want to get up early tomorrow," said Mulan, reaching down for her pack as her attention returned to more serious business, never losing sight of their journey. Slightly vexing though her relentless focus could be at times, Ruby was glad one of them was organised. She would have been lost without her. "A full day on the road should put us b—ah!" 

 

Suddenly, Mulan winced in pain. Ruby's senses sprang to high alert at the sound, turning her head in time to see Mulan relax her grip on her bag just as quickly as she'd picked it up to sling it over her shoulder. She let it drop to the ground, clutching at her arm.

 

"What happened? Are you okay?" Ruby asked, immediately racing to her side, alarmed by the visible discomfort etched upon her face.

 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Mulan assured her, trying to wave her away, but Ruby was having none of it. "I mean it. It's nothing. I just picked it up at a bad angle," Mulan insisted, sitting down atop her own blankets, rubbing at a sore spot on her neck.

 

Ruby snorted, not believing that for a second. "Right. As if. You pulled a muscle in your shoulder when you were collecting firewood this afternoon, didn't you?" she guessed with a determined glint in her eye, kneeling next to Mulan.

 

"...I might have," Mulan admitted.

 

"Mhmm. I knew I saw you moving gingerly before," Ruby replied, touching Mulan's arm to examine it. If she was in pain, she refused to show it. It was gradually becoming the norm for her not to wear her armour when they were in camp, even if Mulan occasionally retained a sense of awkwardness at feeling under-dressed. "Pride aside, I don't know why you insist on doing so much heavy lifting on your own."

 

"Why shouldn't I?" Mulan challenged, slightly affronted by the implication that she was anything less than self-sufficient.

 

"Um, hi. Have we met?" Ruby remarked, casually picking up the very bag Mulan had struggled with as if it weighed nothing, holding it with one hand to demonstrate her ease. Mulan had the decency to look suitably scolded when Ruby tossed the pack straight to its intended destination without any effort. It landed right in front of her armour. "Just ask me for help when you need it."

 

"Normally, I don't," Mulan answered, meeting Ruby's gaze to reinforce her sincerity. "We've just been spending so much time travelling that I haven't found the time to look after my body properly. No stretching. No other exercise. The late nights probably haven't helped."

 

"You need to be more careful, if not for your own sake then for mine. If you get injured, we are not going to be in a good way; I do not deal well with responsibility," Ruby noted, and she wasn't kidding. She'd always preferred to follow rather than lead.

 

A flash of guilt crossed Mulan's expression, reluctantly accepting her point. "I'll try to do better."

 

"Good, because I'm not liking what I'm feeling back here. I mean, I _am_ , but...Ooh, wow, you're really tight, aren't you?" Ruby said through a grimace when she placed her hand on a knot in Mulan's shoulder. "How long have you been carrying all that tension?"

 

"Don't worry about me. It'll stop hurting in a few minutes," Mulan insisted, pulling away.

 

"Nuh uh. That's not happening." Ruby shook her head, cracking her knuckles and shifting around to sit behind Mulan.

 

“Ruby, what are you doing?” Mulan asked suspiciously, holding onto her hand to stop it from taking any action whatsoever.

 

"Unless you're a contortionist, you can't reach these spots by yourself,” Ruby straightforwardly answered, just as she would have if this had happened on any other night. “Come on. Let me help. I'm not much of a masseuse, but you'll feel better, I promise."

 

"You're just using this as an excuse to get my shirt off, aren't you?" Mulan dryly quipped.

 

"What? N-No. Pfft. You and your...crazy talk," Ruby deflected that accusation, hoping that Mulan hadn't caught onto her newfound attraction somehow. As soon as Ruby spoke, she stopped abruptly, realising her hasty denial sounded a million times more incriminating than she'd intended. "...Would it work?" she asked, lamely attempting to pass her horrible acting off as a joke. Mulan's snort told her it had succeeded. That was a relief. So much for playing it cool. "Alright, alright. Deny me my fun. Seriously though, you can keep it on."

 

Mulan sighed, relenting her grip on Ruby's hand. "Okay. Do what you need to do," she said, facing forward.

 

"Good. You'll thank me later," Ruby guaranteed her, brushing Mulan's hair over her left shoulder to keep it out of the way.

 

Attracted to her or not, there was no ulterior motive behind this. Ruby had no designs of making things weird or awkward, or looking at Mulan in a way that she shouldn't have without her permission. She wanted to help because they were friends, first and foremost. Nothing was different. So, Ruby set about working through those sore points on Mulan's back, ridding her body of rigidity and stiffness.

 

"Let me know if I'm pressing too hard, okay?" said Ruby. “If you are hurt, I'd hate to make things any worse.”

 

"No, you're fine," Mulan assured her, giving Ruby free rein to dispel the tightness in her muscles. Ruby tried to keep a decent balance between being tender and firm in her touch, aware her strength could get away from her sometimes. "Ah!"

 

Ruby narrowed in on a sensitive area on her shoulder blade, near her spine. "There?"

 

"Yeah, that's the one," Mulan confirmed, her voice a little raspy.

 

Ruby let a sympathetic shadow fall across her features, sensing the pressure that had built up beneath Mulan's skin. It was easy to deduce how much stress Mulan had been subjected to over the years, both physically and emotionally; it was all contained right there in her body. This tension was simply a manifestation of being placed under that enduring strain for so long.

 

The more Ruby pondered it, the more she began to think it was a miracle that Mulan's body hadn't shown any other signs of wear and tear so far. As a soldier, she'd lived an extremely strenuous lifestyle for over a decade, going from war, battle and bloodshed to wandering the world alone. Ever since she left her home and her family, Mulan had carried the weight of so many burdens unaided, with nobody she could trust enough to share the load, and no permanent place she could stop to rest her head when there was a pause in combat.

 

It was no mystery why most people in Mulan's line of work weren't granted the privilege of retiring of their own volition, even if they were lucky enough to avoid having their lives cut short. No doubt, the only reason Mulan hadn't sustained any chronic or career-threatening injuries was that she was still young enough to bounce back when things went awry. Or maybe she was just that special.

 

"Are you sure you're a normal human?" Ruby asked, curious.

 

"Unless my parents lied to me about where I came from," Mulan answered, her body shifting ever so slightly with each motion of Ruby's hands against her shirt, her thumbs rubbing deep circles on either side of Mulan's back. "Why do you ask?"

 

"No reason. It would just explain a lot about you," said Ruby, her eyes drifting as she slipped into idle musings. She let her gaze follow the alluring curve of Mulan's bare neck, imagining tracing that perfect skin with her fingers. Then her lips. Then her tongue. Ruby swallowed when her stare lingered, her mouth suddenly very dry, and her mind blank, losing her train of thought.

 

"Like what?" Mulan prompted. Her voice snapped Ruby from her daze. Ruby internally kicked herself, realising her hands had stopped moving in her moment of distraction. That was definitely not what she needed to be picturing. Mulan was off-limits; she had to keep it clean.

 

"It's...it's nothing, I'm just...You really are incredible, you know?" said Ruby, glad Mulan wasn't looking at her. She was not good at masking her expressions. One glimpse of Ruby's face would have revealed everything, even to someone as romantically oblivious Mulan. "You're one of the most powerful people I've met, which is saying a lot given most of the others on that list can use magic and you can't, or they have some special ability that you don't. Hell, I'm a werewolf and I don't think it's a stretch to say that you could easily kick my ass."

 

"You're selling yourself short," Mulan commented. "I mean, I did reveal a few of my tactics to you."

 

“That was your first mistake,” Ruby joked, feigning an evil chuckle. Mulan's humility came as no surprise, though. She never underestimated or denied her own abilities, but she never boasted, nor would she accept greater praise than she had earned. “Look, never mind. I don't know why I asked, I'm just...You're very impressive, is where I'm going with this. Take the damn compliment.”

 

“Do you want to know my secret - how I became the person I am today?” Mulan asked, casting a glance back over her shoulder. Ruby nodded, genuinely intrigued. “Hard work,” Mulan answered, as frank as ever. "Everything I can do is the result of thousands of hours of practice."

 

Ruby sighed. "For the record, words like 'easy' and 'quick' are far more marketable. The truth sucks; people like bullshit."

 

“Sorry to spoil your fun," Mulan remarked. "Really, though, I'm not gifted. Maybe some people are, but I can only speak for myself. I became who I am by devoting myself to being the best, because I had to be. If you did the same, I wouldn't like my chances against you.”

 

“Hmm, see, the thing about me is that I don't want to be the best at anything, least of all fighting,” Ruby informed her, dreading the thought. She had never been the kind of person who 'trained'. Internal motivation was not her strong suit. She got bored easily and did not have the patience to wait for results. Plus, she didn't enjoy hurting others. She'd caused enough harm. "I just want to be okay."

 

“I know,” said Mulan, stretching her neck and rotating her shoulder as Ruby finished her massage, testing to see if it hurt any less. “Maybe that's what sets me apart from other people. Without my family, I didn't have anything left that mattered to me. Learning swordplay and honing my skills became my whole life - my singular focus. That mindset was what let me make the most of myself.”

 

"Obsession?" Ruby ventured.

 

"That's, uh...Okay, you're not wrong," Mulan somewhat awkwardly conceded.

 

“Well, for my part, I'm glad you're obsessed,” said Ruby, combing her fingers through Mulan's hair, letting it cover her neck once more. “If you were any different, you wouldn't be you, and then I'd be all alone on Team Misfits by myself. Trust me; I would tire of that quickly.”

 

“Is it still a team if it's just one person?” Mulan asked. It was no joke, either; she was actually pondering that thought.

 

“Maybe. I do have multiple personalities, in a sense, so they might count,” Ruby pointed out. Mulan smirked at that.

 

"Alright, enough chit-chat about my old life. Turn around," Mulan instructed without further delay.

 

Ruby blinked. "Excuse me?"

 

"You did me, I'll do you," Mulan said casually. Ruby did her best not to react to that unintentionally suggestive choice of words. Come to think of it, facing the other way would keep her expressions hidden, so Ruby complied, not wanting Mulan to see how flushed she was.

 

Ruby let the hood of her cloak hang loose, exposing bare skin on her neck, back and shoulders. She was a lot less clothed than Mulan was, and ordinarily felt no discomfort at being so, but circumstances had changed lately. Her feelings were different than they were before. Despite the heat of the fire nearby, Ruby struggled not to shiver at the first brush of Mulan's fingers.

 

Where Ruby had been firm, Mulan was remarkable in her softness, applying almost none of her considerable strength. That only served to make Ruby more sensitive to her motions. Her nerve endings were primed to receive her touch. She felt everything, in stark detail. If she concentrated, she was sure she could even distinguish the creases of Mulan's fingerprints stroking their path along her back.

 

Waves of stimulation radiated from every point of contact, like a cascade of tiny fireworks trickling through her veins. It was enough to disrupt Ruby's breathing. Right, then. So that dismissed any notion that these desires would simply go away on their own.

 

Could Mulan really not feel that spark between them? How could she be numb to it? Had she experienced these same intense sensations, not knowing what they were? Or was this all in Ruby's head? Selfishly, part of her hoped that this wasn't one-sided, but she knew it was for the best if it was. Mulan did not need to get tangled up in her mess. Ruby would just flake out and screw things up like she always did. The only 'dependable' thing about her was her own hopelessness. That fact cut any fantasies of an illicit affair blessedly short.

 

 _Fuck_ , that felt good, though. Too good. So good, in fact, that it was hard not to picture Mulan's fingers...elsewhere, too.

 

Ruby shut her eyes, and her thighs, forcing herself to banish that thought.

 

"How can you be like that?" Ruby asked, hoping that talking to Mulan would keep her mind a little more present, and stop her imagination venturing into places it had no right to go. There was nothing intimate about this, she reminded herself. It was just a back rub.

 

"Like what?" said Mulan, running her fingers along Ruby's spine, making her quiver. Nope. Nothing intimate at all.

 

"So gentle," Ruby answered. She wasn't sure if that sounded weird, but it was what she was contemplating all the same, and it was all that could prevent her body from reacting to these impulses against the wishes of her higher faculties, so it would have to suffice.

 

Mulan was deadly and proud of it. She had taken lives and limbs without a hint of the remorse Ruby felt for doing the same, because, unlike her, she'd always done it on purpose. Yet those hardened hands were caressing her skin so delicately, treating Ruby as if she was the most precious thing in the world. If anyone saw Mulan like this, they would have thought her a pacifist, altogether incapable of violence.

 

It didn't make sense. And yet it did. Because it was her.

 

"I always am with the people I care about," Mulan replied, her voice as tender as her touch. “I try to be, anyway.”

 

"I wish I could say the same," said Ruby, smiling sadly. Mulan never ceased her soft ministrations. "I mean, I do my best, but you can control your strength in a way that I can't. Being dangerous is something you can switch on and off. You would never hurt someone by accident."

 

"Don't be so sure. I did jar your shoulder once," Mulan pointed out, remembering their playful contest in the cave.

 

"Yeah, because you were teaching me how much I didn't know about self-defence. You wrenched my arm a bit too hard and you felt horrible about it afterwards," Ruby countered. That was hardly comparable to the degree of harm Ruby had inflicted. A thought occurred to her, then - a test. “Go ahead, pinch me right now,” she commanded, extending her arm for Mulan to do so. "Do it."

 

“What? No,” Mulan refused.

 

“See? You can't, can you?” Ruby smartly observed. "Don't think I haven't noticed. I thought it was just because you were reserved, but you're very careful about when and how you lay your hands on me. More than I am with you." Mulan exhaled but said nothing, focusing on manoeuvring her fingertips across her pale skin. Ruby took that as reluctant confirmation. “That's the thing about you. I know you were in a dark place before we met, but it never changed who you really are deep down. You are a woman of many...harmonious contradictions, Mulan.”

 

Mulan smirked despite her minor discomfort with the topic. “Poetic. Take you long to think of that?”

 

“Hard to say; I think about you a lot,” Ruby replied. Then Ruby realised what she'd said. Her smile vanished.

 

Oh. _Fuck_.

 

“B-Because we're together all the time!” she swiftly clarified. “Not that that's a bad thing. It isn't. I really like being with you. As a friend. I like friends. N-Not that you're just another friend to me – I mean, you are! But, you know, you're not...interchangeable with anyone else. I mean, you're the Mulan-iest Mulan I know. Which is kind of to be expected when you're...the only one. Which you are.”

 

“Are those sentences you're using or are you just throwing random words together and hoping something coherent comes out?” Mulan wryly remarked, audibly amused by Ruby's inexplicable and indecipherable ramblings.

 

“Buh...I...One of those things...?” Ruby answered, almost too stunned by her own stupid comments to register the joke. "And, hey, it's not like you have a right to criticise. You might be more concise, but you still handle words like a wood chipper handles wood."

 

"What's a wood chipper?" Mulan asked, genuinely puzzled.

 

"A machine that destroys wood," Ruby told her, annoyed with her terrible choice of analogy. It was her own fault for forgetting the fact that Mulan had never been cursed and thus had never seen the modern world. "Much like explaining a joke destroys a joke."

 

“Alright, then I deserved that insult," Mulan acknowledged, ending her massage. "It's okay, though; I knew what you meant before."

 

“Good, that makes one of us,” Ruby muttered, simultaneously aghast and embarrassed with herself for that humiliating rant. She truly was the worst actor in history. She was a bad...acting...person who was...bad at acting. Quite frankly, Ruby didn't think she could have sounded anymore mechanical if she got turned into a clock. Even Mulan had to have noticed her odd behaviour.

 

"Are you okay?" Mulan asked, her concern sparked right on cue. "I didn't want to call attention to it, but you haven't been yourself today."

 

Yep. There it was.

 

"I haven't?" Ruby echoed, feeling too defeated to feign surprise at Mulan's comment. Her attraction really was blatantly obvious, wasn't it? But a memory quickly occurred to her, invigorating her with a much better explanation. "I-I haven't! No. It's, uh, remember? I told you. It's...wolf stuff," Ruby finished, nodding as seriously and persuasively as she could manage, praying that it sounded convincing.

 

"That's what I figured," said Mulan. However, any sigh of relief Ruby might have uttered was abruptly halted when she felt Mulan's arms shift behind her. "Look, I don't want to pry, but...you can talk to me about what's going on with you, if you'd like," she offered, her hands resting upon Ruby's waist. "You're always letting me lean on you. Maybe you could...open up to me sometimes? It might help."

 

Ruby felt the remorse spread across her face, as clear as day. She would have told Mulan everything, honestly, because she loathed having to lie to her, but she couldn't very well admit the fact that she was the one at the centre of Ruby's woes right now, nor why. Telling Mulan how she felt would be like letting her destiny hinge upon one single throw of a roulette wheel, where reciprocation, rejection and the ruination of their friendship were all equally viable outcomes. Further still, none of those results were any less frightening than the others.

 

Besides, it didn't matter what Ruby wanted. Mulan hadn't asked for this. She hadn't asked to be desired. All she had ever done was put her faith in Ruby to help her find some semblance of happiness again. Mulan didn't need to be burdened with another person's baggage.

 

“...Please don't point out what a hypocrite I am for saying this, because I really do appreciate you wanting to listen, but...this is a 'me only' thing, at least for now,” said Ruby, realising Mulan would likely feel understandably aggrieved by that double-standard. How was it fair that Ruby was declining her support after she'd been the one always pushing Mulan to open up, despite her protestations?

 

But the expected response wasn't the one she got. “Okay, sure. I understand,” Mulan said with a nonchalant shrug, accepting Ruby's answer without question. "You're free to change your mind at any time, but I get that this isn't something you can share with me."

 

“You do?” asked Ruby, glancing back at her.

 

“Yeah. Some matters are private. I'm aware that concept is foreign to you," Mulan teased, giving Ruby's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

 

“Ha ha. Very funny,” Ruby replied, though she couldn't deny Mulan had a point. Her preference for keeping things to herself did explain her tolerant attitude. “Anyway, you did say you wanted to leave early tomorrow, so I guess I should get to bed before I hit my second wind.”

 

“No, hang on. Wait here,” Mulan instructed, much to Ruby's confusion. She watched Mulan get up and head over to her belongings – her armour, her pack, her sword. What was this about? "I didn't know when to tell you, but I got you something before we left."

 

"On top of the food?" Ruby remarked, uttering an amused snort as Mulan rifled through her money pouch, grabbing her gift out of it. Ruby couldn't see what it was; Mulan kept it concealed behind her back as she approached her once more. "Not that I'm complaining, but did you actually ask about werewolves at all when you were scoping around the market for neat stuff to buy?"

 

"Yes. In great detail. I'm very efficient," Mulan answered. Ruby believed her. She was no liar. "As it happened, I saw this and thought of you. I couldn't leave without it. So, um...I think this is where I'm supposed to tell you to close your eyes for a second."

 

“If it were anyone other than you, I'd think this was a trick,” said Ruby, obediently shutting her eyes. “But it is you, so you're winning a lot of points, here, Mulan. They can be redeemed for prizes. No cash, though, and the points are strictly non-transferable.”

 

“Don't thank me yet; you might hate it,” said Mulan, settling down behind her.

 

"Knowing you, I don't think I will, Mulan," Ruby assured her, shooing away any sense of shyness.

 

A few moments later, Ruby felt a cold, thin chain around her neck. She dared to open her eyes. There she saw a small, glittering, gold pendant. It was in the shape of a heart, split into two halves. One half was hollow with a gold spiral coming from the other side, which was its inverse in that it had a gold background with an unfilled swirl. The two opposite halves were intertwined, interlinked, like yin and yang.

 

When Mulan found it, Ruby could understand why she had been reminded of her. No doubt she had thought of the duality of her nature - the wolf, and the human. But Ruby did not see her own soul depicted there. Rather, she saw the two sides as representing herself and Mulan.

 

They were connected, and as alike as they were different, each missing so many pieces. They had entered each other's lives when they were needed most, a chance encounter that had forever altered both of them for the better. They filled a void in one another, chasing away the loneliness. When they parted ways, Ruby and Mulan would always carry the mark the other had left behind.

 

"And here I thought you were a cheapskate,” Ruby joked, tracing her finger around the outline of the heart. It almost hurt her cheeks to wear a smile that wide again. “This had to have been way more expensive than our room last night. What changed?"

 

"I don't care about money.” Mulan shook her head as she closed the clasp on the necklace. “Well, I do, but not above you.” Ruby couldn't help a short chuckle at that addition, knowing it was the truth. “Like I said, I can always take on work if we run short later. I just...wanted to do something nice for you, the way you always do for me, especially after you listened to me talk about everything the other night."

 

"You didn't have to repay me for that,” Ruby insisted, turning to face her. “That was all free of charge."

 

"Good, so is this. Getting you this was my choice; I wanted you to have it,” Mulan replied with a soft but genuine smile. Ruby didn't know whether it was just the reflection of the fire, but there was a sparkle in her eyes that hadn't been there when they first met - a glimmer of renewed vigour and hope that shone in the dark. Mulan paused, averting her gaze. “Look, I don't know if you like it, but..."

 

"I do," Ruby told her, half-lost in Mulan's beautiful brown eyes. Her heart was fluttering in her chest. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Mulan's cheek. That was as close as she could get without crossing any lines. The contact was almost over before it began. Ruby pulled back to make sure of that. “That was your prize, by the way,” she whispered. "Thank you."

 

“Don't mention it,” Mulan replied. She didn't seem to have read anything into that peck on the cheek, which was a welcome thing. Ruby didn't think she was in a state to talk about it. She already felt like she was adrift, floating in space. Every fibre of her body was tingling.

 

Wow. She had really done that. Okay. That was...

 

"I've...got to...sleep," Ruby excused herself, getting up and walking away.

 

"Yeah, you do. Goodnight, Ruby," Mulan murmured, watching her go.

 

Ruby shivered and folded her arms across her chest, still feeling lingering echoes of Mulan's fingers on her neck and back. She uttered a shaky sigh into the night air. It was tempting to just bite the bullet and confess what was going on. If she did, it was easy to imagine slipping comfortably into something new, with no boundaries on how affectionate they could be. Ruby toyed with her necklace at the thought, envisioning how amazing it would feel to kiss Mulan for real, and to cuddle up against her without a hint of self-consciousness.

 

But she couldn't. Ruby knew the risk was too high. Heartbreak. Attachment. Pain.

 

Sad as it was to confront, Ruby knew she had come to the right conclusion when she first thought about it earlier that morning, and moments like these only reinforced her certainty. Much as she would have liked to be with Mulan, the kindest thing Ruby could do was let her go, and admit that it wasn't meant to be. That would remain true even if Mulan felt the same way someday. Especially then, really.

 

That didn't mean Ruby had to deny her feelings. She was definitely falling for Mulan. There were no two ways around that. And it wasn't out of line to wish that they had met in another life where they could have been more, nor even to fantasise about it, but...

 

It just wasn't possible; Ruby knew that. She couldn't be with a normal person without sacrificing her wolf, and being a wolf meant sacrificing anything she could ever have with a normal person. There was no way those two things could ever intersect. That was something she'd come to terms with years ago, long before she thought about returning to the Enchanted Forest and reuniting with her own kind.

 

Whether she liked it or not, there was an insurmountable distance between herself and Mulan. She couldn't lie to her and say that there wasn't. She couldn't pretend there would ever be a way to get to the other side. It might not even be worth it if there was.

 

Ruby sighed, huddling up under her cloak and her blankets, reflecting on everything. This was only her first full day of consciously dealing with her attraction to Mulan. Maybe it would get easier to conceal with time. She should find a stable equilibrium soon enough. That was what normally happened, when she fell for someone. Ruby accepted it couldn't happen, and the feelings slowly began to fade.

 

So far, she didn't think she was handling herself too badly, especially considering how suddenly this had hit her. Sure, Ruby tripped up over her own words sometimes and got butterflies in her stomach when she and Mulan were close, but that was fine. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling. And, while she couldn't always prevent her mind from going to less than innocent places, it wasn't like she was uncontrollably drooling over Mulan or anything. As long as she worked on being a little more chill in her presence, Ruby could manage.

 

Uttering a sigh, Ruby curled an arm beneath her head, tiredness creeping over her. “If you have to dream about her, can you at least try to keep it PG?” she asked herself under her breath, wishing to avoid any thoughts that might make the following morning uncomfortable.

 

Despite her best efforts, that bargain was not upheld.

 

* * *

 

“Need any help with that?” Ruby asked.

 

“No, I've got it,” Mulan brushed her off, barely feeling any strain as she carried two pots full of water back into camp, one in either hand. That shoulder massage the night before had done her a world of good. “You can take it easy today.”

 

“You're just showing off around me now, admit it,” Ruby remarked. Mulan cast a smirk at her as she passed. She could see that Ruby had already taken her shoes off, doing what she could to get comfortable as the late afternoon set in.

 

“We've still got around two hours of daylight left,” Mulan continued, placing the water down in the middle of camp. “The river's not far down that way, if you want to use it,” she said, gesturing back in the direction she'd come from. "It's a nice spot; you'll like it."

 

“Ugh. Yes. Definitely. I feel all sweaty and gross,” said Ruby, groaning slightly, tugging at the neckline of her blouse, letting her skin breathe. “No matter how clean and hygienic I try to be, a day on the road renders it moot. It's like I've been wearing this same outfit for a hundred years. At least I don't have to worry about that when I'm a wolf. Clothes kind of...go with the transformation, as you've seen.”

 

Mulan couldn't blame her for feeling unpleasant. It had been a damp, cloudy day, the oppressive humidity broken only by intermittent drizzle. The rain had been too soft to bother seeking shelter from, but it had certainly contributed to the muggy atmosphere. While they never got wet, every minute raindrop had lingered on their clothes without drying off. It had just started to fine up within the last hour.

 

“I could give them a wash for you, if you want,” Mulan offhandedly suggested as she got to work. Her attention was focused on suspending one of the heavy pots on a thin metal rod above their as of yet unlit campfire, preparing to boil the water to make it safe to drink.

 

“Seriously? You don't mind?” Ruby asked, sounding reticent to accept that kindness. “You're already doing everything around camp. I know it's your day, but I thought you might want to take a break after you hurt your shoulder. Starting to feel kind of guilty here."

 

“Don't: I have it all under control. Just leave your things with me. I'll clean them up and leave them to dry overnight,” Mulan said. She tended to stay up late anyway, taking care of her own gear. Looking after Ruby's clothes on top of that was no added stress. She had a system.

 

“You're a lifesaver, Mulan. I promise I'll make it up to you later,” Ruby vowed, eternally grateful to her.

 

“You don't have to,” Mulan assured her, crouching in front of the fire pit, making sure everything was set up correctly.

 

“Well, I'm going to next time it's my turn to handle all the chores, but never mind that right now. I can't wait to get out of this,” Ruby grumbled to herself. Mulan heard the rustling of fabric somewhere behind her not a moment later. Mulan rolled her eyes, her hand falling from the cooking pot, realising exactly what was happening. On second thought, maybe she was being too accommodating.

 

“I didn't mean right away. I meant later tonight, before you go to sleep,” Mulan clarified. She still had to make dinner, for crying out loud.

 

“Too bad - I'm suffocating here,” Ruby replied.

 

“Ruby—“ Mulan's protest was cut off by a corset being thrown directly at her face right when she turned around, promptly followed by Ruby's blouse and dress. Somehow, she didn't drop them. She sighed, pulling the fabric away from her eyes. “Okay. I guess I'm...”

 

Mulan froze the instant she glanced up. There Ruby stood, clad in nothing but her new necklace and her red cloak, which she was tying lazily around her waist, wearing it almost like a makeshift towel. It took Mulan several seconds to realise she wasn't averting her gaze, as she ought to have. She was just staring. At Ruby. Her friend. That observation spurred her head to remember how to form words.

 

Coherent thought came crashing back, startling Mulan out of her dumbstruck daze. What was she doing? No, no. This was wrong. Very wrong. She wasn't supposed to gawk at Ruby like that. So why was she? And why hadn't she stopped?

 

Her hands trembled with anxiety as she commanded herself not to look, dutifully turning her back and focusing on something else, anything else, knowing she had no right to intrude upon Ruby's privacy. However, forgetting about what she had accidentally witnessed was astonishingly hard. Even when Mulan tried to eradicate the image of Ruby's body from her mind, it persisted, refusing to be chased away.

 

How could she avoid thinking about her? She was just... _there_ , only a few yards behind her, with her skin, and her chest, and her stomach and...her chest, and...Nope, that was no excuse. There was no justifiable reason for watching Ruby change, yet Mulan had done so.

 

Truth be told, that urge to sneak a second glance had not subsided. Mulan resisted it, though.

 

“I miss twenty-first century fashion,” Ruby idly commented, taking off her necklace and stashing it safely among her belongings. “Seriously, you'd dig it. If we ever go to Storybrooke together, I am taking you shopping. I don't think you'd have such an issue putting on another outfit there. I can totally see you rocking this kind of...gender-neutral chic. With my help, you'd fit right in. You could express yourself without looking like you're about to stab somebody. I mean, I know that's probably a fifty-fifty thing with you but, hey, stealth.”

 

Mulan blinked, gazing vacantly into space. She hadn't understood a single word Ruby just said. Something about clothes. Or something.

 

“Y-Yeah. I'd, um...yeah,” Mulan stammered, guiltily glancing down at the ground and clearing her throat, hoping Ruby wasn't aware of how distracted she was, or why. Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky as to get away with it.

 

“What's up?” asked Ruby. While Mulan's meaningless answer hadn't gone unnoticed, Ruby didn't immediately twig to the reason why she was about three shades redder than usual and was pointedly doing her utmost to look everywhere except directly at her. Upon casting her eyes downward, it soon became apparent, however. “Oh. Tits. Sorry,” she said, nonchalantly draping an arm across her chest, covering herself. "I sort of forgot you haven't seen me like this before. We've been travelling together so long that...Eh, never mind. My bad."

 

“It's fine,” said Mulan, raising one hand and shaking her head, regaining her wherewithal. She hadn't meant to make things uncomfortable. She'd merely been caught by surprise, not expecting to see Ruby like that. “Just, um...warn me next time? Then I'll know when to...” Instead of finishing that sentence, Mulan made a circle gesture with her fingers, which signified all she needed to say.

 

“You don't need to feel nervous, you know?” Ruby told her without any qualm, completely relaxed. “You're allowed to look. I'm not shy, and I'm not going to get the wrong idea if you see me naked. I mean, it's not like you've never seen a pair of breasts before.”

 

“Not as many as you seem to think,” Mulan admitted, not sure what number would have been expected. As it happened, she'd spent the vast majority of her adult life living among men, and only men. That had left her largely deprived of ordinary female companionship.

 

It wasn't that she'd never been around other women before. She had, of course, but few were as blasé about it as Ruby was when it came to undressing. Even when she had been in the company of Aurora, Snow and Emma, Mulan had always done her best to respect their privacy and keep her eyes to herself in such situations. To do otherwise would have been inappropriate, especially given that Mulan didn't look at women the same way most other women did. At least, that was what she had thought proper at the time.

 

“Hmm. Is that so?” Ruby smirked devilishly at her confession, adjusting her cloak to cover her body. “In that case, maybe I should be saying 'you're welcome',” she remarked with a wry wink. "Just say the word if you want me to take my clothes off for you more often."

 

Mulan snorted at that, any awkwardness gone. “Don't flatter yourself,” she said, adjusting her grip on the bundle of clothes in her arms.

 

“But I love flattering myself. It's my favourite pastime, next to flirting with you, of course,” Ruby happily replied. Mulan didn't need to question the truth in that remark. “Seriously, though, I'm not going to be mad if you happen to notice I'm cute. I know I am. Frankly, I'd be more offended if you didn't think I was hot,” Ruby nonchalantly acknowledged. Once again, Mulan detected no lie there.

 

“Well, who says I do?” Mulan countered, a tad mischievously. Ruby teased her all the time; it was only fair she got her own back.

 

“Oh, really?” Ruby arched an eyebrow as she sauntered a little closer towards her, clearly not buying it. “Then what do you think of me?” In response, Mulan held out her hand and tilted it back and forth, as if to say 'so-so'. At that, Ruby bent down and gently tossed a shoe at her. It bounced harmlessly off her armour. “Ass,” she said, smirking. Mulan couldn't help but chuckle.

 

“You already know what I think about you,” Mulan pointed out, more seriously. "I told you at great length."

 

“Mhmm. I haven't forgotten. That's why I'm not mad at you,” said Ruby, looking very pleased with the memory of Mulan's compliments back at the bar. "And Mulan? Just so you know, I would rock your fucking world," Ruby finished, blowing her a kiss as she departed for the river.

 

"What if I rock yours first?" Mulan challenged, still intent on beating Ruby at her own game.

 

"You couldn't if you tried, babe," Ruby replied, never breaking her confident stride.

 

"That's what you thought last time," Mulan reminded her, just as Ruby disappeared from view.

 

Mulan breathed a small sigh of relief to herself, glad to see that Ruby couldn't have cared less about catching her staring. She supposed that made sense; Ruby had never been shy on the subject of her interest in other women, having been upfront with Mulan about it from the start. She probably empathised with her self-consciousness, and knew that there was no intent behind her gaze.

 

It was rather refreshing to know that moments like these could happen without any fear that things would be weird or uncomfortable between them afterwards. Even now, Ruby didn't think twice about undressing around her, precisely because it didn't bother her to know that Mulan found her attractive. And Mulan did. It felt strange to acknowledge that to herself, but she did. Of course she did. Very much so. Perhaps a little too much. Maybe? It was difficult to say. She didn't know what was and wasn't okay.

 

Ruby was breathtaking. Obviously. Nobody needed to be told that. But Mulan usually wasn't...affected by that. It wasn't that she'd never appreciated the sight of beautiful women, but for someone like Ruby to evoke such a potent, physical reaction? That was...slightly concerning.

 

Maybe this was normal, though. Maybe this was how it felt to be awoken in that regard, instead of closed off. It might be. She didn't have anything to compare it to. For all she knew, this was how everybody who was liberated enough to be comfortable in their sexuality looked at attractive people. Ruby seemed to have that mindset. Maybe it was a sign that Mulan was finally ready to move on.

 

It certainly was true that she wasn't thinking about Aurora anywhere near as much. Even when she did, it didn't hurt anymore. A hint of dull discomfort, sure, but nothing worse than that. Mulan didn't know what 'moving on' felt like, but that had to be a solid start.

 

But the way she had looked at Ruby, that wasn't...

 

No. No, that was nonsense. She couldn't be. She didn't want that kind of thing from Ruby.

 

Being drawn towards Ruby this way was nothing out of the ordinary. Why wouldn't Mulan feel strongly about the person who cheered her up and made her happy, especially now that the weight in her heart had begun to disappear? She had no reason to second-guess that.

 

Sure, they had developed a powerful and unique bond, but that was no reason to be afraid that their connection was treading on dangerous territory. Mulan would never allow herself to make that mistake again, least of all with Ruby. She wasn't even close to being ready to fall for another person, not after what had happened last time. Her heart was her own, not anyone else's. They were just friends.

 

If Mulan ever felt herself starting to ponder the idea that they could become more than that, all she had to do was remind herself that such things were completely unattainable. Out of reach. Ruby would never be interested in that. Not from her. Why would she be? A woman like Ruby could have anyone she wanted, of any gender. A socially-stunted, heartbroken cross-dresser had to rank fairly low on that list.

 

That harsh truth quickly quashed any concern Mulan may have had that her foolish heart might be beginning to harbour feelings that would only leave her stranded at sea in another impassable storm. There was no point hoping for more. In a way, that was the greatest comfort.

 

Mulan knew she would only be inviting more pain into her life if she dared to dream, setting herself up for rejection. So she didn't wish for anything much. Not anymore. Disappointment was thus permanently avoided. With that, Mulan shut off her thoughts and concentrated on lighting the fire. Whatever else was going on inside her, and whatever it meant, it didn't warrant consideration. It was out of her hands.

 

Even if part of her did wonder what it would be like for Ruby to...want her that way, the smartest thing Mulan could do was to ignore that inclination, leaving it unexplored, pushed somewhere far into the deepest recesses of her mind, until it withered back into dust.

 

* * *

 

Ruby broke the surface, letting the river water wash through her hair, the gentle rush of the waterfall drowning out all thoughts, all noise, all concerns. It was almost hard to believe they'd stumbled across somewhere so pristine in this forest - a sheltered, secluded pool, undisturbed by passers by. They wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for Mulan leading them off the beaten track, away from the road, where Ruby's sensitive ears picked up on the sound of flowing water. There wasn't a more perfect place in which to set up camp.

 

She exhaled and floated on her back. It felt nice to just lie there, motionless, soaking it all in. Not that Ruby necessarily sought solitude, but being on her own did give her a bit more freedom to think. She had the time and space to reflect without interruption.

 

Naturally, the first thing on Ruby's mind was how she'd caught Mulan staring a few minutes ago. The shy stutter. The blush on her cheeks. The way she'd averted her gaze. Ruby couldn't help but wonder: did Mulan like what she had seen? And, if so, how much?

 

It wasn't a ludicrous proposition. While she wasn't a narcissist, Ruby wasn't ashamed to say she was no slouch in the looks department. Knowing that Mulan was into women, it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility to suspect that Ruby's attraction might not be so one-sided after all. The only problem was that she didn't know whether that was a positive thing to discover or not.

 

Sure, if Ruby was being vain, then she liked the thought of Mulan viewing her that way. But, if she was listening to the mature and responsible side of herself for a change, she had to admit that it complicated things a great deal. Ruby had no intentions of becoming another person Mulan wanted, but couldn't have – someone who left her broken-hearted, and couldn't love her the way she needed to be loved.

 

Ruby sighed. If only she wasn't a werewolf, this would have been so simple. She wouldn't have to think twice about dating. She could be bold enough to confess her desires to Mulan and explore where they went, even if nothing ultimately came of their relationship. But being a wolf meant Ruby didn't have a choice in the matter. It always got in the way. Like it or not, the fact was that she had to be with her own kind in order to figure out what was missing inside her, and to have that freedom to be herself without endangering anybody else.

 

Anything between her and Mulan would be...well, it wasn't that it wouldn't be _real_. Of course it was real. But it would be temporary. No matter how much fun they had together, Ruby would just be a distraction between where she was now and where she was supposed to be.

 

...But, again, was there anything really _wrong_ with that? That was the question she kept coming back to, without fail.

 

Was there anything so repugnant about two close friends seeking solace and intimacy with one another without commitment? Friends with benefits were hardly unheard of, right? Ruby wouldn't be leading Mulan on if she made the nature of their relationship crystal clear.

 

Yes, Mulan deserved to be with her true love and Ruby would never get in the way of that, but that didn't mean it wasn't in her best interests to play the field and gain experience before she found that person. Ruby had already encouraged Mulan to feel free to date others during their travels. Why couldn't she be one of those people too? Why couldn't they hook up and have fun with no strings attached?

 

Although, Mulan being Mulan, what were the chances she would approve? She might find that notion offensive. What if she freaked out and fled, scared of being hurt again? What if knowing about Ruby's feelings injected an unsettling undercurrent into all their interactions?

 

Then again, Ruby had no idea how Mulan would react. All her musings, good and bad, were based on wild speculation. The only way she could ever find out what Mulan would or wouldn't feel comfortable with was if she faced her fears and confessed what was going on.

 

Maybe the best course of action was to come clean with Mulan, tell her what she was feeling and let her decide what she wanted to do. Having an adult conversation seemed like something a responsible person would have done. Ruby didn't really know, she wasn't an expert at maturity. Certainly, being honest could have scary consequences, but the idea of living in perpetual limbo wasn't much better.

 

For all Ruby knew, they might be together for over a year before they found any werewolves. Did she really want to bottle up her emotions and remain chaste for that long? Ruby wasn't sure she could last. Not without some kind of outlet. Celibacy didn't suit her.

 

As the thought lingered in her mind, opening up to Mulan soon began to sound like the sanest option. So much so that Ruby couldn't imagine why she hadn't considered it earlier. Of course, it wasn't going to be as simple as confronting her right away. It would take Ruby a few days to figure out how to tactfully broach the subject. Before she got that far, it was probably wise to drop some hints to gauge if Mulan was interested in something more between them. There was no sense in discussing it otherwise but, well, it didn't seem unlikely.

 

A small smirk came to Ruby's lips. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but it was hard not to fantasise about their relationship evolving. Not even in a sexual sense - little things like being able to snuggle up with Mulan in the evenings, holding her hand while they walked through the woods, making Mulan smile by telling her how beautiful she was every single day, and waking up in each other's arms.

 

Not that those other things weren't on her mind too, but Ruby's intentions weren't completely lewd. She could be noble. Sometimes.

 

But, yeah, when she put it like that, she had to follow through with it. Ruby had made her decision. Being with Mulan was obviously the right thing to do. Not as her girlfriend. Just a very romantic, very affectionate, very intimate friend. The thought of that was quite delightful.

 

The sound of a footstep somewhere nearby tingled the tips of her ears. Huh. Speak of the devil... “I know you're there,” Ruby murmured, letting a cheeky smile come to her lips. Her senses didn't miss much. She was not easy to creep up on.

 

“Is that a problem?” Mulan replied, her tone light-hearted. "You did say I was allowed to look."

 

“You are.” Ruby grinned as she straightened up. Her feet couldn't touch the bottom of the natural pool. “I just like to know when I have an audience,” she said, running her fingers through her hair, water cascading down her back. “I can put on a better show that way.” Ruby heard Mulan chuckle as she worked to brush the droplets from her eyes, clearing her vision. "How am I doing so far?"

 

“Very nicely. But don't let me bother you; I'm just collecting more water,” Mulan replied. “I'll be gone soon.”

 

It was then that Ruby glanced up. Her face fell. It turned out Mulan wasn't watching. In fact, she had never been compelled to look. Instead, her eyes were focused on the bucket in her hands, running it along those surface without a hint of desire or temptation.

 

Ruby frowned, unable to mask her disappointment. What, so Mulan was attracted to Aurora but not her? What the hell did Aurora have that Ruby didn't? Fairer hair? A crown? An accent? Rampant heterosexuality? Yeesh. There really was no accounting for taste.

 

So much for that mature conversation about taking things further. It was apparent what the answer would be: a resounding 'not interested'. How had Ruby gotten it into her head to assume that Mulan would want anything else? What a fucking idiot she was. Every flirty remark Mulan had made was just a joke. Of course that was all her comments ever were. She was only copying Ruby's behaviour.

 

After a moment, Ruby calmed down, choosing to heed the rational voice in her head. She supposed she shouldn't have felt slighted, or jealous. It was a good thing that Mulan wasn't into her, right? That made things much less perplexing. No complications. No broken hearts. Ruby wouldn't have to work hard to make sure nothing happened between them, because nothing ever would.

 

Nothing...ever would.

 

Gee. _Great._

 

Ruby felt a twinge of guilt at that sarcastic thought. No, she couldn't react like that. She had to let it go. Unrequited feelings sucked, but the last thing she wanted to do was become bitter and bitchy because Mulan only had eyes for someone else. That was the kind of attitude shitty, self-indulgent people had. Being resentful towards Mulan definitely wasn't fair. It wasn't her fault Ruby had fallen for her.

 

If all they were going to be was friends, Ruby had to accept that without complaint. There was no point in acting distant, or giving Mulan the cold shoulder. Mulan didn't owe Ruby anything. Honestly, she felt like an entitled jackass for ever contemplating asking for more.

 

"There: all done," Mulan finished, getting up. "Sorry for intruding. I'll get out of your way."

 

“You could join me, you know,” Ruby casually spoke up. And why not? She had to get used to the fact that her feelings weren't reciprocated. That meant her initial strategy for dealing with them had been the correct one: treating Mulan no differently than she had before this awkward attraction muddled things up. A few days ago, inviting her in was exactly what Ruby would have done. "I'm serious."

 

Mulan uttered something approximating a nervous laugh, glancing down at her feet. “Thanks for the offer, but...I just got used to wearing this,” she said, gesturing to indicate her current, armourless attire. “I'm not sure I can handle wearing even less. Not yet, anyway.”

 

“Well, isn't that next step worth a try? The water's really nice,” said Ruby. She didn't want to pressure Mulan into anything beyond her boundaries, but making a big deal about her insecurities would only inflate them. "Come on. There's nobody else here. Why be shy?"

 

“I don't know...” Mulan pulled a face, visibly conflicted, lacking the confidence to take that risk.

 

“Here: I won't look until you get in,” Ruby suggested, closing her eyes and turning around, giving Mulan the space she needed to undress. Hopefully, that would make things easier, just as it had before, when she was wrestling with removing her armour at all. “You can say no if you're not comfortable, but I'll wait like this until you tell me it's okay,” Ruby told her, running her palms over the water's surface. She would hate to see Mulan miss out on a sunset swim in this picturesque pool because she felt anxious.

 

Ruby waited in that spot, listening to the sounds of the waterfall echo off the rocks. Mulan had given no reply. After about a minute had passed, she heard a gentle splash. Ruby's lips quirked, but she kept her word, refusing to open her eyes until she received the signal.

 

“See? I told you you could do it,” Ruby enthused, pleased with herself for persuading Mulan to come in.

 

“You were right. The water's perfect,” Mulan's voice replied, somewhere near the shore. Ordinarily, Ruby would have been able to hear exactly where she was, but with the way sound reverberated off the water and the surrounding stone amid the constant rush of the river, her location was difficult to pinpoint. The endless waterfall obscured every other noise too. "And here I thought it was a trap."

 

“I wouldn't lie to you just to get your clothes off. What kind of girl do you think I am?” Ruby remarked, smirking.

 

"Exactly the kind of girl who would lie to me to get my clothes off," Mulan answered bluntly.

 

Ruby chuckled at that. "You say that, but for once I'm completely innocent," she said, without a hint of shame or falsity. "I mean, you don't see me turning around, do you?" she pointed out, quite content to stay in place and respect Mulan's privacy as long as she wished.

 

Now that Ruby knew it wasn't mutual, her unrequited feelings for Mulan were effectively no different from her past crushes on Belle and Snow. With any thought of a deeper relationship firmly out of the question, she could turn off that part of her brain that read into things Mulan said and did, and let her attraction slowly work its way out of her system. Sure, Ruby would always find her incredibly hot, but the intensity of those desires would fade. In time, she would go back to appreciating her looks in a far more harmless way. Probably. Eventually. 

 

...Come to think of it, where the hell was Mulan? Ruby furrowed her brow, realising she had no idea. She thought she detected movement at the water's edge where Mulan had been before, but she couldn't say for sure. It wasn't like being on land. She couldn't hear footsteps.

 

“Mulan?" Ruby spoke up, a little unnerved by her silence. "You still there?"

 

Without warning, a gentle touch unexpectedly brushed her hip. Ruby's breath caught. Her whole body tensed, a jolt of electricity making every muscle contract. Ruby recoiled on instinct, realising how close Mulan had come all of a sudden. In fact, it was impossible to be conscious of anything but Mulan's proximity. So much so that it didn't even occur to her that she wasn't supposed to open her eyes and look.

 

But Ruby did. And she had. And now she couldn't turn away, nor ignore what she was feeling.

 

This was a terrible mistake. But also amazing. But also a terrible mistake. Looking at Mulan was...mesmerising.

 

She had never seen anything more beautiful in her life than Mulan in that moment. The ripples on the water's surface were all that concealed her bare flesh beneath her collarbone. Droplets of water trickled down her neck. Her long, dark hair clung to her skin.

 

Mulan was incredible. Absolutely incredible. She shouldn't have been real, yet she far surpassed any dream.

 

“I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted you to know...you can look, if you want," Mulan told her, managing to meet Ruby's gaze despite her apparent bashfulness. "I mean...it’s just you, so...” Mulan trailed off, complacent enough to leave the rest unsaid.

 

Ruby wondered if Mulan would still feel that way if she knew all the thoughts that were going through her head. She couldn't silence them. Mulan was right there, in her purest, most uncomplicated form. And Ruby wanted her so much. She craved everything, even though she knew she shouldn't. Desire boiled in her blood, every facet of her being screaming different needs all at once.

 

She yearned to kiss her, bite her, fuck her, devour her. To taste her, consume her. To feel every inch of her skin. To touch her, and be touched by her. She wanted to feel Mulan's fingernails dig into her flesh as she reached the peak of pleasure. To look into her eyes and watch her tremble as she came. To, at once, possess her and set her spirit free. Ruby knew it was wrong, but she felt that need all the same.

 

“Is everything okay?” Mulan asked, concerned by her strange reaction, or rather her lack thereof.

 

She couldn't respond. There was no way Ruby could tell Mulan the truth - that she was thinking about pushing her up against the rocks beneath the waterfall, slipping her fingers between her thighs and fucking her until tomorrow's sunrise. Was there?

 

"Ruby?" Mulan prompted in confusion, studying her face.

 

Ruby swallowed, her lips dry. “Y-Yeah. I'm fine...” she stuttered. Mulan was looking at her in a way that made her heart tremble. She was so near. Their fingers were almost touching beneath the water. How was it that someone so innocent could be so unbelievably seductive? It took all of Ruby's strength to resist that potent urge - to not surrender to her compulsion to move forward and close the gap.

 

Come to think of it, if she crossed the distance to claim her lips right there and then, Ruby wasn't sure Mulan would pull away. Those brown eyes were difficult to read, but they were open, and honest. There was no scorn. No resistance. Why shouldn't she go ahead and kiss her? If Mulan just nodded her head and said she wanted this, Ruby could make her feel amazing. She could be her first. Her only.

 

Wasn't that an enticing thought?

 

“...You're quiet. Are you sure you're okay?” Mulan pressed, regarding her with a questioning gaze, searching for the real answer. And it was that unwavering, unguarded trust in her stare that brought Ruby's head under control, despite the desire coursing through her veins.

 

No. She couldn't initiate a kiss. It was wrong to bring about those changes. To start something she couldn't finish. She had to think.

 

What if Mulan did say yes? What if she did want this? What if she wanted far more than Ruby could give? What if Mulan only nodded her head because she was too lonely to say no? Above all others, that thought brought Ruby out of her haze. When it did, she was disgusted.

 

Some friend Ruby was, putting her own wretched wants ahead of basic human decency. She was indulging in fantasies of making Mulan into, what, her fuck buddy? Good God. How sick did Ruby have to be to imagine treating her like that? As if she didn't already know the pain Mulan was in, and that latching onto a close confidant was an easy mistake for an emotionally vulnerable person to make.

 

This connection they had was a precious gift. The very fact that Mulan was in front of her was evidence of how deeply she trusted her. She felt safe enough in Ruby's presence that she had done this; she had shed her armour and exposed everything, both literally and figuratively. She didn't doubt that Mulan had probably never let her walls down this much around anybody else before. Not even Aurora. Ruby valued that faith more than anything, without any pride or vanity. To mistreat her would have been a callous betrayal.

 

As her common sense came back to her, Ruby remembered the words Mulan had uttered on the hillside a few days prior. She would never forget Mulan's confession, when she said that she couldn't imagine finding happiness, because she didn't know how to feel that way anymore. Losing Aurora had very nearly destroyed her. Ruby would never forgive herself if she forced her to go through something like that again.

 

Mulan had an honest and gentle heart, and it was not fully healed. It needed to be protected, not played with. Even if Ruby told her she couldn't give her certain things - not now, not ever - she couldn't guarantee Mulan wouldn't come to want them anyway.

 

However small the risk, it was a risk nonetheless. Mulan had been bereft of joy for so long, devoid of hopes and dreams. As such, Ruby could never permit Mulan to construct any vision of a future that involved the two of them together. Because that would be an illusion.

 

Unlike Aurora, Ruby didn't have the excuse of ignorance. Not only would she have been gambling with Mulan's emotions, but it would have been done knowingly, and on purpose. Ruby couldn't do that. Not to Mulan. She cherished her too much to risk veering dangerously close to corrupting their friendship, or exploiting it in the pursuit of her own personal pleasure. That was a despicable thing to do.

 

"R-Ruby?" In that moment, she saw a flicker pass across Mulan's eyes. It made her breath catch. Whatever it was, it came startlingly close to recognition - as if Mulan had started to put the puzzle pieces together, and figure out the meaning behind her silence.

 

At once, Ruby felt achingly aware of just how close she had come to ruining everything for her own selfish ends. She couldn't allow it. Ruby would have done anything – _anything_ – to avoid causing Mulan more pain. Even if it meant denying herself the chance to be with her.

 

So, instead of voicing the words that spiralled through her mind, Ruby reared back and splashed her, hard. "Gotcha!"

 

Mulan flinched, blinking the water from her eyes. “Hey!” she said, not sure what she'd done to warrant that.

 

“That was revenge for that time you pretended you hurt your head a while back,” Ruby lied through her teeth, forcing herself to smile and pretend that everything was okay. For once, her charade actually sounded convincing. Perhaps that was because it was easier to play a part when concealing the truth was the right thing to do, and thus she had no guilt. Perhaps it was because the only moments when Ruby had ever been any good at deceiving others was when she had to put up her mask and act like she didn't feel empty inside.

 

"You've been waiting to get back at me for that long?" Mulan asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

“And it was totally worth it. Who's gullible now?” Ruby smugly replied, feigning pride.

 

“Huh. I guess I kind of walked into that...” Mulan muttered, seeming to consider that a fair comeback.

 

“Swam, technically,” Ruby pointed out. Mulan snorted and rolled her eyes, still a little miffed. “You go on ahead. I'm done here,” she said, giving Mulan a wink as she floated backwards towards the shore. “Enjoy yourself. I'll take care of everything back at camp.”

 

"But it's my turn," Mulan raised the obvious objection.

 

"Yeah, and it's my quest; I'm changing the schedule," Ruby casually replied, overruling her.

 

"Okay, if you insist." Mulan gave a nod of deference, choosing not to protest any further once it became clear she wouldn't win. Besides, this was a pretty good argument to lose. "I'll see you soon," Mulan said, cleansing her skin in the pure waters of the river.

 

"Don't hurry on my account; take your time," Ruby encouraged, making her way out onto the shore. It was only when her back was completely turned to Mulan that Ruby let her false smile disappear from her face, letting her real emotions wash over her. Horror, mainly.

 

What the hell had she been thinking back there? How could she have even entertained the notion of confessing her feelings to Mulan? That was insane! But Ruby had thought about it. Hell, she'd done more than that. For a few minutes, she had been determined to go through with her plan to tell her the truth. She had convinced herself that pushing their relationship to the next level was a great idea, disregarding the fact that it potentially meant subjecting Mulan to an anguish that Ruby had sworn never to let her experience while she was in her care.

 

Ruby couldn't call herself Mulan's friend with a straight face anymore, much less her secret guardian. She had been willing to put both their hearts on the line and sacrifice everything they'd found in each other, and for what? Casual sex? Fucking hell. No. Mulan meant so much more to her than that! But her desires were so potent that they almost blinded her to the harm they could cause.

 

God, this was only getting worse. If Ruby didn't figure things out, she wasn't sure she could stay in control. Everything was so confusing. She hurriedly threw her cloak on, no longer sure if the moisture around her eyes was from the river or of her own making.

 

She was so stupid. She was a stupid fucking wolf who kept pretending she could be a normal person and have these things that were meant for everyone else. But she wasn't fooling anyone. Ruby wasn't like Snow or Belle, or even Mulan. She didn't belong in this world - the human world - and she wasn't meant to find happiness in the arms of another. Why did she keep wanting to believe otherwise?

 

Dragging Mulan into some kind of fling was nothing more than a pathetic attempt to deny what Ruby already knew deep down: she was destined to be alone. Killing Peter should have been proof enough. It was, really. Ruby was just too much of a coward to get the message.

 

While Ruby might find her place in the company of other werewolves, she didn't imagine love would be part of that. Not the kind of love she pined for, after seeing it in others. Sure, Ruby expected she might settle for someone 'good enough' at some stage, maybe even pop out a kid with whoever she was fucking - why not? But she didn't picture any one partner being permanent. Such was a consequence of her nature. Not enough of a human for the humans. Not enough of a wolf for the werewolves. She never truly belonged anywhere, or with anyone.

 

She was always alone, even when she wasn't.

 

It was hard not to think of it as a cursed existence when the price of her blood was losing someone like Mulan - someone who, for once, made Ruby feel like she wasn't a freak. She didn't feel like a square peg in a round hole when they were together; she felt normal. Maybe that was why Ruby was so desperate to cling to her, and why she wanted so badly to submerge herself in these feelings and drown in Mulan forever.

 

But she couldn't. Being with Mulan wasn't possible. It just wasn't. Ruby couldn't wake up in a cold sweat every night wondering if she'd killed her in her sleep. She couldn't go back to living half a life, forced to repress the wolf side of herself in order to fit in.

 

Ruby knew all that. It was the whole reason she'd come on this quest. But it still hurt like hell to admit.

 

Her breath hitched as she fought back tears, accepting the truth. Mulan could never know about her feelings, and Ruby could never act on them. They would only get in the way of what ultimately had to happen, and make it harder to leave when the time came.

 

The fact of the matter was that she had to find some other way to channel her emotions before they compelled her to do something that she couldn't take back. It was no minor concern. That incident a few minutes ago had confirmed her situation was getting perilous. Given how fractured her identity was, Ruby didn't trust some unknown side of herself not to surrender to her desires and kiss Mulan in a moment when her resolve crumbled. If Ruby couldn't prevent that from happening, she might have to leave altogether. Mulan's heart would be safer that way.

 

Ruby's fingers clawed at her cloak as she trudged back to camp, buzzing with restless energy and frustration she couldn't dispel. No. Forget Mulan - she had to deal with this on her own. Ruby was pent up. She needed release. And, no, not like that.

 

Well, perhaps there was a method by which she could get this out of her system, if only for a while. Wolves didn't have to think about what they were feeling, did they? Sure, she would have to deal with her attraction when she became human again but, for a time, she could escape her problems. Maybe her head would be clearer for having taken a break. It had to be worth a try.

 

If she just managed to put up with this for one more night, come dawn, she could run free.

 

* * *

 

“I need to become a wolf again.”

 

Those were the first words Ruby had said to her that morning. She hadn't even waited until sunrise. It was a strange thing, considering Mulan was always the earliest one up, but she had awoken to find Ruby crouched beside her, watching her with eyes that burned with a quiet but firm insistence. Her expression made it clear this could not wait until later, and just as obvious that she had barely slept.

 

“Alright. Go,” Mulan had answered mid-yawn, sensing Ruby's urgency despite being half-asleep. With that, Ruby had shed her cloak and vanished into the wilderness in haste, yearning to satisfy that need. Mulan hadn't seen her since, but she didn't expect to for a while yet.

 

They hadn't exactly had time to discuss when or where to meet or how long it could take, but Mulan had heeded what she considered an unspoken command to stay in place. This time, she wouldn't panic if Ruby didn't come back right away. Mulan had no trouble remaining behind at camp, awaiting her return. If this was what Ruby had to do to feel comfortable in her own skin, then so be it.

 

Hours passed. Fortunately, Mulan had many duties to keep herself busy with. She hunted, gathered, cooked. She washed their blankets in the river, and hung them over a branch to dry. She scoured their pots and pans until every trace of grime was gone. She inspected her armour for any wear and tear, polishing up the scuff marks and mending signs of damage, leaving it neatly arranged at the base of a tree beside her bed when that was done. Once her boots sparkled like new, she'd moved on to do the same to her sword.

 

Far from being tedious or tiring, Mulan found it kind of relaxing, honestly. She didn't have to think about anything when she was absorbed in mechanical tasks. It was all routine; the army had instilled her with an instinct to keep her few worldly possessions in order and properly maintained. That had never faded, even after she left to forge her own path and follow her own moral code.

 

But that was the funny thing, though. It should have been so easy to turn off her thoughts and slip back into the comfortable familiarity of solitude. And yet, that wasn't what happened. Instead of feeling more at peace, Mulan only found herself distracted by Ruby's absence.

 

Mulan missed Ruby's smile, her jokes, her presence itself. She didn't know why she longed to see her again so soon; Ruby hadn't been gone a full day. Nevertheless, Mulan often imagined her coming back, emerging from the woods, her grin brighter and her spirit reinvigorated.

 

There was nothing Mulan could do to fight it. Even when she tried to concentrate on other things, her mind would unconsciously drift into musings about where the two of them should head next. She hoped Ruby was alright out there on her own. Or, at the very least, that she was having more fun by herself than Mulan was. Frankly, this day felt like it was taking forever to end. It was rather irritating.

 

How long had they been travelling together by that point? Two weeks, or thereabouts? By all rights, her journey with Ruby still should have felt odd, like a detour from Mulan's daily life - a welcome divergence, yes, but a departure from what she was used to nonetheless. So, why was it that the opposite seemed true? Being on her own didn't feel like a return to normal. Rather, this was the disruption.

 

Contrary to her expectations, Mulan wasn't enjoying the chance to settle back into her old, solitary ways. She wasn't able to unwind or regather her energy, as she once had when alone. All she was doing was killing time, waiting to get back where she belonged: by Ruby's side.

 

Soon enough, she ran out of tasks to keep her occupied. That was when it really started to eat away at her.

 

Where silence had once been something Mulan found peaceful, now it only carried with it the reminder of how well Ruby filled it. Mulan sighed, boredly watching the clouds pass overhead. It just wasn't the same without Ruby around. Cracking jokes. Flirting with her. Confiding in her. Comforting her. Telling tales about Storybrooke, and all the ridiculous things that had happened to the people there.

 

It felt like a lifetime ago that they had barely been able to exchange two words with each other. That had been Mulan's fault, mostly, but in hindsight her initial aloofness was virtually incomprehensible. Now, not having Ruby there to talk to was like missing a piece of herself.

 

As someone who had wandered far across the land, Mulan had encountered many people over the years. Ruby was among the scant few individuals who Mulan could honestly say were entirely unlike anyone else she'd ever met. That wasn't just because she was utterly stunning to behold, but rather because the only thing more beautiful than Ruby's physical form was the purity of Ruby's spirit.

 

Ruby had every right to hate the world, but her heart had not been hardened. Her beast blood had instilled her with incredible strength, but she was too kind to truly use the power at her fingertips. Her morality put her at odds with her own nature to such an extent that she'd spent years selflessly sacrificing her chance to live as a werewolf should, because she couldn't bear to hurt anyone else.

 

Her warmth and compassion were beyond compare. She cared deeply, and often. And, in doing so, she'd saved Mulan; she had liberated her from a prison of her own making, unearthing her heart from where it once lay buried, uplifting her from that bleak and lonely void.

 

Was it any wonder Mulan couldn't wait to see her again?

 

Mulan sat up and rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to chase away the tedium that came with being stuck on her own. There had to be ways to take her mind off how much she wished Ruby was around. Mulan thought of going for a walk, but that would just remind her of the comfortable hours they spent on the road in each other's company. She considered stretching and doing some exercises to keep her body in peak condition, but that might make her ponder the suggestive remarks Ruby would have uttered as she watched on.

 

She supposed she could have gone for a swim in that spot beneath the waterfall, but Mulan's chest constricted at that prospect. No, she couldn't. That place brought forth a memory of Ruby that was achingly raw and intense - one Mulan had tried very hard not to contemplate.

 

Her pulse quickened as crisp pictures were cast upon the forefront of her mind, unbidden. It was all there, in vivid detail. Mulan remembered the cool water against her skin, and how close Ruby had been. It was as clear as day every single time she revisited that scene, recalling the moment when a stark realisation had struck her. It was no phantom figment of her imagination. Mulan was sure she'd seen it.

 

Ruby's eyes had most definitely fallen to her lips. And her stare had not shifted.

 

Mulan had frozen when she glimpsed that change in her line of sight, paralysed by the expression she saw unfolding across Ruby's face. Her whole body had trembled. She hadn't had any idea what to do or how to react but, for a split-second, she had legitimately believed that Ruby wanted to kiss her. And the scariest thing was that Mulan didn't know if she would have tried to stop her if she had.

 

But, of course, that wasn't what took place. Ruby had only splashed her. Whatever Mulan thought she had seen, it was plainly nothing more than an attempt to lull her into lowering her guard. Although, that didn't do a lot to quell the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. If anything, it made it worse. If that had all been in her head, then what the hell was going on inside her? What could have made her project that meaning onto Ruby's actions? What if Mulan really was in danger of letting her heart desire the wrong woman once again?

 

Honestly, Mulan found it hard to discern what she wanted from Ruby, if anything. Every time she thought about it, her clarity was drowned out by one overwhelming emotion: fear. It was impossible to gain insight when she couldn't glimpse beyond that anxiety.

 

Mulan blinked. Wait. This wasn't only that. Something different was causing her unease. Something...external.

 

Alerted by the subtle tingling sensation on the back of her neck, Mulan glanced up, outwardly calm but intently scanning her surroundings for any evidence of the source. It wasn't paranoia. Her senses didn't lie to her. She knew exactly what this was. There was something nearby. And, whatever it was, it saw her. She was being watched. For how long, she couldn't say. But it was there now. She stilled.

 

Gold eyes glimmered in the shadows between the trees. An animal. A beast. Mulan slowly stood up straight, making herself larger. She didn't have her armour, or her sword. She was vulnerable. Adrenaline pumped in her veins, but she could show no trepidation.

 

“Come out,” she commanded, quiet but forceful. The beast complied, advancing with vicious, snarling jaws and a violent intent. The wolf growled, low and steady, stalking its target with an insatiable hunger. Mulan's stare narrowed, familiarity sparking in her consciousness.

 

Ruby. It was her. It had to be.

 

There was no doubt that this was the same wolf she had met at the witch's cabin on that fateful day – a wolf who was now her closest friend. Mulan would have recognised those ravenous eyes anywhere. Whether or not Ruby remembered her, and whether she was in control, Mulan didn't know. Either way, she chose not to be afraid. She didn't fear death, because she refused to die anytime soon.

 

In the peripheries of her vision, she saw Ruby's cloak hanging from a branch, a few paces away. Mulan considered grabbing it and throwing it on her, knowing its enchantment should turn her back to her human form. Even if Ruby chased her, all she had to do was fling that crimson cloth at her in time and neither one of them would come to harm. But, then again, Mulan asked herself if that was truly necessary. If things went wrong, it was always an option she could fall back on, but there was another theory she wanted to test first.

 

Wolves were dangerous, yes, but they were not mindless beings. Like any other animal, they could be provoked or calmed. What if the wolf didn't have to kill every person she met? What if Ruby didn't need to be a human to be reasoned with? It would change her life forever.

 

For Ruby's sake, she had to try a different way.

 

“You won't hurt me,” Mulan said, her voice calm as she outstretched her hand, respecting the wolf, but not fearing her. If she was right about this, perhaps Ruby would do the same. Mulan hoped her tactic worked. She didn't want to have to hurt Ruby to protect herself.

 

The wolf drew nearer. Mulan did not move, standing her ground, making it clear that she would not run, because she was not prey. If Ruby perceived Mulan as such, it could be a fatal mistake. Any slight miscalculation, and the wolf might attack. She took that extremely seriously. She considered lunging forward, establishing herself as a threat not to be trifled with, but she didn't wish to scare Ruby away.

 

Mulan willed her fingers to remain still, stemming the tremor that passed through them in the absence of her blade. Ruby crept closer. Mulan didn't like the way the wolf advanced. Ruby's body language was distinctly predatory, as if she was preparing to leap for her.

 

“Stay!” Mulan ordered, raising her voice, fixing Ruby with a powerful glare.

 

Ruby flinched at the loud noise. Her teeth were bared, but she had taken notice of Mulan, getting the message that she wasn't an easy meal. Mulan swallowed and held her gaze, unblinking. She shifted her feet ever so slowly beneath her, readying her stance, preparing to counterattack. If the wolf struck, she had to defend herself, sword or no sword. But this wasn't a monster. This wasn't an evil creature before her. This was who Ruby was. It was part of her very soul. And, if that was true, then she surely had nothing to be frightened of. 

 

“You're Ruby,” Mulan said aloud, allowing her arm to relax, though she kept it raised just in case, never breaking eye contact with the wolf in front of her. “You're my friend, and I am not afraid of you. I know that you would never do anything to hurt me. I trust you.”

 

With those words, she dared to approach. She didn't know if it would be perceived as aggression, or provoke Ruby to bite, but turning her back or glancing aside might trigger the wolf's hunting instincts. That was why she chose to make her presence as commanding as possible, confronting her. So far, Mulan's bold strategy seemed to be succeeding. She hadn't been mauled yet. That was a start.

 

“I am safe with you,” Mulan continued. Ruby snarled as Mulan neared, emanating palpable hostility. “Don't be scared. You're safe with me, too.” Every step she took was a risk, but it was a risk well worth taking. She was less than three yards away.

 

The wolf growled and gnashed her jaws in warning. "Stop that!" Mulan snapped, charging across the gap until her hand was inches from Ruby's face. Her body language changed at that sudden movement. For once, the wolf shrank back, intimidated by her abrupt advance. Mulan exhaled slowly, softening after that daring dash across camp, careful not to let Ruby feel cornered, well aware that all it would take was one crunch of those sharp teeth to sever several of her fingers. However, she no longer felt she was in imminent danger of that happening.

 

Perhaps she was overestimating her progress, but it looked like Mulan hadn't been deluding herself after all. Though Ruby's ears were still pinned to the side and her lips were curled to communicate a clear threat, her posture was defensive, not predatory. Ruby was no longer stalking her as prey. With enough time and effort, it might actually be possible to earn the wolf's respect, and her trust.

 

“You are not lost, Ruby," Mulan whispered, extending her arm slightly, letting the back of her hand come so close to Ruby's nose that they would have touched at the slightest shiver, hoping that gesture would convey that she intended no harm, and establish some form of familiarity. She felt the movement of air against her skin, the wolf inhaling her scent. "You are right where you belong.”

 

In an instant, Ruby froze, dropping all hostility. Her tension was...remarkably human-like in its appearance. Mulan wondered if Ruby had finally recognised her. However, that question soon answered itself; she must have, because she regained control and began to shift.

 

Before Mulan could retract her hand, Ruby the wolf was gone, and Ruby the person was back. Her eyes widened with shock as she realised where she was, looking around herself with desperation and panic, resembling someone who had been startled awake from a nightmare. She didn't seem to know what had happened, unable to remember how she had come to be there.

 

“Mulan—I'm—Oh my God. Are you okay?" Ruby asked, panting heavily and erratically, horrified to see just how small the distance between them was. Her skin was pale and clammy, as if she was about to throw up. "Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn't hurt you.”

 

“You never touched me. I'm fine,” Mulan assured her with a comforting smile, dismissing Ruby's worries, relaxed and content in the knowledge that she had been right all along. Ruby wasn't a monster when she was the wolf; she was still Ruby, only in a different form. That side of herself didn't need to be cast into the shadows. There was hope for a balance, however hard it might be to achieve.

 

“I'm so sorry,” Ruby spoke through staggered breaths, so shaken that she couldn't yet summon the strength to stand up. “I never meant...I thought I went out far enough that I wouldn't be able to find my way back to you. But that doesn't matter when I'm a wolf, does it? Of course not; I can smell my way back! Fuck. I'm so fucking stupid!” she cursed herself, tangling her fingers in her hair, her teeth clenched as she fought back tears. The weight of her mistakes crashed down upon her like an avalanche. "I can never do this again. I can't."

 

“Don't be upset. It doesn't matter.” Mulan crouched down in front of her, gently touching Ruby's wrists. "I'll be perfectly safe with you if you transform," she promised her, a proud grin unfurling across her features, convinced she'd found the answer to many of Ruby's woes.

 

"What are you talking about?" said Ruby, fixing Mulan with a stare that was equal parts bewildered and incensed, as if making damn sure she hadn't misunderstood her. "You are never safe when I'm a wolf. This wasn't a fluke, Mulan. This could happen again!"

 

"So what if it does?" Mulan asked, shrugging. "If you come back, you come back. I don't care."

 

“Are you out of your mind?! I could have killed you!” Ruby snapped, furious with Mulan for treating that fact with such reckless disregard. Mulan understood her perspective. To Ruby, she must have sounded like a fool who failed to comprehend how vile the consequences could have been if she hadn't reverted to her human form. Advocating for something like this, knowing she risked encountering the wolf another time, was essentially telling her she was content to gamble with her own life. “Why didn't you fight me off with your sword?! I could have—“

 

“You didn't,” Mulan quietly cut her off, extending her hand to touch Ruby's cheek, fingers softly grazing her tear-stained skin. Ruby flinched, green eyes glistening with ten thousand conflicting emotions. “I'm not afraid of you. Not now. Not when you're a wolf. I never am.”

 

“You should be!” Ruby hissed, batting Mulan's hand away and getting to her feet, nervously toying with her necklace as she paced to expel her unconscious tremors. She paused mid-stride when her eyes fell upon her red cloak hanging from a nearby branch. "My cloak was _right here!_ " she said, confronting Mulan fiercely. "Why didn't you throw it on me? I would have changed back instantly!"

 

"Because I didn't want you to," Mulan answered honestly, arising from the ground.

 

For several seconds, Ruby could only stare at her, her mouth hanging agape in utter incredulity. "...Oh my God, you really are insane," was Ruby's first response, snatching her cloak from the tree and turning her back on Mulan. She stormed halfway across the camp to put some distance between them, as if she couldn't bear to be anywhere near her when she was saying such things.

 

"Why are you mad? This is what you wanted!" Mulan continued, genuinely elated. Ruby may not have understood yet, but she should have been equally thrilled. "See? You don't have to keep your identities separate. You don't have to choose to be a human or a wolf; you can be both - you can lead a better life," she insisted, following Ruby as closely as she could without encroaching upon her personal space.

 

Ruby's lips quivered. "Fuck you, Mulan," she whispered, her eyes red with unshed tears. Mulan knew better than to be offended. Hearing her say such things must have felt to Ruby like being taunted by fate, reminding her that future she craved was unobtainable.

 

"Look, this is a lot to take in," Mulan began with a sigh. Cooler heads had to prevail. "Maybe you should take a minute to calm down."

 

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down!" Ruby shot back. "This isn't a joke, Mulan; I can feel what the wolf wanted, and it did not come here to sing Disney songs and make woodland friends. I came back to camp like that because I was hungry! I wanted to eat you!"

 

"Okay. Sure. I knew that." Mulan nodded in acknowledgement, unfazed. "But I was right not to change you back."

 

"Fuck you!" Ruby spat, whirling around and shoving Mulan in the shoulder. "You're talking about something you don't understand! I listened to your stupid advice about handing over more control to the wolf, and look where it got me! You were wrong! You were fucking wrong, okay? So shut up! Don't ever tell me what to do again!" she snarled, her eyes ablaze. Mulan let her pour out her anger, unaffected by it. "Embracing that side of my identity around you is the opposite of what I needed. It's not making me better, it's making me worse!"

 

“By what value of 'worse'?” Mulan asked, sensing that was years of pent up human anxiety talking.

 

“ _Reality!_ ” Ruby exclaimed, livid with Mulan for not realising a truth she'd accepted long ago. "I can't believe I ever thought you had a point. How could I let you make me think things could be different?" Ruby asked herself, shaking her head in disgust at her own sad denial.

 

"Because they could be," Mulan told her, speaking those words as a promise.

 

"No, they can't!" Ruby snapped, though Mulan suspected her fury was primarily directed inward rather than at her personally. "This is why - this is _exactly_ why I couldn't keep living among humans. Being the real me means being a danger to people like you. I'm not fucking delusional; I know there's no way I can be a wolf today and someone's cheery suburban next-door neighbour tomorrow. I can't fight what I am."

 

“Why should you have to?" Mulan pressed, stepping closer despite Ruby's biting sarcasm. "You're thinking about it the wrong way. You believe this version of you - your human consciousness - has to be in control all the time, even when you're a wolf. Why is that the goal?”

 

“Stop,” Ruby said caustically, almost in a sneer. “You have no right to say anything about this.”

 

“I do, because I've seen a side of you that you haven't,” Mulan persisted, undeterred. This was by far the most important conversation they'd ever had. She placed her hands on Ruby's shoulders, gently coaxing her to meet her gaze, determined not to let her slip away. “Listen to me: you don't have to hide. You can transform around me. So long as I'm careful, you won't hurt me,” Mulan avowed.

 

“One day, I will!” Ruby replied, guaranteeing that, tears spilling over as her worst fears flooded to the surface. She tried to blink the salty sting away, but her composure was cracking. “Mulan, I have killed people! People I love! If that happened to you, I...”

 

"Shh. It's okay. It's okay,” Mulan whispered to her, leaning forward to take Ruby into her arms. That gentle act pushed her over the edge, shattering her fragile exterior. Ruby broke down and dissolved into sobs, her wall of defensive anger crumbling at her feet. Mulan just held her as she wept on her shoulder, consoling her. It hurt to see her cry, but she had to be strong for her. “You didn't do anything wrong.”

 

"No. I did." Ruby shook her head, unable to take comfort in Mulan's words, refusing to let herself believe them. “You don't understand. I may never be able to fully control myself. The second I start to think I can will be the moment I slip and...” Ruby couldn't finish that sentence, overcome by sickeningly visceral images of the harm she might inflict upon Mulan. “I can't trust the wolf. I never can.”

 

“It's alright. I trust you enough for both of us,” said Mulan, grasping her hand as if to affirm her sincere pledge of faith.

 

“Don't.” Ruby lifted her head, shooting a cold stare squarely into Mulan's eyes, imploring her to see reason. “Please don't. Because you won't realise how misplaced your kindness is until I hurt you. And I will hurt you. I don't want to, but I will.” Ruby's tears had stopped. Her expression was as set as a stone, certain of every word she spoke. “I can't do that to you, Mulan. I can't lose you. Not you. Not like that.”

 

“Ruby...” Mulan spoke her name in a quiet plea, but she knew it was futile to argue. She couldn't get through to Ruby in her current state, and Mulan saw no sense denying that any longer. "You know what? It's late. Why don't we have tea and agree to talk about this tomorrow?"

 

But Ruby didn't move. She wasn't looking at Mulan. She wasn't looking at anything. Only clutching her cloak.

 

“I am so sorry for this. I really am,” Ruby murmured, her features strained with remorse at the thought of what she had to do, though not enough to reconsider. "But this is how it has to be." Before Mulan could ask what she meant, she got her answer. In a flash, Ruby grabbed her by the shirt and darted across camp as quick as a blur until she had Mulan pinned up against a tree.

 

Mulan's head spun when her back collided with the solid trunk. Her feet were suspended off the ground. "Ruby, stop. Let me go," Mulan managed to speak through her grimace, hyperaware of the pressure holding her in place. Ruby's whole body was flush against hers.

 

They were close. So close. Ruby's breath was hot against her lips every time she exhaled. There was barely an inch of air between them.

 

Ruby lingered there for several, long moments, as if time had stopped ticking. Green eyes were alight with fiery intensity, but Mulan also saw uncertainty there, as if she was achingly torn about what she ought to do, or fighting between two powerful voices in her head. Mulan had little opportunity to wonder what Ruby was thinking, however. As soon as the question entered her mind, she released her grip.

 

With a thud, Mulan hit the ground, dropping like a stone, crumpling onto her side. She groaned and clutched the back of her head, checking for blood where it had struck the tree, dizzily dragging herself to her feet. By the time she looked up, it was too late: Ruby was already gone, and Mulan hadn't seen which way she ran. All that remained of her was her cloak, the red fabric fluttering to the forest floor.

 

Immediately, Mulan understood what Ruby had done, deliberately creating a diversion to cover her disappearance. She'd made sure she couldn't be followed. That didn't stop Mulan from trying, though. She launched herself forward, sprinting straight ahead.

 

“Ruby!” she called out, giving chase into the dark shadows of the forest, ducking and weaving past every obstacle in her path, despite her unsteadiness. Barbs and spines ripped off into her clothing as she rushed to find Ruby, refusing to lose her. A sharp branch cut Mulan's cheek as she pushed through the maze of trees and shrubs, ignoring the throbbing pain in her skull. But it was a fruitless pursuit.

 

She could never catch up with Ruby. Mulan knew that. No matter how hard she ran, she had no chance of gaining any ground. Ruby was far faster than she was, especially once her feet transformed into paws and claws. There was nothing she could do.

 

Mulan stopped, chest heaving as she panted for breath, running her hand through her hair, searching for any sign of where Ruby might have gone. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed a flash - a metal object reflecting a shaft of sunlight that filtered in through the canopy. Mulan knew it well; it was Ruby's necklace, the one she had bought for her a few days ago, snagged on the edge of a prickly thornbush.

 

She reached out and took the cold pendant in her fingers, clasping it in the palm of her hand. Before Mulan could think to stop herself, she lashed out and swung her fist into the nearest tree, pounding her forearms against it again and again and again. It hurt. She didn't care.

 

Her breath was shaky when she finished, her forehead resting where her wrists crossed, braced against the trunk. The burning sensation of blood on her bruised knuckles did nothing to numb the pain inside. No sudden spike of anger could fill that hole. That old wound had ripped open - that all-consuming heartache she'd tried for so long to escape. Now, it had a new name.

 

It was over. This journey was done. She'd lost Ruby.

 

What the hell even mattered anymore?

 

* * *

 

Three days. Three days, and Ruby still hadn't come back. Mulan didn't know what to do.

 

With Ruby gone, it was as if her whole world had stopped turning. It was like being trapped in a pocket of frozen time again, as Mulan had been before the curse was broken. Only, this time, she was aware of every lifeless second of it. Each moment took a torturous eternity.

 

She couldn't think. She didn't want to. Everything was just...blank.

 

For a while, Mulan had been angry. She'd kicked their campfire to pieces, donned her armour and packed up all her things, ready to leave, and not caring to be there if Ruby ever decided to come back. Why should Mulan wait for her? Ruby had made her choice.

 

Indeed, Mulan had only been a hair away from following through. She had slung her bag over her shoulder and started to march towards the road, intending to return to that bar they'd visited a few days prior. Given the mood she was in, nothing had sounded better to her than the idea of spending every last coin she had on drinks while she waited for some unlucky idiot to dare to try and pick a fight with her.

 

But she couldn't. She couldn't walk away. 

 

Was this really how their friendship ended: Ruby stranded in the wilderness, with nowhere to call home, and Mulan reverting to old habits, undoing all that they had accomplished together? What if Ruby did return, only to find their campsite deserted, and Mulan missing?

 

That thought had stopped her in her tracks, making her second-guess her fury. This couldn't be undone. Abandoning the campsite was essentially turning her back on Ruby for good. If Mulan left, what were the chances they would ever see each other again? Could she live with that, or would the regret haunt her for eternity? Would she always wonder how things could have changed if she'd waited for her?

 

Mulan's grip on her shoulder strap had faltered, and she'd let her pack fall to the ground. There was something inside her that simply would not permit her to take another step. Saying she didn't care was a lie. Of course she did. Though, in that moment, she wished she didn't.

 

She'd heard Ruby's voice in her head while she stood there, weighing up whether or not to listen to the call of her heart or of her anger. The very first thing Mulan envisioned was their conversation on the hillside beneath the light of the Moon. 'I'm not going to let you give up, okay? I won't allow it,' Ruby had said, promising to fight for Mulan's happiness, even when Mulan lacked the will to fight for her own.

 

Mulan's gloved fist had clenched at her side at the recollection of those words. Well, she supposed this was the ultimate proof of Ruby's assertion. One way or another, she was going to get a definitive answer; she was going to put it to the test and find out if Ruby really meant those things she'd said. For the first time since Aurora, Mulan had been naive enough to let herself believe that someone gave a damn about her for more than her martial skill, and part of her possessed the courage to demand to discover whether she'd been wrong.

 

Yes, Mulan knew what it was like to run away. She had been a coward once, too. But being with Ruby had irrevocably altered her. No matter what happened, Mulan would not go back to the life she had been living before they met. She refused to be that person again.

 

"I'm not leaving, you hear me?" Mulan had called out. She didn't expect her to be in earshot. For all she knew Ruby could have crossed the border into another country by then. "If you want to run away from me, then fine! But I'm not running. Not anymore," she'd declared through gritted teeth. The forest gave no response. "You either choose me, or you don't; I'm not going to make the choice for you."

 

Whether anyone heard her, Mulan couldn't say. It almost didn't matter. This wasn't only about Ruby. This was about Mulan, too.

 

She'd had enough. She was fed up. She was done with being everyone's plaything.

 

Mulan had spent far too long feeling disposable. Others frequently picked her up like a toy they found on the road, dragging her on their quests only to casually discard her when she wasn't of use anymore. Even Aurora and Phillip were like that, whether they knew it or not. Once their lands were restored to their rule, their lives went on without her. Mulan had served her purpose. Though they had kept her by their side, she had come to feel like little more than an ornament, held onto out of an obligation to repay her, not because they couldn't lose her. 

 

They didn't need her anymore. And, sadly, that was the glue that had held their friendship together. Their subsequent attempts at treating her kindly rang hollow. They were fond of her, yes, but that was a memento of their past adventures, not a sign of any deep, enduring love.

 

Perhaps they had cared for her once. But it wasn't enough. Not enough to see her as more than their loyal knight, or know the real Mulan. Maybe they didn't even realise that about themselves, or her. Mulan saw no need to ponder that question. It made no difference now.

 

But Ruby had sworn she was different, though. She'd claimed this connection was genuine, and that she was Mulan's true friend. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. Maybe their rapport had been feigned all along. Either way, Mulan wasn't going to surrender quietly. If Ruby planned to disappoint her and reject her like those who came before, then she could at least have the decency to do it to her face.

 

And so, she had chosen to stay, knowing full well that it might be for nothing.

 

For three whole days Mulan had gone through the motions, keeping up their campsite in anticipation of a familiar face that had yet to reappear. Mulan didn't know how long she was willing to give Ruby before she considered her silence an answer. Some small splinter of her heart probably would have waited forever, if she could. But that wasn't possible. Still, Ruby had been given that day, and one more night, since it was too late to pack up by then. Whether she would be granted others, well...that would have to be answered in the morning. 

 

Mulan barely felt the warmth of the fire as she sat there under the setting Sun. Her food was tasteless, no matter what she added to it. She wasn't hungry. She scarcely bothered to eat anymore. When she did, it was only in order to function. Such was her life without Ruby.

 

The closest she came to feeling alive was when she wore herself out. She'd tried to chase that elusive high, deliberately pushing her limits to the point of exhaustion. Hunting. Exercising. Using the tree as a punching bag. She'd done that long enough that she'd nearly destroyed the backs of her gloves. But even when she was utterly spent, her own body felt...distant, as if she was operating a puppet, or wearing someone else's skin. It didn't seem like her muscles that burned, her breath that grew short, or her pores that perspired. So, she'd cut that out, too.

 

All Mulan could do as evening encroached upon her was sit there in silence. Nothing she tried to pass the time ever worked. Even when she butchered and strung up her kills from her last hunt - having collected far more than she needed - her mind hadn't been present.

 

Why fight it? Nothing could distract her from thinking about Ruby.

 

Echoes of Ruby followed her footsteps wherever she wandered and resonated in the hollow silence whenever she was still. She was everywhere. Her laughter. Her smiles. Her twinkling eyes. They haunted her. In a way, it was like she'd never left, because Mulan instinctively pictured what she would have said or done if she was there. Mulan regularly heard her voice telling her to stop working so hard, reminding her to eat and look after herself, even when she didn't feel like it. In that moment, Ruby's ghost was playfully chastising her for acting so grumpy.

 

Naturally, it was at night when her thoughts of Ruby were at their most vivid and inescapable. In her dreams, Mulan had followed Ruby to the ends of the earth. She had taken her hand when offered, and let it lead her through fields of flowers, over mountains, across the ocean. It was when she awoke that Mulan had to let go of her and be confronted with the bitter reality that she was alone again.

 

The flames began to dim. Mulan poked at her half-eaten dinner that had gone cold thirty minutes ago, the shadows growing longer as the sky darkened. Ruby's cloak and necklace lay on undisturbed blankets, waiting for an owner who may never return.

 

She sighed, trying and failing to ignore that incessant ache in her heart. It didn't make sense that it should matter to her this much whether or not Ruby came back. They barely knew each other. Ruby shouldn't have had the power to hurt Mulan. And yet she did. As tempting as it was to pretend otherwise, she couldn't. Despite her fears, Mulan lowered her guard, and let her in. That couldn't be undone.

 

Whether she had wanted her to or not, Ruby had affected her in a way nobody else ever had. She had reached in and touched her so deeply that Mulan expected her soul would forever bear Ruby's fingerprints. Her mark could never be washed away. She had changed her very essence by opening her up and finding a way into her heart, even when Mulan had been too afraid to confront what lay inside it.

 

Ruby made her feel...She had made Mulan _feel_ when she was used to being numb, for all the good and bad that that entailed.

 

Now that Ruby had vanished, Mulan remembered all too quickly why she had shut everyone out and done whatever she could to ignore her emotions and dull the pain: because she couldn't face the truth. She was alone. She had nothing. Nothing but a gaping wound.

 

That emptiness was all Mulan could feel anymore. That crack in her heart. Deep, and unabating. It hurt. It always hurt.

 

It wouldn't stop. She wanted it to, but it wouldn't. It never went away.

 

Mulan cast her forgotten dinner into the fire, blinking back the tears she felt brimming in her eyes. She let her head fall into her hands, the red sunset bathing the forest around her in an orange glow. She couldn't take this. Why had Ruby made her feel this way? Why had she promised to heal Mulan's heart only to subject her to the very agony she'd tried so hard to never know again? It wasn't fair.

 

Why had she even bothered to wait? Was it worth living this lie for another day? Nothing would be different when she awoke in the morning. Every hour she wasted here was only delaying her acceptance of the inevitable. Ruby had left her for good. She wasn't coming back. No one ever did. Not for her. Mulan was always secondary, never the most important thing in anybody's life.

 

She ran her gloved hands through her hair, drawing a deep breath, pondering whether to leave at dawn. She heard a twig snap somewhere to her left, beyond the edge of camp. Mulan didn't bother to react to the sound. Disturbances like that were common. Usually a deer.

 

But then Mulan froze. She heard something else. A soft whine. A striking sound. Like a dog, or a...

 

A wolf.

 

Mulan instantly shot up, praying that noise which caught her ears was no mere trick. It was hard to see anything through the trees in that late hour. And yet, there was movement in the shadows. She covered her mouth as a sharp gasp escaped her, the corners of her lips curling into a heartfelt smile. She almost couldn't believe it, but this was no illusion. That wolf was Ruby. She was back.

 

She had to will herself not to overreact, containing her excitement. In that state, Ruby was a wolf first and foremost. Even though Mulan wasn't frightened of her, she didn't underestimate the danger she posed. Complacency would be a grievous error.

 

“Hey,” Mulan greeted her, calm and relaxed. She didn't expect Ruby to be able to understand speech in that form, but Mulan preferred to speak anyway. With any luck her tone and body language would convey all the meaning necessary. Ruby remained wary, unwilling to come any closer. "It's okay. I'm not angry with you for running away. I'm just glad to see you again. I missed you,” she admitted.

 

Ruby kept her distance, half-hidden in the forest, sitting just past the treeline, uttering another quiet whine. Mulan didn't quite know how to decode it, but her behaviour was definitely different. It wasn't aggressive like before. Ruby was far more...tentative.

 

Mulan bit her lip, searching their camp for a way to coax her closer. A glance over her shoulder gave her the obvious answer - food. The smell of fresh meat must have been irresistibly enticing to a wolf. Come to think of it, perhaps that was why Ruby had come back. If it was, Mulan wasn't offended, nor would she question it. All that mattered was that Ruby was with her, and that she was safe.

 

“Do you want some food?” Mulan asked, pointing her thumb at the half-dozen animal carcasses she'd strung up behind her. For all she knew, Ruby might not have eaten in days. "There's plenty for both of us; I got bored while you were gone," she remarked with a self-deprecating smirk, stepping backwards to approach her kills. Though Mulan was in her armour this time, she had the good sense not to turn her back on Ruby, at least not until _after_ she'd been thoroughly fed. "What do you want? Rabbit? Pheasant? Deer? Come on out. Don't be shy."

 

After a moment, the wolf dared to heed her invitation to come closer, crossing into the outskirts of the clearing. The smile fell from Mulan's lips, concern quickly taking its place. Something was seriously wrong. Ruby was limping, favouring her front left paw.

 

“Hey, hey. Let me see,” Mulan said, not hesitating to move to Ruby's side, saving her the pain of walking any further. The wolf growled and recoiled instinctively when she swept towards her, distrustful. “Shh. No,” Mulan answered her display along with a stern stare, warning her not to do that. Ruby backed down, too weak to risk putting up much of a fight, lest she sustain another injury.

 

Even seeing that submissive posture, Mulan was no fool. She was tentative in how she approached Ruby. She made sure she didn't perceive signs of aggression before she reached out to examine Ruby's wounded leg, lifting it up. The culprit was a spine from some sort of plant. It had pierced her paw, driven so deep into the flesh that it had started to work its way out the other side, breaking through the fur. 

 

The sight made her stomach turn. Not because she'd never seen worse. Mulan had. Far worse. But this was Ruby.

 

She must have been in so much pain.

 

"How long have you been like this?" Mulan asked aloud, dark blood trickling onto her gloves as she inspected Ruby for any other signs of harm. There were no serious gashes immediately visible, but there were minor scratches and grazes spread across a fair bit of her body, including a few additional thorns lodged in Ruby's side. Fortunately, those ones hadn't penetrated her skin anywhere near as badly.

 

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about you disappearing anytime soon. You won't be getting far on that leg," Mulan remarked, uttering a concerned sigh, pulling the smaller barbs out of her fur without trouble. What mess had Ruby gotten herself into out there?

 

It was no mystery why Ruby had been lured out of the woods by the aroma of Mulan's dinner cooking on the fire. A wounded wolf couldn't give chase and hunt when crawling on an impaled paw, nor could it flee from ferocious rivals, or defend itself when attacked. In her condition, she was probably starving, and desperate for nourishment. Her only hope of survival would have been as a scavenger, feasting on already dead animals. Even then, she would have risked being killed by other beasts that desired the same prize.

 

"You could have come to me sooner," Mulan whispered in sympathy, daring to reach out and stroke the fur on the lower side of Ruby's face, comforting her. The wolf didn't respond, but the lack of resistance was trust enough for Mulan. "Now, let's get that thing out of you."

 

Mulan quickly strolled across camp, no longer worried about Ruby pouncing on her. In her state, she wasn't much of a threat. Mulan withdrew some bandages and herbal remedies from her belongings, gathering what she needed to remove the spike. Any ex-soldier worth their salt always travelled unsafe terrain with basic medical supplies. The main problem was how to get that damn barb out of Ruby without getting bitten herself. The pain of the thorn coming out might be enough to provoke her to try and struggle free. Fair enough, too.

 

Her eyes fell to Ruby's red cloak, contemplating whether or not to turn her human. But Mulan dismissed the idea, determined to avoid it except as a last resort. This was of the utmost importance; she had to prove to Ruby that the wolf didn't need to be feared.

 

It was then that she noticed that Ruby had followed her into camp, limping along behind her. The wolf kept her distance, evidently remaining cautious of Mulan, but it couldn't have been any clearer that Ruby was practically begging her for whatever help she could provide.

 

"Alright, I'm ready," Mulan said as she knelt by Ruby's side, taking a pinch of sleeping powder in her fingers. "I don't want to knock you out; I just...would prefer to keep my face intact. For some reason, you seem to like it," she remarked, blowing the small puff of dust at Ruby. The wolf blinked, becoming a touch drowsy. Perfect. Mulan then covered her calmed companion's eyes with a damp cloth.

 

It didn't take long to remove the thorn, but Mulan was glad she had taken those extra precautions; it required quite some force to pull it out. Even in her subdued state, Ruby struggled to try and free her paw, but didn't succeed, lacking the strength to resist Mulan's firm grip. Drops of blood fell onto her thigh, staining her leathers. Bit by bit, that four-inch needle came free.

 

Mulan examined it against the firelight once it was out. The barb was almost as thick as a nail. Ruby whimpered and licked her bloody paw, nursing her wound. "Nearly done," Mulan assured her, adding a poultice to the bandage and wrapping up her nasty sore.

 

"There you go. That wasn't so hard, was it? You were the perfect patient, Ruby," Mulan said, finishing tying the bandage, and removing the cloth from Ruby's eyes, allowing her to see. The first thing the wolf did was graze the knot with her teeth, not sure what to make of her new accessory. "No. Don't eat that. Eat this," Mulan instructed, holding out a plucked pheasant.

 

Predictably, Ruby instantly lost interest in her bandage, snatching the meat in her jaws and turning her back on Mulan, lying down and greedily tearing into the bird next to the warm glow of the fire. Mulan couldn't help but smirk, enjoying befriending this side of her.

 

Having Ruby back made all the difference. Mulan felt...complete again.

 

As it was, Ruby didn't appear keen to leave her side. Not on that night, anyway. The wolf seemed perfectly at peace staying where she was, even to the point of tolerating Mulan's company. And why shouldn't she be happy? Having all this food must have been heaven to her.

 

They stayed like that past sunset, a respectful distance apart, sharing food and water until Ruby's hunger was satisfied. It wasn't long after her last bite before Mulan saw the wolf curl up on the ground, resting her head on her forelegs. Within minutes, her eyes closed and her breathing slowed. Mulan approached Ruby with silent footsteps, covering her with a blanket while she slept, warding off the chill.

 

Whether or not she would revert to her human form during the night, Mulan couldn't say. In truth, it didn't really matter. Ruby was Ruby, regardless of the form she took at any given time. No side of her was less important than the others.

 

One day, perhaps Ruby would see that as clearly as she did.

 

"Goodnight, Ruby," Mulan whispered tenderly, knowing that she too would have her first peaceful sleep in days.

 

* * *

 

Ruby's eyes fluttered open, shafts of sunlight coaxing her awake. Her hand hurt. She groaned, her vision fixing upon a bloodstained bandage in front of her. How had that happened? What time was it? She couldn't remember anything. Where was she?

 

...Oh no.

 

Awareness came flooding back. Ruby bolted upright. She recognised exactly where she was.

 

“Mulan?!” Ruby called out, frantically casting her eyes about the camp. Where was Mulan? Was she okay?

 

Her memory was completely blank, but for brief flashes of her time spent in the forest as a human. She didn't remember when the wolf had taken control, or why, or even if she'd consciously given into it. If she had, she was an idiot. It had done what Ruby feared most; it had brought her back to Mulan of its own accord. _Again._ She had no idea how long ago, or what she might have done while she was transformed.

 

Why was she alone? Had Mulan run away when she returned? Yes. Yes, she must have. Mulan was strong, and smart. She would never fall victim to a wolf. But then Ruby paused, abject horror sinking in. Her hand fell to her stomach. There was no pang of hunger. She felt...full.

 

"Oh my God." Ruby gritted her teeth, realising that could only mean one thing. Tears boiled in the corners of her eyes.

 

She'd done it again. First Peter. Now Mulan.

 

Nausea swept through her system, making her retch at the memory of that grisly scene - at having done that...to _her_. Ruby's head spun as she stood there in the middle of camp, shaking so violently that her knees nearly buckled. She could barely lift her fingers to her face with how hard they trembled. This was exactly why she had run away. She was too dangerous. A killer. She destroyed everything she touched.

 

Ruby swallowed. Her mind was numb, but she had to think. There was no one else there. She had to think of what to do. Her ears rang as she slowly scanned camp for any signs of Mulan. She had to find her. She had to face what she'd done. She had to know for sure.

 

It occurred to her that there was no scent of blood. No...No body. Oh God. What if she found her body in the woods? What if there was practically nothing left? No. Ruby couldn't let those thoughts come to her mind. Mulan was a cunning warrior. If the wolf had attacked her, there was still a chance she might have escaped. She could be alive. Maybe. She might be out there, hurt and in need of help.

 

But what if she wasn't? What if she was...?

 

"Hey." A sudden touch of a hand on her shoulder caused Ruby to whirl around sharply. She froze, greeted by the sight of Mulan's startled face, instinctively jumping back from the speed of Ruby's abrupt half-turn. “Whoa. It's okay. It's me,” Mulan said, smiling. "Sorry."

 

"Mulan?" Ruby's heart pounded in her chest. She couldn't believe her eyes. Mulan was there. She was really there. She was alright.

 

“I know, I know. I shouldn't have scared you like that,” Mulan muttered rather sheepishly, her gaze as warm as it was apologetic, appreciating the dreadful thoughts that had gone through Ruby's head mere moments ago. “I didn't intend for you to wake up alone. You just...You were tired, and I needed to get more water to make tea with, and...I wanted to let you sleep in. I didn't think—”

 

Ruby didn't let her finish. Overwhelmed with boundless relief, there was nothing else she could do but throw herself forward and fling her arms around Mulan in a heartfelt embrace. There were no words to express her joy. Ruby simply closed her eyes, thanking whatever miracle had granted her such a mercy, and had spared her from having to live out her worst nightmare for a second time.

 

"It's okay," Mulan whispered, stroking Ruby's hair as she cradled her against her shoulder. "I've got you."

 

"I thought I'd killed you," Ruby spoke, a strange mixture of pain and gratitude clouding her voice, although there were no tears to be shed. She couldn't be sad. For as frightened as she had been before, this day might as well have been the happiest of her life.

 

Mulan was alive. Somehow, some way, she'd met the wolf and survived. Ruby had never been so lucky.

 

"Don't worry; you'll never have to go through that again, I promise. I'm right here," Mulan reassured her. Ruby squeezed her even harder, in part to make sure this was real and in part because she wasn't sure she could stand on her own. Her knees were weak, and she felt so dizzy that she thought she could pass out. But nothing was more comforting than knowing Mulan would never let her go.

 

"...I didn't think you were coming back,” Ruby heard Mulan confess, a quiet sorrow behind her words.

 

“Neither did I,” Ruby admitted. In the heat of the moment, with tumult and chaos fracturing her mind, she hadn't known whether she could ever return to Mulan, but staying away from her had been unbearable. Every second she'd spent without Mulan had been miserable. When they separated, it was as if part of herself had been ripped out. All Ruby had felt was the pain of knowing who she'd left behind.

 

Perhaps that was how Ruby had ended up where she had. Maybe she had retreated into her wolf form simply to make her endless thoughts of Mulan stop for a while, unable to cope with the grief of letting her go. She couldn't say. She didn't remember. It was a blur.

 

"But you never lost me. You couldn't if you tried," Ruby continued, sniffling as she drew back to cup Mulan's cheek. For a time, she'd thought she might never see Mulan's face again. That made her appreciate just how precious every fleeting moment fate granted them together truly was. "Even when I was gone, you were all that mattered to me. Wolf or not, I always would have come back to you."

 

Mulan smiled at her then, in a way that Ruby had never seen her smile before. "Thank you for saying that," Mulan murmured, reaching up to caress her wrist. It seemed to mean a great deal to her to have heard those words, for reasons that were beyond Ruby's understanding.

 

"I can't believe it; there's not a scratch on you," Ruby whispered in amazement. She couldn't help but stare at Mulan, studying the skin beneath her fingers. She was completely and totally unscathed. It didn't seem possible without the aid of divine intervention, but the evidence was right there in front of her. "...I really didn't hurt you?" Ruby asked, unsure how this had happened.

 

"Nope. Not even a little bit," Mulan answered honestly, taking a step back so Ruby could see the proof with her own two eyes.

 

"Wow. Okay," was all Ruby could mutter. There wasn't much else she could say to that. By all rights, Mulan should have been dead after an encounter with the wolf. Instead, she was entirely unharmed. Ruby had the sense not to let herself read too much into that, though. It was luck. A one-off. Nothing more. She couldn't start grasping for specks of hope where there were none.

 

"Before I forget, I think this belongs to you," said Mulan. Ruby glanced down to see a glimmer of gold resting in her palm. She covered her mouth in amazement, overjoyed to recognise the necklace Mulan had bought for her.

 

"You found it!" she said, taking it in her hands and releasing a relieved exhale. "Oh, thank you. Don't laugh but, when I realised it was missing, I actually cried," Ruby acknowledged. It was no lie. Discovering the loss of the necklace had devastated her. It had seemed like confirmation that destiny had torn Mulan out of her life for good, and there was no way they could ever cross paths again.

 

"Why would I laugh?" Mulan asked, shaking her head. "I hated being here by myself. I never stopped thinking about you. I couldn't."

 

"That was my fault. I'm sorry," Ruby muttered, mustering a small, sympathetic smile at that. She sniffled and wiped her eyes to dispel any trace of tears, sincerely regretting the hasty choice she'd made. "I shouldn't have left. It was wrong. I just didn't know what to do."

 

"...Literally anything else?" Mulan suggested. Ruby didn't look up, fixing her gaze on her hands. She heard Mulan utter a sigh and saw her run a hand through her hair. "Look, I can't be mad at you when I've abandoned people too. What matters is that you're here now. So, consider yourself forgiven. But don't ever run away like that again. That's an order," she said, though she was only half-serious.

 

"Sure thing, boss; you have my word," Ruby remarked with a mock-salute, amused by what had to be the first time Mulan had ever demanded anything from her. There was no falsity behind her agreement, either. Her flight had been a pure panic response. Now that she'd had a few days to cool off and clear her head, Ruby couldn't imagine cutting her journey with Mulan short. Not by choice.

 

However, after flexing her palm for that gesture, Ruby grimaced. That motion had set off the wound in her left hand. It really hurt. Come to think of it, she felt scratches and grazes in other places on her body too. They weren't as severe, but those small sores still stung.

 

"You okay?" Mulan asked, noticing her discomfort.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine. But how the hell did I get this?" Ruby wondered aloud, legitimately confused.

 

"Good question. I was hoping you'd tell me," Mulan replied with a straightforward shrug. Ruby frowned. Well, at least that ruled out the notion that she and Mulan had fought at any point. "All I can tell you is that you were covered in thorns when you got here. Big ones."

 

"That's news to me," Ruby said plainly, furrowing her brow, trying to tap into her memories. It didn't ring a bell.

 

Blacking out as a wolf wasn't too much of a shock. Even when she tried, she couldn't always hang onto her consciousness. However, the strange part was that she was missing a chunk of time from when she should have been in her human form too. That wasn't normal. Maybe she'd had an accident. Maybe she'd sustained these wounds as a human. Maybe Ruby had become a wolf in order to save herself.

 

"I don't know." Ruby shook her head, unable to figure out a definitive explanation. Her best guess was, well, only a guess. "The most I can recall is...I think I was running from something. Being chased. And then I fell. I'm not sure, though. It's all kind of hazy."

 

“Well, consider yourself lucky to be alive, and in one piece. You were so hurt you could barely walk. Another day and you might have starved, or lost that hand. If I'd left this campsite three days ago instead of waiting for you..." Mulan trailed off and glanced aside, preferring not to dwell on that. "Anyway, you're alright now. I took care of you and got the thorn out. After that, I gave you dinner and let you sleep."

 

“As a wolf? ...How is that possible?” Ruby asked, narrowing her eyes in search of any deception hidden in Mulan's features. There were none to be found. "I couldn't have been a wolf the whole time, right? You must have...changed me back, or sedated me?"

 

"I used a little sleeping powder, but not nearly enough to knock you out. And you'd know if I made you human again, wouldn't you?" Mulan pointed out. Ruby couldn't deny that. "Your cloak's right over there, if you're cold," she said, idly gesturing towards Ruby's bed.

 

Ruby blinked, stunned. "Why didn't you use it? It would have been—"

 

"Safer? Easier?" Mulan finished on her behalf, remembering how their discussion had gone a few days prior. "Yeah, it would have been easier for me. But aren't you tired of hiding who you are?" said Mulan. Ruby's stare narrowed, incredulous to hear her discussing something this serious in the same tone that she might use to tell her what was for dinner. "That's all you've ever done, isn't it? You've always chosen the path that you think is best for everyone else, at the expense of your own happiness. I think it's time that changed."

 

"You make it sound like a matter of opinion. I _know_ it's best. I _know_ it's safer," Ruby retorted, unable to help but be a little angry with Mulan for disregarding her own welfare, not to mention that she'd made that judgement call against Ruby's express wishes. "Look, I'm not going to scream at you like I did last time, but this isn't up for debate, Mulan. You should have turned me back. I can't be near you as a wolf."

 

"But you just were. All night," Mulan responded.

 

"Once," Ruby interjected.

 

"There could be a second or a third, if you allow it," Mulan stated, too stalwart in her convictions to back down. Ruby tried not to glare. Of all the things to be stubborn about, why this? "I admit, I'm still learning how to interact with you as a wolf, but I promise I'll keep improving," Mulan continued. "Yesterday, everything went smoothly - better than I anticipated. I didn't change you back because I wasn't in any immediate danger. I never felt threatened. You don't need to be scared. You can trust yourself a lot more than you think you can.”

 

“Up until I do attack you,” said Ruby, unable to put her faith in a fluke. “Mulan, I'm basically a wild animal. A wolf is always a wolf. It's not like you can put a collar on me and teach me to do tricks. One violent moment is all it would ever take. You understand that, don't you?"

 

“Well, yeah.” Mulan shrugged, as if that was obvious. “I'm not saying I was able to interact with you in the same ways I do when I'm talking to you now, but you're not evil, and you're not unpredictable,” Mulan nonchalantly explained, unflustered by the matter. “This is what I was trying to tell you before you ran off. Maybe you _can_ master that side of yourself, and not just by reining it in all the time.”

 

"'Maybe'?" Ruby sighed and raised her hand to halt her speculation. "I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, but I'm a realist, okay? I'm not prepared to bet on a 'maybe'. My identity, my wolf, it...it means a lot to me, yes, but not if it means I'm a danger to you."

 

"You aren't. Not always," Mulan insisted.

 

"No, I am. It is. Always. I'm a predator. You're prey. That doesn't change because I haven't hurt you yet," Ruby argued, knowing far too well the harm she could cause. "If there's any chance that I could kill you, then that's a risk I won't take. That's it. That's all that needs to be said. I'm not going to play games with your life. I couldn't do that to someone I..." Ruby swallowed, unable to finish that sentence.

 

“Listen to me: you're the best friend I've ever had. I care about you. That means all of you," Mulan persisted, stepping forward and taking Ruby's hands in her own. "This is part of who you are. It _is_ who you are. That needs to be recognised, and respected. I can't pick and choose between Ruby the person and Ruby the wolf. Neither can you. You said it yourself. You're both. You're always both."

 

Ruby couldn't meet her eyes. Honestly, in her fantasies, she'd always dreamed someone would tell her something like this, but that was all they ever were - fantasies. Now, hearing Mulan say these words was like twisting the knife, reminding her of what she could never have.

 

"Mulan, stop," Ruby whispered, lacking the strength to raise her voice.

 

"Don't think I'm naive. I'm not. I know what I'm taking on," Mulan vowed, gently running her thumbs across Ruby's knuckles. "You could bite me. I could do the wrong thing and provoke you. I might have to defend myself and fight you off, or turn you back if things go badly. But, okay. So what? Fine. I've experienced a thousand things worse than that; I can handle risk," Mulan said, accepting that responsibility and burden without question. "Nothing you say can frighten me away. You may not have noticed, but I gave up the idea of a safe life a long time ago."

 

"I haven't forgotten," Ruby spoke in a tone that was equal parts quiet and curt. "I get it; you're tough and strong and you're an excellent swordswoman. All those things are true. You're capable. That's great. That doesn't mean it's okay to endanger you for no reason."

 

Mulan snorted. "Before I met you, I was putting my life on the line over money and booze," she pointed out with her trademark bluntness. "If you hadn't come along, there was every chance I could have wound up dead in a gutter before my next birthday. I was well aware of that, and I didn't care enough about my future to stop self-destructing. How's that for being endangered for no reason?"

 

"So send me a Christmas card, then," Ruby shot back sarcastically. "Don't put yourself in harm's way to make it up to me."

 

"I'm always in harm's way. It's what I do. And, believe me, I'm happiest when I'm doing it for a cause that's important to me - something that truly matters," Mulan declared, brown eyes shining with a youthful idealism Ruby had thought lost to her. "I chose to take up a sword because serving my country and protecting my family was the right thing to do. That was how I found my purpose. Since then, I lost my way. But, now, I can think of no higher calling than to help the person who reminded me my life had meaning when I thought it had none."

 

"You don't understand. I can't do that to you. I _can't_. Not you," Ruby spoke, struggling to keep her emotions at bay. Her voice cracked. If any harm befell Mulan by her hands, it would shatter her irreparably. "I never want to hurt another person I care about."

 

"Good. You should be at the top of that list of people," Mulan cut her off. "But, since you're not, you're at the top of mine."

 

"Don't patronise me. I'm taking care of myself, and I'm trying to be who I am, but not like this," Ruby argued, her composure slowly slipping away as years of pain, fear, self-loathing and isolation began to emerge, escaping the frayed tether that had kept them under control. "One of these days, we're going to find other werewolves. When I'm with them, I won't have to hide anymore. But until that time, if I have to stop being a wolf for another few months or a year, then fine. So be it. Any sacrifice is worth it if it means protecting you."

 

"No, it's not," Mulan insisted, resting her hands on Ruby's shoulders. "Stop punishing yourself. Stop believing you don't deserve to be happy. Let me help you," Mulan pressed in earnest, committed to breaking through that barrier Ruby had built up long before they met.

 

"Please stop..." Ruby all but whimpered, unable to hear that. But Mulan didn't back away. Of course she didn't. Nothing could ever dampen her loyalty. In that moment, Ruby just wished Mulan's undying devotion belonged to someone else - someone better than a murderer. "Why do you want to do this so badly?" she asked softly, her voice scratchy and weak. "I've said no. Why won't you listen?"

 

"Because you're worth helping. More than anyone I've ever met," Mulan answered, her assertion completely heartfelt.

 

"You can't," Ruby told her, shaking her head. Her eyes burned as red as the blood on her hands. "You can't help me."

 

"Watch me," Mulan replied, undaunted by the challenge. It made Ruby shiver to see that pure, everlasting hope shimmering in Mulan's eyes - to know how ardently and inexhaustibly she believed in her. It was the kind of unshakable faith that could only be divinely inspired.

 

Ruby didn't understand. How could that be for her?

 

"Look, I know that I can't be by your side forever, but I wish that I could," Mulan went on, gently grazing her thumb across the tear tracks that marked Ruby's cheeks. "Since I can't, I'm not going to waste our time together standing idly by while you suffer alone. I'm going to seize every day we have left," she promised. "I'm going to fight to make you happy, whatever it takes, because you are worth fighting for."

 

Ruby couldn't contain it. She tried as hard as she could not to cry, but sobs broke through despite her resistance. Mulan didn't seem to know whether to embrace her or not, given that she backed away. Ruby wasn't sure she could have handled it without crumbling into pieces.

 

Even though the wolf inside her was still a stranger she neither knew nor trusted, Mulan wasn't afraid. She knew the risks, and was willing to confront them in the service of no greater purpose than bringing that side of Ruby out of the shadows and into the light, convinced that there was a way those disjointed elements could coexist. And Ruby so desperately wanted to believe that she was right - that the woman, the wolf, the werewolf could be attuned into a perfect harmony within her, and that last night had been no mere coincidence.

 

But she didn't. Not yet. It didn't seem possible. It was too hard to hope for that kind of life - for that future.

 

“You have no idea what it's like," Ruby began, her words heavy on her tongue, fighting to keep her emotions in check. "Can you imagine waking up to find out that you've killed the person you love - your best friend, who you thought you were going to be with for the rest of your life? Do you know how it feels to realise that you could do it again to anyone at any time, even your soulmate?”

 

"No," Mulan admitted without hesitation. Of course she didn't know.

 

"Well I do. And I wish I didn't." Ruby's breath hitched as she wiped the dampness from her cheeks, those memories of Peter as raw in her mind as the very day they happened. “I joke about it and pretend it doesn't hurt, but it still does. It changed my whole life."

 

"I know it did," Mulan whispered. Ruby found a strange kind of irony in all this. Here they were, roles reversed. She had been so focused on cracking open Mulan's shell that it had never occurred to her to suspect that Mulan might have been seeking ways to free her from her own invisible cage. Yet here she was, finally confronting the depth of Ruby's silent pain, and the source of her endless sorrow.

 

"After it happened, I was never the same," Ruby continued, gazing down at her bandaged hand, trying to steady her voice and stem the flow of unwelcome tears. "Everything about me was...less. My happiness. The love I felt for others. I just didn't have as much in me as I did before. It's not that I never moved on, but it was like I'd permanently lost something inside of me. Even on my best days, I could never reach the same heights I used to when I was younger. I didn't think I could ever get those feelings back, until...until very recently," she confessed.

 

Mulan just listened, unaware that she was the one who had changed all of that. Being by her side had restored so many things, so many feelings Ruby once thought lost. Only Mulan had ever made her feel so whole. It was her. It was always her. But Ruby couldn't have her.

 

“It's why I can't...or never thought I could...” Ruby suddenly trailed off into silence, the thought striking her like a bolt of lightning.

 

What if she could? What if those things Ruby had been afraid of weren't true anymore? What if she wasn't cursed to be alone forever?

 

“Could what?” Mulan prompted her, unsure what Ruby meant.

 

"...Be with someone," Ruby whispered, staring at Mulan through heavy-lidded eyes, watching her stand so patiently and loyally before her. Ruby was entranced. Her thoughts were lost in a maelstrom, drowned out by the irresistible desires that swelled within her chest.

 

Mulan wasn't like anybody who had come before. She accepted Ruby for who she was in her entirety. Her mistakes. Her faults. Her darkest moments. Her fractured psyche. All those things made being with her, even temporarily, seem like the sanest thought Ruby had ever had.

 

What if it was no accident that she and Mulan had met when they had? It was as if all the planets had been in alignment - as if cosmic forces had united to bring them together. It was no fairytale romance, but maybe they were fated to have this time with each other, however fleeting it was. It didn't have to be true love to be special did it? How else could Ruby explain how all the pieces fit so well?

 

Even if they couldn't have too many tomorrows, they certainly had right now, didn't they?

 

Ruby's eyes flickered to Mulan's lips. The world around them froze. Time slowed to a standstill. There was no sound anymore. Only the rhythm of her heartbeat, so loud in her ears. Thump. Thump. Thump. The air was hot. Scalding hot. Her fingers were trembling. Nobody else had ever meant as much to her as Mulan. It hurt Ruby to think that she didn't know how much she...how much she...

 

"W-What are you...?" Mulan anxiously began. Ruby's breath caught as she realised Mulan must have known what she was contemplating. Ruby wasn't entirely sure she could have answered that question even if she hadn't been sapped of the strength to form a coherent response.

 

Maybe she shouldn't have done it. Maybe it was wrong to act on her feelings, or to want this in the first place. She wasn't thinking straight. She knew she might regret it. But, in that moment, she had to. The connection between them was too strong to fight. She needed this.

 

“I don't...I'm sorry, I just...I want to...” Ruby couldn't find the words to explain it. So she didn't.

 

Compelled by that all-consuming need to love and feel loved, Ruby closed the distance, and kissed Mulan.

 

It was the gentlest brush of lips, too unsure to demand anything, but the sensation swept over Ruby like a crashing wave, sending her head spiralling into the sky. Sparks shot through her skin when they touched, a deluge that danced from her lips, through her cheeks, down her spine and to the very tips of her fingers and toes. It was as if her very being was alight, and bursting with radiant energy.

 

Ruby savoured that wonderful feeling, desiring nothing more than to hold onto it forever, and never let it slip through her grasp again. It was like being made real at last. This was how it felt - this was how it felt to be alive. She pushed for more contact, craving it.

 

However, she received no reply. Her kiss went unanswered. Mulan only tensed, frozen in utter shock at Ruby's actions.

 

That response was enough to smack Ruby out of orbit and send her plummeting back to earth. Oh God. What had she been thinking? Ruby broke the kiss with a bitter exhale, livid with herself for making such a terrible mistake, and for doing that without Mulan's permission.

 

She really was a monster. What a fool she was, to dare to dream that someone might want her.

 

"...I'm such a fucking idiot," Ruby muttered, moving to retreat before she did something even stupider, not that it would be easy to top stealing Mulan's first kiss with anything worse. She couldn't find the courage to brave glimpsing the expression that was surely on Mulan's face after forcing those unwanted, unrequited feelings upon her. Ruby didn't need to see it to know what it must have been.

 

A soft tug on her wrist prevented her from walking away. Mulan hadn't released her gentle grip on Ruby's hand. Ruby stopped reluctantly, unwilling to yank her arm free of her grasp, though she also lacked the conviction to turn around. As it happened, she didn't need to.

 

Before Ruby knew what to say, Mulan's hand reached out and cupped her cheek, guiding Ruby to look back at her. And she did. In the blink of an eye, Mulan leaned in towards her, faster than she could react. Once more, their lips collided. Only this time, _hard_.

 

A gasp tore itself from Ruby's chest. She couldn't believe it. Mulan had kissed her. This was really happening.

 

The once departed atmosphere came flooding back to fill the vacuum with life, light and sound. Any resolve Ruby may have had crumbled in a flash, surrendering to the moment. She tangled her fingers in Mulan's hair, daring to part her lips. Mulan offered no resistance, inviting her tongue inside and meeting her just as eagerly. Her arms encircled Ruby's waist, bringing them closer together.

 

Ruby's pulse raced, moaning at the contact. There was no thought, no regard for questions of what was evolving between them and whether it was right or wrong. There was only sensation. Every touch, every motion was fuel that further fed the flames, burning out of control.

 

It didn't matter that they hadn't discussed this. That hadn't entered her mind. All Ruby could think about was how desperately she yearned to push Mulan down to the ground, fall on top of her and let herself be swept away, lost in her embrace. She didn't want this to end.

 

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Ruby's palm, snapping her out of her haze.

 

"Ow!" Ruby flinched away with a gasp, reflexively withdrawing from Mulan and cradling her hand. She'd been so caught up in the kiss that she'd forgotten about her injury completely. God damn it. Of all the times, and all the things to interrupt. But that wound _really_ stung.

 

“H-Here, l-let...let me see," Mulan managed to stammer, moving forward and taking hold of Ruby's wrist, examining her injured hand. Ruby couldn't help but notice Mulan's expression. It was...mixed, to say the least. "I...I need to-to-to clean your wound and ch-change your bandages. I c-couldn't do it when you w-w-were a wolf. I'm, I'm...It's my fault. I should have...when you woke up."

 

“Mulan, are you okay?” Ruby asked, trying to gauge her emotional state, which was surprisingly difficult to do. It was almost as if Mulan was in denial, pretending that kiss hadn't just happened. Ruby supposed that put her somewhere on the spectrum of the word 'terror'.

 

"I'm fine," Mulan insisted, coughing to clear her stutter, focusing on treating Ruby's injury. "You're the one who's hurt."

 

"You're shaking," Ruby observed.

 

"...Am I?" Mulan replied, though she seemed to understand all too well that she couldn't hide it. Ruby had never seen her so afraid. Of what, she didn't know. Everything, probably. Either way, Mulan wouldn't meet her gaze, unwrapping Ruby's bandages, cleaning away the blood.

 

“Hey.” Ruby covered Mulan's hands with hers, stopping her from moving and from shivering. “Please talk to me?” she said, urging Mulan to look into her eyes, though without success, hopeful that they could figure out where they stood now. "This is kind of important."

 

“I just...I...” Mulan's evasive eyes shifted back and forth, glancing everywhere except at Ruby, avoiding her stare.

 

“Maybe breathe first?” Ruby suggested. Communication tended to work best when both parties were lucid.

 

“I think I forgot how,” Mulan remarked. It took Ruby a second to twig that she was probably joking. Humour was a good sign, if nothing else. Ruby gave Mulan's hands a gentle squeeze, letting her take a moment to get her head together, and work out how to put her disassembled thoughts into words. “I, um...What was that?” she began with understandable awkwardness, her tone otherwise rather...blank.

 

“A kiss?" Ruby answered, trying to lighten the mood.

 

"Please don't make fun of me right now," Mulan said seriously, obviously in no state for levity. Her heart had been through far too much in recent times to be able to endure someone like Ruby playing games with it. "If you think this is funny to me, then..."

 

"I don't. I'm sorry. I just...I know shouldn't have sprung that on you without warning,” Ruby admitted, shaking her head guiltily. It was hard not to feel like a bit of a dick. She hadn't given Mulan an opportunity to think about it first, or say no. That wasn't cool. “But, since it's out in the open, you should probably know this isn't the first time I've wanted to do that to you,” she confessed. As the initial kisser, the onus was on her to be courageous enough to say the difficult things. Being honest about her attraction seemed as good a place as any to start.

 

“Really?” asked Mulan, sounding genuinely stunned to hear that. “...Was that sarcasm?”

 

“Mulan, have you seen you?” said Ruby, arching an eyebrow at her. Mulan didn't respond, visibly overwrought at the situation. Ruby rolled her eyes at herself, realising that her usual flirty remarks definitely weren't appropriate. "Sorry. I don't mean to sound presumptuous. You don't have to be okay with what I did. If you aren't, just say so; I won't be mad or hurt," she told her with a relatively laid-back shrug, idly threading their fingers together, keeping their hands clasped between them, hoping Mulan found reassurance in that.

 

"I'm not mad at you," Mulan spoke up, though her voice was quiet. "I'm not sure what I am. Confused, mostly. Also surprised, I think."

 

"Yeah. I can see that," Ruby replied, somewhere between regret and sympathy.

 

No matter what Mulan's feelings were, Ruby was prepared to accept them. After all, she was the one who had acted on her impulses. She couldn't just dump a truckload of drama onto Mulan and then refuse to deal with the responsibility that came with her choices. Ruby had to confront the consequences, however grim. That meant she had to be willing to talk things out, or wait for an answer, or even face rejection.

 

“Look, I don't want to make things weird between us,” Ruby continued, not letting the uneasy silence linger. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same way, or if you don't want anything to change. But I really like you. A whole lot,” Ruby confessed, doing her best to smile.

 

“Okay,” was all Mulan said. It occurred to Ruby that this was the first time Mulan had heard those words spoken to her. No wonder she was lost. "...What am I supposed to do with this...'like' of yours?" she asked after several long seconds. "I don't know what you expect from me."

 

"Nothing you don't want," Ruby insisted, refusing to pressure her into anything.

 

"I don't know what I want; you won't even tell me what you want," Mulan pointed out in her typical frank honesty, mildly exasperated. Ruby swallowed, aware she might be sending mixed signals. If they were going to do this, she couldn't leave anything to chance.

 

“Then, let me make things clear on my end. I'm not looking for a relationship or for commitment, because I can't give you that,” Ruby admitted, electing to be upfront in sharing the unfiltered truth, however imperfect. "I don't want you to think that I can."

 

"So why did you kiss me?" Mulan asked, perplexed.

 

“Because...I had to," Ruby told her, though she soon huffed at herself, realising she was dodging the real answer. "So, I think it's fair to say that you already understand that there will come a day when I find a werewolf pack. I'll have to go away, and I'm not sure we'll ever see each other again after that. I don't know how long we're going to have together, but I do know that I can't spend what's left of the time we have lying to you,” she said, reaching out with her right hand to cup Mulan's cheek. "That's why I kissed you: because I want to be with you."

 

"Great. Thanks. I see what this is about." Mulan raised her arm, brushing off Ruby's touch with a slightly cynical scoff. Ruby would have been lying if she claimed that didn't hurt, unsure if it was a simple misinterpretation, or a sign of deeper mistrust.

 

"That wasn't an attempt to get into your pants, Mulan. Jeez. Do you really think that badly of me?" Ruby asked, not hiding her disappointment. Mulan did look vaguely guilty about her assumption, but said nothing. "I mean, I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't like things to...maybe go to that place someday but you know I won't force it, right? If it never does, that's fine too. I can be with you without sex, okay?” Ruby clarified, hoping she hadn't come across as too pushy. She frowned. “Listen, I'm sorry. If I'm making you uncomfortable, I can, I can back off...”

 

“No. No, don't do that,” Mulan interjected, sounding a little pained, trying to unscramble what was going on inside her. She sighed heavily, glancing down at Ruby's left hand, still intertwined with hers. “...You're bleeding onto your dress. Give me a moment,” she said as she disentangled their fingers and headed over to her belongings, probably glad for any excuse to get some air.

 

“The stain'll come out,” said Ruby, having no desire whatsoever to let this conversation go unfinished. As it was, Mulan seemed pretty suspicious of her intentions. Ruby supposed she couldn't blame her for that, but she couldn't leave her with such a negative impression.

 

She had the sense to wait until Mulan returned before speaking again. Ruby bit her tongue and watched Mulan treat her wound with some herbal medicines, disinfecting it. She tried not to wince, shifting her weight somewhat impatiently from one foot to the other.

 

“If it stings, that means you needed it,” said Mulan, finally sounding calm enough to talk more openly.

 

“...I'm just going to be blunt: do you have feelings for me?” Ruby asked when she couldn't endure the delay any longer. Mulan tensed. “I know. I'm not good at doing this delicately, am I? But, I mean...you did kiss me back, so...” Ruby tried to examine Mulan's face for any signs of what she was thinking. Unfortunately, she was a stone wall, obscuring any hint of what the answer might be. “Do you?”

 

"That's something I've been trying to figure out lately.” Mulan shook her head, carefully wrapping her hand up in a fresh bandage. Ruby didn't know whether it was appropriate to perk up at her reply. “Honestly, I'm not sure what I feel, or what I want. I've only fallen for one person before, so it's hard to tell if this is different. Besides, I didn't think this was...that you would...” Mulan trailed off and drew breath, struggling to express herself. Ruby knew those nerves were her fault, once again wishing she hadn't thrust this upon her so suddenly.

 

“You didn't expect that I would think of you that way?” Ruby offered, sensing her search for the right words wasn't going too well. Mulan nodded, confirming that was what she meant. "But I do," Ruby told her sincerely. It didn't spark any reaction. "Does that scare you?"

 

Mulan shrugged, finishing tying the bandage on Ruby's hand. “Yeah, I guess. Among other things.”

 

“I'm sorry. In that case, maybe we should stop,” Ruby suggested, softening sympathetically. Reluctant though she was to concede it, exploring this simply might not be the right thing to do. "I know that you've been through a lot, and...whatever happens because of this, there's two things I definitely don't want: first, for you to get hurt and, second, for my feelings to make things unpleasant between us."

 

"What makes you think they've done that?" Mulan asked fairly casually, meeting Ruby's eyes at long last. Ruby arched an eyebrow, noticing that Mulan really was a lot more composed after taking that opportunity to clear her head. "Have I given you that impression?"

 

"You just said that knowing I had feelings for you was scary. Like, two sentences ago," Ruby pointed out the obvious.

 

"So?" said Mulan, evidently not seeing the issue, or why that sounded so bad.

 

"I was hoping to elicit an emotion when I kissed you, Mulan, but that emotion was not fear," Ruby remarked, smirking despite herself.

 

“Don't misunderstand; you haven't frightened me,” Mulan insisted, her stare unwavering. “I'm not afraid of you. It's...it's me. It's the fact that I've never been with anyone. It's everything I went through before, the last time I...thought about getting that close to someone. But not you. I'm never scared of you,” she explained as best she could. “I may not know a lot about this kind of thing, but I know I trust you.”

 

“Okay, then,” Ruby replied, her heart daring to take that as a cue to tingle with optimism. "So, where does that leave us?"

 

“Somewhere very confusing?” Mulan supplied, unable to provide her with anything more definite. Ruby wasn't shocked by her ambiguous answer. Up until five minutes ago, Mulan hadn't had the faintest clue that anything romantic might happen between them. Asking her if she was ready to consider something more than friendship with her – or with anyone, after Aurora – was a pretty big deal. “...But I really liked the way it felt when you kissed me,” she murmured, her thumbs tenderly stroking Ruby's fingers. “Is that a good start?”

 

“That depends. Do you want me to do it again?” Ruby asked, devilishly biting her lower lip.

 

“...I think that's what I'm saying,” Mulan somewhat shyly replied, a trace of hesitant hope flickering in her brilliant, brown eyes, starting to believe that maybe being with Ruby might not be such a scary thing. "In fact, I'd kind of like it to happen...now...if possible. Is that okay?"

 

Ruby grinned, glad to find no signs of doubt hidden upon Mulan's face. “Yeah. I can work with that," she remarked as she leaned in and threaded her arms around her neck, taking that as her cue to pick up right where they'd left off before her wound interrupted them.

 

The third time really was the charm.

 

For all her concerns that this was wrong, Ruby had to confess that nothing had ever felt more right. Accidental though it was, everything was working out better than she could have hoped. Indeed, if falling for Mulan was a mistake, it was the best mistake she'd ever made.

 

In a way, being apart from each other for these past few days had proven precisely why they needed to make the most of their connection while it lasted. When they were alone, they both felt broken. When they were together, they each formed a greater whole, filling in the missing pieces in the other. Ruby had forgotten she could be this happy. It was the first time she'd reached that peak in many long, lonely years. Her heart felt free and unburdened - no longer heavy, no longer hollow. For once, nothing was absent. Nothing was out of place.

 

Whatever this was between them, it wasn't made any worse by the fact that it didn't have a name, or that it wasn't going to last forever. No. What was important was how they made each other feel _here_ and _now_. So far, kissing Mulan was a high without equal. It was pure ecstasy.

 

Better yet, Ruby thought, this was only the beginning. Who knew where this potent chemistry might lead them before the end?

 

Not today, though. One step at a time.

 

"Is there a...point where we're...supposed to...stop?" Mulan murmured in the brief intervals where she found enough room to speak. Ruby stifled a chuckle. Leave it to Mulan to always be mindful of time, even when they were wrapped up in an passionate embrace.

 

"Why?" Ruby asked, content to kiss Mulan as often as she liked now that she'd made her feelings known. "Do you want to do something else?"

 

She felt Mulan smile against her lips. "No," she answered, loosely linking her arms together around Ruby's waist.

 

"Good, then shut up," Ruby commanded, keeping Mulan's tongue far too occupied to let her say anything else. There would be plenty of time to worry about their journey ahead later. For now, Ruby could not have cared less. Fuck the road. All that mattered was that her lips were pressed against Mulan's, and she loved every single second of it. Whatever else, she had no designs of letting this kiss be their last.

 


	5. But I'd Wished That You Would Know That I'm Here To Stay

 

Mulan had been given a lot to think about since their kiss that morning. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

 

Ruby was a woman of many talents. One of those, Mulan had quickly learned, was that she was an excellent distraction. Perhaps she was simply weak to her charms. It was difficult to care about anything else in the world when Ruby was so close. Everything just felt...right.

 

"Are you sure your hand is okay?" Mulan asked, tenderly stroking her fingers through Ruby's long, dark hair, gazing down at her where she lay with her head resting comfortably on her thigh, the firelight bathing her features in its gentle glow, illuminating her peaceful smile.

 

"You changed my bandage before dinner," Ruby reminded her, almost purring in her contentment. "It's fine."

 

"I know. I'm just checking," said Mulan, concerned for her health. Ruby's lips curled into a smirk, as if rather touched by all her fretting, but she didn't speak. "...Do you really need to wear this anymore?" Mulan asked, taking Ruby's red cloak between her fingers.

 

"One step at a time, Mulan. That's what we agreed," Ruby spoke up. Mulan quirked an eyebrow. Evidently Ruby grasped how keen Mulan was for her to reach a point where she never felt compelled to wear that cloak ever again, or at least not when the two of them were alone.

 

"No, but that's not..." Mulan trailed off momentarily, trying to figure out how best to phrase what she intended to ask. "If you took it off right now, you wouldn't transform, would you? I've seen you without it before," she pointed out, thinking of the times Ruby had removed her cloak when undressing, or most notably when bathing. Obviously, it wasn't always essential. "Sorry if it's a stupid question."

 

"It's not," Ruby answered, her rest undisturbed. "It's kind of complicated, but...do you want to know why I transformed before and after the full moon, not during?" she offered. Mulan uttered a hum of affirmation. "Because, if I had taken my cloak off on that night, I'm pretty sure I couldn't have stopped myself from changing on the spot," Ruby told her. "It was too dangerous to put you in that situation."

 

"You can shift at will at other times, though?" Mulan asked, curious to know more about how this worked.

 

"For the most part, yes," Ruby replied, adjusting her right hand to sit beneath her cheek, having no intention to separate herself from Mulan's lap anytime soon. "It takes a lot more or a lot less energy depending upon how much moonlight there is, or if it's day or night. Sometimes I can't do it all, because I don't feel the wolf there. It goes dormant, I guess. Either way, once I'm in that state, it's consciously getting out that's the hard part; if I'm stuck, I'm stuck until I...wake up."

 

"Is that why you only ever transformed during the day around me?" Mulan assumed. It made sense; given the depths of her fear of that side of herself, it was only natural that Ruby would try to shift at a time when the wolf was at its weakest, and easier to regain control over.

 

"Mhmm," Ruby idly confirmed, her eyelids fluttering slightly as her brow tensed in thought. "I actually couldn't do that before, you know? Ever since you broke the witch's spell, it's been different - like the Moon no longer determines when I can shift, or when I feel the urge to do it. I think living in that form for so long made it more powerful, or maybe her magic unlocked something in me. I don't know."

 

"You never mentioned any of this before," Mulan pointed out, though she wasn't hurt by Ruby's secrecy.

 

"Sorry," Ruby muttered through a sigh. Her apology sounded sincere. "Nobody's ever...You're the first 'normal' person who's tried to get so involved with that side of me. It's always been something I've felt like I had to deal with on my own. I'm not used to talking to other people about it." At that, Ruby chuckled. "Wow, I just realised how much I sounded like you, then." Mulan snorted at her comment.

 

"Tonight isn't a full moon, though," Mulan pressed, eager to uncover whether there was any way she could convince Ruby to relinquish her anxiety-driven attachment to her cloak. "Is spontaneously transforming really something you need to be afraid of right now?"

 

"Yes," Ruby said bluntly. "At least in principle."

 

"Why?" Mulan wondered aloud, confused.

 

"Because my wolf is stronger than I am, and I'm still not in touch with it," Ruby explained, her words a weary sort of whisper, like she was tired of having this conversation, and frustrated by the fact that nothing had changed. "If I was ever starting to get in sync with it before, repressing that side of me back in the Land Without Magic undid all that progress. It feels like it's taken on a life of its own; I can sense it stirring within me sometimes. I don't know if it will take hold while I'm sleeping. I'd rather be safe than risk trusting myself more than I should."

 

"That's what we're here to work on," Mulan comforted her, once again drawing her fingers across Ruby's long, soft, flowing locks. However different and ill-defined their relationship may have been now, her first priority was still supporting Ruby on her quest, and helping her reconcile with that part of her psyche as much as she could before they found her pack. "The good news is that we have plenty of time."

 

"Shh," Ruby gently interrupted her, an easy smile warming her features. "No more talking about that. Not tonight."

 

"Okay," Mulan whispered back, not having it in her heart to refuse the request of a woman she cared for so much. Even if she hadn't yet figured out exactly how much Ruby meant to her romantically, there was no questioning the strength of Mulan's feelings for her as a friend.

 

If Ruby's goal was to make the transition from friendship to...something else as easy as possible, she had mostly succeeded. For all that had happened that morning, very little that followed felt out of the ordinary. They talked to each other as they normally would, they made the same jokes. The only adjustments were, well, physical. That and the fact that Ruby's affection carried different implications than it once did.

 

Mulan would have been lying if she claimed not to have any reservations at all about this shift in their relationship. Of course she did. But, by the same token...it was Ruby. Whatever was happening between them, it was hard to be scared of the unknown when she was with someone who made her feel so secure – someone who had earned her trust. Although, from another point of view, perhaps that was the problem. A doubt lingered in the back of Mulan's mind: that perhaps she was letting her defences down around Ruby too drastically, and too fast.

 

But, then again, how could she second-guess being with Ruby when she looked so calm and relaxed lying in her lap like that? There were no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives etched upon that angelic face. As inconceivable as Mulan found it to be, she was responsible for that.

 

It was bizarre to state that in her mind - that the reason Ruby was so happy was because of her feelings for her. She had fallen for Mulan. She wanted to be with her. No more, no less. It didn't seem possible, much less real. Mulan still couldn't come to grips with it; she had never imagined that someone of such otherworldly beauty could honestly desire her. And yet Ruby did. Why, though? She didn't understand.

 

Ruby was like the heavens, transcending this material plane. Someone like Mulan should only have been in her shadow, beneath her notice, content to look on as she eclipsed all those around her. Instead, Ruby had cast her gaze upon her, lavishing her in her resplendent light.

 

At any moment, it seemed as though Ruby would snap to her senses and realise the very same thing, and that this infatuation she had with Mulan would be revealed as nothing more than a passing phase. But that wasn't happening. Not yet, anyway. By some inexplicable twist of fate, Ruby was unwavering in her determination to prove she meant every word of her confession. She was serious about this.

 

Nevertheless, that fear that this could all be taken away in an instant lingered. Mulan had made that mistake before - believing in fantasies, and setting herself up to hope for things she shouldn't have. She didn't want to make that mistake again. She couldn't.

 

That was where much of Mulan's hesitation to explore the depth of her own feelings arose from. Daring to fully reciprocate Ruby's interest felt like taking a blind leap of faith, gambling more than she could afford to lose. Life had been a very effective teacher in driving home the lesson that, if something seemed 'too good to be true', it usually was. Maybe Ruby was like that too, whether her intentions were pure or not.

 

Then again, maybe Mulan was unnecessarily ruining this tender moment by overanalysing their relationship, letting her fear of rejection cloud her perception of Ruby's actions. She wished she knew. Alas, certainty eluded her whenever she craved it most.

 

“I think it's time for you to go to bed,” said Mulan, resisting the urge to run her fingers through Ruby's hair as she had done before, lest it encourage her to remain in place. It was late, and Ruby hadn't opened her eyes in the last twenty minutes. “You can't fall asleep like this.”

 

“Who put you in charge? I can do what I want,” Ruby remarked with a smirk, basking in the warmth of the fire, her bandaged hand curled gently across her chest. She was comfortable and showed no signs of moving voluntarily. Her fatigue was plain to see. Her latest adventure as a wolf had drained her severely. It was a testament to her endurance that she'd been in any condition to travel at all that day.

 

“Don't make me carry you,” Mulan replied in warning. It was no idle threat. Ruby needed rest. There was no debate.

 

“Could you?” Ruby asked, tilting her head up to look at her through tired eyes, as if taking that as an offer. Mulan answered that question with a stare. “Ugh. Fine. I'll get up,” Ruby reluctantly surrendered, half-heartedly lifting herself off of Mulan's thigh. “But before I go...”

 

Without further ado, Ruby leaned in and delivered a soft kiss. Mulan's heart fluttered at the touch. It always did. She didn't fight the contact. Why would she? Mulan wasn't sure she would ever grow immune to the way that felt. Whenever she thought she was exaggerating the effect Ruby had on her, or that it would diminish the next time their lips touched, she was always proven wrong. It was incomparable.

 

These new sensations were addictive, she couldn't deny that. Every time Mulan started to feel that twinge of hesitancy in the pit of her stomach about what they were exploring together, Ruby would do something that chased away her latent worry, delaying it for later. Mulan wasn't eager to let her doubts interfere, too enraptured with the way it felt when Ruby held her hand, when she embraced her, when they kissed.

 

“I love that I get to do that now,” Ruby murmured when she pulled away, wearing a lopsided grin.

 

"Yeah. Me too." Mulan glanced downwards, trying not to come off as shy. Twelve hours ago, she'd never even been kissed before. Half a day was not enough time to acclimate to such casual physical affection. However, she had no objections if Ruby wanted to keep doing that with her. Preferably as frequently as possible. Mulan cleared her throat at that thought, realising it wasn't out of the question anymore.

 

“Alright, I hear you. Off to bed with me,” Ruby spoke through a groan, rolling her eyes. Evidently, she'd misinterpreted Mulan's quiet cough as a cue that it was time for her to leave. "You'd better not be far behind me, though. I know what you're like.”

 

“I won't be. Goodnight, Ruby,” said Mulan, watching her get up and head over to her belongings to set up her sleeping place.

 

Mulan sighed, holding her hands near the fire as the night grew colder in the absence of Ruby's body heat. Judging from her behaviour alone, Ruby didn't appear to have any second thoughts about this. There was no shadow of regret or guilt behind any of her actions, no concern that what they were doing together might poison or complicate their friendship. Whatever she chose to do, she never lacked confidence, that was for sure. Mulan envied that about her, but it also made her feel rather isolated in her state of confusion.

 

Perhaps she was overstating Ruby's certainty. She'd been aware of her feelings for a little while. Maybe time was what caused her to accept them to this extent. With any luck, Mulan might soon find a way to catch up to where Ruby already was and stop lagging behind.

 

Did she have feelings for Ruby? Maybe. Mulan didn't know. It was impossible to give a definitive 'yes' or 'no'.

 

After Aurora, she hadn't been in a frame of mind where she'd been open to the idea of picturing herself with anybody else, especially not a close friend like Ruby. Even when she had been given reason to suspect that her interest in Ruby could extend beyond the platonic, Mulan hadn't allowed herself to give it any serious thought, ignoring the red flags and telling herself they didn't matter. Once they shared that kiss, however, everything changed. Now Mulan had no choice but to consider such things and come to terms with what she felt.

 

She couldn't run from it, or dismiss that issue as a futile abstraction, as she had done previously. This was happening. She had to confront it. Their relationship had already begun to transform, and Mulan couldn't yet say whether she wanted it to, nor whether she returned Ruby's romantic feelings in their entirety, or at all. Ruby had been right; Mulan _was_ numb to her own heart - emotionally blocked.

 

Ruby may have been content to wait for an answer, but Mulan wasn't quite so at peace with the idea of being adrift without guidance. She couldn't figure out what she desired if she didn't decipher her murky emotions, much less whether she and Ruby ought to stop, or...go further.

 

...Hypothetically speaking, of course. Ahem.

 

From her perspective, Ruby's kiss had come out of nowhere. The idea that she might want more than friendship from her was not an outcome Mulan had anticipated. Ruby never indicated that she had room in her life to contemplate much else but her unending search for werewolves. Not to mention that Mulan didn't think of herself as particularly attractive. She was...okay, she supposed. It was hard to know. She'd spent far too long disguising herself as a man to feel especially comfortable in her own skin.

 

Accordingly, Mulan had wiped the prospect of anything happening between herself and Ruby from her mind every time the thought occurred. However, doing that meant that she hadn't known how to react when the possibility she'd dismissed suddenly became a reality.

 

How could she respond to a situation she had been completely unprepared for, except with shock? The way Ruby had sprung this upon her was almost like an ambush, forcing her to think on her feet and adjust to the abrupt change in circumstance on the spot.

 

Mulan paused at that analogy, unhappy with it. That made it sound so much worse than it was. It wasn't wholly inaccurate, though.

 

Based on her own reaction when they kissed, Mulan thought it was safe to say that she felt something. There was chemistry there with Ruby. A spark. Attraction. And a powerful friendship, of course. That much wasn't a mystery, but the exact scope and nature of her feelings was a great deal more ambiguous. In a way, she was afraid of letting herself find out how deeply they ran, and where they might lead.

 

Falling for someone new was a pretty frightening thing. The last time she'd dared to let someone into her heart, Mulan had...well, it hadn't gone the way she would have hoped, had it? If she allowed herself to feel something that strongly again, wasn't that dangerous? Recovering from Aurora had been hard enough. Having Ruby reject her too? She wasn't sure she could go through that cycle again and survive.

 

Although, in this case, her interest was not one-sided. Ruby was absolutely certain that she wanted her. Hell, she had initiated it, as perplexing as Mulan found that. Honestly, part of her still thought it must be a joke, although she knew Ruby would never do that to her.

 

What was this, anyway? That was a question she would have liked answered in clear and precise language. Were they friends? Lovers? Was it serious? Mulan couldn't say. Was it purely physical? Was that all Ruby wanted? She'd said no, but what if that was all this ended up being? Mulan didn't like the thought of that. It wasn't that she was inherently hostile to the idea of...that kind of thing, although she admittedly had her reservations about it, but reducing their friendship to something that didn't go past their bodies was a pretty dispiriting thought.

 

Her bond with Ruby was already an emotional one. It was intimate, and special. Mulan hoped the same applied in reverse too.

 

Maybe she was selfish for not saying no right away when Ruby kissed her. After all, Mulan couldn't be sure of her own heart, fractured as it was. Wasn't it unfair to let things grow more complicated between them whilst wrestling with this constant indecision?

 

What if any attraction she thought she felt towards Ruby was nothing more than a remnant of her unrequited feelings for Aurora? What if she was clinging onto the first beautiful woman she felt a connection with and who made her feel important for entirely selfish reasons? What if Mulan was using Ruby's attention to remedy her own sense of inadequacy and undesirability? It was possible.

 

Maybe some of those things were true. Maybe none of them were. She didn't know either way. She couldn't lie and claim otherwise. All Mulan knew was that she was afraid of making a mistake that left one or both of them hurt.

 

The stakes were too high not to worry about such things. Her friendship with Ruby was unlike any Mulan had ever known. After living almost half her lifetime in various states of isolation, exclusion and loneliness, the threat of losing that bond too soon was harrowing to ponder. Yet, at the same time, Mulan didn't want to let fear-induced paralysis stand in the way of...whatever this was.

 

She wanted to say yes to Ruby. She wanted to explore this. Part of her thought she'd be crazy not to.

 

Ruby was an extraordinary person; stunning, and warm, and kind, and funny. She'd opened Mulan up and made her feel things she'd never felt before, or thought she would never feel again after Aurora. The fact that Ruby had crossed paths with her at all was a blessing she never failed to appreciate. How many people were lucky enough to meet someone like her, much less have the chance to be with them? Even if it wasn't forever, Mulan felt like she would regret it for the rest of her life if she didn't seize the moment while she still could.

 

Most importantly, Mulan felt completely safe with her. Always. Wasn't that reason enough to let go of her inhibitions?

 

Perhaps they could throw caution to the wind and enjoy the rush of being together, if only for a short while. There didn't have to be any sad goodbyes at the end. Ruby would eventually join a pack regardless of whether Mulan returned her affections or not. Wouldn't she be more content knowing they'd left no questions unanswered than constantly dreaming of the memories she was too afraid to make?

 

But what if surrendering to that urge was wrong? What if they weren't able to keep things from going too far? What if Mulan was once again giving her heart away to somebody who didn't want it? What if she was getting too attached, knowing Ruby was going to leave?

 

Mulan sighed and massaged her forehead, wishing she could forget about that. Needless to say, there was a lot on her mind. This was the first chance she'd had to stop and think about what was unfolding between them. Then again, Mulan supposed it didn't matter. Analysing what was going on in her head rarely brought her any closer to clarity. Most of the time, it only reminded her why she was so confused.

 

“Are you okay over there?” Ruby asked her, wearing almost nothing but her cloak and her necklace by that point. “You've gone quiet.”

 

Mulan shrugged. “There's not much to say.”

 

Ruby gave her a look that made her scepticism readily apparent, but to her credit, she didn't push the issue. “Well, if you ever want to talk about anything, you know where to find me,” she said, unpacking her sheets and drawing them around her shoulders.

 

“Thanks,” Mulan replied. And, ordinarily, she probably would have taken her up on that. While Mulan didn't find it even remotely easy to talk about matters of the heart, Ruby was the exception to the rule. She had grown to trust Ruby enough to confide in her about things she wouldn't have discussed with anyone else, even under duress. Except this. This, she had to carry alone.

 

She couldn't tell Ruby what was going on, because there was nothing to tell. Not until Mulan figured out what her feelings were. She didn't want to risk saying too much too soon, or for her lack of a confident answer to be misconstrued in a way that upset Ruby.

 

As much as Mulan would have liked to lie to herself and pretend everything was completely fine the way it was, she couldn't run from her mixed emotions. Ruby wasn't the source of them. Not entirely, anyway. Most of it came from her own history. For as much faith as she had that this bond she shared with Ruby was no illusion, and for as curious as Mulan was to experience her first taste of something romantic with someone she trusted so dearly, she couldn't shake her persistent fear that she was setting herself up to get hurt again.

 

It wasn't unreasonable; she wasn't searching for omens of misfortune where there were none to be found. While it wasn't clear exactly what their relationship was after that morning, Ruby had made no secret of the fact that this was only temporary. Mulan didn't have any reference point for how she ought to feel about that, but it was an odd thing to have to bear in her heart.

 

Part of her thought she should have felt betrayed. A bit extreme, maybe, but a legitimate response nonetheless. Mulan wasn't the kind of person who would ever ask anyone else to make a sacrifice for her, least of all somebody she cared about, but that didn't mean she hadn't noticed that Ruby's expectations were rather...one-sided. Ruby was taking their relationship in a direction Mulan had never gone before, pushing her out of her comfort zone. And yet, despite that, she still had every intention of leaving her when she found her own kind.

 

Suffice it to say, that did touch upon something of a sore spot.

 

There was a nagging voice in the back of her mind that accused that behaviour of making Ruby no different from all the other people who had used her to suit their own ends only to throw her away. Nobody cared enough to stay by her side when they were done with her. That was just the way it worked. Mulan gave and gave and gave, and what did she get in return? Abandonment and trust issues, mostly.

 

On the other hand, that wasn't fair to Ruby, was it - to frame her that way? She wasn't a villain. Far from it. She didn't have a choice in the matter. Being a werewolf and finding her own kind had nothing to do with what she personally wanted, or didn't want. If Ruby had the power to change things, she wouldn't have chosen to go looking for a pack at all. She would have stayed home with her friends in Storybrooke, were it not for the fact that she felt incomplete and isolated among them. It wasn't her fault she was limited in what she could do.

 

At least Mulan wasn't being led on. If anything, she had a safety net. Knowing they had to walk away someday meant she wasn't at risk of investing more than she could afford to lose. She got the benefits of romance without being asked to give up her heart again.

 

Beyond that, another part of her had to confess that, for as scary and unfamiliar as it was, Mulan liked the way it felt to be desired by someone. It meant all the more that it was coming from a person as wonderful as Ruby. Ever since they'd kissed, one of the few things that had changed was, well, just how often she had caught Ruby watching her, smiling at her with sparkling eyes. She didn't hide it, making no secret of her adoration, and how happy she was that she could make her feelings known. Her stare stole Mulan's breath every single time.

 

When Ruby looked at her that way, Mulan didn't only feel like she mattered; she felt like the only person in the world.

 

Nobody had ever done that before. Perhaps nobody ever would again. Either way, it made Mulan wonder how it made any sense to think that being with Ruby might be a mistake, or how she could worry about being treated as disposable, when she had never been given a logical reason to fear that from her. How could Ruby be bad for her when she made her feel so good? Mulan's sense of security couldn't be a lie, could it?

 

“It's late. Are you coming over, or do you still have stuff to do?” Ruby's voice prompted Mulan to look up. Ruby was waiting for her amid their blankets, wearing a somewhat expectant expression. She had set up their bedding for two, and hadn't seemed to think twice about it.

 

“I don't think I should,” said Mulan, cautiously narrowing her gaze at that unanticipated invitation. It seemed more than a little inappropriate, given what was happening between them. Ambiguous or not, their relationship was different now, and it had only just begun. This was far too soon to put themselves in that kind of proximity. Or was it? Maybe this was normal courtship behaviour where Ruby came from. Maybe Ruby had radically different expectations about how quickly things between them ought to progress. Mulan had no clue.

 

“We were sharing beds a few days ago. It wasn't a problem then, was it?” Ruby asked, shrugging casually. That did nothing to divert Mulan's suspicions. Was she seriously making that comparison? “Nothing has to change just because we've kissed.”

 

“...Yes, it does,” Mulan pointed out, blatantly disagreeing with Ruby's assessment. She was with someone who she was attracted to, and who wanted her in return. There was temptation there, to say the least. Probably more on Ruby's part than her own, judging by some of the statements she'd made. It was hard not to feel self-conscious, or even guilty. “It's more...intimate. Isn't it?”

 

“Not unless you want it to be,” said Ruby, failing to see the issue. “I'm not complaining if you do.”

 

“Don't make jokes. Not right now,” said Mulan, raising a hand to signal as much. She wasn't offended, but it wasn't encouraging to hear Ruby make light of her hesitancy. They'd already undergone one abrupt shift in their relationship that day. Mulan was not ready for a second.

 

“I'm not, actually,” said Ruby, sounding a bit confused. After a moment, she sighed, getting up out of bed before continuing. “Look, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not making sense; I am pretty tired. What I'm trying to say is that nothing has to change between us if you don't want it to. And, if you do, then we do that at your pace. That's not a joke. Not to me, anyway.” Ruby gave a small smile that was somewhere between relaxed and apologetic as she approached Mulan's side. “I just don't want you to feel weird. About me, about any of this.”

 

“I don't feel weird,” Mulan insisted with a twinge of remorse for making Ruby have to defend her intentions. However, one look at Ruby's face made it readily apparent that she was not convinced by that assertion. “...Okay, I do,” Mulan reluctantly conceded.

 

“So, let's talk about it,” Ruby encouraged, open to discussing it. “What are you afraid of? That we'll lose control and tear each other's clothes off? That lightning will come down and smite you if we spend the night together like we have before?” Ruby remarked in an effort to brighten her mood. Mulan snorted at that. “No, really, what is it? I'm not going to laugh, and nothing you say will make me mad, I promise.”

 

“Yeah. I know. I believe you. I just...” Mulan sighed, glancing aside and fidgeting with her fingers. Perhaps Ruby could give her some insight into whether she was needlessly stressed. “No. I don't feel uncomfortable around you. At all. And that's what makes me uncomfortable,” Mulan admitted, her words trailing off into a mumble, unsure how else to explain it. Ruby arched an eyebrow inquisitively. “You know I've never been with anyone before. I like to follow a plan and do things the right way. I can't do that here. I don't know what the rules are.”

 

“There are no rules,” Ruby answered, walking forward and taking her by the hand, gently pulling her up to her feet. Mulan didn't resist. “We're just...feeling what we're feeling, and doing what we want to do.” Ruby loosely linked her arms around Mulan's waist. “What's wrong with that?”

 

After a moment, Mulan shook her head. “Nothing, I guess. But I still don't know what I want - no more than I did this morning.”

 

“Okay, then. Let's find out together,” Ruby said, walking backwards, leading them towards their sleeping place.

 

“Ruby...” Mulan began, slightly alarmed by that.

 

“Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything,” Ruby assured her. “Just trust me, okay?” And Mulan did trust her, making no attempt to pull away, giving her the benefit of the doubt. “Come here. Join me,” Ruby said as she lay down on her side atop the blankets, her head perched on her hand. Mulan paused, but obliged, mirroring her position so that they were facing each other. “Does this feel wrong to you?”

 

“No,” Mulan answered honestly. Of course it didn't.

 

Ruby shifted closer, placing her hand on Mulan's hip. “Does this?” she asked, watching her face for any signs of discomfort.

 

Mulan shook her head. “No.”

 

Ruby smiled, reaching out and brushing some of Mulan's hair back behind her ear. “Does this?” Ruby whispered as she leaned forward and kissed her. Mulan didn't manage to fight the urge to reciprocate. How could she? It set her skin alight whenever their lips brushed.

 

“No,” Mulan murmured between kisses. “It feels...very right.”

 

“So, if nothing about this feels wrong, then what are you worried about?” asked Ruby, completely free of any demand or urgency as she pressed her lips to Mulan's one final time, pulling back far enough to gaze at her with heavy-lidded eyes. “I mean it. You can tell me.”

 

Mulan met her stare, unsure if she could be honest. She should have been able to. She felt completely safe with Ruby, and utterly content. But that was the problem. It would be so easy to let herself fall. Mulan's heart could slip through her fingers before she had the chance to stop it. What if she did give too much of herself to Ruby too quickly? What if that was a mistake? What if she regretted it?

 

But Ruby was waiting for an answer. No pressure. No rush. Just those patient eyes, devotedly gazing into hers.

 

“...You're right. There's no reason to be nervous,” Mulan said. After all, it wasn't like anything was going to happen. Not on that night, anyway. Ruby had given her word that she didn't want to push her into taking their relationship further than she wished, and that her desire to be with her wasn't dependent upon whether they would ever go that far. Mulan chose to believe that. “I'll stay.”

 

“Good.” Ruby grinned happily at her decision. “Now turn around so I can cuddle you.”

 

Mulan couldn't help but chuckle at her directness. It was refreshing to know that really was all Ruby wanted. She was being a...well, not a perfect _gentleman_ , obviously. Something like that, though. “Okay, if you insist,” Mulan replied, complying with Ruby's command.

 

“I do,” Ruby murmured, grabbing their sheets and pulling them up as they both shifted into place. Once that was done, she slipped her injured hand under Mulan's arm, snuggling up comfortably against her back. Mulan had to admit it was strange to be held by someone, but not in a bad way. It actually felt rather nice, and she hadn't predicted that it would. "I guess that answers that," Ruby said through a smirk.

 

"What?" Mulan asked.

 

"It wasn't a fluke the first time we ended up in bed together; you really are the little spoon," Ruby answered, sounding quite delighted by that discovery. Not teasing, not joking. Just...very happy to have learned that about her. If only Mulan knew what it meant.

 

Mulan arched an eyebrow curiously. "Is that another reference I don't understand?" she asked, assuming as much. It wouldn't have been the first time. Mulan had often wondered whether it was worth keeping a list of terms and in-jokes she was unfamiliar with, just in case she ever got the opportunity to figure this stuff out. Ruby wasn't the best at clarifying these mysteries, either. She tried, though.

 

"Looks like it." Ruby chuckled, evidently amused. Mulan could feel her smile next to her shoulder. "I'll explain some other time. Right now, this werewolf needs sleep badly," she said, letting her arm fall around Mulan's waist, under the warmth of the covers. "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight, Ruby," Mulan whispered back, relaxing into her embrace. To think, it was only two nights ago that she'd gone to sleep asking herself if she would ever see Ruby again. Well, now she knew. Ruby had not only returned, but she had given Mulan her first kiss.

 

Mulan could leave her concerns about the future for tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that, if needed. While they may not have been a couple, this day had proved they were definitely more than friends. Maybe it was just tiredness talking but, if curling up in bed with Ruby every night was a part of this new phase in their relationship, Mulan couldn't find any fault with that.

 

* * *

 

Ruby had been correct back at the inn a few days ago: waking up with Mulan every morning was exactly as nice as her fantasies had made it seem. Better, actually. Hell, her hand didn't even hurt. Nothing could dampen her mood. This day was already amazing.

 

Mulan's hand was on top of hers, her grip far too gentle to aggravate Ruby's wound. Their fingers were intertwined, resting in front of her chest. Ruby was pretty sure she felt Mulan's thumb softly stroking the outer side of her forefinger as she lay there.

 

"Are you awake?" Ruby murmured sleepily.

 

"Yes," Mulan answered. Why was Ruby not surprised? Mulan: half-compass, half-clock, all hers.

 

"Good, then I don't have to pretend to be asleep," said Ruby, happy to nestle up against her for as long as she liked. The advantages of coming clean about her feelings never ceased, did they? Why hadn't she done it sooner? She could have had an extra week of moments like this. Oh well, there was no sense in mourning the past when the present was absolutely perfect. "How long have you been up?"

 

"Long enough," Mulan replied, stifling a yawn and stretching. Ruby couldn't help but think that was a good sign. Mulan hadn't sneakily crept out of bed despite having plenty of time to do so. That meant one of two things: either she really liked being in her embrace and didn't want to disentangle herself, or else Ruby had held on too tight and she hadn't been able to wriggle free without waking her.

 

...Ruby chose to believe the former, if only to silence her insecurities.

 

Honestly, Ruby had to admit that she wasn't much more accustomed to this than Mulan was. Alright, yes, by default, Ruby had far more experience with relationships than Mulan - whether platonic, romantic or purely sexual - but this kind of intimate connection was something she'd lacked ever since Peter died. She'd had friends, she'd had one night stands, but never a boyfriend, and never a girlfriend.

 

No, she and Mulan weren't a couple either, per se, but there was that same...closeness, which was both physical and emotional. Ruby was beginning to realise how much she'd missed it. After being starved of meaningful contact for all that time, unable to fulfill that need from the day she learned what she truly was, Ruby craved it. Who could fault her for that? Some minor clinginess was quite justified, in her opinion. She just hoped she had the wherewithal not to suffocate Mulan with all her affection; she was pretty easy to scare off.

 

"I should probably get up and make breakfast. I think I can hear your stomach growling," said Mulan, ever the responsible one, moving to do exactly what needed to be done. Ruby had other ideas, however. Being sensible was the last thing on her mind.

 

“No, no, no. Stay. Please?” Ruby whined, enjoying the morning cuddle far too much to let it end so soon. "Come on. We're not in any hurry. The next town isn't going to disappear if we sleep in. Besides, I'm still tired from my last run as a wolf. So, what do you say?" she asked, gazing up at Mulan with pleading eyes. After a short pause, Mulan complied, shifting back beneath the blankets. Ruby smiled. "Thank you."

 

"You're hard to say 'no' to," Mulan pointed out with a resigned sigh, but it didn't sound like a complaint.

 

"Do you hate me?" Ruby asked, trying not to betray a smile.

 

Mulan blinked. "What? _No!_ I...Wait..." Mulan trailed off suspiciously, realising she'd been tricked.

 

"See? That 'no' came easy," Ruby teased, grinning mischievously. Mulan was less amused.

 

"What was that you said about sleeping in? Clearly you don't need it. You are wide awake," Mulan observed, wise to her wily ways.

 

“Mhmm. It was an elaborate ruse. You fell right into my trap," Ruby confirmed with as much mock-smugness as she could muster at that early hour, rolling over onto her stomach and taking Mulan's left hand in hers. "I just wanted to spend more time with you."

 

"I gathered that," Mulan dryly replied, though she couldn't quite conceal a small smile.

 

"Can you blame me?" Ruby asked with an innocent shrug. "Who in their right mind wouldn't want to have you all to themselves?"

 

"Lots of people," Mulan answered bluntly. Ruby didn't quite manage to stop a hint of a frown tugging at her lips. Was that a rebuff? It felt like a rebuff. Hmm. While it was probably too early to judge, Ruby had gotten the distinct impression that Mulan was...less invested in this relationship than she was, to put it mildly. Moments like this didn't help alter that perception.

 

Whether that reticence was because Mulan was intimidated by the idea of being with someone for the first time or whether she simply didn't feel as strongly for Ruby as Ruby did for her remained unclear. Hell, Mulan herself probably didn't know the answer. Either way, it wasn't something Ruby was worried about. Whatever Mulan felt for her, she had chosen to step into the unknown and explore this with her. Even when her own insecurities were burrowing into the back of her mind, Ruby couldn't second-guess the importance of that.

 

That being said, Ruby knew that Mulan's trust didn't entitle her to anything; it had to be respected, not taken for granted. There was no way she would push Mulan into anything before she was absolutely sure what she wanted, or not at all, if that day never came. However, that didn't mean Ruby had to be unnecessarily tentative, either. On her part, she was free to express her feelings. She didn't have to pretend.

 

"You know, the best thing about being honest with you yesterday is that I get to do things like this with you: all the things I never thought I could before. I don't have to hide the way you make me feel anymore,” Ruby murmured, tracing a circle on Mulan's wrist with her forefinger, savouring the intimacy. "I can finally speak my mind and tell you everything you mean to me, without it being weird."

 

“You were never shy about doing that,” Mulan pointed out, no stranger to Ruby's casual flirting.

 

“Perhaps not, but now you know how much I mean the things I say. For example: you are so beautiful," Ruby whispered, bringing Mulan's hand to her lips and chastely kissing her fingers one by one. "I've always thought that, from the moment I saw you. I don't think you realise how many times I just...stopped to look at you, long before I knew I was falling for you. Honestly, I would just lie there, gazing at you, because there was nothing I would rather do than let myself be mesmerised, and contemplate all the little things that make you so captivating."

 

Mulan snorted. "Cut that out."

 

"Why? Because you don't think it's true?" Ruby asked, her soft but insistent stare unwavering. "It is. You are. Take it from someone who knows; you are gorgeous, and extremely enchanting. You are beyond compare - unparalleled. You don't try to be, but you are."

 

“...You're sure this isn't sarcasm?” Mulan muttered in puzzlement, finding it bizarre to hear such things said about her.

 

“It's not,” Ruby replied with a pout. “I'm being embarrassingly sincere right now. Appreciate me. _Jerk_.”

 

"Okay?" was all Mulan could say. If her skin was any paler, Ruby got the sense she would have seen a slight blush colouring her cheeks. She knew Mulan wasn't used to being romanced. Nobody had ever swept her off her feet or treated her in the way that she deserved.

 

Ruby remembered thinking to herself once that, if she ever had the chance to be with Mulan, she would never let a day go by without making her feel as special as she was. Ruby intended to live up to that. Whether or not Mulan truly returned her feelings, that wouldn't change the fact that she felt these things for her. Perhaps voicing them aloud would help her recognise her own worth.

 

"Honestly, the fact that you don't do it on purpose, that you don't put on a front is what enthralls me most. Just seeing you be you is enough. That was all you ever had to do to have this effect on me. You've had me under your spell longer than either of us knew," Ruby told her, punctuating her words by kissing Mulan's palm, then her wrist. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for pretty girls like you. Add to that your whole sexy, mysterious warrior vibe and how could I resist? I was doomed to become putty in your hands from the start."

 

A faint but sincere smile tugged at Mulan's lips. "You aren't so bad yourself."

 

"Shush. This isn't about me. This is about you," Ruby insisted, freeing one of her hands long enough to tap Mulan on the nose. It was evident that Mulan wanted to laugh, but she kept it inside, maintaining her composure. "Shut up and let me shower you with my feelings."

 

"Yes, ma'am," Mulan dutifully replied. Ruby smirked. She liked the sound of that.

 

"Now, where was I?" Ruby asked herself, idly running her forefinger back and forth between the tip of Mulan's thumb and the edge of her sleeve, below her wrist. "Ah, that's right. You are an amazing person." Her finger climbed higher as she spoke, gradually running a trail up Mulan's arm. "You fascinate me. Really, you do. Sometimes, I feel like I could get lost in you forever. Your story. Your heart. Your eyes."

 

She let her lips follow her fingers, kissing her way along Mulan's sleeve, until she reached her shoulder. The fabric of her shirt hung loose there, exposing the skin of her neck. Ruby let her fingertip wander beneath the cloth, ever so gently stroking Mulan's collarbone.

 

Mulan's eyes darkened, half-glazed at the touch. In fact, Ruby wasn't entirely sure she was still listening to her. Perhaps she was being too forward in her affections, but Mulan had offered no objections, nor indicated that she wished Ruby to stop. That emboldened her.

 

"Do you know how strange it is to be in awe of someone so humble?" Ruby asked her, daring to lean in and brush her lips against her jaw, and then her neck. She felt Mulan tense when she did that, her fingers tightening in the blankets underneath her, and her chest rising when she inhaled, slower and deeper than before. Ruby made a note of that reaction, determined to elicit it again when the time was right.

 

"But I am," Ruby continued, pulling back to gaze at Mulan. She was incredible - those flawless features, those perfect cheekbones, her hair splayed on the pillow below, framing her face. What a breathtaking sight. "You're not like anyone else in the world. You make me—"

 

"Ruby?" Mulan interrupted her, earning a quizzical tilt of the head in response. "Don't take this the wrong way, but stop talking," Mulan said, her voice husky. With that, she reached up and tangled her free hand in Ruby's hair, drawing her down into a kiss.

 

She smirked against Mulan's lips. Well, so much for Ruby's concerns that she wasn't into this. Evidently, she was. Ruby hadn't said any of those things in the aim of procuring affection, but it seemed that Mulan couldn't resist her charms, nor was she immune to being seduced. That was good to know. It boded well for the future. With that in mind, she surrendered to her kiss, seeing no cause to play coy.

 

A soft moan escaped Mulan's throat, her fingers gently cupping Ruby's face. Then, her other hand moved too. Ruby felt it shift to rest on her hip, inside her cloak. That took her by surprise. She broke the kiss to look at Mulan, making sure that contact was okay with her. She didn't want to let things go beyond her boundaries. But, as soon as she glimpsed her, all thoughts swiftly vacated her mind.

 

Her eyes were met with the sight of reddened lips and deep, brown irises that burned with the flame of desire. Ruby forgot every other concern. In that moment, Mulan wanted her. Seizing upon that surge of yearning inside her, Ruby darted forward and kissed her fiercely.

 

The gentleness they'd had before was gone. It was hard and forceful, and returned in kind, coveting every ounce of passion they poured into the kiss. Tongues clashed in their haste to sate that ravenous hunger. Mulan curled an arm around behind her neck, pulling Ruby on top of her. Mulan's teeth grazed her lower lip and Ruby didn't even care because her leg had slipped between her thighs and it was heavenly. The only thing that would have been better was feeling her skin with no barrier between them at all. Come to think of it, maybe she could.

 

Ruby's fingers developed a mind of their own, slipping underneath the cloth fabric of Mulan's shirt. Her touch elicited a shiver, but she met no resistance. If anything, Mulan kissed her even harder. She was enjoying this. Ruby took that as a signal of encouragement, spreading her fingers and letting senses explore that perfect physique. _God_ , the things she would lick off that stomach if she had the chance...

 

Out of nowhere, Mulan's breath hitched and she unexpectedly recoiled, laying her head back against the pillow as flat as she could. "Ruby..." she uttered her name in what could only be described as alarm, her eyes wide, her cheeks red, gasping for air.

 

“What?” Ruby asked, searching her shocked stare to gauge what was wrong. Mulan glanced down. Ruby followed her gaze, only to notice just how far her hand had crept beneath Mulan's shirt. It hadn't been on purpose, but intent didn't change the fact that she had come mere inches from her breast. “Oh.” She tentatively withdrew her hand, her expression hopefully as apologetic as it ought to have been. “Sorry.”

 

Mulan awkwardly cleared her throat, collecting herself. “...I think I should get up now,” she said stoically.

 

Ruby didn't protest, moving to the side, giving Mulan enough room to slip out from under her. When she was gone, Ruby flopped onto her back, draping an arm across her forehead, her other hand toying with her necklace. Wow. Okay. That had...She had almost...

 

And Mulan had almost let her.

 

“So, um...Breakfast?” Mulan broke the silence, pretending that hadn't just happened.

 

“Huh?” Ruby blinked, still reeling from that kiss far too much to comprehend speech. “Oh, right. That's a...thing that exists. I...yes. Thanks,” she finished somewhat hoarsely, struggling to remember the entire English language. Mulan gave a curt nod and turned away, keeping her distance. Perhaps that was smart. Ruby swallowed heavily, not quite sure how to process how rapidly that had escalated.

 

To think, Ruby had been preparing herself to move slowly, anticipating that she would have to wait before broaching the issue of how far they would go with one another, if Mulan was even comfortable going there at all. But then this had happened. That was...not planned.

 

Maybe Mulan's pace was a hell of a lot quicker than she thought.

 

* * *

 

"...Are we good?" Ruby abruptly broke the silence.

 

"What?" Mulan asked, stirring her bowl of stew on her lap, the shadows of sundown setting around camp.

 

"Us," Ruby clarified, sitting there sans-cloak, barely touching her dinner. That was rare for her. "Not to sound self-centred, but it feels like you've been avoiding me," she pointed out. Mulan couldn't pretend she didn't know what she was talking about. Or, maybe she could.

 

"I'm not," Mulan insisted. Denial was worth a shot.

 

"You haven't spoken to me at all in the last half hour," Ruby noted, frowning.

 

"I'm eating..." Mulan weakly explained. Even she knew it wasn't convincing.

 

Ruby sighed, lacking the patience to deal with her deflection. "Look, can we just skip to the part where you admit what's wrong?" she asked, visibly worn out from the awkward dance they'd been doing around each other all day. "I know something is bothering you. We haven't kissed since, you know..." Ruby trailed off, remembering how racy things had got that morning. Mulan did her best not to give anything away when she brought that memory up. She didn't trust her expression not to betray her apprehension. "Did I screw up? Is it my fault?"

 

"...No?" Mulan answered, although she wasn't really sure what to say. That incident was the source of her anxiety, although not exclusively. More what it represented, what it boded for the future, and how at odds Mulan still felt with her emotions - her own, obfuscated desires.

 

"Then what?" Ruby pressed, determined to figure out why Mulan had been acting so withdrawn.

 

"Ruby..." Mulan began with a pained shake of her head, indicating that she didn't want to discuss it.

 

"Don't 'Ruby' me," said Ruby, unwilling to take 'no' for an answer.

 

Mulan blinked. "Okay. _Red_..." she continued in much the same tone.

 

"Oh, you're being funny, huh?" Ruby remarked, unable to help but form the faint beginnings of a smile, leaving her dinner behind. Mulan recognised that playful glint in her eye. "I'll show you who's laughing," Ruby teased. She shifted her position, getting ready to pounce.

 

"This is a terrible idea," Mulan warned, defensively raising one hand to protect herself, knowing exactly what Ruby planned.

 

"Hey, it's either that or you pay attention to me," Ruby offered through an evil smirk. Mulan hesitated, unwilling to confess the complicated reasons for her evasiveness. Ruby shrugged. "Welp, your choice," she said casually, absolved of any responsibility for her actions.

 

"Ruby!" Mulan's interjection came too late. Ruby leapt across camp and tackled Mulan, knocking the bowl from her hands.

 

As soon as they collided, stew spilled everywhere, splashing on both of them, but mostly on Mulan's shirt. Ruby covered her mouth in shock, mortified at what she'd done. Mulan groaned heavily, looking up at Ruby, perched atop her hips, not remotely amused.

 

"I _did_ warn you," she said in an unenthusiastic grumble.

 

"Oh my God, Mulan, I'm so sorry! I assumed you were finished!" Ruby hastily stammered out, doing her best to try and wipe away the solid matter, leaving only what had already seeped into the cloth. Mulan didn't intervene, letting her brush off what she could. The good news was that her stew had gone cold long ago. They had been in no danger of sustaining any burns. "I'm such an idiot."

 

"It's okay. It will come out," Mulan replied, keeping the bowl at arm's length, lest anymore of the stuff drip onto her. This was an inconvenience, to say the least, but she felt no anger towards Ruby for it. She hadn't done it on purpose. It was an accident. Mulan glanced up, a slight strain passing across her brow. "Yours, on the other hand..." she trailed off, eyeing Ruby's attire.

 

Ruby followed her line of sight, looking downwards. "Ah! No, no, no!" She flinched and jumped back off of Mulan, realising some stew had fallen onto the shoulder of her white blouse. Mulan softened sympathetically. That stain might not wash out. Not in a simple bucket of water.

 

"You should probably take that straight to the lake," Mulan advised, trying to keep her own shirt from sticking to her skin as she sat upright. She might have to leave it to soak overnight. "I'll stay here and, uh...wash up," she said, hoping the smell didn't attract ants, or worse.

 

“Good idea," said Ruby, cleaning off her hands before getting up and grabbing her cloak. "If I'm gone a while, don't wait up for me.”

 

“I'm always awake later than you,” Mulan observed. Ruby just snorted, making her way out of camp.

 

Once she was out of sight, Mulan slowly exhaled and rose to her feet, removing her shirt and casting it into the washing up bucket, leaving her upper body bare but for the cloth binder that supported her breasts. Thankfully, that didn't seem to have been stained. Being this exposed around Ruby would be hard enough. She might have to hide herself in a blanket for the rest of the night.

 

Mulan checked herself to see if any stew had leaked through onto her skin, her fingers brushing over small scars left behind by her harsh lifestyle, relieved to find she had been spared that. Frankly, she didn't have the willpower to work on scrubbing her shirt clean. Not yet.

 

She ran a hand through her hair, plagued by a very particular problem that she had no clue how to address. Namely, she was thinking about Ruby. A lot. All day, in fact. Ever since that morning. Nothing could remedy her distraction. Mulan was like a fly caught in a web, ensnared in the memory of Ruby's body hovering above her, the intensity of their kiss, her hand sneaking under her shirt, and how close Mulan had been to letting that hand keep going, and not telling her to stop. How was she supposed to extricate herself from those imaginings?

 

Now that they were together, in whatever sense of the word they were, everything was different. This was only their second day exploring their feelings for each other and Mulan was already wrestling with almost alien urges too potent to ignore. That was a serious issue. It couldn't be swept aside. She had to take her mind off Ruby somehow. If she didn't, she couldn't promise herself she wouldn't end up in over her head.

 

This wasn't like her. This...desire. It didn't belong in her body. These feelings. This...compulsion to act on instinct rather than sound judgement. This was the sort of thing other people struggled with, not her. It felt like an invasive spirit she had to banish before it did any harm.

 

How was she supposed to exorcise those thoughts, though? Exorcise? Exercise. Yeah, exercise sounded good. If she wore herself out, she wouldn't even have the energy to...do anything like that, no matter how much she wanted to. Prevention was definitely the safest route.

 

Giving a cursory glance around camp to make sure Ruby was gone, Mulan got down on the ground and started doing one-handed pushups, determined to focus on absolutely anything else other than the carnal cravings of her flesh. Whatever it took, she couldn't lose the will to stay rational about this. Passion couldn't overrule common sense. They had to take their relationship one step at a time. That did not entail their second step sending them careening off the edge of a cliff. Honestly, two days wasn't nearly enough time to contemplate moving further.

 

Okay, sure, Ruby and Mulan had known each other longer than that, but this new stage of their relationship had only started yesterday. They couldn't just do whatever they wanted right out of the gate with reckless abandon. Could they? There were rules to this sort of thing, right? Stumbling into... _that_ so quickly was improper. Inappropriate. Disrespectful, even. It didn't take a genius to work that out. Restraint was important. It would stop them from cheapening what they had by rushing into bed together too quickly. Wouldn't it? She didn't know.

 

Mulan was many things, but she was not the type of person who couldn't control herself. She operated on logic and practicality, tempering her emotions with reason, morality and common sense. So why wasn't that working? No matter how intense this spark was between her and Ruby, she should have had no problem containing her attraction and stopping things from going too far.

 

Or had Mulan only believed that it wouldn't be an issue for her because she'd never been with anybody before? Ruby was the first person she'd had these kinds of feelings for who actually returned them. Coping with these kinds of desires was new to her, unfamiliar. Maybe her image of herself as someone who found it easy to resist her baser urges was constructed on a lie, because no one had tested her before.

 

After all, could she honestly say that, if Aurora had come to her bed one night when they were travelling together - or, hell, even Phillip back when Mulan thought she had feelings for him - that there was no chance at all that she would have given in and said yes?

 

Would knowing that the two of them were betrothed really have been enough to stop her, if they had said they wanted her?

 

...No, she couldn't answer that. Not with absolute certainty. Not without lying. She didn't know. Not anymore.

 

Mulan had never been in a situation where going that far was an imminent possibility. Nobody had even kissed her before Ruby. Consequently, Mulan was essentially confronting these questions for the first time. The concept of sex had been little more than a vague hypothetical in her mind until now. She had to confess, that didn't help her confidence. Her inexperience was closely linked to her apprehension.

 

How could she truly be sure she wanted it? Mulan didn't know how it would feel, or what she was meant to...Well, admittedly, she'd overheard enough talk among men back in the army that she wasn't completely innocent about how the mechanical aspects were supposed to work, but Mulan certainly didn't trust _their_ judgement about how to treat women in any capacity, that was for damn sure.

 

What if sleeping together turned out to be a mistake? What if it ruined things between them? What if she did something wrong and it killed Ruby's interest in her completely? What if it was...actually awful and Mulan hated the sensations she felt? Or, what if she enjoyed it _too_ much? What if it was the best thing ever? What if their relationship got more serious than either of them were ready for? What if that was the final push Mulan needed to fall in love with Ruby? What if her heart was shattered again? What if she couldn't endure the pain?

 

Why did she have so many questions?!

 

Mulan groaned, kneeling on the ground after finishing her second set of pushups. If the goal was to tire herself out, this wasn't helping. If anything, this was only warming her up. She had barely broken a sweat, and this issue with Ruby still dominated her mind. In fact, she was concentrating on it even more than before. She needed something more intense if she was going to succeed in chasing these thoughts away.

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Mulan spotted a thick, sturdy branch hanging from a tree at the edge of their camp. She walked over to it to check it out. It looked strong enough to support her weight. Mulan jumped up and grabbed onto it. The branch held, passing the test.

 

Carefully adjusting her grip, Mulan bent her knees and started to do pull-ups instead. The tendons and muscles in her arms responded almost immediately. The exertion, the strain. That was more like it. If she needed more weight, she could wear her pack too.

 

And yet, without fail, her head was still filled with the same musings. Ruby. Mulan frowned as images of her face came into view.

 

In her discomfort with how close she'd come to losing control that morning, Mulan had closed herself off, keeping Ruby at a distance. Mulan wasn't insensitive; she knew that must have hurt. She hadn't gone quite as far as when they'd first met, when she'd been so reserved that they could barely talk, but she hadn't let Ruby kiss her once, nor even hold her hand. She was too afraid of what might happen if she did.

 

Guilt crept to the forefront of her mind. Was that fair? After all, it wasn't Ruby that she distrusted. She didn't deserve to suffer the cold shoulder. But what else could Mulan do to protect herself? If she didn't watch her step, she could tread on dangerous ground.

 

Ruby was already her first kiss. She could be her first...everything. And yet, it wouldn't alter the reality that she was leaving. It was strange to think that Ruby was content to take something like that in full knowledge that she would have to walk away when the day came. Once it was over, it was over. Mulan would be left with nothing but memories and cold sheets. She could never undo what was done, or unmake those choices. Was that how she wanted things to go? Would she always wish she had saved those firsts for someone more permanent?

 

Mulan would never ask Ruby to stay. She understood why Ruby couldn't, irrespective of how far their relationship went. Even if that wasn't a factor, she wasn't convinced hearing her say it would have made a difference to her inner conflict. Rather, it was the whole sordid idea of the thing that left a dirty taste in Mulan's mouth when she thought about it a certain way. Being...screwed and then tossed aside.

 

It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Ruby. She did. A lot. Mulan cared for her. She trusted her. She felt safe with her. There wasn't anyone else she felt these kinds of things for. But, then again, the strength of her connection with Ruby only amplified the doubt in Mulan's mind. Once she went down that road, she couldn't take it back. If she fell too hard, too far, too fast, that was that.

 

She'd already fallen for the wrong woman once. She couldn't go through that again.

 

Her history of heartbreak was far and away the biggest obstacle in their relationship. It was hard enough for Mulan to even admit that she liked Ruby in that way aloud, let alone act on her feelings. Doing anything more was playing with fire. She couldn't let go of her fear.

 

Then again, if she couldn't be with Ruby, who could she be with? Could Mulan genuinely claim that she was healing from her pain when it was standing in the way of pursuing her wants? What were the chances she would ever find someone else she cared about this much, and felt this secure around? If she didn't explore her feelings now, maybe she would never have the courage to be with another person.

 

Maybe being with her was not only right but necessary - an essential step in becoming whole again. Maybe refusing to act on her emotions was not an act of bravery but of cowardice, condemning her to a lifetime alone, too afraid to chase any kind of love when she found it.

 

Or maybe Mulan was just making pathetic excuses to try and justify giving into temptation.

 

She sighed. Was it wrong to be with Ruby? It didn't feel wrong. Why couldn't there be a simple answer? Why couldn't some beacon of guidance come down from on high to rid Mulan of all her uncertainties and show her which path was the right one, morally and emotionally?

 

Regardless of what the voice in her head said before, Mulan didn't agree that there was anything inherently impure about their relationship, nor would sleeping together make it so. Ruby wanted to be with her. Mulan had no reason to think she was insincere. She wasn't being used and spit out. If anyone had to be the first person to reciprocate her affections, why not Ruby? Had she ever known a truer friend?

 

When she put it in that perspective, Mulan had to confess that there was nobody she would rather have her first taste of intimacy with than Ruby. That wasn't only because of the passion between them. In an intellectual sense, there were a lot of convincing points to be made too.

 

Ruby was someone she didn't have to be shy or self-conscious around, as being without her armour proved. There was no commitment, no expectation, no strings attached. In her company, Mulan could...explore her desires, and find the answers to the questions she was looking for. If nothing else, and even if everything went wrong, she wouldn't have to wonder anymore, nor the next time she fell for someone.

 

Even so, Mulan knew the wisest course of action was to keep a bit more of an emotional distance from Ruby, now that they'd grown physically closer. It was all she could do to make sure her head was on straight, and temper her reactions to their new relationship. What could she say? She had every right to be tentative about it. Perhaps she ought to exercise caution and be more reserved, instead of blindly following Ruby's lead. It was the only way she could protect herself from being dragged out of her depth. Wasn't it?

 

She had to be careful. She liked Ruby a lot. She trusted her more than anyone else. As friends, Mulan would have been content to travel in Ruby's company forever, if fate had allowed it. And there was no denying that there was a mutual physical attraction. When they touched, it could be...intense, to say the least. But Mulan didn't want to fall in love with her, nor with anyone. Not again. Not so soon.

 

Could she fall in love? Honestly, she wasn't even sure. That part of her heart might have died forever. Up until she met Ruby, Mulan would have been a lot more confident about believing that, though. Indeed, if it weren't for Ruby, she would never have had to question that assumption. Being around her was...it was like Mulan had been given back her ability to feel, after having it ripped out so long ago.

 

Oddly enough, that was the scary part. It meant she was vulnerable again.

 

Beads of perspiration dripped down her shoulders as she continued her workout, her breathing gradually growing more laboured. Mulan didn't even notice the shadows lengthening around her, nor that their campfire had nearly burned out from inattention, far too absorbed in her inner turmoil to track the passage of time. That was until her bubble of thought was swiftly and unexpectedly popped by a sudden noise.

 

_CRASH!_

 

“Ow! Son of a...” Mulan turned sharply at the sound, only to see Ruby tangled up in a heap, having tripped and knocked over a pile of their belongings the middle of camp amid the fading sunlight. She had returned from the lake clad in her cloak and her underwear, her wet clothes thrown from her grasp when she fell. “I'm fine,” Ruby insisted in a graceless grimace, unhooking her ankle from Mulan's pack.

 

Mulan let go of the branch and dropped to the ground, staring at her incredulously. “Ruby, what...? How did you miss that?”

 

“Sorry, I, um...I wasn't watching where I was going,” Ruby admitted, her gaze guiltily flickering away as she spoke, before landing on Mulan's body again. It didn't take more than a second for the implication to sink in. Mulan stared at her in silence, still rather short of breath. There was no doubting what she meant; Ruby was struggling with these potent desires just as much as she was. Maybe more.

 

"...Oh. Well, that, uh..." Mulan had no idea what she was saying and soon fell quiet. However, it was at that point that she remembered how little she was wearing, hunching up and folding her arms across her chest, feeling timid. Ruby didn't break eye contact.

 

After several long moments, Ruby uttered a shaky sigh. “I think sleeping separately again might be a good idea.”

 

“Yeah,” Mulan agreed, hoping her trepidation didn't show.

 

“We should...take different beds,” Ruby reiterated. She hadn't torn her gaze away from Mulan.

 

“...Yeah,” Mulan confirmed a second time with an arched eyebrow, nodding to emphasise her response.

 

Once more, Ruby didn't seem to have heard it. “We should—“

 

“I said yes, Ruby,” Mulan cut her off, not sure what part she didn't understand. “I suggested it yesterday.”

 

“I know. I was talking to myself,” said Ruby, her gaze wholly fixated on Mulan's half-bared body. Her fingernails had dug into the ground on either side of her. She looked like she was trying very hard to persuade herself not to jump her right then and there. If she had, Mulan wasn't sure she would have had it in her to resist. That was a confronting thing to realise. She swallowed, willing herself to remain composed.

 

“...Goodnight, Ruby,” said Mulan, keeping her expression neutral. They couldn't act on this. Not yet.

 

“Yeah. Goodnight," said Ruby, offering no objections to that. Perhaps she had as many reservations about rushing into things too fast as Mulan did. Then again, maybe she didn't. Maybe all she needed to hear from Mulan was a single, genuine and uncompromised 'yes' to take their relationship to the next level. Maybe she was closer to hearing it than she knew. "One last thing, though,” Ruby added, getting to her feet.

 

“What?” Mulan blinked, watching Ruby swoop across camp towards her. She didn't receive an answer. The next thing Mulan knew, she had been captured in a kiss. Ruby broke it before she had the chance to reciprocate, her skin tingling at her body heat.

 

“You drive me crazy, do you know that?” Ruby murmured, letting her hands run along Mulan's bare arms before kissing her again. "You are the hottest person I've ever seen." Mulan couldn't stifle a moan, quivering at the sensation of deft fingers grazing her exposed skin. Once again, she didn't get the opportunity to deepen the kiss, because Ruby had already pulled away. “Okay. That was it. Bye.”

 

“...Bye?” said Mulan, dizzily. With that, Ruby retreated off to bed. Mulan rubbed her neck. Yeah, sleeping apart was definitely the safest option. She didn't want to imagine what might happen if she followed Ruby, not that it was difficult to figure out how one thing might lead to another. That yearning was there, but was she ready for it? Was she not? Who could say? Did it matter either way?

 

Unfortunately, her time alone hadn't done anything to clarify the issue. She was no closer to working out what was right and what was wrong. All Mulan knew was that, if she listened to her body, she would be at Ruby's mercy already. Sooner than she wished.

 

Was it even a question of _if_ Mulan would cross that line and relinquish her defences under Ruby's touch anymore? Or was it a question of _when_? She didn't know, but the fact Mulan had to ask herself that was sufficiently revealing about how rapidly this had progressed.

 

And she was no less conflicted about it.

 

* * *

 

“Do you ever think about the chain of events that brought us here?” Ruby asked in idle contemplation, strolling at Mulan's side. Given that Ruby had satisfied her wolf for the next little while, they had worked their way back onto the road. Even if she wanted to transform again, she wouldn't have been in any condition to walk around in a non-human state, what with her injury still in the process of healing.

 

“Not really,” Mulan admitted with a shrug. Why was Ruby not surprised?

 

“Well, I do,” said Ruby, determined that her pondering should be acknowledged. “You know that it all began back when you ran into Belle, right? If it wasn't for her, you and I wouldn't be walking side by side right now. Heck, we probably wouldn't have met at all.”

 

“That's true,” Mulan conceded, lending credence to Ruby's musings. “Without her, Phillip and I probably would have killed each other before I knew what he really was, and I wouldn't have known how to turn you back into a human, the same way she did for him.”

 

“Right, and it was through Phillip that you met Aurora. Because of what happened between you and her, you wound up exactly where you needed to be for Merida to hear about you, and she inadvertently led you to me,” Ruby recounted, connecting the links. “Talk about a domino effect. Or, wait, is this a butterfly effect? Whatever. I think it's one of those things,” Ruby finished with a bemused expression.

 

“Small world,” Mulan added, evidently not quite as interested in those coincidences as Ruby was.

 

Perhaps Ruby was reading too much into hindsight, but examining the facts made it hard not to do so. It was almost like fate that their lives had intersected – like they had been set on this path, destined to meet without ever knowing that this was where their respective stories were taking them. How else could she explain those many chance encounters, and why they had all set them on this collision course? Maybe their journey together had always been part of some cosmic design. Maybe that was why they felt so drawn to each other.

 

Then again, maybe Ruby was just digging for any interpretation that supported what she was doing with Mulan. God knew she needed it.

 

Ruby sighed. Unfortunately, Mulan still came across as pretty ambivalent about the whole thing, like she was wavering back and forth. It was difficult to say what she desired. Sometimes, Mulan gave the impression that she wanted to go further, kissing Ruby with such passion and intensity that it left her breathless. At other times, she withdrew, reluctant to show affection. But then Ruby would wander back to camp and find her shirtless, sweaty and seductive, eyes searing with want, the scent of her body driving her wild with arousal.

 

Not that Mulan ever said 'come hither'. For all the physical responses Ruby's touch had elicited, Mulan had never verbalised what she felt, or what was okay. The answer seemed to vary at any given time. Nonetheless, she always put a stop to things before they went too far.

 

Sometimes Ruby wasn't even sure Mulan wanted to be with her at all. And yet, the very next moment, Mulan's resolve would crumble, surrendering to the sensations that swept across her skin, needing Ruby so badly that it was overwhelming, only to pull away and deny it ever happened. She was like an alternating magnetic field, switching between drawing her closer and repelling her when she got too near.

 

Who would have thought someone so straightforward could be so mystifying?

 

“How is she lately?” Mulan asked, breaking Ruby from her introspection. “Belle, I mean. I haven't asked you. Is she alright?”

 

“Oh, who even knows, at this point?” Ruby remarked with a vaguely self-deprecating shake of her head. “For all I know, it's possible Storybrooke doesn't even exist anymore. No joke. That could, um...It really may not be there right now.” Ruby paused, clearing her throat, aware she was straying from the topic. “But, yeah, there have probably been, like...ten different disasters since I left. And that's a conservative estimate.”

 

“Sounds fun,” Mulan said dryly.

 

“You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not,” Ruby matter-of-factly replied. “It was hard enough to keep track of what was happening when I was there, never mind now. And I say that as one of the people who was pretty in the know about most things. Must have been impossible for anybody who was out of the loop to follow what was going on.”

 

“I did get that impression,” Mulan muttered. Ruby smirked, remembering Mulan's disbelieving stares at half the stories she'd told her about the events that had taken place since she parted ways with Aurora and Phillip. Two words: flying monkeys.

 

“It is a thought, though. Let's add it to the plan,” Ruby spoke in good cheer, earning a sideways glance from Mulan. “One of these days, after I've sorted out my problems, we're going to meet back up again, go to Storybrooke, go clothes shopping, catch up with Belle, and watch a movie,” Ruby elaborated from memory, counting off the items on her checklist one by one on her fingers. "Have I missed anything?"

 

“Didn't you say something about a diner too?” Mulan chimed in, uncertain if that was the correct word.

 

“If I didn't, then I'm saying it now. After our movie, I'm taking you out to Granny's Diner and I am going to make you the best damn hot chocolate you've ever tasted. I promise,” Ruby avowed, lightly tapping Mulan on the shoulder to drive home her seriousness.

 

“...I've never had hot chocolate,” Mulan pointed out, visibly unsure what it even was.

 

“Exactly,” Ruby enthused. Mulan rolled her eyes, smirking. “Hey, if you and I are both still single that far down the track, maybe we'll have more than catching up to do,” she said, suggestively nudging Mulan's elbow. “You never know, I could always hit you up, and...”

 

“And what?” Mulan asked tauntingly. She wasn't too naïve to recognise exactly what Ruby was implying.

 

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Ruby purred in reply. After all, they hadn't gone that far yet. Her comment earned a quiet chuckle from Mulan, who looked away, scratching the back of her head. Ruby couldn't help but let her gaze linger. She adored the way Mulan shyly smiled when she laughed, and that almost bashful twinkle in her eyes. It was as if she felt embarrassed to grin, unaccustomed to expressing herself so freely.

 

In truth, it was hard to focus on the journey at hand when someone so sweet was at her side. Every time she gazed at Mulan, all Ruby could think about was the softness of her skin. The way she shivered under her touch. The gentle moans she made when they kissed. Unable to shake the thought from her mind, Ruby reached out and tangled her fingers in Mulan's, urging her to stop.

 

“Come here for a second,” Ruby murmured.

 

“Why?” Mulan asked, feigning innocence.

 

“Because you're irresistible, and very, very kissable," Ruby whispered, leaning in halfway. "May I?" she asked. Mulan nodded, giving permission. With that, Ruby closed the gap, immensely glad that they were on kissing terms again. She had begun to feel quite deprived yesterday. Evidently, Mulan had forgiven her for going a bit too far before. Or maybe her boundaries had changed since then.

 

Mulan arched an eyebrow when they parted. “We are on the road, you know. Anyone could walk by,” Mulan noted, although, judging by her wry grin, she certainly wasn't complaining about the affection. Her arms were still linked around Ruby's midsection, not letting go.

 

“That can be fixed,” said Ruby, with a sultry smirk, taking Mulan by the hand, luring her away from the beaten track, leading her deeper into the woods. Soon enough, they were out of sight of any potential passersby. “How's this?” Ruby asked as she backed up against a tree trunk, pulling Mulan in closer, until their bodies were pressed tightly up against one another.

 

“Better,” Mulan whispered, her hands settling on Ruby's waist as she claimed her lips once more. Ruby purred into the kiss, craving it. Her blood hungered with need, only it wasn't the wolf. There was an electricity between them that neither could deny - a chemical reaction.

 

Ruby bent her knee, hooking it around Mulan's hip, drawing her body as near as she could. She felt a gloved hand touch her calf and ascend beneath her dress. Ruby's cheeks flushed with warmth, her proximity to Mulan lighting a fire under her, sending her system into overdrive.

 

The question of sex was looming in their midst like a third person on this journey, following them wherever they went. Two young, attractive, single women with a mutual romantic interest in one another, alone in the wilderness together every day and every night. Nobody could blame them for feeling this way, right? Nor for how hard it was to restrain themselves? Things...happened in the woods. Was it any wonder why chastity seemed to be the furthest thing from either of their minds, and so immensely difficult to put into practice?

 

They couldn't ignore what they were feeling forever. Not without abstaining from physical contact and affection altogether, which neither Ruby or Mulan had any wish to do. They had to confront this issue, or desire would confront them before they were ready to handle it. Ruby felt that tension mounting, building. There was an itch that needed to be scratched, and an emptiness that needed to be filled inside her.

 

How soon was too soon, though? This definitely felt too soon. Didn't it?

 

God damn it, why did they have to wait? What was stopping them?

 

When she thought about it like that, Ruby had to confess that she honestly didn't see anything wrong with acting on this, however rash it may have seemed. Why couldn't they fall into bed with each other right away? They were both adults. They weren't bound by other commitments. They didn't have anybody to answer to. Neither of them were at risk of getting hurt. And it would feel good. Really, really good.

 

Moreover, Ruby didn't know how long she and Mulan had together. If they held back now, it was possible they would find they'd left it too late. She needed to savour every moment, and consume as much of her as she could before time ran out. She wanted every part of her.

 

In fact, Ruby had never been more certain of anything in her life than that she wanted to know Mulan as only a lover could. Ruby was ready. Maybe Mulan was too. There was but one surefire way to find out the answer. Why not ask the question, and let her decide?

 

“Forget the road,” said Ruby, a devilish glint in her eye, inviting her to take the next step, if she was comfortable with that. “What do you say we drop our things and stay right here? We've got all day.” Mulan regarded her with a slightly puzzled look, not sure she was correctly reading her intentions. In response, Ruby bit her lower lip and moved Mulan's hand further up her thigh, towards her backside.

 

Evidently, her meaning became apparent. Mulan glanced down, then back up. Ruby coaxed her hand ever higher, leaving her own willingness beyond doubt. A haze passed over Mulan's eyes. Not a moment later, she closed the distance, slipping her tongue between Ruby's lips.

 

That was a good sign. It didn't surprise her to think that, deep down, Mulan craved to take this further just as much as she did, and let their mutual passion take her where it would. There had been enough incidents that gave her that impression. Hell, yesterday morning, Mulan had been the one to push the limits of contact, sliding her hand under Ruby's cloak and pulling her on top of her, until nerves intervened.

 

Her hesitancy was understandable. After all, Mulan never been with anyone before. That was a fact Ruby couldn't disregard.

 

"We don't have to do anything," Ruby spoke against her lips, using the small breaks between kisses to establish her freedom to say 'yes' or 'no'. She had to handle this tactfully. "But, if you do want this, just say the word. Whenever you're ready, whatever you want; I'm yours."

 

Upon hearing that, Mulan's breath hitched. She froze. Her hand stopped where it was, refusing to move from that spot above Ruby's thigh, even at her behest. Ruby broke the kiss, drawing back far enough to examine her face. Mulan seemed startled, and conflicted.

 

"Are you okay?" Ruby asked immediately, concerned she had pushed Mulan too far.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine," Mulan assured her. It was obvious from her raspy voice that Ruby was having a pronounced effect on her. "But...we're moving too fast, don't you think?” Mulan said, as reluctant to stop as she was to keep going, and as full of yearning as she was uncertainty.

 

“Life's short. Fast is good. I like fast,” Ruby replied with a playful grin, eager to continue.

 

“...I don't think I do,” Mulan told her, visibly torn. Ruby took that as the solid 'no' that it was, sighing as she gave Mulan the space she needed to pull away from her and take a few steps back. Ruby let her head fall against the tree behind her. She'd made a tremendous mistake, hadn't she? Everything was going fine until she made things awkward because she couldn't keep it in her pants.

 

She thought she'd been responsible in the way she approached Mulan's boundaries, but her reaction implied otherwise. Ruby hoped Mulan didn't feel hurt, or betrayed, or uncomfortable. Ruby would never forgive herself if she'd ruined their relationship, or broken her trust.

 

“I'm sorry I did that. I shouldn't have. It was wrong. I just...I've been getting mixed signals from you, and—Okay, wow, that really sounds like I'm blaming you," Ruby interrupted herself, wearing a mildly disgusted face at her pathetic excuse for an apology. What kind of douchebag did she have to be to say something like that? She was the one at fault, not Mulan. "Hold on. Let me start over again."

 

"Go ahead," said Mulan, folding her arms across her chest.

 

"...Thanks," Ruby mumbled, realising she wasn't entitled to a second chance to explain herself. "I know this isn't my best moment, but I meant it when I promised you that I wouldn't pressure you into anything, and that it won't change how much I want to be with you even if we never end up going further. That wasn't a lie; my feelings for you aren't based around sex. They never were. I only asked you if you were ready for more because I got the impression that you might be. But I was wrong. I'm sorry. Clearly you don't want that right now."

 

"I didn't say that," Mulan interjected in a tone that Ruby couldn't quite decipher. Most of all, it sounded like a blunt statement of fact. Ruby blinked at that, unsure what was going on. "Sometimes, I wish I didn't want to go further. It's because I do that it's even an issue."

 

Ruby's expression was as perplexed as she felt. "Okay, now we're back to the mixed messages..." she said, dazed by Mulan's admission.

 

"No, I was very direct," Mulan answered without glancing away, speaking as frankly as ever. She knew exactly what she'd said. Perhaps the certainty of her remark took even her by surprise. Ruby swallowed, the realisation dawning upon her. There wasn't much room for misinterpretation; Mulan _did_ want more. Part of her, at least. That changed things somewhat. "This isn't a question of desire, Ruby. Not entirely. But just because I have these feelings for you doesn't mean I can act on them without a second thought. It's not that simple."

 

"Why not?" Ruby asked with a small shrug, struggling to understand the source of her discomfort. "If you want to be with me, why shouldn't you be? We're both consenting adults. We care about each other. We respect each other. Why shouldn't we be together? And don't take this as a demand; I'm fine with whatever pace you want to go, and I get that I crossed a line back there, but—”

 

Mulan snorted at that, cutting her off. “What line?” she said. “We don't have any lines.”

 

“...Is that a bad thing?” Ruby tentatively inquired, genuinely lost as to where this was coming from. Was Mulan mad at her?

 

“I don't know. You tell me,” said Mulan, taking a moment to shake her head as if to clear it. “...What is this?” Mulan asked after her pause, punctuating her question with a clueless shrug. Ruby furrowed her brow curiously, unsure what she meant. “Maybe I'm missing something that's obvious to you, but I'm no expert on relationships. So, why don't you straighten things up for me: what are we to each other?”

 

“Huh?" was Ruby's initial reply, taken aback by the question. Mulan said nothing, only gesturing for her to fill in the blanks. Neither of them knew. They hadn't established where they stood, and that was clearly bothering Mulan. "We're...friends?" Ruby answered rather meekly.

 

"Friends don't sneak off into the woods to have sex up against a tree," Mulan darkly remarked.

 

"Some do?" Ruby pointed out through her bewilderment. Mulan was not entertained by her reply. “Are you asking me if this means nothing? Because don't ever think that I don't care about you; I _do_ ,” Ruby said, imploring her to realise that.

 

Sure, she wanted to take things to the next level, but Ruby hoped beyond hope that hadn't led Mulan to think this was purely sexual or selfish on her part. It wasn't. This new phase of their relationship was about a hell of a lot more than getting off. She could have done that with anyone, if that was all she craved. Even if it wasn't true love, it was the emotional connection that drew Ruby to Mulan, like a moth to a flame.

 

“You are so important to me,” Ruby pressed, stepping forward. If Mulan believed otherwise, Ruby had her own stupidity to blame. “You were even when I didn't think I had these kind of feelings for you. That hasn't changed. I'm just...You're not the only one who gets confused about things sometimes, you know? I do too, but I'm not confused about how much you mean to me. You're the best thing to happen to me. _Ever_ ," she confessed, never letting her gaze falter from Mulan's eyes. She was completely sincere in that declaration.

 

“And I could say the same about you,” Mulan replied just as honestly. “So...what does that make us?” she asked, still in search of a definitive response. Ruby sighed. She didn't have an easy answer, and she cared about Mulan far too much to lie to her.

 

“Look, I don't know what this is, or where this is going,” Ruby admitted, electing to be upfront. Whatever happened between them, it had to be based on mutual understanding. Mulan deserved nothing less. There was no room for obfuscation or miscommunication, and definitely not deceit. “I can't see into the future. I don't even know if we'll be in each other's lives much longer. But does that matter?”

 

“Why wouldn't it?” Mulan shot back the obvious question, narrowing her gaze.

 

“Because I know what we have right now,” Ruby insisted. “I know how much I care about you. I know the way you make me feel when I'm around you. It's...” Ruby took a moment to breathe, steadying her voice. “You've changed me. You make me happier than anybody else I've ever met. And, call me crazy, but I like to think I make you pretty happy too,” she said with cautious optimism. “I mean, I know I'm not Aurora, but—“

 

“Don't make this about her. It never was. Not to me,” Mulan whispered, her stare soft yet unwavering. Ruby was struck by how firm her response was. She hadn't expected it. “This isn't...fake to me. You are not my second choice. I refuse to let you think you are."

 

"Mulan..." Ruby uttered, her throat constricting and her heart fluttering in her chest. She was near speechless.

 

"I mean it. I'm not using you to get over her," Mulan wholeheartedly avowed. That touched Ruby to the core, so much so that it was hard not to well up at her pronouncement. She'd never been completely confident that Mulan had strong feelings for her. She still wasn't. So, to hear her state that so staunchly? Yeah, that was powerful. "And, for the record, yes: you do make me happy. You know you do.”

 

“Then...isn't that enough? Can't we just be two people who make each other feel amazing and who enjoy being together for as long as this lasts?” Ruby asked, not sure what more they needed to justify their relationship. It was probably about as much as they were ever going to get, given the circumstances. “I'm not saying that in a sense of 'settling', but I...I don't know what more you want,” Ruby told her, speaking without any pretence or guile. “I can't promise anything different without lying to you, and I won't do that.”

 

She saw something shimmer across Mulan's expression. Ruby couldn't identify what it was. Mulan's mask was up. She was incredibly difficult to read when she wanted to be. Whatever her thoughts were, she obviously didn't wish to give them away.

 

“You're an incredible person and being with you is the best I've ever felt. I like seeing you be happy. I like being the one to make you smile every day. The time we have together is limited, yes, but that's what makes every moment I'm with you so precious. I want to look back on my journey with you without any regrets, knowing that I cherished each second I was lucky enough to spend by your side. That's what we are - on my end, anyway. I understand if that's not enough for you, but...it is for me,” Ruby finished, baring her very soul to Mulan.

 

Mulan held her gaze for several moments, reflecting on her words, taking them in. Ruby studied her face, hopeful that she would see some indication of whether what she could offer truly was enough to satisfy her. Instead, Mulan glanced away, having no answer.

 

Ruby's heart clenched at her silence, and her shoulders sank. It wasn't a 'no', but it wasn't a 'yes' either. If she made Mulan as happy as she liked to think she did, surely she wouldn't have been so conflicted. It was hard not to take that lack of a response rather personally.

 

“You know, you're right. This is too much to spring on you all at once. It's only been three days,” Ruby muttered, shaking her head as she walked past Mulan, heading back towards the road. She tried not to let her disappointment show on her face. “Besides, we have a lot of ground to cover before the next village. Let's just go. We can talk about it some other time. I shouldn't have held you up this long.”

 

"Ruby..." Mulan called after her, a pang of remorse audible in her voice.

 

"No, really, it's fine," Ruby assured her, casting an unconvincing smile back over her shoulder. The last thing she wanted to do was make Mulan feel guilty for being honest with her. No decision Mulan made should be motivated by pity. Ruby wouldn't let that happen.

 

"Okay. If you're sure," Mulan said sceptically, following along a few paces behind her. Ruby released a quiet sigh as she turned away, allowing her expression to fade. Tears stung her eyes, but she didn't shed them. If Mulan didn't want to be with her anymore, that was that.

 

Perhaps kissing Mulan had been a mistake, damaging what they already had. Even though Ruby never felt more content than when they were being affectionate, maybe they were better off keeping their hands to themselves and going back to being friends. It was certainly a lot less complicated that way. If Mulan wasn't happy with the way things were between them, Ruby would respect that.

 

She would always want more, but...maybe being together just wasn't the right thing.

 

It sure felt right, though.

 

* * *

 

"It's okay, you know," Ruby had told her as they ate by the fire roughly two hours ago. Mulan had asked her what she meant. "If you were happier when we were just friends, I'm cool with that. I'm not going to be mad at you, or upset, and I won't make things weird, I promise."

 

Mulan believed her vow, but little had Ruby realised that holding her to it was the furthest thing from her mind.

 

'Isn't that enough?'

 

Those words had circled in Mulan's head ever since Ruby uttered them. They became a source of clarity. Everything she felt had been so confusing, up until Ruby opened up about how she saw their relationship. She'd spoken an awful lot of sense. Leaving no regrets. Cherishing every second. Being two people who made each other happy, and who adored the person that they were with.

 

'Isn't that enough?' Yeah, Mulan thought; that sounded like a connection she wanted to explore to its logical conclusion.

 

She released a nervous sigh, running a hand through her hair, still damp from bathing in the river, debating whether or not she was a fool if she went through with this. It was a futile discussion though. Mulan had already made her decision. No attempt to persuade herself to reconsider ever succeeded. For once, her body, heart, and mind were all united, and Ruby was the key. Mulan was only answering her call.

 

A few weeks ago, Mulan wouldn't have believed anyone who told her what she was about to do. But things had changed since then. Everything had, because she had met Ruby. Nobody in the world had made such a profound impact on her life, and the way she saw herself.

 

She cast her eyes across camp, watching over Ruby where she lay in her blankets. She was trying to sleep, though not having any luck based on the way she squirmed, unaware of Mulan's thoughts. Hell, Ruby been oblivious to them all day. After many long hours of pondering, Mulan finally knew exactly what she wanted to do. All that was left was summoning the courage to go after it. That was the hard part.

 

What was wrong with being happy together, even if it was only for a short while? It didn't feel like a lie, nor like a repeat of her past mistake of giving her heart away to someone who didn't want it. There was nothing untoward about their selfless devotion to one another.

 

No, Mulan didn't know if she loved Ruby, or if she ever would. Honestly, she didn't want to fall for her like that. But she trusted her. In a way, that was more important than anything else, and it was a deep, abiding faith that couldn't be replicated, because no one would ever do what Ruby had done for her again. They couldn't, because those changes she made in her life had been permanent, transformative, liberating. She had given Mulan the courage to break out of her shell, and to feel what lay in her heart again, even when she was afraid of doing so.

 

There might be others after Ruby, but they could wait their turn. What they had now was unique - incomparable. Mulan had the chance to be with the woman who meant more to her than anyone else in the world, and the first person who truly cared about her. Running away from Ruby would have been the worst mistake Mulan ever made. How could she throw away something so glorious and uplifting?

 

At last, Mulan drew a deep breath, steadied herself and conjured the strength to go after what she desired.

 

She got up, leaving the campfire behind and making her way across camp. “Ruby...” Mulan whispered as she neared. Ruby didn't glance up until she felt Mulan kneel upon the edge of her blankets, a heartfelt smile unfolding across her features when she saw her there.

 

“Hey. I didn't think you were going to come over tonight,” Ruby said with a hint of giddiness, pleasantly surprised by her arrival, but her expression faltered as she studied Mulan's face. “Mulan, is everything okay?” she asked, sitting up to clasp her hand, concerned.

 

Once more, Mulan was struck by just how beautiful Ruby was. The way her hair fell over her cloaked shoulders. Her red lips, parted ever so slightly. Those warm eyes, gazing at her in earnest. The rest of the world fell away, dissolving like sugar. Being so close to Ruby removed any lingering doubts. Mulan had no more second thoughts; this was the right moment, with the right person.

 

She was ready.

 

“...Yeah,” Mulan answered, her heart pounding in her chest. “Everything is perfect.”

 

Before Ruby could ask what she meant by that, Mulan captured her lips. Though firm, it wasn't forceful. It was ardent, and yet it was gentle, and different than any they had shared before. Exploratory. Curious. Free. Unburdened. It didn't take Ruby more than a moment to return Mulan's kiss with equal fervour, her bandaged hand settling at the base of her neck, drawing her ever closer.

 

Mulan's fingers found Ruby's thigh as she pressed forward, the space between them shrinking. Her touch elicited a soft gasp. Mulan was certain it was the most addictive sound she'd ever heard. She felt compelled to discover all the ways she could make her moan like that. She placed her other hand on Ruby's shoulder, urging her down onto the sheets below, and she encountered no resistance.

 

“What are we doing?” Ruby murmured curiously up at Mulan, letting her touch guide her backwards until she was lying flat on the blankets beneath her. Mulan settled between Ruby's thighs, hovering only inches above her, still nervous, but not afraid. “Mulan?”

 

“I think you know the answer to that better than I do,” she said breathlessly as she leaned down and kissed her once more, overcome by the desire that coursed through her veins. To feel the heat of Ruby's body beneath her was...intoxicating. The swell of her breast. The smooth, flat skin of her stomach. It was as if they were designed to fit together and meld into one. They were closer to fulfilling that than ever before.

 

Her hands rested on Ruby's shoulders, underneath her cloak, thumbs brushing the chain of her necklace. The gold was warm against her exposed skin. Mulan reached around her neck to undo the clasp, and let her lips follow her fingers as she removed it, leaving a trail of kisses along her throat. Ruby shivered and tilted her head back at the sensation. There was no doubt she understood exactly where this was going. Recognising that spurred Mulan on. All that remained was to strip away those thin barriers of fabric that kept them apart.

 

When she moved to sit upright, Ruby followed her, unwilling to break the contact between their lips. Mulan felt fingers ascending her back, tangling in the cloth shirt that covered her. Mulan reached down to grab the hem of her top, but Ruby's hands found hers, halting them.

 

"You don't have to..." Mulan heard Ruby whisper, her voice half-stolen in the midst of passion. Mulan drew back far enough to find Ruby looking up at her, searching her eyes with a questioning gaze. "Don't make this about what you think I want. We can move slow. I'll wait."

 

If Ruby was expecting to see doubt reflected back at her, she found none. Mulan was absolutely certain about this. No, they wouldn't be together for very long but, in that moment, tomorrows were the last thing Mulan cared to ponder. Here and now was what mattered - making the most of the time they had, and being brave enough to embrace this irreplaceable, irrepressible bond they felt.

 

She trusted Ruby to be her first – the only one she'd ever done anything like this with. She didn't know if she would ever find another person she could honestly say that about. In ten years time, or fifty years from now, or even if they never saw each other again, it wouldn't be erased. They would always share this moment. And Mulan was perfectly comfortable with that. If she waited for anyone other than Ruby, that was a choice Mulan felt sure she would eternally lament. She never wanted to forget their connection. She would remember this night forever.

 

Being with Ruby felt so right. Mulan didn't want to live the rest of her life with the knowledge that she had denied her feelings until it was too late. Perhaps they were ultimately destined for other people, but fate's plan bore little significance to Mulan. This was her decision.

 

"I know what I want," said Mulan, grazing Ruby's cheek with her thumb, holding her gaze, unfaltering, unfailing. Forget destiny. What she did tonight she chose of her own free will. If Mulan was wrong for being with Ruby like this, then screw it; she wanted to be wrong.

 

Without another word, Mulan removed her shirt and binder, casting them aside in one fluid motion.

 

She saw Ruby's eyes darken when she bared her naked flesh. Any anxieties Mulan may have felt about exposing her body melted away when she saw her reaction, drinking in the sight of her like a wilting rose drank in every precious drop of rain. It was incredible to think that she could have such an effect on Ruby, who possessed an almost otherworldly beauty. It was the same effect she had on Mulan herself.

 

Mulan was bold enough to guide Ruby's hand to her breast, granting her permission to touch her. A sound like a growl burgeoned in Ruby's throat. That glint of unrelenting desire in her gaze burned brighter than the stars above. There was no question that she wanted this.

 

“Are you sure?” Ruby asked her, needing to hear it said aloud - clear, unambiguous, and freely given.

 

“Of this right now? Yeah. I'm sure,” Mulan answered, her voice raspy with arousal. “Isn't that enough?” she repeated Ruby's words from earlier that day, punctuating her consent by draping her arms around her neck and closing the gap to claim another kiss.

 

Because, for Mulan, the answer was yes; it was enough. Hell, Ruby was more than enough.

 

She was everything.

 

* * *

 

Her head spun at the touch of Mulan's bare skin against her own. She almost couldn't believe it; this was actually happening. But she didn't need to pinch herself. It didn't feel like a dream. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was vivid. Stark reality. Achingly acute. Ruby had never been more aware of every single nerve ending in her entire body than she was then. And they were all alight, because of Mulan.

 

She turned and lay Mulan back down on the blankets, straddling her hips, breaking the kiss to take in the sight of her. It stole Ruby's breath. She was a work of art. Her dark hair was splayed like brushstrokes against the coloured canvas of their sheets. Beautiful brown eyes were alive with fire under the starlight. Ruby didn't take a second of this for granted. Mulan's trust was the most valuable gift in the world. She could make her feel the most amazing sensations she'd ever felt, but only at the right pace. She didn't dare push too far too fast.

 

“We'll take this exactly how you want it, okay?” said Ruby, although it was an exercise in restraint not to lean down and crush her lips against Mulan's when she was looking up at her like that. Ruby refused to do anything unless she was absolutely sure Mulan was comfortable with it. “If you don't like the way something feels, just say so. Don't hesitate to be honest. If you tell me to stop, I'll stop.”

 

“Yeah, I understand.” Mulan nodded. Ruby could feel her pulse pounding beneath her palm. “What about you?”

 

“Don't even ask; you have no idea how badly I want this,” Ruby assured her in a rush, barely able to form a coherent thought in her state. Every word she spoke came out completely unfiltered. Her mind was consumed by one thing, and one thing only.

 

“I have some idea...” Mulan replied, her eyes flickering downwards, glimmering with purpose. Ever so slowly, Mulan let her fingers ascend Ruby's bare stomach, short nails gently scraping her skin, unashamedly soaking in every last inch of her. Ruby unconsciously rocked her hips when her body tensed. A stream of sparks shot out everywhere she touched, making the muscles in her abdomen contract.

 

Mulan must have taken note of that. She did it again, harder, raking her fingernails all the way up her sides, starting from her waist. Ruby couldn't stifle the moan Mulan elicited, nor resist the urge to grind against her, especially when she felt those deft fingers trace the soft, sensitive expanse beneath her breasts. Ruby closed her eyes, trying to keep her body under control, but it was so damn hard when she was being inundated with sensations - bombarded with stimulation. Arousal was already building between her thighs, begging to seek release.

 

Mulan didn't seem to know what to make of what she was doing to her, but she was enthralled by it. She looked down at the point where their bodies met, fascinated by the measured rhythm of Ruby's hips atop her own. Ruby's stare never wavered. She guided Mulan's hands to rest at her waist and hold her steady as she arched her back, pushing for more and more contact between them.

 

She must have put pressure on the right spot, because Ruby heard a sharp exhale. Mulan's thighs shifted beneath her, urging her not to stop her slow but constant motion. Ruby shivered when she felt her move against her, clawing at her naked shoulders, keeping her balance atop her. She leaned in, grazing her teeth against Mulan's neck before migrating up to her lips, engaging her in a ferocious kiss.

 

Any prior softness evaporated, lost in the haze of passion and insurmountable want. Mulan reached up and shed Ruby of her cloak. Ruby flung it aside without breaking contact, not even caring where it landed. All concerns about her nature had fled far away.

 

Bare chest against bare chest. Bare stomach against bare stomach. Every brush of skin set off a chain of lightning - a burst of energy. Ruby could do nothing to quell that growing ache between her legs. That delicious friction between her clit and her underwear was torture in how it teased her whenever she rolled her hips against Mulan's. If her body burned any hotter, she thought she might go up in smoke.

 

“Can I touch you? Please tell me I can touch you,” Ruby growled against Mulan's lips, her voice quiet but heavy with need.

 

“Anywhere. Everywhere,” was all Mulan could say, almost delirious with fever, desperate to go further.

 

Ruby didn't have to be told twice, letting her lips begin their descent. Ruby moved to her jaw, then her neck, blazing a path of kisses and gentle bites all the way to her shoulder, past her collarbone, and towards her chest, intent on tasting every inch of Mulan's incredible body.

 

Watching her face all the while, Ruby allowed her tongue to swirl around a pert, brown nipple, sucking on it until it hardened. Mulan bit her lip, tangling her fingers in Ruby's hair. That encouraged her to pay the same attention to her other breast. She was just getting started. Mulan hadn't felt anything yet. But she would. She wanted to take her to paradise before this night was through. Ideally, more than once.

 

She kissed her way down Mulan's torso, paying tribute to each of her scars along the way, whether small or large, new or old, every one the mark of an untold story. Ruby stopped to lick her perfect, toned stomach, hooking her thumbs in her leather pants as she did so. God, those abs. Ruby hungered at the thought of making her come undone and seeing Mulan writhe beneath her in pure pleasure.

 

Ruby ventured lower and gazed up at Mulan through wild eyes, purposefully holding her stare as she pressed her lips between her legs, giving her a taste of things to come. Mulan moaned and arched her back, a shiver coursing through her. Ruby smirked. She liked that, then.

 

“Do you want me to take them off?” Ruby asked her.

 

“Please...” Mulan begged, gripping tight to the blankets beneath her.

 

That was all the confirmation Ruby needed to strip the last of her clothing away, discarding her pants somewhere in the darkness behind her. That done, she placed both hands on Mulan's ankles and gradually crawled forward, running her fingers up along her calves, past her knees, and along her inner thighs, eliciting another shudder as she slowly and deliberately slithered back in between her legs.

 

She was so wet. Ruby didn't need to touch her to know; she could smell it.

 

"Are you—?"

 

" _Yes_ ," Mulan firmly cut her off, not needing to hear that question again. She was ready. She was sure. She wanted this.

 

With that, Ruby took her clit between her lips, intent on giving Mulan everything she craved. Mulan threw her head back at the first touch of Ruby's tongue, squeezing her eyes shut, one arm draped across her face, failing to stifle the sounds that burst from her throat.

 

The scent of her arousal was intoxicating, overwhelming Ruby's heightened senses. Pleasuring Mulan was heavenly. She showered her clit with attention, circling, sucking, licking, determined to get her as close as possible. The nearer she was to the edge, the better this would all feel. Ruby ran her tongue over Mulan's sex, lapping up the fluids that soaked her slit, making her quiver and gush beneath her.

 

Once she was satisfied that Mulan was ready, Ruby climbed on top of her again, capturing her in another kiss as she let her weight settle between her legs. Mulan returned it in vigour, tasting herself on Ruby's lips, drinking in every last drop that lingered on her tongue.

 

Ruby let her hand wander down Mulan's body, her fingertips scarcely grazing her skin. Every muscle tightened beneath her touch, one by one. It was clear that Mulan was apprehensive about crossing that final threshold - the thought of being entered by someone else. Ruby understood why. She'd had her first time once, too. This was a new experience for her, and the most intimate and personal she could share.

 

“Don't be nervous. Just relax,” Ruby whispered to her, brushing strands of hair back from her forehead. Mulan wouldn't enjoy what came next if she couldn't let go and relinquish herself to these sensations. Nothing was more important than ensuring this didn't hurt. If Ruby sensed discomfort or resistance, even if it was unconscious on Mulan's part, she wouldn't hesitate to stop. "It's okay. I've got you."

 

"I know," said Mulan, holding Ruby's gaze, any lingering tension fading away.

 

Ruby was struck to see that pure, unshakable faith reflected in Mulan's stare. And it was all for her. The emotional weight of this moment sank in, rendering her temporarily speechless. It meant so much. Mulan had such a gentle heart, closely guarded though it was.

 

To be entrusted with this - to be the only person Mulan truly wanted to give this part of herself to was...beyond words. So Ruby didn't speak.

 

She slid her fingers inside.

 

Mulan's breathing quickened, her fingers curling against Ruby's cheek. She stared into Mulan's eyes as if hypnotised, watching the expressions play on her face in the darkness when she entered her again and again, etching them into her mind like engravings on stone. Ruby wanted to see exactly what effect she was having on her, and memorise the many mesmerising ways she responded to her every motion.

 

Each stroke and caress of Ruby's fingers was mirrored by ministrations of her thumb against Mulan's clit. She searched for that sacred spot just past her entrance, and found it. Mulan buried her head against Ruby's shoulder at the pleasure that began to flourish within her.

 

“Ruby...” Mulan moaned her name. Ruby bit her lip, almost losing her head when she heard that. She yearned for it - to know that Mulan wasn't thinking about anything or anyone else. Only her. In that moment, there was nothing beyond the two of them. No Sun. No Moon. No sky. No earth. They were the centres of each other's worlds, where the universe both ended and began. It was the best feeling imaginable.

 

Her pace quickened, determined to send Mulan spiralling into absolute bliss, to be the one responsible for bringing her to completion. Mulan responded to Ruby's rhythm, rocking beneath her, as if begging her to go a little harder, a little faster. Ruby answered her unspoken plea.

 

"Ah! A- _Ah!_ " Mulan's voice cracked. Ruby felt her tighten. She was so close. She was nearly there.

 

As if on instinct, Mulan reached up and wound her arms around Ruby's neck, drawing her into feverish, frantic kiss. Ruby didn't fight it, and didn't slow down. Seconds later, Mulan's whole body tensed, as if holding onto her for dear life. Her breath caught. Her eyes squeezed shut. She shook when she came, a breathless gasp escaping her when that tremendous pressure erupted within her core.

 

Ruby adorned her face with countless kisses. Her cheeks. Her lips. Her forehead. She couldn't contain herself. Mulan was so beautiful, so incredible. To have this night with her was more precious than words could describe. Ruby didn't remove her fingers until the last residual waves of her orgasm passed, stroking her inner walls, rubbing her clit, letting her ride out the aftershocks, extending her pleasure as long as possible. Soon enough, Mulan's arms fell to the sheets beside her, heavy limbs weighed down by a boundless ocean of ecstasy.

 

When her body relaxed, Ruby carefully slid her fingers out. They were coated in her sex. Ruby took each digit between her lips, hungering to taste Mulan again - that scent that drove her half-crazy. She let her tongue lick off the thick juices, savouring her flavour.

 

Her head was circling like a cyclone, the heat between her thighs screaming with want, but Ruby pushed any selfish thoughts aside. Her desires were entirely secondary. Being there for Mulan was foremost in her mind, above all else. She was her first. After that night, everything would be different, for better or for worse. Their relationship had been permanently altered. Ruby could only pray Mulan didn't regret this.

 

Mulan hadn't moved from where she lay, bar the rise and fall of her chest. Maybe she couldn't yet. What they'd shared had been intense, to the say the least. She was still coming down from that high, drowning in the receeding tide. Ruby felt no urge to hasten her.

 

Ruby lay beside her while she recovered, watching her, waiting for some sort of sign that conveyed how she was processing this. She wasn't exactly sure where they stood, or what would happen next. She didn't know if Mulan would want to talk about it, or leave that discussion until the following morning. She just wanted Mulan to be okay with what had happened between them. She hoped she was.

 

It had always been a risk, asking Mulan for more. If sleeping together had ruined things, Ruby didn't know what she could do to fix it.

 

What if Mulan wasn't alright with what they'd done? What if it had confirmed that she didn't truly return Ruby's feelings? What if Mulan no longer wanted to be with her, in any sense? Ruby swallowed at the thought, dreading it. Nothing would have hurt more than being shoved aside, especially after something so personal, but she would always support her decision, no matter what. She had to.

 

After several long moments, Mulan opened her eyes and fixed Ruby with rather an odd squint. “What are you doing?” she asked.

 

“What do you mean?” said Ruby, furrowing her brow in surprise, legitimately confused.

 

“You said if I told you to stop, you'd stop,” Mulan echoed her words from earlier, perspiration dripping from her brow as she caught her breath. Ruby nodded. That was true. “But I didn't say stop,” Mulan remarked with a wry smirk, slinking across the small gap towards her.

 

Ruby grinned, lying back compliantly when Mulan playfully pinned her hands above her head. “So that's how it's going to be..."

 

“Mhmm. When I said I was sure, I meant it,” Mulan confirmed, nuzzling Ruby's neck, definitely not ready to call it a night just yet. "Now, tell me what you want me to do to you," Mulan murmured, gently raking her teeth across the sensitive skin below Ruby's earlobe.

 

Perhaps it was the heat of arousal clouding her head but, in that moment, those were easily the sexiest words Ruby had ever heard.

 

Her clit throbbed, her sex pounding with need. "Mulan?" Ruby began, already melting under her seductive touch. "You can do whatever the fuck you want to me." With that, she reached up and dragged Mulan down into a desperate kiss, surrendering to her completely.

 

* * *

 

Morning broke to find them atop crumpled sheets, messy hair fanned out across pillows, bare legs tangled together. Ruby's cloak was lazily draped sideways across their bodies, covering them both at the waist. Ruby let her bandaged left hand trace circles on Mulan's naked stomach, her head resting on her chest. Mulan's arms were loosely wrapped around her, fingertips softly stroking the indentations of her spine.

 

“How are you feeling?” Ruby asked her, breaking the tranquil silence.

 

“Spectacular. Phenomenal. Ecstatic,” Mulan answered a little croakily, forcing her weary eyelids to open. "Don't make me think of more synonyms. I'm not capable of that just yet." She sounded tired in the best possible way. Not tired, then. Relaxed. Rested. At peace.

 

Ruby propped her head up with her right hand, studying Mulan's face. “So, last night was...?”

 

“Perfect,” Mulan murmured, tilting her chin up to claim Ruby's lips again. “Put it this way: before I met you, I never understood why people liked doing that so much. Now I do,” Mulan remarked. Ruby chuckled into her gentle kiss, thoroughly delighted with that answer.

 

“I'm glad. Also relieved,” Ruby acknowledged, a tad sheepishly.

 

“Why? Were you afraid I might regret it?” Mulan asked, not so oblivious as to be unaware of Ruby's concern.

 

“A little,” Ruby admitted, seeing no cause to lie.

 

“I don't," Mulan assured her, those endless dark eyes shimmering up at her with unceasing infatuation. "You made sure of that.”

 

“Did I?” said Ruby, smirking proudly.

 

“Mhmm. Hard to regret something that felt so right," Mulan all but purred, tenderly kissing her cheek, and then her lips. "Everything you did was..." Mulan trailed off and sighed contentedly, as if she couldn't find the words to express it. "You're very good at this,” she concluded.

 

Ruby couldn't help but laugh. “You're only saying that because you have no one else to compare me to," she playfully pointed out, letting her left hand fall upon Mulan's hip. "But it's true; I'm _outstanding_. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise,” Ruby joked, feigning arrogance.

 

“Whatever you say,” Mulan replied through a sincere smile. It felt incredible to see her so at ease, and to know she was the source.

 

“You're no slouch yourself,” said Ruby, urging Mulan to lie on her side. Mulan complied, mirroring her. “If I didn't know better, I would never have guessed that was your first time. Are you sure there isn't something you're not telling me?" Ruby asked in mock-accusation.

 

“Nope. I was just lucky enough to learn from the best,” Mulan told her.

 

“Copycat,” Ruby teased. “Seriously though, the world would be a much happier place if everyone picked things up as fast as you.”

 

Mulan arched an eyebrow. "You believe sex can solve all the world's problems?"

 

"Yes. Passionately," Ruby answered in jest, earning a snort. "Hey, you know what proper orgasms feel like now. Were you in a mood to fight someone, start a war or take over the world after any of them? Nope, didn't think so," Ruby smartly asserted, convinced she was right.

 

"An intriguing philosophy. I can't say I read anything similar when I was studying handbooks on military strategy," Mulan remarked.

 

"Stratagem one: giving good head," Ruby said, chuckling. "Wait, no, I think very different books teach that wisdom." Mulan almost cracked up, but fought to contain her amusement. Ruby wasn't surprised that she preferred to save her laughter for something more sophisticated.

 

“We should probably think about getting up,” Mulan spoke through a sigh, reluctant to let last night fade into memory so soon.

 

“Says who?” Ruby asked with a carefree shrug, her left hand ascending Mulan's hip, caressing the curve of her slender waist, seeing no reason to rush. Suggestive intent glistened in her eyes, shamelessly enticing Mulan, beckoning to her. “We can stay here as long as we want."

 

"...I do owe you a couple, don't I?" Mulan conceded, looking for any excuse to persuade herself not to leave her bed.

 

“Mhmm." Ruby nodded her head as she pressed her lips to Mulan's neck and gently bit down, having no objections if she wanted to balance the scale. "How far away did you say we were from the next town?” Ruby inquired, kissing the faint mark her teeth had left behind.

 

“Um...Approximately two days now, I think? Maybe three?” said Mulan, distracted by Ruby nibbling at her jawline.

 

“You might want to double that...” Ruby advised in a low whisper, shifting onto her back, guiding Mulan to lie on top of her.

 

“Why? I won't let us fall behind," Mulan quietly insisted as she leaned down for a tender kiss, forgoing any haste or urgency as she settled comfortably between her thighs, encouraging Ruby to hook her legs around her waist. "I can stop anytime I want.”

 

“Prove it,” Ruby challenged with an arch of her brow, her scepticism palpable.

 

“I will," said Mulan, never breaking from her kiss. "Just...later,” she clarified.

 

Ruby grinned impishly. “Much later.”

 

It took five days to reach the next town.

 

* * *

 

“Excuse me? Do you have a room available?”

 

The innkeeper regarded them strangely through smudged spectacles. Mulan wished to all hell that he would hurry up and answer. It was taking every ounce of strength not to glance over at Ruby at her side, well aware of the type of look those eyes were sending her way.

 

“Just the one, I’m afraid,” he replied.

 

“One will be fine,” Mulan assured him in haste. Ruby didn’t say a word, but her fingers were working their way up and down the back of Mulan’s thigh, thankfully out of the innkeeper's line of sight due to the counter between him and them. “That’s all we need.”

 

He squinted at them. “Are you—?”

 

“Yes, we’re sure,” Mulan cut him off, tightening her grip on the edge of the counter when Ruby's other hand reached up and brushed her hair back behind her ear, her touch deliberately lingering on her skin. Mulan coughed to clear the huskiness from her voice. “Which one?”

 

“Third room on the left,” he said, retrieving the key. “It’ll cost y—”

 

He was silenced when Mulan dropped a pouch full of gold coins on the counter and snatched the key out of his grasp. “Down-payment. Thank you. Bye,” she muttered, grabbing Ruby’s hand and dashing down the hall towards the stairs as fast as she could.

 

She only made it halfway between floors before Ruby spun her around and pulled her into her embrace, crushing their lips together. The moan tore itself from Mulan’s throat before she could fight it off. She cupped Ruby’s cheek and staggered forward with enough momentum to push her back against the wall, losing herself in the passion that consumed her every time they touched.

 

“The things you do to me…” Ruby whispered to her, pressing her lips to Mulan’s jaw. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to be around you sometimes? Ever since we arrived in town, I haven’t been able to think of a single thing except how every moment we spent outside was a moment I could have spent doing this instead.” Ruby’s teeth scraped her neck, making her shudder. “I want to make up for lost time.”

 

Mulan braced herself against the wall and bit her lip, fighting not to surrender to the urge to let Ruby rip her clothes off and take her right where they stood. Her willpower was eroding fast. Even another five seconds seemed like an eternity to have to wait.

 

“Room,” was the only word she could force herself to say.

 

They never broke contact as they stumbled up the last couple of steps, fumbling fingers inelegantly undoing straps and laces on armour and corset respectively. Mulan’s back hit the wall in the corridor, and Ruby didn’t hesitate to trap her there as they kissed. Mulan’s head reeled when she felt Ruby’s thigh work its way in between her legs, the pressure only mounting when she thrust her hips forward.

 

Mulan buried her head against Ruby’s shoulder to muffle the sounds that escaped her when she did it again, and again. If they weren't at risk of being interrupted, Mulan would have stayed right there; she was so on edge that Ruby could have gotten her off just like that.

 

“ _Room_ ,” Mulan demanded yet again, her plea higher and more insistent than before.

 

“Key?” Ruby prompted, between kisses. Mulan held up her hand, and felt Ruby take it from her.

 

With that done, she flung her arms around Ruby’s neck, deepening the kiss and capturing her tongue, unwilling to pull away from her when all she coveted was her touch. Mulan felt Ruby’s palms slide around under her thighs, coaxing her to let her feet leave the floor.

 

Mulan did exactly that, threading her legs together around Ruby's hips, her enhanced strength easily supporting her weight. Mulan was almost too wrapped up in desire to notice when there was no longer any wall behind her. Ruby carried her down the hall, somehow managing to shuffle the key into the lock, shove the door open with her shoulder and kick it shut once inside, all without looking.

 

Any last slivers of restraint fell away. Ruby slammed Mulan up against the door. Mulan outstretched her arms to try and maintain her balance, knocking some unseen thing off the top of the cabinet by the wall. She didn’t care. It was impossible to think about anything when Ruby’s fingers had already slipped down past her abdomen and underneath her armour, rubbing her through her pants.

 

Her breath hitched as she pushed into the contact, gritting her teeth in frustration. It wasn't enough. She needed to feel Ruby inside her. If only her leather tassets weren't in the way, Ruby could have taken her up against the door. Damn her bulky armour.

 

"Mmph. Mmm...Bed," Mulan urged, her words half-muted by Ruby's tongue, fingers gently pushing against her chest to indicate this wasn't optional. Ruby obliged, no doubt recognising her armour was too stiff of an obstacle to work around. Mulan had to get out of it.

 

Their lips never parted even as they stripped, discarding clothes as they staggered towards the bed. Mulan kicked her boots off the moment her feet touched the floor, throwing off her gloves and helping Ruby wriggle free of her cloak and corset. They only stopped kissing when Mulan had to pull her chest piece and shirt off. Ruby did the same with her dress, leaving her standing there in only her underwear.

 

No sooner was that done than Ruby hooked her thumbs in Mulan's leather pants and yanked her in closer, picking up right where they left off. Mulan poured herself into the kiss. Skin touched bare skin. That was much better. Still, she ached for Ruby's touch.

 

She stepped forward, and Ruby followed her unspoken request, moving until her knees hit the mattress. Ruby sat on the edge of the bed and fumbled with Mulan's waistband, kissing her stomach before lowering her pants. Once they were removed, Mulan straddled her lap.

 

Good. There was nothing else in the way. She couldn't wait any longer.

 

Just as Ruby reached up to rest her hand upon her cheek, Mulan caught it, taking her by surprise. Their stare never broke. After a moment, she parted her lips, slowly but deliberately allowing two of her fingers inside her mouth. Mulan watched Ruby's eyes darken as she ran her tongue along the length and breadth of them. Circling. Sucking. Biting. It wasn't long before they were coated and wet.

 

“You are so hot,” Ruby growled, her stare awash with raw, carnal lust.

 

Inch by inch, Mulan brought Ruby's hand down her body. From her cheek, to her neck, to her shoulder, to her breast. Lower, lower. Across her stomach. Past her abdomen. Lower still. All the way. To the apex of her thighs, and in between her legs. Mulan quivered, feeling those fingers slip beneath the fabric of her underpants, brushing against her clit. Not once did she let her eyes flicker elsewhere.

 

“Tell me what you want,” Ruby commanded, refusing to move her hand until she heard her say it.

 

“You know what I want,” Mulan murmured, releasing her grip on Ruby's wrist, letting both arms fall around her neck. “I want you to fuck me," Mulan whispered in her ear, the first time she'd ever said that. " _Now_." Ruby rewarded her boldness, doing precisely as she asked.

 

Mulan's voice cracked when those fingers plunged inside her, pumping in and out like a piston. Mulan met every motion of her hand with another buck, another thrust, building up a rhythm. She clutched Ruby's shoulders, nails digging into her skin with the force of her grip, holding onto her for balance. She rocked her hips, riding her, driving Ruby deeper and deeper every time she entered her.

 

Ruby leaned forward, seizing one of Mulan's breasts in her mouth, her tongue swirling around her nipple. Her thumb flicked over Mulan's clit, making her tremble and quake. Ruby dared to go harder, faster, wasting no time in giving her exactly what she needed.

 

For as frantic as it was, much like the pace of their whole affair, it couldn't have been more perfect. When Mulan stared into those infinite green eyes, and felt Ruby moving inside her, it was as if everything was in its rightful place. She was exactly where she belonged.

 

"Come for me," Ruby whispered, gazing up at her intently, sensing she was close.

 

As if on cue, Mulan's climax tore through her. Mulan all but collapsed on top of Ruby when she came, biting down on her shoulder to stop from crying out, holding onto her wrist as her sex spasmed around those deft fingers. But Ruby didn't withdraw her touch. She wasn't done.

 

With a flick of her hips, she turned to lay Mulan flat on the bed and kept at it, thrusting into her with the added weight of her hips, committed to bringing her over the edge once more, before her arousal could subside. That time, Mulan couldn't silence herself, too lost in sensation to be self-conscious about the sounds escaping her. When it hit, the second time eclipsed the first, demolishing her senses, rendering her powerless to control her limbs, her thoughts, her voice, her breath. She balled her fists in the sheets, gripping on for dear life.

 

Her chest heaved as she came down from her second peak, a heavy haze sweeping through her head. Her skin was as hot as a blaze. Nobody had ever prepared Mulan for how sex really felt - that it could be such an...out-of-body experience. Maybe it was just Ruby.

 

"I wish we had a mirror above this bed," Ruby whispered, tenderly caressing Mulan's flushed face, dotting her cheek with butterfly kisses, showering her with adoration as she revelled in her afterglow. "I want you to see how incredible you look when you come."

 

A lazy smirk tugged at Mulan's lips. "Does that line work on everyone?" she remarked.

 

"Nope. I've only said it to you," Ruby replied, combing her fingers through her hair. "Besides, if you saw you the way I get to see you, maybe you'd understand why I'm so obsessed with you," Ruby murmured. This wasn't unusual for her. She tended to lose her filter when she was feeling amorous. In all honesty, Mulan secretly liked that about her. Ruby had a way of making Mulan feel like the centre of the universe.

 

Of course, Mulan couldn't admit that particular fondness to her, though. Ruby would never let her hear the end of it if she knew. "You are a very strange person, Ruby," Mulan observed, her thumb brushing back sweat-dampened strands of hair that clung to her forehead.

 

"Says the woman who's sleeping with me," Ruby quipped, wryly meeting her gaze.

 

"I have strange tastes," Mulan replied, letting her hand fall across her brow as she caught her breath. It made her dizzy to look at the ceiling, dazed as she was. The room was swaying back and forth around her like a ship at sea. It would pass, but that had been...wow.

 

She felt the bed depress beside her as Ruby shifted off of her, followed by the mattress springing back up when she left the bed. Daring to open the one eye not covered by her arm, Mulan watched her, curious as to where she was going; she was normally more of a cuddler. She saw Ruby head over to their scattered belongings and kneel down, out of her line of sight, retrieving something from the ground. It was only when she stood back up that Mulan made out what she had been after. Ruby was holding her canteen.

 

"Drink up. You'll need it," Ruby advised, tossing the bottle towards her.

 

Mulan wasn't too tired to reach up above her head and catch it one-handed. "Why?" she asked, not that she couldn't use the water.

 

Ruby laughed at that, crawling back onto the bed. "Oh, Mulan. We're just getting started," she drawled mischievously, grinning from ear to ear. Mulan couldn't fight the shiver that coursed through her. She drank. Fast. "Any objections?" Ruby asked, hovering above her.

 

"No, ma'am," Mulan answered, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world, replenishing those fluids as rapidly as she could. What had she gotten herself into with Ruby? She wasn't sure but, whatever was happening between them, Mulan did not want to get out of it.

 

"For the record? I love it when you call me that, soldier girl," Ruby purred, gradually kissing her way down Mulan's body.

 

Mulan arched a sweat-dampened eyebrow, sensing her intentions. "If you're planning on doing what I think you're doing, I'll call you whatever you want," Mulan assured her, hastily shutting the canteen and putting it aside, ready to resume whenever Ruby wished. Ruby paused and glanced up expectantly, as if waiting for something. " _Ma'am_ ," she diligently added, much to her delight.

 

"That's what I like to hear," said Ruby, moving lower, languishing in every inch of Mulan's bare stomach. "How much time did you pay the innkeeper for again?" Ruby asked, casting her eyes up at Mulan as she continued her steady descent. "I wasn't listening."

 

"I'm not sure," Mulan admitted. She had been rather distracted earlier. "I gave him a lot. Probably enough to cover a few days," she guessed. Mulan didn't fail to notice the glint that crossed Ruby's eyes. "I could always go downstairs and ask for our money back..." she teased.

 

"You know what? A few days sounds absolutely perfect to me," Ruby murmured, putting her tongue where Mulan wanted it most.

 

Mulan didn't disagree.

 

* * *

 

In the week or so since they'd first slept together, it had been easy to get lost in each other. Very easy.

 

The hard part was stopping.

 

“Mulan, fuck…” Ruby hissed through gritted teeth. She couldn’t see a damn thing with the blindfold covering her eyes, but she could feel every single motion of Mulan’s fingers inside her, every flick of her thumb and her tongue against her clit.

 

She couldn’t strangle the cry that escaped her when Mulan increased her tempo, pumping harder and faster and deeper. Had Ruby’s wrists not been tied to the headboard above her, she would have bitten down on her arm to silence the noise. Not that there was much point in modesty. It wouldn’t be the first time their neighbours in the inn had probably overheard them. Nor the tenth. Nor the fifteenth. Nor the...well, suffice to say she’d lost count. So Ruby didn't bother, making no attempt to be quiet when she came, an unrelenting orgasm crashing over her.

 

Being together was like being drunk on endless sensation, all rational thought whisked away on the wings of adrenaline. It had been hard to make any progress on the road. And hard to cook. And hard to hunt. And hard to get any rest at night. And, now that they'd finally made it to this village, it was hard as hell to leave, because it was so much easier to make love on a bed in an inn than on a blanket on the ground. This was their third straight day spent in that very room, roughly forty-eight hours since they checked in. And it wasn't over yet.

 

Two nights, one afternoon, one full day, and one morning of absolute heaven. Well, that wasn't to say they never did anything else. They cuddled, talked, slept, and occasionally took turns sneaking out past the innkeeper to fetch supplies to quench their hunger and thirst.

 

As soon as they recovered the energy, however, most of the time they got right back to it.

 

It was a whirlwind romance between them. Ruby had always believed that to be nothing more than a clichéd turn of phrase, but it was no mere hyperbole. No description felt more apt for what she and Mulan had with each other. She had been swept off her feet and up into the clouds so suddenly that Ruby hadn't been able to regather her bearings. She didn't want to come back down to earth.

 

Honestly, if they could be locked together in a room where time never passed, where they didn't have to eat or sleep or think about tomorrow, where they could just lie in bed and fuck without end, it would have been perfect. All they wanted to do was touch, and be one. Alas, in the real world, constant sex wasn't really a viable option, although they were certainly trying their best to test that theory.

 

“You were right about the blindfold,” Mulan murmured, somewhere between Ruby's legs.

 

“Told you.” Ruby grinned. Her back arched when she felt Mulan's fingers running up the inside of her thigh. “Again?” she said.

 

“Uh huh,” she heard Mulan purr.

 

“You're insatiable,” Ruby commented. Her sex was still on fire from last time. And the time before that. And the time before that. To put a long story short, this was, without a doubt, the best coin flip she had ever lost. “I must be contagious; I've turned you into a monster.”

 

“Hey, I'm just keeping up with you,” Mulan answered innocently, drawing circles on her hip.

 

Ruby chuckled. Mulan wasn't wrong about that. “In that case, I've done the world a favour.” Her laugh was cut short by a moan when she felt Mulan's tongue on her, consuming the fluids that drenched her sex. “Unh. You just wait until it's your turn. You won't know what hit you.”

 

"Is that supposed to discourage me?" Mulan asked, audibly smirking. "I look forward to your revenge."

 

"Of course you do..." Ruby whispered, everything suddenly making an awful lot more sense; Mulan wanted everything she did to be paid back in kind. Ruby's thoughts were cut short when Mulan's tongue curled inside her. The sensations that swept through her system made her limbs contort, wrists pulling tight against her red cloak which bound her to the bed, her whole body bending and writhing.

 

For someone with so little experience who most definitely wasn't a dedicated top, Ruby had come to discover that Mulan was insanely fucking good at topping her. Learning that about her only motivated Ruby to try and outdo her when it was her turn, a competitive flame which Mulan was no doubt thrilled to stoke as much as possible, for her own benefit. They brought out the best in each other like that.

 

Her lips and her tongue found every spot Ruby needed them to reach, as if Mulan had committed a map of her flesh to memory. Mulan didn't hold back, working to extract every drop of pleasure Ruby still had inside her. She was certainly succeeding.

 

It wasn't long before Ruby felt that ecstasy explode from her core again. Her breath faltered, choking on the high-pitched cry that got stuck in her throat, the sheets beneath her drenched with sweat. Her heart was thundering like it was about to burst.

 

"Unngh! Time out! You win! I'm done," Ruby called for mercy, utterly spent, not sure she could endure another round. Not so soon, anyway. Mulan had taken everything she had to give. Ruby felt like she had survived a ferocious onslaught. _Barely_. There was a reason people called it 'the little death'. If Mulan wasn't careful, she thought she might actually die in that bed. What a way to go, though.

 

"Win what? I wasn't aware this was a contest," Mulan's amused voice cut through her haze.

 

"Liar..." Ruby accused, scarcely able to move her lips.

 

"Alright, maybe the thought had occurred to me," Mulan remarked. Ruby felt the bed shift, body heat looming above her. "I do like keeping an even scoreboard; it's more orderly that way," she conceded, following her words with a kiss. Ruby sighed giddily into the contact. She couldn't decide what she loved more – tasting Mulan, or tasting herself on Mulan's lips. It was a good thing she didn't have to choose.

 

Mulan's thumb lifted the blindfold from Ruby's eyes, restoring her sight. She was greeted by the vision of Mulan's brilliant grin hovering above her, pure devotion glimmering in her gaze. “Hey there, cutie,” Ruby murmured contentedly, thoroughly satisfied.

 

“You okay?” Mulan asked, tenderly caressing her cheek.

 

“Euphoric,” Ruby answered, too drained to keep her eyes open.

 

Mulan reached up and undid the knot in Ruby's cloak, freeing her wrists from the headboard. Once released, Ruby summoned just enough willpower to roll onto her side. Mulan moved in, spooning her from behind. A genuine smile unfurled across her lips, the pounding pulse of her heart gradually settling back down to normal. The intimacy they shared after sex was almost as good as the sex itself.

 

It was sheer joy. Ruby could easily have fallen asleep with the bliss of those delightful, waning contractions emanating through her system as she lay in Mulan's strong but gentle arms, embracing her with such delicacy and warmth, but she had no desire to dream; none could compare to the perfection of her reality. The afterglow was as radiant and gentle as the sunlight filtering through the window, whisking her cares away. Ruby was quietly convinced that paradise would seem dull and dreary next to this. Unless Mulan joined her there too.

 

“We have to stop eventually,” Mulan voiced the inevitable truth, ever the sensible one.

 

“No, we don't," Ruby whined. "Why would you say such awful things?”

 

“Because finding werewolves is the whole reason you're here. Besides, we've run out of food and you'll kill me if you haven't had any in about two hours,” Mulan answered, pressing her lips to Ruby's shoulder, just as reluctant to end the cuddle as she was.

 

“Hrrm. True," Ruby conceded. They were burning an awful lot of calories. "It'll have to be you. I don't think I can move.”

 

“Good. Now _you_ know how it feels,” Mulan taunted triumphantly.

 

"Pfft. Just wait until you get back," Ruby muttered, her eyelids heavy, needing a little time to recover.

 

"Two gold pieces says you'll be asleep by then," Mulan teased, gathering up her clothes and starting to get dressed.

 

Ruby huffed. "Okay, point one: I thought you didn't gamble, and point two: now I'm definitely going to force myself to stay awake just to spite you," Ruby warned her. Mulan grinned roguishly, unbothered by that. "...Thank you for taking care of me, though," she said sincerely.

 

"You're welcome," said Mulan, leaning over the edge of the bed to press a kiss to her forehead, earning a relaxed smile.

 

With that, Ruby snuggled up against the pillow, listening to Mulan move about. It wasn't long until she opened the door and shut it quietly behind her, not wanting to risk disturbing Ruby, in case she had drifted off to sleep, but she was awake and only too happy to ponder.

 

However unintentionally, she and Mulan had fallen into something very comfortable. They hadn't had time to define what was going on between them, and they hadn't particularly cared to label it, either. Were they in some kind of a relationship? Were they a couple? Girlfriends? A fling? Were they two friends who really enjoyed having sex? Were they some combination of the above? Did it matter?

 

They made each other feel good. They had fun together. Wasn't that enough?

 

Yeah, Ruby thought. It was. So far, it was working out brilliantly for both of them. For as long as this lasted, they were having the time of their lives. And, better yet, being with Mulan brought Ruby a quiet comfort that she had never found anywhere else.

 

It was a funny thing. They were essentially living like drifters - homeless, jobless vagabonds. Ruby should have hated it, being isolated from society and having no stable place to lay her head among friends and family, but she didn't. Mulan's company was all she needed.

 

Ruby was, at once, both grounded and liberated. She had no cares, and no responsibilities. She didn't feel like a stranger, an outsider, or out of place. She didn't have to hide her wolf, or censor herself, or let her insecurities stifle all her emotions. She didn't have to be afraid of her strength, or worry that she was going to destroy everything she held dear. She could simply exist, and that was all thanks to Mulan.

 

Wherever she and Mulan went together, it always felt like everything was exactly as it should be.

 

Ruby had never experienced that feeling before.

 

* * *

 

“Are you trying to swindle me?" Mulan spoke through a scowl. "There is no way what I asked you for is worth that.”

 

“Tough. The price is what it says. Take it or leave it,” the shopkeeper dismissively replied, waving her off.

 

Mulan frowned at the man behind his market stall. Ordinarily she might have bartered him down to a fairer price but, then again, ordinarily she didn't have a gorgeous naked woman waiting for her back in her bed. ...Damn it. Ruby had better appreciate this.

 

“Fine,” Mulan conceded, not keen to waste any time out in the markets when all she wanted was to return to the inn.

 

"Glad to do business with you," he said, reaching around in his inventory to collect the items she'd requested, one by one. "Let's see here...Bread? Check. Butter? Check. The, uh, vegetables you wanted? Check. Four candles? Check. Four candle-holders? Check."

 

"Small ones," Mulan clarified, not wishing them to be too obvious in her bag. The man glared while replacing them.

 

“I know what you seek,” the voice of an old woman caught Mulan's ears. She glanced up and peered around the area, only to confirm the crone was indeed looking directly at her. It was odd. She didn't recognise her face, but Mulan sensed something...familiar about her.

 

“Who, me?” said Mulan. “I've already been served; I'm good.”

 

“No, you cross-dressing fool!” the woman chided her, poking her with her walking stick.

 

“Careful, now,” Mulan warned, wondering if she realised who she was insulting. Fortunately for her, Mulan had been instilled with far too much respect for her elders to act against the crone, even if her morals had waned in recent times, but that prodding was testing her patience. If that old lady was forty years younger, her cane would have been snapped in two. "What do I seek?" she asked sceptically, humouring her.

 

“Love,” the stranger replied, much to Mulan's surprise. “Your heart was broken, but now it has been filled with love for another.”

 

“Either your psychic powers are faulty or your con needs more refinement,” said Mulan, not caring enough to be polite towards a charlatan who was blatantly trying to scam her out of her hard-earned gold with a poorly-practised routine. “I'm not in love with anybody.”

 

“Is that so?” the woman asked, curling her forefinger curiously. She seemed to accept Mulan's answer. “Very well: you are travelling with a woman who searches for a sense of belonging she believed lost to her, and she does not know which path to walk. One way or another, she will find the answers she came to this world for if you travel to a village that lies four days from here on foot, along the East road.”

 

At that, Mulan froze. It couldn't be, could it? “Werewolves?” she asked her, moving closer to the aged mystic, keen to uncover more. Any information that might help Ruby was too important to dismiss. “Someone in this village you spoke of can tell us where to find them?”

 

“Yes, but whether she will find true happiness depends upon your decisions, your actions, and hers,” the old crone warned. Mulan remained cautious, trying to sense whether she was lying. The woman could be luring them into some kind of trap – an attempt to capture Ruby for some sinister purpose. Unfortunately, given that it was the only lead they had, it kind of made it worth looking into her story by default.

 

“Hey, lady, are you going to pay for these or what?” the merchant interrupted their conversation, annoyed with the delay.

 

Mulan rolled her eyes, handing over her gold to the man. “Thank you,” she said stiltedly as she took her purchases, sighing and turning to face the old woman again. “Whoever you a—“ Mulan stopped herself mid-sentence. The crone had vanished. She blinked. "Huh. Nice exit."

 

"Could you move along, please? I have other customers to serve," the man complained at Mulan. She glared at him coldly, not in the mood for his pestering. That seemed to silence him. With that, Mulan adjusted her grip on her bag and left, heading back towards the inn, not sure what to make of her strange encounter. All she knew was that she had to tell Ruby they finally had a set destination.

 

Even if that old crone was lying to her, Ruby had to know about this possibility. If there was any chance that these could be werewolves, Ruby would be eager to give it her full attention. If nothing came of it, they would keep searching. And, if it did turn out to be legitimate then...

 

Mulan stopped in her tracks.

 

If the old lady was telling the truth, their journey would be over. Ruby would have to leave her behind. For good.

 

That thought made her swallow heavily. It wasn't that she hadn't known this day would come. From the outset, Mulan had understood that this wasn't going to last forever. Ruby was on a quest to find her pack. When that goal was fulfilled, they had to part ways. Mulan knew that. She always had. She just...hadn't expected it to come so suddenly. She'd assumed they would have more time. But they didn't.

 

If the old woman's guidance panned out, they could be mere days away from saying goodbye. Once Ruby took off with her pack, there was no guarantee that she would ever return. That meant they might never see each other again. And, if they did reunite, however many months or years down the road, it would only be temporary. Ruby's home was not with Mulan, nor could it be. It was somewhere else.

 

What an idiot she was. No matter what Mulan did, it seemed that she was doomed to fall for the wrong woman.

 

Mulan's heart sank as she made her way back inside the inn, forced to confront what she'd been afraid of deep down. She'd convinced herself there was no harm in engaging in this affair with Ruby - that it could even be a necessary stepping stone to get over her unrequited love. But Mulan had been wrong. There was harm in it, and she was feeling it now, when it was far too late to do anything about it. How could she have let herself get into this? Growing so close to another person, opening up to them, desiring the unattainable.

 

But she wasn't going to be angry, Mulan silently vowed. She wasn't going to be upset, or jealous, or possessive. That wasn't right. Ruby had always been honest with her, never promising anything serious or permanent. And, all else aside, Mulan cared about her profoundly and unselfishly. She wanted nothing more than to see her find happiness. She would never deny Ruby that.

 

Ruby had sworn to try and make her happy in the time that they spent together, and she had done that. There was no betrayal there, and no deceit. It wasn't fair to blame her for the fact their connection couldn't last, nor to cling to her and stop her from being free.

 

The sad part was that, for the first time in a long time, Mulan had finally remembered what it was like to live without a broken heart. Ruby had mended her wounds. Perhaps that was why this hurt, even though Mulan had never hoped for more. Even if she wasn't saying goodbye to somebody she truly loved, Ruby had changed her, touched her, and brought her a sense of fulfilment no one else could match.

 

Mulan didn't regret what they had done, nor what she had given to her. Ruby was her first. Nothing would ever erase that. Even when they parted, she would remember those feelings that compelled her to entrust Ruby with that, and the care and compassion with which she had expanded her horizons. They would always mean something to each other. A lot, even. But it wasn't love. Mulan accepted that.

 

...So why did that hollowness in her chest feel like it had returned? That deep, painful crack across her heart?

 

Why did she feel just as barren and alone as she had before she and Ruby ever met?

 

That ache was all too familiar. She had known it for so long. It was potent, and unabating. Once it was there, nothing could ever diminish it. Only being with Ruby had ever done so. Instead, now, the name that echoed in that empty void sounded an awful lot like hers.

 

Drawing a deep breath to hide any signs of her disappointment, Mulan turned the handle and opened the door to their room. She blinked, noticing that the bed was empty. Ruby was missing. Suddenly, she was surprised by a cloth covering her eyes from behind.

 

Oh. There she was. “Ruby, what are you doing?” Mulan said through a forced smirk.

 

“Your turn,” Ruby whispered in her ear. "I told you I was going to get my revenge when you walked back through that door. You know me; I don't like to be made into a liar," she said wickedly. Mulan almost laughed. When Ruby put it like that, how could Mulan refuse?

 

“Okay, just make sure I don't drop anything important,” said Mulan, willingly handing herself over to her captor, content to forget her pain for one more day. Ruby finished tying the blindfold, taking everything Mulan had bought out of her arms, putting the bag aside somewhere.

 

“Come on,” Ruby urged, nudging her forwards.

 

“I don't even know where the bed is,” Mulan pointed out, cautious about tripping over.

 

“Oh, really?” Ruby chuckled, the grin audible in her voice, enjoying having her at a rare disadvantage on that front. “Miss Sense-of-Direction doesn't know where she is?” Ruby teased, playfully spinning Mulan around in a circle to further mess with her disorientated head.

 

“Hey!” Mulan protested, cracking up with laughter despite the unhappy secret she bore. “Cut that out.”

 

“Sorry. I couldn't resist,” said Ruby, gleefully leading Mulan back towards the bed.

 

Mulan didn't hesitate to follow the guidance of her grasp, giving in to Ruby's affections. Whatever this was between them, nothing had been a lie. Everything they'd shared, everything they were to each other had been completely and unquestionably real. She meant something to Ruby. Something special. Mulan knew that was true. It just...maybe wasn't quite as much as she would have liked it to be.

 

Whether knowing that about their bond or not would be of any comfort when the time came, or whether the significance of what they were losing only made it worse to let go of Ruby, Mulan couldn't say. That discovery would come far too soon. But, for now, they had each other. That was all she could reasonably ask for. Mulan wanted to savour these last few days of happiness - these last few days with Ruby.

 

...They really were happy together, weren't they?

 

* * *

 

“I miss that bed already,” Ruby spoke through a groan. “Did we have to leave so early?”

 

Mulan gave her a funny look. “No, we're going to settle down and make a nice life for ourselves there.”

 

“That sounds great,” Ruby enthused, ignoring her sarcasm. “Let's go back.” Mulan's arm shot out and grabbed her sleeve, preventing her from turning around and heading in the opposite direction, even as a joke. Ruby uttered a sound of feigned complaint. “You're no fun when we're on the road,” she mock-whined. “You're always...focusing on what we're actually supposed to be doing, like a...focused person.”

 

“We'd never get anywhere otherwise,” Mulan remarked, amused by her behaviour.

 

“I know.” Ruby sighed, aware Mulan was right. She wasn't kidding about missing the bed, though. Three days and three nights of total bliss. Why did it have to end? All this wandering around in a futile search for werewolves was starting to feel like a distraction from their fun, rather than the other way around. Not that they wouldn't get up to more when they set up camp later that night, but still...

 

She remembered the way Mulan had writhed beneath her, though Ruby had lost count of how many times she had in that room. It had been incredible, especially when they brought the blindfold into it. Oh, yeah, they definitely had to do that again. The way she'd kept Mulan teetering on the edge, building her towards greater and greater pleasure, the moans and gasps as she begged Ruby to let her—

 

“Don't look at me with those eyes,” Mulan's voice interrupted her fantasies.

 

“What eyes?” Ruby said innocently, unashamed of how obvious her thoughts were.

 

“Those eyes that mean you're thinking about doing things to me,” Mulan answered with a smirk, knowing all too well what was on Ruby's mind. “Those eyes which make me want to let you,” she said more quietly, entangling her fingers with Ruby's and coming to a stop in the middle of the road. “It's distracting,” Mulan told her, clearly toying with the idea of leaning in and kissing her.

 

“So are you,” Ruby pointed out, her gaze full of suggestion.

 

“You're still thinking it,” Mulan murmured, realising she was fighting a losing battle.

 

“How do you know that? You could have it all backwards,” Ruby remarked, playing coy as she stepped in closer. “For all you know, I might be thinking about how much I want you to do those things to me instead,” she teased, certainly not averse to such moments.

 

“No, you're not; you get a different look in your eyes when you're thinking about that,” Mulan matter-of-factly informed her. Ruby's smirk widened, and her expression only grew more devious. Mulan cleared her throat, trying not to smile. “That...That's exactly the look.”

 

“I can't help what I think,” Ruby defended herself, lightly tracing the patterns on Mulan's chest piece. She wasn't the guilty one here. Although she certainly could be, assuming the last few days hadn't worn Mulan out. Her endurance was remarkably impressive, especially for a normal human. “It's not my fault you like those thoughts as much as I do,” she said, perfectly happy to wait until tomorrow to hit the road.

 

“Well, try and hold off on thinking it until tonight,” Mulan said, resisting the urge to cave in. “I'd like to make some progress.”

 

“Come on. It's not like we're going anywhere,” Ruby noted, having no qualms about surrendering to the temptation to fall back into bed. Was there anything better they could be doing? “Don't get me wrong; I want to find my pack but, until we find a lead, we're basically on a wild goose chase. It's hard to feel a sense of urgency, you know? For all we can tell, we could be headed in the wrong direction.”

 

“Actually, um...we're not,” Mulan acknowledged, somewhat shyly averting her gaze.

 

Ruby blinked. This was new. “What? Tell me,” she prompted. Mulan soon relented, unable to hide the truth.

 

“I didn't know if I should wait until we got closer to surprise you with this, in case it turns out to be a false alarm, but I heard word that there might be werewolves not too far from here, or someone who knows where they are,” Mulan revealed, daring to let herself sound optimistic, hoping that Ruby would be pleased with the news. “That's why I left so quickly this morning; I don't want to risk arriving too late.”

 

“Oh. Yeah? That's...that's great!” said Ruby, realising that she should have been more excited than she was to hear that. No, no, she was happy. Definitely, she was. Her reaction had been delayed, sure, but she was just...shocked. Of course she was excited. “Where are they?”

 

“About four days away,” Mulan answered.

 

“Four...? I...” Her blood ran cold, colour draining from her face in an instant. No. That wasn't right.

 

If she was meant to say something, Ruby couldn't think what it was. Those words had pierced her like a dagger in her heart. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to travel together for...months, she'd thought. Maybe a year, or more. She and Mulan had only just met. And they were going to be going their separate ways after a matter of, what, a measly couple of weeks in each other's lives?

 

No. No, that wasn't fair. This was all wrong. Ruby never wanted it to end like this. Not so soon.

 

“It's okay,” said Mulan, taking her injured hand between both of hers. Ruby didn't doubt that she'd had the exact same thoughts. Neither of them were fools. They both knew what it meant. Once she found her pack, their time together was over. Done. “I understand. It's the best thing for you,” Mulan told her, accepting what Ruby had to do without even a hint of selfishness. “You'll be happy there.”

 

“I know, but...” Ruby sighed and dropped her gaze, unable to finish that sentence. Mulan was right, of course. Being with her own kind was the only way she could safely reconcile with her wolf side. And yet that didn't make it any easier, knowing that they had to separate.

 

“Don't worry about me,” Mulan answered her unspoken question before Ruby could even ask it. “You...did exactly what you said you would do,” Mulan began, swallowing as she summoned the strength to muster a small, supportive smile. “My heart isn't broken anymore. You...brought me out of my shell. You helped me be happy again. You deserve the same, and I would never dream of standing in your way,” she told her, reaching up to cup her cheek. “Don't ever think you don't deserve to feel whole, okay? You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

 

Ruby knew Mulan was being honest with her - that she felt no bitterness or resentment about the choice she had to make, and that she never wanted her to regret it - but having her unconditional blessing didn't make it feel any less unjust. Ruby had persuaded her to start something deeper with her, something unashamedly romantic, and she had slept with her. And yet, as soon as that new stage of their relationship began, she was up and leaving Mulan alone again, abandoning her to pursue her own needs, days after becoming her first lover.

 

Mulan never would have done anything like that to her. _Never_. How selfish and exploitative did Ruby have to be to... _God_ , she hated herself, sometimes. Even when she wasn't a wolf, she still found a way to fuck up and destroy everything good that ever came into her life.

 

Maybe it was a blessing that she was leaving. Ruby didn't deserve Mulan. She deserved to be alone.

 

“Are you okay?” Mulan asked, looking into her eyes without any shadow of judgement.

 

“Yeah, I just...Thank you. For everything,” was all Ruby could think to say. Mulan had given her so much without the expectation of anything in return, even to the point of letting her go. Despite all she'd been through and all she'd lost, Mulan still put others before herself.

 

Having a hardened heart would have been so much easier for Mulan. She knew better than anybody that there were no rewards for being pure, kind, compassionate and loving. Hell, for a while, she'd tried to stop caring, so she wouldn't have to feel anymore. But Mulan went ahead and opened her heart anyway. There weren't many people in the world with the courage to do that. She really was one of the good ones.

 

It was just a shame Mulan had opened up to Ruby, instead of waiting for someone more worthy of her.

 

“I...” Ruby parted her lips to speak, staring deep into Mulan's eyes, but she found herself unable to say anything. In that moment, she knew. She knew exactly what this was between them. It was only when she was on the verge of losing Mulan that it became achingly apparent.

 

Ruby was in love with her, and had been for quite a while. Maybe from the moment they met.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes. She fought them, refusing to cry. What right did she have to wallow in sadness and make this all about herself when she was the one ruining everything by leaving? Ruby's pain didn't matter; Mulan's did. Anything else was self-indulgent.

 

Mulan reached down between them and softly squeezed Ruby's hands as if offering her strength, sensing her conflicted emotions. “It's okay. I told you, you don't have to apologise,” she spoke softly, unaware of what Ruby was thinking. “Anyway, um...we should get moving now that we know where we're...” Mulan glanced aside, clearing her throat, finding it increasingly difficult to hold it together.

 

“...Okay,” Ruby whispered, withdrawing her touch, letting Mulan step away without stopping her. She watched her turn and go, wondering whether an image like this would be burned into her mind in a scant few days. Ruby couldn't fight it, though. She had to set Mulan free.

 

She wished she could tell Mulan everything. She wanted to confess how much she loved her, now that she knew the truth about where her heart lay, but Ruby didn't have it in her to be that cruel. Taunting her with what they could have had together would be of no comfort. It wasn't fair to foist that painful fact upon her by making professions of impossible love, leaving Mulan with nothing but words that made no difference to her departure. In the end, Ruby would only have been saying those things for her own sake, not because Mulan needed to hear them.

 

The world had a sick sense of humour, didn't it? Mulan was the most important person in the world to her, so much so that she had fallen completely in love with her. Yet, just as they began their relationship, Ruby was confronted with the grim decision to sacrifice what they had together in order to obtain her dream of a home. But there was no choice to be made. Being with a werewolf pack was the only realistic option, and Ruby had accepted long before she and Mulan ever met that it was the only thing that could solve her inner discord.

 

If Ruby had been born as a normal person, this would have been easy. She and Mulan could have run off together. There would be no reason not to. But Ruby wasn't normal. She was a werewolf. She had to be with her own kind. Running from that fact was a pathetic lie.

 

It wasn't because they were like her, per se, but because werewolves could give her something the human world couldn't. Where else could she live among people who were completely at peace with who and what she was instead of being forced to hide and live only half a life? Where else could she safely satisfy that need to be her true self, and find the contentment that filled that void inside her?

 

For so long, she had desired a place she could call home. That sense of belonging couldn't be achieved unless both Ruby the wolf and Ruby the person could coexist at the same time. There was nowhere in the world she could potentially find that, except with a pack.

 

So why didn't she feel that way now that she was so close to one?

 

The strange thing was, Ruby had forgotten how it felt to be so lonely - to be an outcast. In Mulan's company, she'd forgotten that omnipresent emptiness, until that very moment. She'd been so used to it as an ever-constant companion that she hadn't noticed it was gone. Until it came back. It was only the thought of saying goodbye to Mulan that made her feel isolated again.

 

But she had to leave her. She had to. It was the whole reason she was here. Going kicking and screaming towards her future home or burdening Mulan with her sorrows would only make things harder for her than they already were. Ruby couldn't bear to do that to her.

 

All she could do now was try to be strong, and face her fate with what dignity she could muster.

 

With a heavy sigh, Ruby finally found it in her to follow Mulan down the road, resigned to her journey's end.

 

* * *

 

"There. Look. It's sundown. Can we _please_ stop here now?" Ruby begged, her frustration mounting, near to the breaking point. Ever since Mulan had told her about their potential lead on a werewolf pack, she had ignored every single attempt Ruby made to slow their pace in the hopes of squeezing out an extra day. Honestly, if she didn't know better, she would almost think Mulan wanted to get rid of her.

 

Mulan sighed, looking up at the sunset and examining their surroundings. "...Alright, I guess this will do."

 

" _Finally_ ," Ruby all but groaned in relief, dropping her pack on the ground and sweeping forward to claim Mulan in a kiss. Every moment they had together was precious, and now extremely limited. Each second they wasted was one she could never get back.

 

“Ruby? Hold up. Listen," Mulan urged, avoiding her kiss. "I need you to do something for me.”

 

“Mhmm. Anything,” Ruby murmured, her lips against Mulan's neck, desperate to stave off her melancholy. Mulan reached out and placed two fingers against Ruby's forehead, gently pushing her away. She whined impatiently at the loss of contact. “What? What is it?”

 

“...Go away,” Mulan said frankly.

 

Ruby blinked. “I'm sorry?”

 

“I mean it; I need you to go away from camp for a little while,” Mulan clarified without providing any further explanation, nor any hint as to why she would make such a request. Ruby felt the wounded look on her own face, immensely displeased with that idea. Being separated from Mulan did not sound like fun. They only had so many days left. She was desperate to cling to the woman she loved for as long as she could. Maybe that feeling wasn't mutual. “Trust me; there is a purpose behind this. I'll come and get you when I'm done.”

 

“If you say so but what am I supposed to do while I wait?” Ruby asked, frowning. The intimacy she shared with Mulan was the only thing that quelled the ache inside her. Sitting around thinking about her when she couldn't touch her almost sounded like a punishment.

 

Mulan shrugged. “You'll think of something. Now go,” she commanded, turning Ruby around and nudging her in that general direction, ushering her out of camp. "I mean it; if I catch you sneaking back in before I'm ready, you won't like the consequences."

 

Ruby snorted. "As if you'd do anything to me."

 

"Yeah, but it's what I won't do that you'll be miserable about," Mulan smartly quipped.

 

" _What?!_ " Ruby whirled around, aghast, not sure she'd heard her correctly. Mulan just looked at her, as if daring her to test her resolve. God damn it, she was serious. “Ugh. Fine. Whatever,” Ruby reluctantly complied, grumpily trudging off away from camp.

 

Ruby reached out and instinctively snapped branches that got in her way as she went deeper into the forest, far enough to satisfy Mulan. This wasn't how she wanted to spend this night, nor any others. If Mulan's lead bore fruit, they might only have three more after this before they never saw each other again. Ruby sniffed, brushing her eyes to force any impending grief to subside.

 

To think she'd been worried about Mulan growing too attached. It looked like that wasn't a problem. If anything, the opposite had happened. Ruby was the one struggling to let go - the one who had invested too much. The same didn't seem to apply to Mulan. It was hard to tell. Either she was an expert at disguising her feelings, or she simply wasn't bothered by the fact that Ruby was leaving.

 

It occurred to her that she should have been happy with that, if it was true. After all, it wasn't like she wanted to see the woman she loved suffer. Ruby snorted at herself, bitterly. She supposed this was yet another way she was fucked up. She couldn't even love unselfishly.

 

Despite her best efforts, tears began to break through, trickling down her cheeks, the weight of imminent loss too much to bear. So much for being the strong one, Ruby thought. What a joke. She had never been strong. She was always weak, broken, useless.

 

No, if she wanted to see true strength, she only had to look at Mulan. Why couldn't Ruby be more like her? Selflessly compassionate. Devoted to the people she cared about. Making endless sacrifices, with no expectation of a reward. Brave enough to face her fears and open her heart, after having it shattered. Unwilling to jeopardise the happiness of anyone else, even if it that refusal cost her her own.

 

Ruby's lower lip trembled, folding her arms across her chest to keep herself from shivering as darkness crept across the land. Was it wrong of her to wish Mulan wasn't so perfect? That she was...cruel, or unfeeling, or humourless, or self-centred? That she was smug, or arrogant, or annoying, or shallow, or aggressive? That she was rude, or condescending, or hideous, or dimwitted? That she was insensitive, or hopelessly unskilled, or boring, or talked with her mouth full? That she was spiteful, or vindictive, or a terrible cook, or bad in bed?

 

Why couldn't Mulan have a flaw like that? If she had one thing wrong with her - just one single thing - perhaps Ruby would have been spared the despair of falling for someone she couldn't be with, and knowing that she would never find anyone else like Mulan again.

 

But she had no such faults. There was nothing wrong with her at all. She was only Mulan, and that was all she ever had to be. Even if she couldn't have Mulan in her life anymore, Ruby had no desire to imagine a world that didn't have her in it, being exactly the way she was.

 

No one could ever take her place. Ruby's heart was forever changed for having met her.

 

It was strange to think about their journey in hindsight. Ruby had come back to the Enchanted Forest in search of a werewolf pack. That was all. She had never expected to befriend a woman with the most beautiful smile in the world - a wounded warrior with a pure soul and a gentle but guarded heart, who had unfairly endured the pain of being alone and unloved from the moment she'd left her family behind.

 

Ruby had been helpless from the moment they met, whether she realised it or not. She should have seen it coming earlier. After all, how could anyone in their right mind encounter Mulan without falling head over heels in love with her? Even now, she wouldn't have traded a second of their time together for anything. Ruby only wished she didn't have to feel the crushing agony of having fate rip Mulan away.

 

Suddenly, a pair of gloved hands covered her eyes. Mulan, of course. Ruby forced herself to stifle her emotions, putting on a front that all was well. She'd done enough damage. She didn't need to play the victim, when she was the cause of her own demise.

 

“Hello, Mulan,” Ruby said, willing herself to smile. “Wait over?”

 

“Yeah. I'm ready for you. Come on,” Mulan answered, guiding her back to camp through the deepening darkness. Ruby went along, following her lead without complaint. She didn't need eyes; she could tell from scent alone that they were headed the right way. She smelled food cooking on the fire. Hmm. Interesting. “Here we are,” Mulan announced when she came to a stop, releasing Ruby from her grasp.

 

The moment she looked, her breath caught, and her eyes widened in utter astonishment. Mulan had laid out a blanket for them, and adorned it with scattered flowers and petals, the meal she'd prepared waiting in the middle - two bowls of soup, a loaf of bread, and her herbal tea. There was no campfire burning; Mulan had extinguished that. Their exquisite seating place was lit only by the glow of four candles.

 

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is how you prefer to be swept off your feet,” Mulan remarked. Ruby looked in her direction, and saw a small smile tugging at her lips. Evidently, Mulan was pleased with the stunned reaction her gesture had evoked. “I told you I'd remember.”

 

Ruby chuckled bashfully. For some reason, she couldn't stop grinning. “You know I was kidding when I said that, right?”

 

“I know,” Mulan replied, her warmth never waning. “Come on, before your dinner gets cold.”

 

“Where did you get all this?” Ruby asked as they walked side by side towards their romantic candlelight dinner under the stars, legitimately astounded by the effort Mulan had gone to. And this was all for her sake? Wow. No one had ever treated her like this - like a princess.

 

“Market,” Mulan answered with a shrug. Ruby arched an eyebrow. “You were in bed at the time.”

 

"You must be fresh out of money," Ruby observed, sitting down atop scattered rose petals.

 

"Not quite. I made sure I had a bit left to spare. But that doesn't matter now anyway," Mulan pointed out with a nonchalant shrug, kneeling down opposite her. A twinge of remorse tugged on Ruby's heartstrings at that. She knew what Mulan meant, though she hadn't said it aloud; as it had turned out, her purse wouldn't have to last much longer, because their journey would be at an end soon.

 

Ruby sighed. Mulan was handling her imminent departure well. Almost a little too well. But, when she saw her like this, admirable though her behaviour was, Ruby couldn't help but think that she wasn't being completely honest with her about how she was coping. "Mulan..."

 

“I don't want you to think I'm doing this to make you stay,” Mulan assured her with a quiet seriousness in her voice, raising her hands to convey that her actions bore no ulterior motive. “I know you can't. I wouldn't do that to you. This is just...This is a 'thank you'.”

 

"For what?" Ruby asked. She hadn't done anything except make things worse, like she always did.

 

"Keeping your promise," Mulan answered without any artifice. Ruby dipped some bread into her soup, tilting her head to one side as she took a bite, listening on curiously. Mulan glanced down and shook her head slightly, never the best with words. "I didn't know what I was searching for when I came with you. I didn't know if it was possible to find anything that could help me, but...I did," she said, meeting Ruby's gaze.

 

"That was you," Ruby softly insisted, gesturing towards her, bread still in hand. "You found the courage to confront your heartbreak and move on from the past. All I did was give you a few words of advice and a push in the right direction. Anyone could have done that."

 

"No, because I tried to face this on my own, and I couldn't," Mulan responded, unshakable in her certainty. "Something was missing. I didn't realise what it was, but I couldn't heal until I found it. That absence is what prevented me from moving forward." Mulan paused and drew breath. Ruby didn't hasten her, watching the candlelight flicker in her eyes. "It was you," she said frankly, as if there was no debate.

 

"Please don't say that..." Ruby spoke in a pained whisper, languishing in enough regret as it was without hearing such things.

 

"It's true," Mulan replied casually. Her belief would not be altered. "Being with you was the best thing I ever did. I...can't remember being happier at any point in my life than I have been these past few weeks. Not even when I was a child," she confessed. Ruby felt a lump in her throat, her expression starting to crack. "I needed to find you, I think," Mulan continued, focusing on the cup of tea she nursed in her hands, as if drawing courage from it. "I'd spent so long drowning in sorrow that I'd forgotten good could come from opening my heart too."

 

"Good?" Ruby echoed, her voice wavering slightly.

 

"Yeah," Mulan confirmed, not hesitating in classing their relationship as precisely that. "I thought I was protecting myself by living with loneliness, but you were right; it wasn't safety, it was only a prison. You were the key that freed me," she said sincerely. "So, that's why I'm thanking you: because you kept your promise to help me, even when neither of us thought you could. You fixed what was broken."

 

A shuddering breath escaped Ruby, despite her best attempt to control her reaction. Her hands dropped to her lap, along with her gaze. Emotions welled up inside her, but they weren't loud like a storm. They were deafening in their cold, unrelenting silence.

 

“Can I tell you something?” Ruby began, contorting her brow to hold back tears. Mulan nodded, concern etched upon her face. "You told me once that fighting was the only thing you were ever any good at. But that's not true. You've not only succeeded but excelled at everything I've seen you attempt since I met you, with communication maybe being the one exception, and I think that's mainly a confidence issue,

 

"Despite what you may believe, you are gifted," Ruby continued. "You have so many skills that you're too humble to recognise; you're incredible. You can master any talent, and overcome any obstacle. Hell, if you had the ambition and the desire, you could probably rule the world one day." Mulan didn't interrupt, only listening. Ruby swallowed, her breath hitching in staggered staccato. "Is it any wonder why I'm in love with you?" she asked aloud, not sure if it was an error in judgement to admit it, but unable to bear the agony of leaving it unsaid.

 

Mulan stared, her expression unchanging. No reaction. Just a blank face.

 

"You're not, though," Mulan said straightforwardly, incapable of accepting Ruby's words as fact. Ruby understood why she couldn't do anything except deny them; they were incongruous with her reality. Mulan had never known what it was to be loved. Only left.

 

"...I guess not," Ruby muttered, too defeated to argue otherwise, taking another weak bite of bread. Maybe Mulan had a point. If Ruby truly loved her, she wouldn't have put her in this position; she wouldn't have given her that elusive joy she sought, only to take it away.

 

Mulan sat there in silence, blinking at her. Roughly a minute passed before it seemed to occur to her to snap out of her daze.

 

Neither of them spoke for a while after that.

 

* * *

 

Moans filled the dark forest. Clothes lay strewn everywhere, some nearly torn in their frantic scramble to get them off. Half-missed kisses left bruised lips in their wake. It was graceless. Clumsy. Rushed. And Mulan didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that Ruby was inside her, and when she was touching her like that she didn't have to feel the stinging pain of knowing she was going to lose her.

 

Time was ticking away. They didn't have much longer. But, before the clock ran out, they wanted to commit every last inch of each other's bodies to memory, craving and consuming even the most fleeting, inelegant contact. Ruby rocked her hips against Mulan's thigh, seeking the very same release. Her sharp teeth scraped Mulan's neck, punctuating every thrust of her hand with another sharp bite.

 

It was frenzied, flawed, frustrated fucking. It was the worst sex they'd had by far, and it was exactly what she needed.

 

Mulan's fingers curled when she felt herself getting closer to the edge, digging her nails into Ruby's back and dragging them down, desperate to hold on to her. She heard Ruby's breath catch in a gasp that was as much pain as it was pleasure. Her scratches had drawn blood.

 

On any other night, Mulan wouldn't have done that. If she had, by some accident, she would have apologised. But she didn't want to speak. She only wanted to forget. She wanted to forget that Ruby would be gone in a matter of days, and to forget the things they could never have with each other. When they were fucking, it dulled the ache. When their bodies were intertwined, it was easier to pretend they weren't drifting further and further apart. At times, Mulan could almost fool herself into thinking this wasn't the end, or that it could last a little longer.

 

Perhaps Mulan was destined to be alone. But, in that moment, she wasn't. Not yet, anyway.

 

Heat built between her legs. Mulan gyrated into every motion of Ruby's hand, focusing on that approaching feeling of release until she climaxed. Mulan shuddered as she came, dropping her head back onto the blankets beneath her, panting for breath, gazing up at the stars.

 

That emptiness returned once Ruby withdrew, worse than before. The afterglow felt...hollow. It wasn't her fault. Sex was only a temporary solution, or a salve on an open wound, at best. Mulan knew that. It was why she needed it. But it couldn't fill that growing void inside her - that elusive missing piece she'd spoken of earlier. She hadn't been lying; it was Ruby who was the key to curing that ever-present absence. And, in a few days, she would be gone, abandoning Mulan to her solitude. She could feel that fragment tearing itself out again.

 

It wasn't quick, like when Aurora had unwittingly broken her heart. No. This time, it was agonisingly slow, as if some unseen hand was pulling on an arrow in her heart, constantly tugging at it, day after day, forcing it to budge when it refused to slide out on its own.

 

How had she let this happen, Mulan asked herself as she lay there. It was not the first time she had wondered that, nor would it be the last. She had suffered the devastation of a broken heart before, and been determined never to feel it again. She had known Ruby was leaving, and that she couldn't get attached. And yet rationality had nothing to do with it; she had fallen for her all the same.

 

Was she the butt of some twisted joke? How else could she explain it? Unless she really was nothing better than a cross-dressing fool. In Ruby, she had found a fellow outcast, but evidently what they shared wasn't the same thing her own kind could give her. It didn't satisfy her urgent need to belong. But for Mulan it did. Travelling with Ruby for the rest of her life? Yeah. That would have fulfilled her, completely.

 

So why was that never true in reverse? Why did Mulan always fall short? What more did she have to do? Would it ever make a difference? She tried as hard as she could, gave as much as herself as she had to give, and the outcome remained the same. Nothing changed.

 

When faced with the decision between her and...whatever else the people in her life wanted, Mulan was never really in contention, was she? Perhaps she made people happier for a time, but nobody needed her around. Not for long. Once her job was done, and they didn't require her help anymore, she had nothing to offer. She was superfluous. Everyone simply discarded her and moved on. Even Ruby.

 

“Is everything okay?” Ruby asked with a hint of suspicion, as if she knew something felt...off.

 

She looked up into Ruby's eyes, looming above her in the night, her face half-hidden in shadow. Countless thoughts swirled through her head; Mulan was unable to block them out or establish order in her post-orgasmic haze. The longer she stared, the louder one voice rose above the rest, and that voice was none other than Ruby's, from earlier that very evening: 'Is it any wonder why I'm in love with you?'

 

Mulan didn't understand why she had said those words. It was puzzling, to say the least. Of course Ruby didn't love her. No one ever had. Maybe she was confused about her feelings. After all, if she meant it, how could she walk away from Mulan like every other false friend who had come before? Not that Ruby was one - she did genuinely care for her, which was more than could be said for most, but still...

 

People who loved each other stayed for each other. That wasn't happening here. It couldn't. It wasn't possible.

 

Would it be selfish if she asked Ruby not to go, she wondered? Yes, she thought. Yes, it would. And that was why she never could. Ruby's happiness meant everything to her. It really did. Mulan couldn't ask her to give up her only hope of finding inner peace.

 

Love wasn't love if Mulan was content to know that being with her had come at such a great, personal expense to Ruby. She would rather die than entrap her or manipulate her into living a lie with her. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt that, once again, Mulan had to know she wasn't enough. She wasn't enough to make her happy. She never was. Everyone always chose someone or something else. Not her.

 

That wasn't Ruby's fault, though. It wasn't anybody's. Mulan just...had to accept it.

 

"Mulan?" Ruby prompted, tenderly grazing her cheek, concerned.

 

“I'm fine,” Mulan said, silencing any conversation with another fierce kiss, reaching up and snaking her arms around Ruby's shoulders. Mulan could feel the raw, red tracks her fingernails had left behind mere minutes ago, marking the skin of Ruby's back.

 

Ruby moaned into her lips, abandoning her worries without complaint or delay. She took Mulan's right hand in hers, guiding her fingers down between her legs. Mulan could feel how wet she was - her sex had coated her thigh where she sought friction. “I need you in me,” Ruby growled into her ear, staying on top of her, licking beads of sweat from her throat. “Harder, this time,” she whispered to her.

 

It was a request she didn't hesitate to try and answer, sliding her fingers between slick folds. Ruby's clit was stiff against her palm, searing with urgent want. Before Mulan could attempt to sate her, Ruby halted her hand, holding her wrist between her thumb and finger.

 

“Mulan...” Ruby held her stare, those eyes only inches from hers. “However hard you're thinking? _Harder._ ”

 

That one, simple command sent a river of sparks gushing through Mulan's flushed skin. Even amid her daze of desire, the realisation dawned upon her. Ruby was doing the exact same thing she was - pushing away her problems by falling into bed with the woman who meant the most to her, desperate to cling to their connection, even as it was slipping away like the sands of time. She too just wanted to feel something, as long as it was anything but that cold, unyielding grief. And Mulan was in no mind to deny Ruby what she wished.

 

It was a good thing no one was around for miles; Ruby's wild, uncontrollable moans cut through the quiet night like thunder.

 

* * *

 

When she was under the curse in Storybrooke, Ruby used to love listening to people's 'what if' stories. Despite not knowing how correct she was at the time, she had felt trapped, stuck. She had conjured fantasies of escape, dreaming of someone who might whisk her away.

 

She sought out stories about real life romances that seemed right out of a fairy tale, where people were swept off their feet by some amazing guy or girl. Some wealthy millionaire with a yacht. A suave European they met on holiday. An aspiring artist who was moving overseas to pursue her dreams. A secret girlfriend in a small-town high school, sharing forbidden kisses under the bleachers. A married man who was ready to leave his wife and start again. A person who could have been the love of their lives, who could have changed everything.

 

But, for some reason, the storytellers hadn't gone with those people when they had the chance. They said no. Because they already had a partner. Because they were scared to move to a new country. Because they had to finish college. Because they didn't want to come out to their family as gay. There was always something standing in the way, preventing them from following that path.

 

The reasons sounded logical, really. Nobody could blame the people in those stories for making the choices that they did. Honestly, they were probably the most sensible decisions they could have made. Why gamble so much on a rush of infatuation that might not last?

 

And yet, for the rest of their lives, they kept on telling those stories. They told them over and over again, never letting go of their memories, however fleeting their encounter had been, because they always wondered one thing: 'What if I had said yes?'

 

It was no mystery why Ruby was reflecting on such ruminations; she had found herself at a similar crossroads.

 

There was one unanswerable question on her mind, dominating her days and her nights: would Mulan forever be her 'what if' story? Was this the story she would look back on for the rest of her life with a wistful stare in her eye and a lingering melancholy in her tone? A tale she would tell about a brief yet intensely passionate love affair that could have been so much more? The one, life-altering decision Ruby would never stop questioning? Would she always be condemned to reminisce about the past, never fully at peace with the path she had chosen?

 

Would she always wonder what her life would have been like if she had gone with Mulan instead?

 

It was easy to imagine herself in the shoes of those storytellers someday. Ruby pictured herself in fifty years, an old woman raising a granddaughter alone, just as Granny had raised her, watching generations of young, star-crossed lovers come and go, wrestling with the same dilemma she faced now. If she dared to tell them her story and offer wise words of advice, would Ruby say that she had done the right thing? Or would it be a cautionary tale of regret, always ending with the words, 'Don't make the same mistake that I did'?

 

She couldn't see how it could be any other way, though. Unlike the other storytellers, she really didn't have a choice. Much as she was in love with Mulan – and, yes, Ruby did love her, despite Mulan's doubts – love couldn't alter the truth. She wanted to be with her, but she couldn't be, could she? No, of course not. Because Ruby wasn't normal. She was a wolf. That could never be undone.

 

Her wolf and happiness were fundamentally incompatible. Ruby had long known that. Although Mulan had challenged her certainty.

 

Around Mulan, she didn't feel like a werewolf pretending to be a regular human. She had never felt fake, or like she had to hide her true nature. But what if that complacency didn't last? Even if Mulan was right about her not being a danger to her in that state and accepted that Ruby needed to live in that form sometimes in order to feel whole, was that enough to make things work, or would it be a lie? 

 

What if her sense of isolation returned? What if she couldn't fit in with human society without hurting others, or inciting fear, hostility and panic? What if she felt like an imposter in their midst? What if Mulan got sick of following her around in the wilderness with no destination, escorting her between nameless places where Ruby could be her authentic self without posing an unacceptable risk of harm to innocent people? What if Ruby needed werewolves to help her find that inner cohesion that would marry her wolf side with her human side?

 

Even if she had to sacrifice being with the woman she loved to achieve that balance, wasn't it for the right reasons? Wasn't it better this way? Agreeing to go with Mulan when her individual identity was so fractured wouldn't have been fair, would it? She couldn't make Mulan happy when she was risking subjecting herself to the same misery that had driven her away from her friends in the first place.

 

There was another side to every 'what if' story, after all. Being with Mulan might turn out to be a mistake. Her affections might fade. They could fall out of love. They might discover that they weren't meant to be. Putting Mulan through that would have been a great unkindness. She would have been dangling a dishonest promise of love and commitment before her without knowing whether it was real or merely an illusion. Ruby couldn't give her any hope that they could stay together when she knew she may have to pack up and leave someday.

 

Frankly, Ruby didn't know what was right anymore. She just felt wrong either way.

 

Ruby winced, rubbing the scratches on the back of her shoulder, still healing from last night. She saw Mulan glance up when she did that. She never failed to notice every slight grimace that crossed Ruby's face, even when she was halfway across camp from her.

 

“I really am sorry,” Mulan said. It must have been the fifth time she'd apologised. Ruby never needed to hear it, though; she knew they weren't left intentionally. Even if it had been on purpose, Ruby wouldn't have cared. It had been what she wanted, at the time - something raw and rough and carnal - but perhaps they'd both gone a little...overboard. “They don't hurt too much, do they?”

 

“They're fine,” Ruby muttered dismissively. She felt too fatigued to force a smile.

 

“Are you okay? You're barely eating,” Mulan observed, coming over to join her, already fully dressed in her armour. She had done her best to remain happy for Ruby potentially finding her pack, pretending nothing was wrong. Denial did seem to be her first resort for emotions she couldn't handle. Or maybe losing Ruby simply didn't hurt her that much. Who knew? She hadn't been able to get a read on which option was true, perhaps because she was too deeply absorbed in her own lamentations. Unfortunately, Mulan's positive mood wasn't infectious. 

 

“I'm not hungry,” Ruby said plainly, ignoring her breakfast, nursing a cold cup of tea.

 

“You're sure you're okay?” Mulan asked, scrutinising her expression. “You've...been quiet all morning. I mean, I know I can be quiet too, but...” She trailed off, indecisive about whether to continue, or how to approach the subject. “If you want to talk, I'm always—“

 

“I don't want to talk,” Ruby cut her off tersely, her frustration taking her to the end of her tether. “I don't want to eat. I don't want to cuddle. I don't want anymore goddamn tea. I don't want to think. And I don't want to hear you tell me how unbelievably thrilled you are for me ever again, because I'm not,” she abruptly declared, pouring out emotions in a cascade. There were so many completely contradictory impulses that she couldn't honestly describe what she was feeling. All she knew was that she hated it. “I'm not happy, okay?”

 

Mulan blinked, but she didn't seem shocked. She already knew, or had suspected Ruby's ambivalence at the very least. It wasn't hard to figure out, Ruby supposed. Even Mulan wasn't so dense as to miss the blatantly obvious. This wasn't easy. Not for either of them.

 

“You will be,” Mulan promised, reaching out to touch her knee. Ruby shifted her body, avoiding it.

 

“Stop that. Please,” Ruby spoke with a roll of her eyes and something resembling a sneer, the bluntness of her whisper surprising even herself. She didn't mean to sound harsh, if she did, but Mulan's kindness wasn't helping. It was only making her more confused. It felt like she was completely alone in her despair. “Why can't you just...why can't you be angry with me? Or upset? I know you must be.”

 

“I'm sorry?” said Mulan rather awkwardly, not sure she was interpreting her correctly.

 

“You have every right to be mad,” Ruby continued, her stare as direct as her words. “Nobody would blame you, least of all me.”

 

“But I'm not,” Mulan told her, making no attempt to hide her puzzlement. “Not with you.”

 

“Last night says otherwise,” Ruby murmured, taking a sip of Mulan's herbal tea. Mulan paled at that, apology slowly washing over her expression as she averted her gaze. Ruby was too caustic in that moment to feel bad about whether her retort had hit a nerve.

 

“Okay. Maybe you have a point. I can admit to...being upset. But that wasn't anger. And it's not directed at you,” Mulan assured her. The irrepressible sincerity in her eyes confirmed that she wasn't lying. That profession was honestly unnecessary, though. Ruby already believed it to be true. Last night. That morning. She knew Mulan wasn't angry with her. What she didn't understand was why.

 

Why wasn't Mulan angry? Why wouldn't she fight – for Ruby, with Ruby, against her? Why was Mulan still with her, knowing that she was going away? Why did she have to be so...fucking supportive? Was it that easy for Mulan to let Ruby go? It didn't seem like it should be.

 

So why?

 

It would have felt like justice if Mulan screamed at her and stormed off and left her alone in the world. She was entitled to such retribution. After all, Ruby had wound up doing exactly what Aurora had done; she had hurt Mulan, even though she'd promised not to. Hell, she'd done worse because she had actively pursued her, knowing it could go nowhere. That Ruby had fallen in love with her almost seemed like divine punishment - it was only right that she should suffer for all her mistakes. She was a pathetic, insecure little werewolf.

 

This was why she wasn't meant to love. It was a false hope. Every time Ruby gambled, she lost. There was no other outcome. The game was rigged from the start. There was no true love for her. Her fantasies of finding someone she could be with were nothing more than delusions.

 

“...I already said I don't want to talk,” Ruby muttered, aware that Mulan hadn't moved from her side.

 

Mulan gave a humourless smile. “I see what you're doing, you know. I get it,” she said with empathetic eyes. That made one of them, if it was true. Ruby wasn't sure she understood it herself. She wasn't thinking, just feeling and acting out. “Do you want to push me away because it would make it easier than parting on good terms? Because I can play along, if you want. I'd rather not do that, but...”

 

“No, I...” Ruby trailed off and shook her head, too messed up and confused to decipher the convoluted mess inside her. Although, actually, maybe that was what she wanted. If Mulan snapped at her and left, it would have taken the burden of choice out of her hands.

 

Lashing out at Mulan wasn't about punishing herself, was it? It was about avoiding responsibility for making the wrong decision.

 

Wow. Ruby hadn't realised she was that much of a coward. Apparently, she was.

 

“I'm...being an ass, aren't I?” said Ruby, having the decency to recognise her own behaviour and apologise for it, at least when someone had the sense to call her out. “I'm sorry. You haven't done anything wrong. Please don't ever think that you have.”

 

“Don't kick yourself too hard. I'm no stranger to running from my problems. I think I have you beat on that count, though,” Mulan remarked, giving her knee a reassuring nudge with her own. Ruby couldn't help but smile a little. “You know I would do anything you asked of me, but I don't want to fight. Neither do you, really. We both know pretending we don't like each other isn't going to work, is it?”

 

“Well, we could try. Hold on. Let me have another go.” Ruby turned and fixed Mulan with the most serious expression she could muster, doing the best she could to look convincingly mad, but her attempt only caused them both to crack up, despite everything that should have made the memory of laughter seem like a distant figment on the horizon. “Okay. Yeah. It's harder than it sounds,” Ruby acknowledged.

 

“See? This is better,” said Mulan, leaning back on one hand. “Us...being us.”

 

"Yeah, it is." Ruby couldn't disagree with that. As unhappy as these circumstances were, at least they weren't ruining their relationship – that one-of-a-kind connection they had formed in the short time they'd known each other. Ruby didn't know if she could ever have forgiven herself if they didn't part as friends. If they drove each other away, they wouldn't just be saying goodbye for now but _permanently_ , and that wasn't an option. The only thing worse than losing Mulan in the coming days would be destroying any desire she had to see her again someday.

 

All those plans Ruby had made about reuniting with Mulan and going to Storybrooke when circumstances permitted it? She had meant every word of them. Years might pass before then, but she firmly believed they would meet again. They had to. Ruby needed to hold onto that sliver of hope that they wouldn't be apart forever, even if their meetings were always destined to be brief.

 

Ruby wondered: how would Mulan look at her when she eventually showed up on her doorstep? She tried to imagine it, picturing that far off day in her mind. Five years down the line. Ten, perhaps. Both of them a little older, a little wiser, and together again at last.

 

Much as she would have liked it if they could, Ruby wasn't so bold as to presume that they could simply pick things up right where they'd left off and fall comfortably back into each other's arms. The passage of time in and of itself would create a rift between them - a gulf. Hell, for all she knew, Mulan would be married by then, hopefully to somebody who was guaranteed never to let her down the way Ruby had. She might have kids, responsibilities, and a happy, stable life that was far too precious to her to treat with reckless disregard.

 

No, locking themselves up in a hotel room for a few wild nights of passion like they had when they were younger probably wouldn't be an option. Unless it was. Maybe it would be their secret - not a threat to their futures but an echo of the past they couldn't forget.

 

Still, Ruby had so many unanswerable questions - so many scenarios and possibilities.

 

Would Mulan be happy to see her? Would Ruby be an old ghost she would rather not revisit? An unwelcome intruder interrupting her life and disrupting her family? Would she be tempted to reignite an affair with an old flame, however temporarily? Would Ruby still be able to make Mulan smile and laugh the way she did now? Would the strength of their friendship remain unchanged by time? It was hard to say.

 

Would their reunion be marked with longing looks across the table, wistful for the memories they never made together? Would they find each other content with their circumstances all those years after they parted, or would the air be heavy with unspoken regrets for the lives they wished they had lived? Who knew? Ruby only hoped Mulan's eyes would gaze at her then with the same affection they bore for her now.

 

In that moment, a sudden thought occurred to Ruby. Mulan would always be her 'what if' story. She accepted that. But would she be Mulan's too? Ruby had assumed that spot in her heart belonged to Aurora, but maybe it didn't. Maybe it was her. How did that change things?

 

In an ideal world, Ruby wouldn't have had to ponder their scant meetings somewhere far off on the distant shores of time, because they would never have to reunite at all. They could make their own future. They could be together. But that was a foolish fantasy.

 

Even the Enchanted Forest was imperfect. Not everyone's dreams came true, whether they wished upon a star or not.

 

“Are you okay with this? I mean, _really_ okay?” Ruby asked her, regarding Mulan with a gaze as soft and sincere as her voice, concerned for her welfare. Beneath all that armor, Mulan had the gentlest heart of anyone she knew. “Give me the truth. Not just the answer you think I need to hear, or the answer you think is morally right. You can tell me,” Ruby said, prepared to deal with her honesty.

 

Mulan sighed, swallowing to clear her throat. For the first time since she told her the news about the werewolves, Ruby could see the pain she kept hidden behind her eyes. She wasn't shocked to discover it. She knew Mulan had been concealing how she truly felt.

 

“Yeah, it hurts," she began. "Bad. Probably worse than anybody else has ever hurt me before,” Mulan admitted, as difficult as it was for her to confess to such vulnerability, especially knowing that those words wouldn't be easy for Ruby to hear in her current state either. “But it's not your fault. I'm not angry with you at all. I don't hate you or resent you. I never could. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be.”

 

Ruby watched Mulan blink stinging tears from her eyes. Much as she loathed seeing her like this – and, worse, being the cause of it – she was glad that Mulan was being open with her. Hearing her lie, go into denial and pretend to be fine would have worried Ruby even more.

 

“Hey, you're the strongest person I know,” Ruby told her, placing a comforting arm around Mulan, letting her rest her head on her shoulder in the morning light. “You have to have faith that someday, somehow, everything will work out for you. Life goes on. You'll survive.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Mulan murmured under the cool blue sky. “It just feels like I won't.”

 

Ruby gave a commiserating smile. “That makes two of us.”

 

* * *

 

The weight in her chest only magnified the closer they drew to their destination. Piece by piece, that hole in her heart was expanding, spreading, enlarging, and yet it wasn't getting lighter. Instead, it felt like a lump of lead. The hollower it got, the heavier it grew.

 

It didn't make sense, Mulan thought. But that was how it was.

 

She wasn't entirely sure why that burden existed, though, or why her heart felt so constricted, as if a vise was slowly crushing it. After all, it wasn't as though Mulan had ever led herself to expect anything different. She'd never imagined the two of them going off into the sunset hand-in-hand. She'd never had dreams of a future with Ruby, of a lasting relationship, of years spent together, knowing it could never be.

 

Mulan hadn't lied to herself, nor had Ruby ever deceived her or strung her along on false hope. No promises had been broken. And yet, the loss of all those unattainable things felt no less real - things she didn't even know she wanted until they slipped through her fingers.

 

A million fading wishes were obliterated one by one - ephemeral, transient, intangible. Perhaps it wasn't those dreams Mulan mourned, as she hadn't come to desire any specific outcome with Ruby in particular, but rather this was the death of hope itself, because she _could_ have wanted those things. Maybe. Someday. But not anymore. Now, there were no possibilities at all. There was only one way this story would end.

 

It was over. Come morning, Ruby and Mulan would turn the final page.

 

“Big day, tomorrow,” said Ruby, putting on a brave face as she joined Mulan in their makeshift bed. “Are you going to be okay?”

 

Mulan knew what Ruby was asking, however indirectly. If this was too hard for her, she wouldn't force her to confront it - to go through the agony of watching her walk away. Ruby could sneak out during the night and head into town on her own if it was easier than saying goodbye, but Mulan didn't want that. She wanted to be there for every last moment they had, until they couldn't be with each other anymore.

 

“I'll manage,” Mulan answered quietly. “What about you?”

 

“Honestly, I'm not expecting much. I mean...we don't even know if we'll find them,” Ruby said with a dismissive shrug, shifting her long, slender legs beneath the blankets. “It's already been four days since you were told to head this way. Whoever it is we're looking for, they could have moved on. Even if actual werewolves came by this village before, there's no guarantee anyone will be able to tell us where they went.”

 

“They won't have to,” Mulan knowingly pointed out. “You can track their scent.”

 

Ruby's expression faltered. “...Oh. Yeah. Right. Of course I can. Well...anyway, you know what I mean.”

 

Mulan gave a hollow smile. “I do,” she said. She appreciated what Ruby was trying to say. Their journey together might go on; they could still have more time, but that was little consolation. Unless something changed, this was most likely their last night in each other's lives. Tomorrow, Ruby would be gone, and if not tomorrow, then it was only a matter of time before they found those werewolves.

 

Either way, Ruby was leaving. Being granted a reprieve wouldn't alter that sense of finality. The coming dawn marked the beginning of the end, confirming that they were fast approaching their separation, sealing their destinies in stone. By one means or another, Ruby would have to go. Whether it was the next day, a week from now, a month, a year, the choice she made would be the same. Eventually, Mulan would be forced to say goodbye and watch her disappear. This relationship was temporary. Everything in between was just...delaying the inevitable.

 

Guilt was etched upon Ruby's face as she reached out for her, wishing she could take Mulan's pain away, but she couldn't offer her that mercy. Nevertheless, she did the best she knew how to do. She kissed her, hoping she could vanquish their shared heartache for one more night. Ruby's fingers fumbled with the folds of her shirt, moving to take it off. Mulan tried to find that elusive spark of desire within her, but it was too faint, drowned out by the emptiness. She couldn't bring herself to respond, lacking the strength to reciprocate.

 

Ruby stopped and pulled back, sensing her sorrow. “No?”

 

“Not tonight,” Mulan whispered. She didn't care about sex. The connection they shared was more than that. “I just want to...”

 

Ruby appeared to understand her unspoken request. Without another word, she lay down beside her, wrapping her arms around Mulan, holding her close, gazing into her eyes amid the dark of night. It was strange to think that this might be the last time they did this. These could be their last hours together, for a long time, anyway. There was so much to say, but how could words do justice to what they'd experienced?

 

“We've had fun, haven't we?” Ruby began. A laugh escaped her as recollections of their journey came flooding to the forefront. “I remember when I thought we weren't going to get along, because you were so quiet all the time. I assumed that you wanted to get rid of me.”

 

“I thought I was being friendly,” said Mulan, feigning a pout. “I made you tea.”

 

That made Ruby chuckle, the starlight glimmering in her eyes, inches from Mulan's. “What about that first time you let me become a wolf?" Ruby recalled. "I never expected you to be so worried. It was sweet, except for the part where we both felt like death afterwards.”

 

Mulan groaned at the memory. “Ugh. That was a horribly thought out idea. It took you a whole day to recover.”

 

“I know, right?” Ruby's fingers stroked her cheek, brushing back her hair.

 

“That wasn't quite as embarrassing as having to sneak past the innkeeper,” Mulan drawled, idly tracing patterns on Ruby's collarbone, comforted to see her grinning so brightly. “He gave me the dirtiest looks every time he caught me downstairs.”

 

“Oh, he knew exactly what we were doing,” Ruby confirmed, brazen and unashamed.

 

“I feel bad for him,” Mulan mumbled, remorsefully shaking her head at the awkwardness of it all.

 

“Eh, it's part of the job. People go to hotels to have sex. We wouldn't be the first young lovers to have a naughty weekend there,” Ruby said with a shrug. Mulan took her word on that. Ruby knew the business far better than she did. “Although, come to think of it, I don't think anybody is ever going to be able to use that bed again,” she added, looking just the tiniest bit bashful. “...Yeah, that is our fault.”

 

“ _Your_ fault,” Mulan pointedly corrected, lightly poking Ruby in the chest to proclaim her innocence. “I didn't break the headboard.”

 

“It was only because of what you were doing to me,” Ruby countered, tapping her nose as payback.

 

“Hey!” Mulan gently batted her hand away. Ruby cracked up laughing. As soon as she did, she choked on the sound, her breath hitching. Her struggle to keep her emotions under control was to little avail. It only got worse with each passing second. Mulan embraced her, holding Ruby tightly as she broke down and wept, sobs wracking her body. "...It's okay. I'm here. You don't have to fight it."

 

Ruby's world was crumbling, falling to pieces around her, just like Mulan's was, and they were both powerless to stop it.

 

“No matter what happens, I won't forget you. I couldn't if I tried,” Ruby told her, her lips quivering against Mulan's shoulder. Mulan felt tears on her skin, but they weren't her own. She hadn't wept over Ruby. She didn't feel like crying. Or, maybe she did. But she couldn't. What was the point? All that she felt was a pervasive, oppressive numbness, blocking out everything but the ache in her chest.

 

“I'll think about you every day. I'll miss you so much. I'll never stop feeling the way I do about you. Not for a second. I promise,” Ruby swore to her, spluttering as she spoke. Mulan believed her. Not a word Ruby said was untrue, and yet it didn't change anything.

 

Tomorrow, Mulan would be saying goodbye to the second person she had ever loved, and the first person ever to love her back. Even before Ruby had said those words aloud, Mulan knew. It had taken some time to admit it to herself, but she knew that was what this was.

 

She knew it was love, because nothing else could hurt her this much. Not a blow from a sword. Not a broken arm. Not flames searing the skin from her fingers. Not taking another man's life. Mulan had known agony of many kinds over the years, physically and otherwise, but it was love that left her with a wound beyond compare. Only love could make her feel so uplifted when it was there, and so...broken, when it was gone.

 

At least Ruby would be happy. Mulan wished she could say the same. She didn't know what would come next.

 

She couldn't go back to the way she was before they met, living in her shell, pushing everyone away, taking on contracts, fighting for money, caring for nothing and pretending she wasn't hurt, because she would know it was a lie. Whether they ever saw each other again or not, Ruby had changed her. She had made Mulan a better person, not a worse one. But also a person in a hell of a lot more pain.

 

Just as she had promised, Ruby had healed the hole in her heart. But now, unbeknownst to her, she was leaving an even greater void in her wake. She had revived Mulan's soul, only to tear it out. But it was okay, Mulan supposed. It was okay, because...because...

 

Her mind went blank. There was no silver lining, or a single shred of optimism to be found.

 

It wasn't okay at all.

 

* * *

 

Ruby's breathing was slow and even. She lay curled up against Mulan's chest, tears still staining her pale cheeks like watermarks on paper. The fire had died long ago, but Mulan was wide awake. She couldn't sleep. Her mind couldn't settle, nor could her heart.

 

Carefully, she got up, extracting herself from Ruby's unconscious embrace without rousing her. Mulan didn't know what she wanted, but she couldn't be there next to her anymore. Not right now. Compelled to expel that restlessness, she walked off into the woods. She didn't have a destination or a purpose; she just...needed to get away. She wandered in a straight line through the shadows, seeking solitude.

 

She wasn't thinking. She wasn't feeling. Her body took her where it willed. Unfocused eyes didn't stop to take note of her surroundings.

 

The world was unbalanced around her - a blur. But it wasn't silent. Constant noise followed her every footstep, a roar that grew louder and louder, like a wildfire consuming her mind. Mulan couldn't outrun it. It wouldn't stop. A thousand images and memories flashed before her eyes on an endless loop. The affectionate glimmer in Ruby's gaze whenever she looked at her. The smiles and the laughter they'd shared. Her sweet words of adoration. Her touch upon her skin. The way she held her, like she was the most precious thing in the world.

 

None of those things would ever happen again.

 

Abruptly, her knee buckled and gave way beneath her. Mulan stumbled, catching herself as she collapsed to the ground. She gritted her teeth, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Her fingers clutched her forehead. Everything she'd been holding in suddenly burst out.

 

Mulan couldn't take it anymore.

 

She screamed.

 

It was guttural. Deep, raw, angry. Mulan didn't recognise her own voice. She'd never heard it like this before, but she knew it must have belonged to her because the cry tore at her throat, as sharp as knives, like the force of the sound was ripping away the flesh from within.

 

All her efforts to pretend she was holding it together came crashing down like shattered glass at her feet. Emotions she could barely comprehend ravaged her unguarded psyche with ruthless efficiency, systematically dismantling every aspect of her being in a brutal barrage - an onslaught that shook her to the core. She had never felt so wholly disassembled, or so unprepared to face what lay ahead.

 

The cruel irony wasn't lost on her. She could have avoided this, but Ruby had spurred her to get in touch with her real feelings, encouraging Mulan to lower her defences and express what was going on in her heart. As their bond grew, Mulan had dared to let Ruby in after pushing so many others away. For a time, she had tasted happiness, and this was the consequence. She had shed her armour, and this was all that remained. This suffering, this loss. There was nothing muted or dulled about this pain. It was overwhelming, too strong to suppress.

 

It was torture, and the person who lay beneath that fractured shell was too weak to endure it.

 

Once again, Mulan was second best. She wasn't good enough to be chosen. Nobody ever wanted her as much as she wanted them. So many times, she had been forced to endure rejection, and watch the people she cared about walk away. Now Ruby was doing the same.

 

But she wasn't like the others. That was what made it so much worse. Ruby wasn't just another person who'd swept her off on some adventure. She wasn't just the closest friend she had ever known. She wasn't just her first kiss, her first lover, and the first person who had made her feel worthy of romantic desire. Ruby was all those things, yes, but Mulan had come to realise she was so much more.

 

Ruby was the one. The _only_ one for her.

 

And Mulan couldn't have her.

 

For a time, she had convinced herself that being with Ruby was a necessary step in opening up her heart for some future romance. Instead, Mulan had discovered the woman to whom nobody else could compare. Everyone who came after her would be living in a shadow, unable to awaken that part of her heart ever again, because Ruby had taken it with her. Whether she meant to capture it or not, it belonged to her.

 

Mulan knew what it was to be loved, and in love. Now, she was cursed to recognise that she would never feel that way again. It could never be the same. Anything she found with someone else would be a shallow imitation - a fake attempt to replicate what she'd found with Ruby.

 

She broke down in spluttering sobs, scarcely able to find air amid such staggered breaths. She was a mess. A wreck. Distraught.

 

“Where are you?” Ruby's voice penetrated her daze, a crimson cloak hastening towards her. “Oh my God, Mulan, are you okay?" Ruby asked her, eyes shining with worry as she knelt by Mulan's side, studying her face. "I came as fast as I could. I...heard you yelling.”

 

“Of course you did,” said Mulan, managing to muster a sad smile through her tears. She should have known she wasn't far enough away to avoid waking her. Ruby had heightened senses, and Mulan had screamed pretty loud. She hadn't been thinking straight. “Don't worry about me,” she insisted, unsteadily pushing herself up from the ground, trying to be strong as she turned to face Ruby. “I'm fine. Really, I am.”

 

“No, you're not. I know you're not,” Ruby replied, heartfelt emotion creeping into her voice, holding onto Mulan's arm as if afraid she wouldn't be able to stand if she let her go. Ruby had never seen Mulan in such a state. Nobody had. “I know you've been pretending you're okay to make it easier for me, but please stop. Please?” she gently pleaded, unable to play along with the façade any longer.

 

Mulan sighed and shook her head, a sheen of sorrow glistening across her eyes. Another drop fell each time she blinked.

 

"...What am I supposed to do?" Mulan asked wearily, looking to Ruby for guidance. This wasn't a war. The battle was already lost. There was nothing she could do to fight fate. "If I can't pretend, then what? Should I beg you to stay? Do you want me to break down and cry more?"

 

“I don't want to see you cry at all," Ruby whispered, stepping closer to her.

 

"Then why ask me to make things harder than they already are?" said Mulan, surrendering to the inevitable defeat.

 

"Because it's how you feel," Ruby answered, reaching up to wipe away Mulan's tears. She paused, swallowing heavily. "You want to know something?" she asked. "I promised myself I would never hurt you. I wanted to protect you, and take care of your heart," Ruby recalled, letting her hand fall over Mulan's chest, feeling her pulse beneath her finger tips. Her jaw clenched bitterly. “Great job I did of that, huh?”

 

Mulan shrugged her shoulders. "You didn't have a choice." Ruby's lip tensed regretfully, as if she didn't quite believe that.

 

“Listen to me: this isn't the end for you," Ruby promised, coaxing Mulan to meet her gaze. "One day, you will find the love you deserve. I know that you will, and I'll be happy for you when you meet that person, because you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me.”

 

“There is no one better than you," Mulan cut her off, her throat tightening. Why didn't Ruby see that? "This is the love I deserve. I found it here, with you." At that, she trailed off, unable to hold her stare. "I just can't have it. I never can. I should be used to it by now.”

 

“Please don't ever think it's because I don't return your feelings," Ruby insisted, her fingers softly but insistently gripping Mulan's shoulders, unable to bear her suffering. "I do. I'm in love with you. I wasn't lying when I said that." After a moment, Ruby sighed, conflict visible in her eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't have. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get your hopes up that we could be together.”

 

“Why? Because it would break my heart?” Mulan asked, her voice as lifeless as her attempted smile. “Yeah, thanks. Already there.”

 

“See, this is what I mean," Ruby continued, brushing Mulan's hair back behind her ear, treating her as gently as she could. Mulan saw sympathetic pain reflected in her stare. "If I were right for you, I wouldn't have done that; I wouldn't have caused you any pain. But I did. I betrayed your trust, and I hurt you." Ruby's shoulders sank solemnly. "It seems it's all I ever do to the people I care about.”

 

“I do it to myself," Mulan replied, dismissing Ruby's need to blame herself for what had gone wrong. "I'm the one who fell for you against my better judgement," she said, well aware that she had let her foolish heart lead her astray. "But I'm not enough to make you happy.”

 

“...You are, actually,” said Ruby, a wistful longing in her tone. Her melancholy had returned - the cloud of sorrow that Mulan had seen following her when they first met. Only, this time, Ruby wasn't concealing it. She didn't have the strength to. “You're not the problem here. I'm just fucked up," she mumbled, giving a small shake of her head. "How can I ask you to be with me when I don't even know me?”

 

“You can't,” Mulan conceded, understanding the issues at hand. “...But I would,” she added, honestly. “I would be with you.”

 

“I know. I would, too,” Ruby answered her. Mulan knew there was no dishonesty behind that affirmation. “I...” Ruby moved to speak, but she hesitated. It was clear she was paying a lot of thought to how she phrased what came next. “If I was being selfish, I would tell you that I'm going to come after you someday, when I'm ready, because the truth is you're the only person I can see myself with,” she confessed.

 

“Then say it,” Mulan urged, her eyes burning with the need to hear that promise. She had nothing else to hope for.

 

“No. I won't do that to you,” Ruby firmly refused. “I care about you too much to let you waste your life on a 'maybe'. I don't want you to shut yourself off and turn down other people because you're waiting for me, not knowing if I'll ever keep my word. I want you to move on and be happy, even if I'm not,” she explained, grasping Mulan's hands as if pleading with her to find someone else.

 

“What about what I want?” asked Mulan, cutting her off. “You've told me what you want for me, but you never stopped to ask my feelings.”

 

“Because I know the answer,” Ruby admitted, her voice as sombre as the night around them.

 

“Do you?” Mulan challenged, withdrawing her hands and cradling them to her chest. “Yes, I wish you would choose to be with me, and it kills me that you won't. But what I want most is for you to stop thinking about what you're supposed to do, and just do what makes you happy. If that's without me, then...okay,” she spoke frankly, accepting her bleak outlook. She was prepared to let Ruby go, however much it hurt.

 

“...You don't mean that," Ruby replied in plain disbelief, casting this as another of Mulan's attempts to be the bigger person. "You said that about a certain someone else once, and it wasn't true then either,” she pointed out, remembering Mulan's words on the hillside.

 

“That was different," Mulan stated without falsity. There was nothing to compare. "I didn't have the power to make a difference in Aurora's life, no matter what I did. I do with yours," she said. "Do you really think I would be able to stand it if I asked you to come with me, knowing that you were sacrificing your happiness? As much as I want to wake up and feel you by my side every single day for the rest of my life, it would break my heart if the price of being with you was watching you suffer in silence, and never seeing you truly smile again."

 

"Mulan..." Ruby's voice trembled, getting choked up.

 

"If being with other werewolves makes you feel whole, then I can live knowing that you're happy. It will hurt, but the only thing worse would be knowing I hurt you by forcing you to be with me," Mulan confessed, her proclamation entirely genuine. "So, I'm letting you go, but don't tell me not to wait for you. I will always love you, and, if you ever came back for me, I swear the answer would be yes.”

 

“What if you were married and had a kid?” asked Ruby, testing her conviction to that promise.

 

Mulan smiled sadly, the grim misfortune of her fate hovering in her midst like a spectre. “I don't think that's going to happen,” she admitted, knowing any such relationship would have been a lie. Ruby's features contorted when she heard that, all too familiar with her meaning.

 

“That's why I don't want to come back,” Ruby solemnly whispered, unwilling to deny Mulan her freedom to be happy.

 

“You don't have to," Mulan said frankly. "My fate would be the same whether you did or not.” There was no question about it. If she couldn't be with Ruby, then she would rather be alone than force herself to go through the motions with somebody she didn't love.

 

Ruby gave a hollow, tearful smile, empathising completely. As difficult as it had been, she seemed comforted that they had finally had this conversation. “...Can you at least promise me you'll go out and have sex when I'm gone?" Ruby asked to lighten the mood, although she wasn't entirely joking either, loosely draping her arms around Mulan's waist as she spoke. "It would be a shame to deprive the world of you.”

 

“I might,” Mulan conceded, returning her embrace. “You did kind of...awaken me, in that respect.”

 

“Good. If I start receiving fruit baskets from random women, I'll know why,” Ruby remarked. Mulan uttered a chuckle under her breath despite the circumstances. After a moment, her gaze fixed upon the red fabric between her fingertips. Mulan couldn't help but see it for what it was: a tether, a cage, a representation of everything Ruby feared that made her too scared to be herself. If this was their last night together, she couldn't abide any barriers between them. Neither of them had to hide who they were. Not from each other.

 

With that in mind, Mulan removed Ruby's cloak, pushing it back off her shoulders.

 

Ruby glanced down, a little confused. "I thought you said you didn't want to tonight."

 

"That's not why I'm doing this," Mulan replied, her intentions becoming increasingly clear. Ruby tensed instinctively as her meaning sank in, anxious goosebumps dotting her skin. "It's okay," Mulan assured her. Whether Ruby did or not, she trusted her completely. All of her.

 

"Are you sure?" Ruby asked apprehensively, unable to guarantee she could remain in control. It could be dangerous.

 

"Yeah, I'm sure. Oddly enough, I'm going to miss that side of you too," Mulan told her sincerely, unafraid of the wolf.

 

With a nervous swallow, Ruby heeded her wish. Her eyes turned gold, and she began to shift. Soon enough, the dark wolf stood before her. Ruby bore no hostility in her face. Her paw had healed and scarred over enough that she seemed able to walk on it, albeit gingerly.

 

"Hey," Mulan greeted her warmly, touching the side of the wolf's face when she sensed that recognition in her gaze. Ruby had the potential to hurt her like this, yes, but Mulan didn't feel unsafe in her presence, as long as she treated her with care and respect. "Come on," she said, stepping back towards camp, gesturing for Ruby to join her. "Tomorrow isn't far off. We should try to get some sleep."

 

The wolf padded along the forest floor behind her, faithfully following at Mulan's heels.

 

* * *

 

“So, this is it, huh?” Ruby murmured, an ominous dread stirring in the pit of her stomach as they reached a fork in the road. It diverged into four separate paths. A settlement lay directly ahead. The sight of it made her throat dry. “That's the village you heard about.”

 

“...Yeah,” Mulan said, shouldering the weight of what they were about to do. She carried it so well that most people wouldn't even realise the burden was there. But Ruby did. After last night, it was all she could notice. Ruby wished she shared her composure; she felt like she was about to throw up at any moment. “I, um...We'll ask around. Once we find the person we're looking for, we'll figure out the rest from there.”

 

Ruby arched an eyebrow at her. “The rest?”

 

“You know. Whether you...go alone, or...” Mulan trailed off, glancing away. “I'm not a werewolf. I don't know what's best. They might...react badly to me. I wouldn't want my presence to cause any problems with you and your pack,” she finished with a shrug.

 

“I still don't know if they'll accept me,” Ruby pointed out with an anxious sigh. She may have been a werewolf, but that didn't mean they wouldn't perceive her as a rival or a threat rather than welcoming her into their fold. “I might need your protection.”

 

“Let's hope you won't.” Mulan met her gaze once more, and stood in silence at her side for several long seconds. Ruby wondered how many unsaid things were spiralling through her thoughts. Ruby had lost count of her own. Eventually, Mulan turned away, committed to fulfilling her promise, even if it meant sacrificing what she yearned for most. “Come on. They aren't going to wait for you.”

 

Ruby watched her march on ahead, the outskirts of the small village in the background a stark contrast to her dark armour. Ruby frowned. Would that tiny, inconsequential little town really be the last place they ever saw each other? The place where they said goodbye?

 

She hung her head and drew a deep breath, prepared to face what lay ahead. Mulan had already advanced quite a few paces. Ruby couldn't slow her down, or delay the path that destiny had chosen for her. She moved to drag her foot forward through the dirt, but her whole body surged with a searing pain when she did, as if her very entity was resisting the act. As hard as Ruby willed herself to move, she physically couldn't force herself to take another step. If she did, she thought her heart might rip itself from her chest.

 

Gritting her teeth, she stopped. No. She couldn't do it.

 

She was so close to what she thought she'd wanted for so long. And yet, now that she was finally there, she couldn't take another step. She couldn't. Because, to do so, she would have to walk away from Mulan. And that would be the stupidest thing she had ever done.

 

For so many long years, Ruby had been forced to live with a sense of incompleteness, cut off from the people around her, even her closest friends. She had been overcome with a persistent yearning for a kind of connection she had never been able to feel before. But maybe it had nothing to do with werewolves at all. For as long as she had been with Mulan, that shroud of sorrow had gone away.

 

Losing her felt like stabbing herself in the heart - shattering the very fulfillment Ruby had come here to find.

 

What if Ruby had been asking the wrong questions this whole time? What if Mulan was the answer she'd been searching for?

 

“You know, we don't have to...” Ruby trailed off as quickly as she began, struggling with the courage to follow her heart, unsure if she could trust it. Mulan stopped in her tracks, turning to look at her with those deep, dark eyes, open and unquestioning. Ruby had never felt more anxious. Her insecurities told her that she was out of her mind for thinking such crazy things - that this was just some passing infatuation, and that Mulan would reject her the moment she came to her senses and found a better love.

 

It was the biggest risk she had ever taken. But, faced with this choice, Ruby couldn't do otherwise.

 

"Don't have to what?" Mulan echoed, prompting her to speak freely.

 

“Maybe we could...journey South, for a while?" Ruby continued, stammering and stumbling over her words. "Or...or we could head towards the sea, or something. The beach. Ocean views. I don't tan well, but...I think I'd like the water,” she said with a nervous, hopeful smile.

 

“Ruby, what are you doing?” Mulan asked with concern, moving back towards her, intent on figuring out what was going through her head, likely just chalking it up to last-minute jitters. “This could be your only chance. Don't you want to meet other werewolves?”

 

“...No, I don't...I don't know if I do,” Ruby answered, beginning to think she'd been mistaken all this time. Her pursuit of werewolves had been based on assumptions of what she thought she needed, not any fundamental truth that lay within her soul. If anything, it had always felt like a harsh compromise she had been forced to make - a path she had been given no choice but to walk against her own will.

 

"When we met, it was all you could think about," Mulan reminded her. There was no judgement in her tone, but she was being very careful and cautious not to let her personal feelings colour her actions. "We don't have to rush, but you can't let fear determine your decisions."

 

“It's not fear. At least, not the fear that you think it is," Ruby muttered, fidgeting with her necklace. She was well aware that she wasn't in the calmest frame of mind, but that didn't mean her dread at the prospect of cutting Mulan out of her life wasn't coming from a completely rational place. "Maybe I will come back here someday. But not now, and not to live with them," Ruby told her, every syllable shaking with more emotion than the last. "I...I want to stay with you. Forever," she confessed, her fingers trembling. "God, I really hope you feel the same way.”

 

“Of course I do,” Mulan said in a breathless whisper, as certain as any words she had ever spoken, despite the quiver in her voice.

 

"So say yes," Ruby pleaded.

 

"I can't." Mulan swallowed heavily, redness showing around her eyes. Ruby could see how hard she was trying to maintain her composure, desperate to keep her head and do the right thing, even if it went against her heart. “I can't deny what makes you happy.”

 

“Then don't leave, because I am happy,” Ruby insisted, imploring her to understand, and to believe her. “I'm the happiest I can remember being. And it's because of you. Losing you would...” Ruby's breath hitched, a lump forming in her throat. She couldn't even think about that, let alone speak those words. “I can't. I can't lose you,” she finished, shaking her head. That was all there was to it.

 

“But this could be your home,” Mulan told her, as if she expected to see Ruby's expression waver when she was reminded of that.

 

“You're my home!” Ruby persisted, sweeping across the gap between them, until they stood barely a foot away. “Wherever we roam, no matter how far apart we get, nothing will change the fact that I've never felt more complete than I do when I'm with you. That's what's been missing. Not werewolves. _You_ ," Ruby pressed, committed to proving to Mulan that she meant every word. "I can be myself around you. Not just part of myself, or fifty percent, but who I really am: the real me. And I didn't even know that person existed until I met you."

 

Mulan couldn't look at her. Hearing all these things, it was exactly what she wanted, wasn't it? But maybe that was why she couldn't believe her. Perhaps she couldn't acknowledge what Ruby was saying, because, if she did, it would hurt that much more to have it ripped away.

 

"I don't belong there," said Ruby, stroking Mulan's cheek, her gaze unfaltering. "I belong here. I'm in love with you.”

 

“That wasn't...” Mulan paused again, sniffing back the tide that swelled below the surface, finding it very difficult to speak without cracks forming in her mask. Her control was slipping. But she kept it, because moments like this were when she needed it most of all. “I didn't think love was the problem,” she remarked, managing to summon a small, sorrowful smile. Mulan already knew Ruby loved her.

 

“What is it, then?” Ruby asked. “Last night, you said you loved me too. I want to be with you—“

 

“Love isn't a substitute for finding your identity,” Mulan pointed out, with a selfless sympathy shining in her eyes.

 

“Believe me when I say I won't be fulfilled if I'm not with you," Ruby declared. It was almost depressing to consider how sincere she was in that belief, and how long she had been resigned to spending the rest of her days that way. "I need you, Mulan. I need you in my life. Whenever I picture myself with these werewolves, I'm always miserable. I just accepted it, because that expectation of never fully fitting in anywhere is something I grew used to. I never honestly thought I could achieve true happiness. It didn't seem obtainable, but I found it. With you.”

 

“Ruby...” Mulan said, torn between letting her stay and encouraging her to go. It wasn't that she didn't accept her professions of love, but a choice Ruby was passionate about now could be one she regretted years down the line. Whatever happened, she had to think it through.

 

Ruby relented and sighed, taking a moment to recognise the fact that love in and of itself might not be enough to solve all her problems. Mulan was right; she couldn't be too hasty and assume all those gaps in her identity would heal just because they were together.

 

“I still don't entirely know how to make peace with who I am,” Ruby conceded. She didn't expect that to go away overnight. "But I feel closer to figuring out the answer with you than when I'm with anyone else,” she said, looking Mulan directly in her eyes, bearing no trace of doubt. "You...You were right about my wolf. I can't run from it or hide from it or let my fear of it condemn me to suffer a fate I don't want. I can...No, _we_ can work on reconciling with my other side - together," Ruby avowed, trusting Mulan to be her anchor. "Please?"

 

Mulan's gaze only grew more conflicted. "I would like to help you do that," she spoke, her voice as soft as a whisper. "Really, I would. But I'm not one of you," she said, gesturing emptily at Ruby. "You know I'd do my best, but I can't give you what other werewolves can."

 

“What is that, exactly?" Ruby asked, scrutinising that assertion. "They can teach me the technical aspects of being a wolf, yes, and they might understand my experiences. That's great. But so what?” Ruby shrugged. None of those things justified leaving Mulan. “What can I find out about myself from them that I can't find out with you? It has to be worth trying, right? As long as we're careful, there's no reason I can't live as both a wolf and a human around you, and if that doesn't make me feel complete then I don't see how I ever will at all.”

 

She could see Mulan's expression beginning to crack. Ruby knew Mulan had never been chosen by anyone before, no matter how devoted she was to others. It was difficult for her to accept, but perhaps she was finally starting to believe how serious Ruby was, and that she wasn't going to turn around and take all of her confessions and promises away the moment she let her guard down again.

 

“Look, I can't say that I'll be the easiest person to love,” Ruby acknowledged. If there was one thing she excelled at, it was making mistakes and disappointing herself. “With the wolf in me, I might...randomly disappear for a few days. Maybe longer. And, who knows? Maybe there will be a time where I need to find other werewolves, but I swear that I will always return to you, because you are my centre, you are my home. I belong with you, and I give you my word that I am here to stay,” she vowed, her oath imbued with every fibre of her soul.

 

Mulan glanced away, taking a few moments to absorb everything Ruby had said, as well as her own feelings. Ruby didn't rush her. It wouldn't matter if Mulan took several days to come to terms with her confession, or longer. Nothing would change her mind.

 

Ruby's answer would always be the same, whether Mulan believed it or not: she was her one, her only, and there was no chance in hell that Ruby would ever let her slip through her fingers. She was not leaving today, nor any day. Her commitment to Mulan was eternal.

 

Her thoughtful silence was eventually broke by a sniffle. Mulan shifted to look at Ruby again. “...Ocean views, huh?" she began.

 

"Sure. Why not?" Ruby muttered, hoping beyond hope that Mulan was saying what it sounded like she was saying.

 

"Well, from here, the shortest path to the coast would be...” Mulan gauged the position of the Sun, turning and facing the correct direction, “That way,” she said, pointing down one track that split off from the fork in the road, leading them into the lush, green forest, away from the village where the werewolves allegedly lay. Mulan glanced back over her shoulder. “Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked her.

 

How she didn't weep from sheer joy, Ruby would never know. "I've never been more sure of anything," she proclaimed, speaking the truth with all her heart. She didn't care which way they wandered, or where they wound up, only that it was Mulan who led her there.

 

“Okay. We'd better go, then,” said Mulan, holding out her hand for Ruby. "The ocean won't come to us."

 

Ruby laughed, the radiant light that resonated through her smile shining ever brighter when she linked her fingers with Mulan's. "Do you even like the water?" she asked in jest as they set off, side-by-side. "Honestly, anywhere we choose to start seems as good as anywhere else."

 

Mulan shrugged, their destination entirely irrelevant. "Where you go, I go," she answered sincerely, content to accompany Ruby wherever she wished, from now until the end of time. Nothing could dampen her profound sense of fulfilment, nor the satisfaction that lingered in her stare. "I'll try not to lead us in circles along the way. That is, unless you want me to," Mulan remarked, perfectly happy to 'forget' her bearings.

 

"As if you could," Ruby quipped, chuckling as she nudged Mulan's arm.

 

"I don't know; I think my compass might be a little faulty today," Mulan teased, unable to keep the grin from her face.

 

"How tragic," said Ruby, playing along with her light-hearted façade. "I guess we'll have to stop and make camp somewhere in the woods until it starts working again. I can't possibly think of how we'll occupy the time," she joked, mischief twinkling in her elated, tearful eyes.

 

"You'll figure something out," Mulan assured her, guiding Ruby off into the forest, leaving the road far behind.

 

Perhaps they would deign to return to civilisation someday. Who knew? For now, it mattered not. They had no care for the lives they'd left behind - for the Enchanted Forest, or Storybrooke, or any particular place to call home. Their world was already standing by their side. As long as they were with the one they loved, they would always be right where they belonged; they would only ever be whole.

 

Though it had come to them in a most unexpected form, their search for happiness had ultimately led them to discover exactly that. They did not need to wonder anymore. Their journey had shown them both what they were missing; they had found it in one another.

 

Two lonely-hearted souls were lonely no more. Together, they were complete. And so too was their tale.

 

The End.


End file.
